All he could do was watch. It wasn't such a bad thing, really, watching her; it was, after all, JC Chasez's favorite pastime. Her curvy, five-foot-six frame topped with straight, long, thick blond hair. Her skin bronzed with a natural tan and JC always found himself falling into her dark, brown eyes. He sighed, uncontrollably, and his best friend Tony nudged him.
"Dude, what is wrong with you?"
JC shook his head and cleared his throat. "Nothing, man; just thinking about stuff, that's all."
"Thinking?" Tony questioned incredulously. "Dude, how can you possibly think at party like this?" JC glanced around and knew what he meant. People were everywhere, music was blasting, and Lexi Grant was only a few feet away…talking to another man. He could feel fire burning in his chest as he watched.
"JC? Jace? Dude, you are such a space cadet!"
JC wasn’t ignoring Tony, or "spacing out" exactly…No, he was just focused on thing.
"You're so funny!" The feminine giggle sounded like a symphony to JC and he clenched his fists as he watched the stranger lean move closer to Lexi, who tossed her hair.
"So, does she know?" Tony asked JC, nudging him again to break him from his trance.
"Does who know what?"
"Don't play stupid."
"Who's playing?" JC retorted with a grin.
Tony folded his arms across his chest. "Does Lexi know how you feel about her?"
JC bit his lip and looked away. “Of course she doesn’t know. You know she doesn’t know, I would have told you.”
“Don’t you think it’s about time to change that?” Tony asked.
JC didn’t answer, he just continued watching.
“C’mon, man, for real. How long have you been in love with her? Like years?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, as your best friend, I’m telling you honestly and sincerely, you need to make your move.” Tony patted JC on the back and walked away.
JC ran his fingers through his dark hair and turned his attention back to Lexi. The man she was with gently brushed her shoulders and JC hung his head, turning his back on the scene and walked to the bar.
"Hey, there, gorgeous." The soft voice sounded in JC's ear and sent multiple sensations all through his body and he felt his hands tremble.
"Hey," he responded softly, turning to Lexi.
She licked her full lips and his eyes followed her tongue, wondering if she knew the effect she had on him. "So, why aren't you out there, spittin' game, huh?" she gestured to the dance floor.
He shrugged his shoulders and looked at the ground. "Hey, why the long face? You should be happy, it's a party!" she said, bringing her hand up to his cheek and touching it lightly. JC closed his eyes briefly, and brought his hand to hers, gently stroking it. She moved her hand from his face and he kept his on top, before lacing his fingers with hers. She cleared her throat.
The corners of his lips turned up. "How's this?" he asked with a smile.
Lexi smiled in response, but it didn’t reach her eyes like normally. "Better."
"Good." They were silent for a moment as Lexi gazed down at their intertwined hands. "How's the boy-toy of the evening?" JC asked lightly, interrupting her thoughts.
"What?"
"That guy," he gestured to the blond he had seen her with earlier.
"Oh, Mark. He's not my anything." She pulled her hand away from his and began toying with her hair; her nervous habit, JC noted and he couldn’t help but smile.
“What about you?” Lexi asked. “There are plenty of women here who are dying to get a piece of you.” She laughed.
JC rolled his eyes.
“What’s up with you tonight anyway? You’re never a loner at a party, especially one like this. I know how you like to party. I don’t even think I’ve seen you dance at all tonight.”
“No one I’m really interested in dancing with,” JC responded.
“No one?” she asked, her eyes slamming into his.
JC took a deep breath. “Well, maybe there’s someone.”
Lexi’s eyebrows lifted. “JC, are you seeing someone?”
“Not exactly.”
“What does that mean?”
JC cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, there may be a girl…”
“May be?”
He rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath hoping to slow his racing heart. Here goes nothing. He thought.
“I think I’m falling in love with someone.”
Under normal circumstances, JC would have laughed at the expression on her face. “What? Who?” she asked.
JC struggled to breathe. He looked around at everyone smiling, drinking, and grinding. You can do this, he told himself.
You.
It was just one three-letter word.
You.
Say it, and everything will change. Everything.
“You wanna dance?” JC asked suddenly.
“You can’t change the subject like that. We’ve known each other, for what, five years? You can’t just drop this bomb on me and not even give me a full explanation!” Her face was flushed and her voice shrill.
