If given the chance who wouldn’t jump for joy at the thought of being able to move in and live with Justin Timberlake?
Oh yes, that I would me. But really why should I move in with him, besides the fact that I’m lacking half of the rent money I’m used to getting from Nicole? If we leave things the way they are I can spend the night over at his house when I want to “ on the rare occasions that he happens to be there himself, without the worry of what happens when we get into a fight.
We argue, we fight, I yell, he screams and if it gets to the point where I can’t even find words to throw at him anymore, I leave before my hands find something else to replace those missing words. But if I was living there, what am I supposed to do? Stick around and discuss whatever matter it happens to be with an adult-like calm until the issue is resolved?!
Puh-leaze.
Rushing toward the door after an argument sounds so much better, which I wouldn’t necessarily be able to do if we were to live together. Unless I was to shell out some money for a hotel room for the night “ and I already know I’m much too much too cheap to go that route. And what happens if we break up?
Then I’d be out on my ass, ‘cause I didn’t have a place to live anymore. And if I do decide to move in then what are we going to do about rent? I know Justin, I know how he is, he won’t charge me rent and as nice and wonderful as living rent-free sounds I haven’t done that since I moved out of my mom’s place. It’ll make me feel too dependent on him. And besides like my Momma always said, ‘why would a man buy a cow when he’s getting the milk for free?’
So you see - if this relationship ever hopes to even have a chance of progressing to the level of wedding marches and bridal parties then I gotta do what I gotta do. Which at this moment involves me finding another roommate. Not to say that I did want it to go there.
Shut up and wipe that damn smirk off your face. I’m really not thinking about that stuff. Honestly.
Operation: Roommate Wanted began normally, I put an ad in both the local and school paper and even came out the pocket again to make some fliers and post them around the campus.
And who would have guessed how many psychos live within a 20-mile radius of me, it’s pretty frightening if you think about it. Oh and since you haven’t met these ‘special’ people allow me to introduce you to psycho numbero uno.
Carol was her name, but I came to call her Monk, like the germophobe TV detective. Before she had even gotten there her one and only concern was whether I was sick or had recently had some sick people over. A question which no matter how many times and how many ways I said no, she would yet in still ask me again and again and yet a-friggin-gain. That right there should have told me that the woman was outside her mind and there was no point in even bothering with an interview, but I proceeded with it anyways, probably because I have this stupid tendency to get naively optimistic when cynicism is clearly the best route.
So on the day of the scheduled interview, I open my door for her and find her decked out in nurse scrubs, a face mask, and rubber gloves.
“I thought we were going to just talk a little, not perform surgery.” I joked. But apparently just like she didn’t play around with germs, she didn’t really play around in general.
Without cracking a smile in the slightest, she said in a very monotone voice, “The scrubs are to protect my clothes, the face mask for my nose and mouth, the gloves…obviously my hands. I didn’t know what I would be encountering when I came here, so I decided to be prepare for the worst.”
“Oh okay,” I said, nodding as if her getup was completely understandable. “Well at least you’re not inside a bubble.” I laughed.
And of course she didn’t; her face seemed to have spent years perfecting that stony look of perpetual emotionlessness. “I looked into those. They’re too expensive.”
“Alrighty then.” I said, sighing. I could tell this was going to be a ‘no’ already but I decided to be polite and go through with the interview anyway. I mean, she came over here risking life and limb, what with all the lethal germs that are infesting my home and all and who knows if she stayed too long she could mess around and catch a personality.
In the middle of my asking my second or third question, she interrupted me, when she said with a frown, “This is the end of the interview. I’ve already decided.”
“Okay.” I said, slowly. “And what did you decide?”
“This isn’t going to work.” She said, eyeing my apartment with disgust. First a frown then disgust, well at least that proved her face could show emotion. “Your apartment is probably crawling with Dermatophagoides.”
“Crawling with dia-whatta?”
