We stayed that way for a very long time. She didn’t say anything and I didn’t either. The last thing she said was she needed me. And I promised her I’d be there for her. Like always.
It was just her and me.
Just Lauren and Justin.
Justin and Lauren.
We took her mother to Lauren’s house and set up the guestroom for her. Dr. High said to make her as comfortable as can be.
Simply because she didn’t have much longer.
I wait day in and day out for that day to come. I’m afraid to go home and leave Lauren here by herself. I’m afraid if I go home to get some clothes, that her mom will die and Lauren will be here by herself and she’ll think I broke my promise.
So at this point in time I’m wearing the same clothes over and over again, bowing a few shirts from Lauren and washing my jeans almost everyday. We both take turns watching her while the other sleeps.
We can never sleep and comfort each other anymore at night about fears and insecurities.
But I have a feeling Lauren wants it this way. Now you have to understand it’s hard for Lauren to see her mother like this. Kelly Nichols is a very outgoing person just like her daughter. Until the day she had Lauren she was sky diving and riding motorcycles and doing crazy stunts.
She was always careful when she found out she was carrying Lauren, but I think it passed through her stomach all the wild things she did and made contact with Lauren.
Because as long as I’ve known Lauren, she’s been very outgoing just like her mother. And I have to say that’s something I love about the Nichols girls.
Lauren spent her summers not swimming around with friends and lounging in the sun. No, she spent her days skydiving and fishing and seeing exotic places with her mother by her side.
Now for her father, he was a sick weird son of a bitch that I don’t like to remember. Lauren was a bully for as long as I’ve known her. She bullied every kid in school. But after awhile she let up on me and we became friends. Don’t tell her I told you but, our mothers talked and her mother told her that wasn’t the way. So she stopped. Thank god for moms, right?
Years passed and her mother’s marriage with her dad was falling, and after he ran off with some red head showgirl she had emptied her heart and soul to me.
What was said that night brought us closer together and it brought us to where we are today. Her father Wade Lawson was a sick pervert who went into her room and did unspeakable things to her.
She had told me one time he threatened her with a kitchen knife and told her if she ever told anyone; he’d kill her.
It was two years after she told me when she told her mother about it. They found the guy and thankfully he’s in jail now.
No worries for Lauren.
But something like that doesn’t just disappear.
It leaves scars.
Scars that no other man could make disappear with their touch.
No one that is, but me.
But you know the next part by heart by now. I messed up and lost her love. Her love was like no one else’s in the world. Because when you got past all the hard tough shell, there was a scared, lonely little girl inside who just wanted to love and be loved.
And I had reached that little girl.
And I messed up and broke that little girl’s heart.
She doesn't say that. But I know.
I know.
Lauren's in the shower now and I’m sitting by her moms bed with my hand over hers watching some TV, trying to keep myself awake. “Hey.”
I look down and smile. “Hi. How you feeling? You want anything to drink?”
“No.” She shakes her head. She doesn’t have to say it because I can see it in her eyes. She’s in pain.
“Do you want some more morphine?” I turn around and grab the needle and bottle.
She smiled and nods. I inject the needle into the bottle and full it to where the doctor had instructed us. I took her arm and I smiled softly. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” She grimaces as I inject it and push the medicine inside of her. “Done?”
“Yup.” I nod. “Feel better?”
“A little. It works fast.” She takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. “Where’s Lauren?”
“She’s in the shower.” Her face and body has gotten paler as the days go by. “You sure you don’t want anything?”
“Yeah,” She nods. “No, actually there is something you could do for me.”
“What’s that?” I smile. I’m glad to do anything for her.
Anything at all.
She looks into my eyes. Her green eyes are pale. She sighs and takes my hand and presses it to her lips. “I’ve loved you like a son.” She smiles. “And Lauren loves you more than a friend no matter what she says.”
I stare in amazement at what she’s saying. She’s touching my heart and soul and before long, I know I’m going to cry.
I can feel it in the back of my throat.
“She needs you, more than she admits. She is a scared little girl, and although she puts up that brick wall around her heart, I’ve seen you knock it down a few times before.” She winks at me and I chuckle softly.
What she’s saying is true.
“What I’m getting to is that I would be the happiest mother in the world if you and Lauren got married.” My eyebrows raise and she laughs before she starts coughing.
“Easy.” I grab a cup and fill it with water from the pitcher and hold it to her mouth so she can take a sip. She does and she sits back slowly.
“Thank you Justin.” She smiles. “Now, I’m not saying that you have to go and marry her. What I’m saying is. Since I never had you as my son. A son-in-law is as close as I’ll ever get.” She pats my hand and smiles softly. “That morphine is kicking in quicker than I thought.”
“Yeah.” I nod.
“Justin. She loves you. She loves you dearly, and I never got in the middle when you two broke up. But I’m saying my peace now while I’m on my deathbed.” She laughs slightly, more like a sigh of sorts. “Death bed.” She shakes her head and smiles up at me. “Britney came along for a reason. To break you two up. Because at the rate you and Lauren were going, you would've been married in a year.”
That makes me smile brightly.
Her eyes start to drift closer but she pushes on to say what she has to say before she falls asleep. “Just watch out for her Justin. That’s all I’m saying. Because you’re not only her friend.” She yawns. “You’re her first love.”
And she’s out like a light. Sleeping peacefully with her head turned to the side.
I sigh deeply and nod as the steps creak behind me. I turn and see Lauren come down in short shorts and a tank top. “How’s she doing?”
“I gave her some morphine for the pain and she just passed out.”
She walks over and leans down and kisses her mother’s forehead and runs her hand over my head before kissing it too. She turns and starts to walk away but I reach out and grab her hand, and she turns and looks at me. “Lauren?”
“Yeah?” Her voice is normal again. I hadn’t heard it sound like that in months.
I lick my lips and kiss her hand. “I love you.”
“You do huh?” She smiles. “I love you too Justin.” She leans down and kisses my cheek.
What she doesn’t understand is that I didn’t mean it like that.
I meant it to be more that just ‘Lauren I love you as my friend’
I meant, ‘Lauren I love you from the bottom of my heart and soul’
I sigh and watch as she walks away with her we hair waving back and forth slightly. I look down at her mom and smile.
She's right.
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