My day is not getting better. It’s just the opposite. It’s getting worse. First I go all the way to the hospital and forget my mom’s sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit from McDonalds because that’s what she said she wanted for breakfast.
Secondly of all I got my new white shoes plastered with mud because I don’t like the drive through so I had to go inside. And from the rain last night they had all these mud puddles and I tried, I TRIED to miss them, but I tripped on a rock lying there and splashed into a small puddle.
Third of all Justin never showed up at the hospital.
And now her Doctor Mr. Hugh wants to talk to me.
So can you see what I’m talking about? My day is not going well.
So I’m walking down the hall to his office now and my mom is sleeping in her room. Justin had bought a private room for her, and I owe him for that. I just wish she could be home instead of stuck in this hospital.
I knock on the door and he says to come in. Immediately my heart speeds up to a million miles per hour. “Hi.” I smile softly as I sit down in the chair in front of his desk. It’s dimly light in his office and I don’t like that.
It reminds me of death.
“Hello Miss Nichols. How are you today?”
“You can call me Lauren. And I’m doing okay.” I nod. “You wanted to talk to me?” I’m not one for small chitchat. So get with it.
“Yes. It’s about your mother.” He looks through his papers and reads for a minute. Well, what else would this be about? My fucked up relationship with Justin? HELLO! Get with it! “She’s not doing well.”
Oh god.
“The chemo and radiation isn’t helping at all and that was our last choice. Our only choice really.” His hands clasp and he leans on his desk. “I’m Sorry Lauren.”
Sorry? What do you have to be sorry about? It’s not your mother lying in this hospital dying each day. No, it’s mine. So what are you sorry about? That I’m losing her, or that I have to sit here and listen to this shit?
I sniff back tears and nod. “What can I do?”
“The best thing to do is to make her as comfortable as possible.” He smiles softly.
No smiles buddy. I’m not in the mood. I’m losing my mom, she’s dying and you’re all full of smiles.
What the hell is your problem?
“How long does she have?” I’m surprised that no tears are coming down my face by now. The only reason I can think of is that I expected this to happen.
“About a month or two.”
“I thought you said radiation could prolong it to six months?”
The fucker lied to me!
Some doctor.
“I know, but the radiation and chemo isn’t doing anything. It’s not even minimizing it at all. I truly am sorry.” He frowns slightly.
Stop saying that you idiot!
I sigh and nod and stand up. “Thanks. For uh, everything. Can I take her home?”
“Sure.” He smiles softly as he stands up.
STOP SMILING!
Is this a smiling matter?
Hello? No it isn’t.
“I’ll go fill out the papers for you.”
“Thanks.” Yeah for everything you did and didn’t do to help my mother.
We walk out the door him going his won way, and I going mine. I walk into her room to see Justin sitting there besides her talking and smiling. “Guess what mom? You get to go home with me.” I’m smiling now but Justin's stare is making me want to break down.
Stop starring you jackass.
“That’s great honey.” She smiles. She looks over at Justin and places her hand over his. “Did you hear that Justin? I get to go home with my daughter. Isn’t that nice?”
“Yeah.” He smiles at her and turns back to me. “That’s great.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Dr. Hugh is getting the papers signed now.” I nod again. I can’t help it. I’m uncomfortable with his stare.
What’s his problem?
He stands up and takes my hand and drags me outside. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I get to take her home now. So if you don’t mind--”
“I do mind. Something’s not right. Tell me.”
“Everything is fine.” I nod. “Everything’s peachy keen.”
“Bull shit.” He's always been one to catch my when I’m lying.
“Fine, okay.” I nod. “Chemo and radiation aren't doing a damn thing.”
He stares at me and hugs me tightly to his chest. I push away and shake my head. “No I’m fine. I expected this.”
“But she’s your mom.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “She is.” I look in the window and smile as she turns on the TV. “She’s great.”
I’m caught up at looking at her and don't realize the tears streaming down my face. I feel Justin's hand on my shoulder and his voice whispering in my ear. “Lauren?”
“What?” I sniff and wipe at my eyes. I turn to him and he takes me into his arms and I wrap my arms around his waist as he holds me tight. “I-I-”
“What?” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “What?”
“She’s already dead.”
His brows furrow as he stares at me. “What?”
“She’s still there, smiling and talking, but she’s already gone. She’s not the same.” I cry. “I can’t do this Justin. I can’t do this by myself. I need you.” I grip his shirt and slid down and he’s sliding down with me until we meet the floor. “I can’t do this alone.” I cry. “I need you.”
“I’m here.” He whispers softly as he rubs my back.
“I need you.”
“I’m right here.”
And I know, I just know, it’s going to get worse.
Because I have this gut feeling when I think everything is going to be okay, and I turn around.
She’s not going to be there.
“I promise I’ll be here for you. I’m right here for you.”
Justin’s voice whispers into my ear.
And I know that’s a promise he won’t break.
That’s a promise I know he’ll keep.
My day is not getting better.
It’s just the opposite.
It’s getting worse.
And it’s not over yet.
Number of reviews: 110
Print:
Chapter or Story