“It’s not dia-anything. It’s Dermatophagoides commonly known as house dust mites. They're microscopic little nasty things that live in warm places like carpet, or upholstery, or feather pillows, and under furniture and bedroom mattresses. They live by eating human skin flakes like dandruff.” She said, her eyes focused on my hair, causing my hand to self-consciously run through my hair. “And it’s mostly because of those little buggers that people have allegric reactions to dust.”
I listened as she described how much waste particles each mite can produce within a day, which I think she said it was around 20 or so and how those particles can cause allegric reactions even after the mites have been gotten rid of.
“And judging from how much dust you have in here,” She said, pushing her gloved finger disapprovingly along the coffee table. “They’re probably having a feast.”
I knew I wasn’t going to be featured in Good Housekeeping magazine anytime soon (or ever) but damn, it wasn’t that bad was it?
Hmm, she may be a psycho but she knows her germs. Guess me and the swiffer are gonna have to spend some more quality time together, because by the time she’d left she had me scratching myself like a crackhead, feeling as if those bastard dust mites were crawling all over me.
Exit psycho numbero uno, enter psycho numbero dos…
Kylie started off normal. Normal being defined as she said hi, how are you followed with an I’m good after I greeted her in return. But that’s where her normalness stopped and what is probably her true self came out.
“Are your phones working properly?” She asked for what had to be the twentieth time within the last five minutes.
“Yeah, they’re fine.” I said, trying not to sound as annoyed as I was, as I watched her pacing back and forth. Back and forth. “And I think this would go better if you’d just sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
“I’m making you nervous? I’m making you nervous?” She repeated as if this was impossible. “Why would you be nervous? Do you have something to be nervous about?” She said, her eyes narrowing in on me as I was the one being suspicious.
And before I could even think of something to say to her in response, her pacing sped up as the frantic energy of her legs traveled up to her vocal cords, when she asked, “What time is it?” Immediately pushing up her sleeves, revealing five or six watches adorning each of her arms.
“Why do you have so many watches on?” I asked, curiously watching her.
“I need to know the time. I always need to know the time.” She said, looking at me like I was the crazy one. And hell, maybe I was for not ending this interview a long time ago. I guess a part of me was just waiting for her to go back to being normal.
“Okay, well could you just please sit down?” I tried again to bring some normalcy to this meeting.
She nodded silently, this time complying with my request.
“Alright, so…”
Barely letting two words escape my mouth she was up again, this time rushing to the window. Pulling back the shade she paranoidly surveyed the area below, checking her several watches a couple of times before hastily pulling the shade back into place and pressing her body flat against the nearby wall. Her chest heaving as if she’d just got done running a couple of miles uphill.
“Wh-what’s wrong?” I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“They’re coming. 6:15. They’re coming. They said they’d come at 6:15.” She said, going back to her pacing. “6:15, they’re coming. They’re going to get me at 6:15.”
“Who’s going to get you?”
“Don’t let them take me away! Please!” She begged, suddenly dropping to her knees and crawling her way over to me before grasping and clinging onto my left leg for dear life. “Don’t let them take me. They’re coming at 6:15. They said they’d come at 6:15.”
“Who’s coming?” I asked, more confused and worried about this woman’s mental health as time went by.
“What time is it?” She asked, suddenly leaping to her feet. “What time is it?!?” She screeched, not bothering to check her many watches and looking frustratedly at me.
“Uh…6:15.” I said, hesitatingly expecting some kind of loud and emotionally strangled outburst from her.
“6:15?” She echoed, now checking her own watches. “6:15.” She whispered to the watches. “It’s 6:15. They said they’d come for me at 6:15.”
I watched as she rushed back to the window, standing there motionless for several minutes before finally slowly turning back to face me, a broad grin stretching across the length of her face.
“Thank you, my child. God will surely bless you for this.” She said. And with that psycho numbero dos took slow purposeful strides to the door, her head held high like she was sitting on top of the friggin’ world. Leaving me stunned, wondering to myself, what the hell had just happened here.