With a trembling hand, JC grabbed hers. “Let’s get out of here.”
They walked on the beach. JC and Lexi both loved walking on the beach at night. The stars and moon were overhead and the ocean spray reached them every so often.
They were silent the entire ride to the beach and for the ten minutes they had been walking. “Ya know,” JC broke the silence in a husky voice, “I don’t think you’ve heard my new song yet.”
Lexi looked up at him, and he felt his stomach drop. “No, I don’t think I have.”
She loves Daffodils, and
She keeps 'em on her window sill
When the wind blows her smell fills the room
She dreams in color
But does she know that I love her?
I'm swimming in my abyss of insecure blue, yeah
And I'm losing my head
And I can't get no sleep
But if I reached out
Would you reach out for me, yeah
Knocked unconcious, walking on water
Cause I'm thinking of you
And don't you know that love's intoxicating and I need the abuse
Because I'm endlessly falling
And we're destiny calling what you're making me do
It's all because I lose myself in you
All because I lose myself in you
I don’t wanna be invisible
I just want to be compatible
Longing for something that can only be filled by you
Cause I'm fighting with my confidence
Build up my courage, give myself a chance
Because the only thing I think about is you
Do you know that I'm here?
Do I even exist?
I'd dance on velvet skies
For just the thought of one kiss, yeah
“It’s beautiful,” she said quietly. “I could listen to you sing for hours.” JC smiled shyly. They stood quietly for a moment.
“I love daffodils,” Lexi said suddenly.
“I know.” JC’s response was barely audible.
“You can’t love me, Jace.”
“What?”
“I mean, I know-well, I didn’t really know, I just thought…honestly, I think it was wishful thinking in the back of my mind but… it is me isn’t it? I’m the girl- the one…” her sobs cut her off.
JC wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said anything, Lex. Please, don’t cry, you know I hate it. Please, baby stop,” he murmured in her ear.
“Oh, Jace! It’s not fair! It’s just not fair!” she screamed and struggled against him.
JC kept his voice calm. “What’s not fair, honey?”
“I was so attracted to you when we first met, but you were with someone and I was with someone, but we had this amazing connection.” Her sobs had subsided and now she sniffed and spoke slowly in a cracked voice. “And we became such great friends, and we’ve maintained that friendship for five years. You’re my rock, JC, my everything. You’re always there when I need you… but I can’t… I can’t let you fall in love with me.”
“It’s not really something either of us have control over.”
He wiped the tears from her face softly. “Don’t,” she said softly.
“Don’t what?”
“Make me fall in love with you.”
“It’s not something that’s forced, Lex. It’s something that has already happened naturally.”
“This can never work… I mean, I’m not some superstar actress or mode. I like being behind the scenes as a producer. I don’t like flashy jewelry and I’m way too opinionated and independent, I’m just me.”
“And that’s why I love you.”
“I don’t know how to lose myself completely like you do…Do you know how many times I’ve been told that I was cold? Or heartless? I know you, Jace…you’re warm and passionate-“
“And I know you, Lexi. I know that you love giving up your time to help people you just don’t know how to let anyone help you. I can help you, Lex. In time, I think you’ll let me.”
He held her in his arms and finished his song softly in her ear.
I see the beauty in your strength, baby
And you fight to keep it in you, yea
But I break down your walls
(Break down your walls)
With my army of love
(Army of love)
Take a journey through my heart
It's a test of fate
(Test of fate)
As we hold each other close our spirits gravitate
(Gravitate)
Let's drift into forever
As our boundaries melt away
Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking of you
Oh...
I found myself intoxicated by this drug
Sent to my knees cause I'm addicted to your love
All because I lose myself in you
All because I lose myself in you
All because I lose, I lose myself in you
All because I lose myself in you
If you share with me
Then I'll find you
And I'll meet you there,
Down in nowhere
If you share with me
Then I'll find you
And I'll meet you there,
Down in nowhere
Baby my life is yours
Just open up the door
I can't believe I found you, yeah-yeah
'Cause if you share with me
Then I'll find you
And I'll meet you there,
Down in nowhere
Down in nowhere
Yeah-yeah, oh
Lose myself, yeah
Yeah...
Oh...
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