Next meet Monk’s worst enemy, psycho numbero tres aka Abby. Or as I like to her Agua H2No. Get it? H2No…as in n-o spells ‘no’? Have you ever read that book ‘n-o spells no?’ It’s a children’s book, I used to love it when I was little and I kept it for the longest time. Now I don’t know where it is. Maybe I threw it away…
Hmm…I know I was saying something before I started talking about that book. Now, what was I saying? Ooh yeah, Miss Abby I do believe must be as deathly afraid of cleanliness as Carol was to germs. I’m sure water, clean, shower, hygiene, soap and washer were all foreign words to her. I’d be afraid to see how she kept her place. But then again I’ve seen those cleaning shows on TV where these really neat and tidy dressed people have the most horrendously disgusting homes.
But if she didn’t understand that water was used by normal people for washing purposes, she at least knew that it could come from the sky in the form of rain.
“It’s gonna rain.” She said, sniffing the air. “I can smell it in the air. Plus my right leg always gets real straight and stiff right before it rains and I can hardly move it right now.” She said, demonstrating as she used her hands to forcibly bend her legs at the knee so she could sit more comfortably. I couldn’t help but wince when I heard the loud crack of it as her leg bones were forced into a position they weren’t ready to go into just yet. She must have noticed that I’d winced because she immediately started laughing. Or should I say cackling, because as soon as she opened her putrid smelling mouth besides the nose hair burning fumes that oozed out, there came the most evil laughter that I’d ever heard.
It was the kind of laugh that makes the hair on your arm stand straight, right before you get chills and the joyous smirk on her face didn’t compliment the sound. I thought about saying that I might have been able to smell the rain too if my nose wasn’t already overwhelmed with the powerful stench that is her. But I resisted, when I remembered her size which appeared to be 5’10,” 190 lbs mostly muscle in comparison to my measly 5’2,” 110 lbs of mostly fat.
Looking at her sitting up here looking like a damn body builder or at least a close resemblance to Chyna the wrestler - that is if Chyna gave up showering for a few weeks “ I knew better than to let any smart ass remarks come out of this mouth that day. Or at least not directed at her when she was within hearing range.
Then after Abby was Kim Sue, who didn’t have a lot to say. Probably because I wasn’t speaking the language she was fluent in. Can you say language barrier? Makes me wonder how a person who can barely speak English found out about my ad in the first place. Maybe she’s a better reader in English. Who knows.
“Alright, so this interview isn’t gonna be formal or anything. So you don’t have to be nervous. Just relax, feel at home, be yourself and who knows if everything goes right this could become your home too.” I smiled. “So do you want something to drink before we get started?”
She grinned and nodded.
“Okay.” I said, getting up and walking to the fridge. “I got some coke, Kool-Aid, lemonade, and water. What do you have a taste for?”
She grinned and nodded.
“Um, is that a yes to Coke…or…”
She grinned and nodded before I could finish.
“Alright, coke it is.” Bringing her, her drink I watched as she took one sip before her nose wrinkled at the taste of it before she set her glass down with a frown.
“It’s not good?” I asked. Just call me Captain Obvious.
She nodded, smiling.
“Do you want something else then?”
She nodded, smiling.
“What do you want instead?”
She nodded, smiling.
Trying not to frown, I said, “So do you want water?”
She nodded, smiling.
“Alrighty.” I sighed, fetching her new drink. “Are you normally this quiet?” I asked, handing her the glass of water.
She nodded, smiling.
“Well don’t be afraid to speak up if you have something to say. The whole point in us meeting is to get to know each other a little.”
She nodded, smiling.
Again, I resisted the exasperated sigh that was begging for release. This was going to be a long ass interview if it kept up like this, but hey at least she wasn’t bouncing off the walls or anything.
There, that was my optimistic moment for the day. Justin would be proud.
“Okay. So are you a morning person?”
She nodded, smiling.
“I’m not, but I don’t think that should be a problem. Are you the late night partying type?” I asked, expecting her first no of the day.
She nodded, smiling.
“Oh really?”
She nodded, smiling.
“Are you still in school? How old are you?”
She nodded, smiling.
“Okay, so you are in school. But how old are you?”
She nodded, smiling.
When I frowned, she frowned then. What the fuck is this monkey see, monkey do? Taking a deep breath I tried to suppress my short temper from flaring. “Sorry, guess a lady never tells her age. So um, without giving a specific number…are you in your late 20’s? Early 20’s?”
She nodded again, her grin back in place.
“Is that a yes to the early 20’s?”
She nodded, smiling.
“Do you speak English?” I said, finally asking what I’d been suspicious of for a while now.
She nodded, smiling.
“Could you talk to me then? Say yes or no, instead of just nodding.”
She nodded, smiling.
Gritting my teeth, I counted to ten. “Alright,” I muttered, going back to my questions for the off chance that she did understand what I was saying. “You do have a steady income, right?”
She nodded smiling.
“Are you single?” I asked, ignoring her millionth eager nod and smile. My mind now more focused on whether or not there would be a boyfriend I’d as find as a second roommate. “I’m only asking cause I wanted to know if you did have a boyfriend, would you want him to be over a lot and spending nights over all the time.”
She nodded, smiling.
I sighed deeply. “You don’t understand a word I’m saying, do you?”
She nodded, smiling.
“I could say anything and you’d just nod and smile.” I resisted being mean then and asking a bunch of rude and crude questions just to see if she’d really just nod and smile her way through them, before I got up instead. Ushering her gently to the door, I said, “I’ll let you know what my decision is later.”
Wondering why I didn’t just say no to her then? Well it’s very simple, she wasn’t a germophobe, she wasn’t a paranoid schizophrenic, and her arms weren’t big enough to crush the life out of me if she got mad enough to do such a thing. So all in all a little language barrier didn’t make her the worst candidate. There was some stiff competition for that prize title.
“I move in later?” She said, still smiling at me.
“No, I’ll call you and let you know later.”
“Later?” She said, picking up on the fact that I’d used that word too. “I move in?”
“No, no…later I’ll call you.”
She frowned. “Call?”
“Yes,” I said, resisting saying ‘yes, telephone ring ring…I’ll call you.’ “I’ll call you later to let you know my decision.”
“I move in later.” She said, going back to nodding and smiling.
Sighing, I shook my head. “No.”
“No?” She frowned.
I think ‘no’ was pretty much said the same in every language, so if she didn’t understand anything else she should understand that. “No.” I repeated.
“I no move in later?”
“No. You no move in later.” I said, not being able to help mimicking her.
“I go now?”
This time I was the one nodding and smiling.
After Kim Sue, I knew I had two more interviews left to do and I almost thought to just call them up and cancel before taking Justin up on his offer. Almost.
I did go through with the last two, with extreme hesitance and little patience. The next one wasn’t bad except for the fact she was a little too proud of her double-jointedness and kept tying herself into knots “ literally “ during the interview. And all the contortism is interesting, but weird. The girl eats with her feet “ everything from snacks like popcorn to full meals, which she continually bragged about.
My dislike for feet is too strong to be able to deal with her on a regular basis. It would be different if she didn’t have hands to eat with in the first place “ I could understand her doing that, even be impressed - but she was just choosing to be nasty.
And I’m sure with my great track history of these interviews that it wasn’t hard for you to guess that the last one didn’t go much better.
This last girl, Mary Ann, was a little too touchy-feely for my taste. And if I didn’t know any better I would have sworn she was coming onto me. She had kept my hand on my thigh a lot during the interview, no matter how much I tried to squirm away. And when she wasn’t making me uncomfortable with the constant thigh touching, then she was busy bragging about how good she is with massages. Not letting the subject drop until I finally reluctantly agreed to let her give me one.
And despite not wanting to, I had to admit that she was good at it, but she couldn’t just leave it at that. She had to take it a step farther, boasting about she can do better. Saying she just needs some oils, candles, soft music…all of which she has in the trunk of her car.
But I was quick to put a stop to that. "I-I, uh, I have an, um, another interview right after this one. But thanks anyways."
"Oh, that’s too bad." She said, "Some of those oils are so delicious smelling that it’ll make you wanna lick ‘em right off." She demonstrated with a slow flick of her tongue.
"Alright." I said, damn near running to open the door for her. "Well, thanks for the massage and for stopping by. I’ll let you know what my decision is." My decision which is a big-ass hell no!!
After getting rid of Mary Ann, I sighed loudly before plopping flat onto the couch. Who knew there were so many crazies living within a twenty mile radius of me. But of course with one simple ad in the paper I had successfully managed to attract some of the weirdest. With my luck being as great as it is it’s a wonder why I haven’t won the lottery yet or had an anvil randomly fall on my head while I was walking down the street.
So Plan A newspaper ad in Operation: Roommate Wanted was a bust, causing Plan B…stare at the wall to now be in full swing.
I was down but not out, and despite how tempting Justin’s offer was starting to sound to me now, I was just going to stick to my guns and find another roommate anyway. There had to be some nice, normal person out there who was looking for a place to stay right?
Well for my sake, let’s pray that there is.
No, really I’m not playing. I need you to pray for me.
Lord only knows what psycho will find me next.
“No, Justin I gotta go.” I said, rushing around my room before I realized that I’d forgotten in my rush to get there what I was rushing for. “J, I really have to go. I’m going to be late.” I said, now walking around in a circle. Shut up, I realize how stupid I must look. But I only do it cause I honestly believe that somehow some way it helps me to think and therefore remember what I doing or looking for at that moment.
Ah ha…there they are! ‘They’ being my shoes. “Justin, I know I should be fashionably late cause it’s a party. But I haven’t been to one of these things in forever so who knows they could have changed the rules or something. And besides I’m not going there for fun, I’m there to find a roommate who’s got some sense in their head and speaks enough English for us to be able to understand one another.” I laughed, listening to him whining on the other end of the phone about how he had all those qualities but instead I seemed hell bent on finding someone else. He actually sounded a little hurt. “Aww, c’mon, Blue, don’t pull that crap on me. You know I love you. You know I like being around you. And you know why I don’t want to move in with you…so this shouldn’t even be a topic for discussion anymore.” I listened then as he attempted to explain how us living together, though in sin, would be worth going to hell for. Laughing, I said, “I may love you…but enough to burn for all of eternity…?” I trailed off, laughing again.
“Boy, shut up,” I groaned, rolling my eyes as I shoved some gum into my purse. “You know I’m not going to hook up with some guy. I mean sure, I might make out with him a little but I’m not a whore so I wouldn’t do anything below the belt.” I pulled the phone away from my ear then, not wanting the ridiculously loud and self righteous tirade Justin was about to go into to hurt my precious little ear drums. Placing the phone on the bed, I got up to check my appearance in the mirror, knowing Justin would have enough to talk about that he wouldn’t even realize I wasn’t there to listen.
I look okay I guess, is what I was thinking as I turned to the side to check out my outfit from another angle. I was wearing a short-sleeved pink top with a denim skirt…nothing special, just something that was good enough. I’d only decided on pink on account of Britney’s learned advice of ‘pink is fun…so wear some pink.’
After hearing that I decided that I was going to need all the ‘fun’ I could get now, because I knew once I got there “ there being a house party in which I was going alone and knew no one but had only decided to go on a whim to a) meet some new people (cause once Nikki and Nikki’s stuff left the apartment for good, I was able to look around and see how empty not only my apartment was but also my life. I mean, I’d spent most of my life with pretty much just one good friend: Justin. Then Coral, then Coral and Nikki, then minus Coral, now Nikki was off playing house with Jason. So she was practically a minus too and I guess you could add in Britney. But still…that’s not much of a friendship base and as much as I loved Justin…the boy knew how to work my nerves like no other. So I decided I needed new friends, hence me wearing pink of all colors and going to a party by my lonesome.) and b) I was still on the hunt for a new roommate.
Picking up the phone again, I listened to where Justin was at in his lecture. Oh, goodie, I came back just in time for my favorite part. It’s the ‘don’t accept drinks from a stranger, don’t leave your drink unattended, don’t talk to strangers, don’t have fun’ routine.
“Okay, Justin. Yes, Justin. You’re so right, Justin. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Justin.” I laughed, practically seeing him rolling his eyes in annoyance at me over the phone before he sighed deeply on his end. “I know, I know. You love me, therefore you occasionally feel the need to drum on your chest and declare ‘I am man.’ I get it, but…” I laughed even more when he was able to finish my sentence for me. “You know me so well. But you would think since you know I’m going to do what I want anyways that you wouldn’t bother with saying all those things in the first place.” I listened as he made some smart ass comment about him hoping that one of these days I’d be smart enough to listen to him. “Yeah, yeah, whateva. I’m going now…yes, I’ll call you as soon as I get back. Yes, I’ll call...didn’t I just say I would?” I laughed then hearing his ‘listen woman…’ before the rest was drowned out with my continued laughter.
“Okay, I’m going now. No, I really am…Justin, shut up.” I laughed. “I love you too. Blue…” I sighed. “I’m going to hang up now.” I said, making no move to do so. “If you don’t want me to hang up on you, then hang up on me first. ...I already said it!” I sighed playfully as if my next words were such a hassle for me to repeat. “I love you.” I smiled, grinning broadly when I heard him say it back. Yeah, I guess that would never get old.
“Shut up, stupid. Everybody knows I love you more than…” My voice dissolved into laugher again. “Crazy fans don’t count. Yeah, yeah, I know.” I groaned, hearing him go back into lecture mode. “You know what, since I know it’ll make you happy…I’m not going to go. …No, really, I won’t go.” I said, knowing now he’d feel bad and push for me to go. “Alright, alright…if you insist. I’ll go.” Laughing at him, when he finally realized what I’d done, I said, “Now is it my fault that you’re stupid enough to fall for that every time? … Bye, Justin. I said, bye!” I repeated when he refused to say it back like that would keep me on the phone for the rest of the night. “I’m going to hang up.” Laughing at his calling me a ‘big meanie,’ I said, “Love you too. Bye.” After staying on the line long enough to hear his goodbye which he’d doctored up with several professions of his amor towards me, I was finally able to hang up the phone.
And now, my friends, it was time to partay!
Who goes to a party by themselves? Let alone to a party where they don’t even know the ones throwing it…by themselves.
How about a roommate desperate person named Keisha. I’d even lowered my standards; we didn’t have to get along anymore, or like each other or anything. It was all very simple now…they just had to be sane and speak some English.
Now you would think with criteria as easy as that that finding a new roommate would be a piece of cake or a walk in the park…
Well it was a walk in the park, only the park was Central Park in NYC at the wee morning hours and I was a little old lady with money flying out of my bag with a neon sign hovering above my head announcing ‘mug me!’
And that’s what had driven me to go this party. This party in which all I’d done was scout out an open, clean (as loosely as that word could be defined) part of the couch to sit on and then I’d sat my ass down. And that, my friends, was all my partying for the night. Justin had absolutely nothing to worry about…as usual.
Justin should have known that. I should have known that. Too bad by the time this knowledge was remembered, it was already too late. And all those old outcast loser sentiments had come a-rushing back as they graciously dog-piled down on my self-esteem. The next thing I knew I was planted on the couch, people watching. Lying to myself that I was trying to get a feel for the place before I dove into action. But the more I sat there the more obvious it became that the most interaction I was going to have with the people there was pushing the drunks who’d been dumped on the couch alongside me away from me, so that they didn’t drool on my shoulder while they slept.
Sitting there, knowing no one and no one knowing me, I felt the awkwardness of being a college freshman that had never really went away when put into social situations like this settling in. Maybe I have some kind of social disorder. Or maybe I’m just a loser freak doomed to an existence of continual awkwardness.
There’s gotta be a pill I can take for this.
If Justin were here he’d never let me do this. I’d be forced to dance, mingle and ‘have fun’…blah. If Nikki were here she’d let me hang back for awhile, then she’d come and ‘save me’ as she’d like to delusionally call it, before forcing me to be social. If Coral were here, she’d say…
"Is this seat taken?"
Glancing up, I was fully prepared to deal with some drunken idiot who thought he was being clever in asking me that when clearly the seat wasn’t taken unless you counted the space that my invisible friends Ashley and Mary Kate took up (Ashley liked having her name said first every now and then). What I wasn’t prepared for was to look up into the hazel eyes of my former best friend.
She would ask if she can take a seat that doesn’t even belong to me, but just took my man when she wanted him. Ain’t that some shit.
Forcing myself to keep eye contact with those familiar hazel eyes of Coral's that were still staring down at me, I muttered, "Do whatever you want. It’s a free country." Scooting to the very end of the couch, I put as much distance as I could between Coral and I as I possibly could. Yeah, I knew that it was childish move but I didn’t want to be near her.
After several moments of silence, Coral said, "Jamal and I broke up."
My head turned slightly to look at Coral then, secretly wanting to laugh in her face as I suppressed the strangely satisfied grin that threaten to overtake my mouth.
Yeah, I’m bad…but I can’t help it. So sue me.
"Actually I broke up with him, after I caught him with another girl." Coral continued, she paused probably waiting for me to say "good, it’s called karma, bitch." Or something equally as sarcastic and biting, but I never said that, I never said anything.
"Well I guess, it was bound to happen. The break up, I mean. And hell, probably his cheating on me too. I mean, that is how our relationship started anyway…with him cheating. But somehow I just thought that he wouldn’t do that to me." Coral glanced up from where she’d been staring at her hands to look at me. "And I know I should have never been with him in the first place, I know what I did was unforgiveable. So I’m not even going to ask for your forgiveness. But I just wish…" She sighed. "I just wish, that you and me could be friends again. I miss our friendship. It’s hard to be Laverne without Shirley."
A slight smirk broke my otherwise emotionless face, despite my willing against it.
"I screwed it all up, I know. But when I said I would be your best friend forever, I meant it. And the last time I checked forever hadn’t run up…so we still have time."
I sighed lightly, but didn’t say anything, my eyes glancing around the room to avoid Coral’s.
"I know you’re still mad at me. I know---"
"You don’t know shit." I replied in a low even tone, speaking up in order to shut Coral up. "Cause if you knew anything you’d know a man, especially a man like Jamal isn’t worth losing a friend. And no, forever hasn’t run up…but that doesn’t change shit. And you should know that." I paused and turned my head away from Coral as if I was done talking to her. "But it is hard to be Shirley without Laverne." I added, before getting up and disappearing into the crowd of bodies, leaving Coral to sit on the couch watching my retreating form.
Standing outside the house, I realized a few things. The first being, hitching a ride with a person I couldn’t even remember her name and had only met a few times wasn’t one of my brightest moments. Two, I’d forgotten to bring my cell phone even after the lecture that Justin had given me about how important it was that I had it on me at all times in case I needed him to swoop down and rescue me. And three, it looked like I was going to have to walk, cause there was no way I was going back in that house. Not with Coral in there.
I guess it wouldn’t be too bad to walk home. I mean, I am only a few blocks from my apartment anyways and a long walk around the block in the cool night air was probably just what I needed to clear my mind.
Yes, I realized how incredibly idiotic this was, considering how late it was, how dark it was and the fact that I was doing this alone. I knew I deserved to get stupid stamped on my forehead and in knowing this I knew that I would definitely not be telling Justin about this part of the night.
I’d gotten half-way down the first block on my lonesome trek home when the night’s stillness was suddenly interrupted with the repeated high-pitched yelling of my name. Turning around I noticed someone running toward me.
"I’m glad I caught up with you." The woman standing before me now said, while she took a moment to catch her breath. "Damn, girl, how fast you were walking you might as well have been running."
I smiled slightly, not knowing how fast I’d been walking until that moment.
"Well, I don’t want to hold you up; I just wanted to give you this." She said handing me my jacket.
I stared at it for a moment before taking it. I couldn’t believe I’d actually left without it.
Yes, I could. All I had wanted to do was get away, faraway. The last thing on my mind had been to get my jacket, but I was definitely glad that I’d gotten it back, it being my favorite and all.
"Thanks…" I trailed off, not knowing what the girl’s name was.
"Joyce, my name’s Joyce. But everybody calls me Joy." Joyce supplied, smiling brightly at me.
"Well thanks again, Joy. I appreciate it." I replied, turning to leave.
"Oh wait!" I turned slowly, until I was facing Joyce again. "What’s your name?"
"Lekeisha, but everyone usually calls me Keisha or K." I should really just stop telling people what my real name is since no one ever calls me that anyways. Ah well, it was an old habit.
"Are you the one with the ad in the paper for a new roomie?"
I hesitated, wondering what psychotic aspect of her personality would decide to leap out at me if I said yes. "Yeah, that’s me. You looking for a place?"
She smiled and I relaxed a little. She seemed normal enough, but then again if this roommate hunt had taught me nothing else it had definitely let me know that crazy people could hide their craziness when they wanted to, before they leapt out of the box.
"Actually, I have a friend who is. And I think he’ll be a perfect roommate. He’s really tidy, not to the point of being a neat freak. But the boy does love to have everything in its place. And he’s kind of a homebody, so it’s not like he’ll be out late or anything." Joy said, trying her best to sell me on her friend. She must have noticed the slight frown that had wrinkled my brow when she’d said "he."
"I dunno, I wasn’t really looking for a guy roommate."
"Oh but he’s really nice, a total gentleman. He’s got the whole southern gentleman thang going on. So it’s not like he’ll be tryin’ to push up on you or anything. He just needs a place to lay his head at night." Joy replied, not pausing for too long, figuring that would just give me time to protest. "Look, if you’re still not sure, at least meet him first, before you say no." Pulling out a piece of paper, Joyce quickly scribbled down a phone number. "You just call that number, that’s my cell number, and I’ll set up a meeting for you and him. Unless you already have a roommate you’re considering."
"No, I don’t have anyone else in mind."
"Good, good. Nathan’s a real good guy, you’ll love him the moment you meet him." Joy added, still smiling hopefully at me, as she handed me the piece of paper.
"Alright, I’ll think about it." I said, accepting the paper.
"Great, that’s all I’m asking. You can call me anytime, I always have my cell with me. Well I won’t hold you up any longer. It was nice talking with you. And hopefully I’ll be hearing from you real soon. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." I replied, turning back in the direction I’d been originally heading. All the while, staring down at the paper and the number, wondering if I should call.
What was Justin gonna think about me having a male roomie?
He was going to flip his wig when he found out. I almost laughed out loud at thought of what the look on his face would be when I’d tell him. Oh it was going to be interesting, to say the least.
And that’s when it hit me…
Turning around, I rushed back toward the house, yelling, “Joyce…Joy! You leaving anytime soon? Could you give me a ride?”
See I’m not that stupid, just a little slow on the draw sometimes.
