Exiting the bathroom, Sandy had briefly glanced at the dance floor. Unfortunately for her the glance wasn’t brief enough and it wasn’t long before her eyes landed on Justin, first…then the woman he was twirling, swirling and pulling close again.
She suddenly felt sick when the woman’s face came into view.
Shit. It really was her. She thought, immediately wanting another glass of champagne, realizing much too late that the girl she’d been talking to happened to be the worst person in the world she could have ever confided in. She wondered why K hadn’t said anything. Did she not know?
About the kiss? About Sandy?
No, no…Justin must have told her by now. But if he had, why would K have been so nice to her? Why didn’t their first meeting play out like the bathroom fight scene in Mariah’s “Heartbreaker” video?
Guess he didn’t tell her anything. Sandy thought, still watching the two of them together, before she couldn’t watch anymore. And here she was thinking that by some weird occurrence in a bathroom she’d gained a friend or at least someone to listen to her when she needed it. But obviously that wasn’t going to happen now.
How could I have not known that was her?! Justin has shown me enough pictures of her. Even though I hadn’t gotten a real good look at her when I’d first saw her with Justin tonight. Sighing, she forced her legs into motion. Knowing that a small part of her had recognized K as soon as she’d gotten her first good look at her, but instead of fully admitting to herself that she knew who K was, she instead tried to get herself to believe that the girl she was talking to wasn’t K and was just someone who looked similar.
Because how could her luck possibly be so bad that she’d randomly meet Keisha in a restroom and get to talking to about her feelings about Justin?! Obviously with luck like she had, she wasn’t going to be winning the lottery anytime soon.
At the same time a part of her knew who K was the whole time and was hoping that K would figure out who she was, realize that the “Jordan” she was talking about was actually Justin, get so pissed off at Justin that that would have been the need of them. But to the very end of their talk K didn’t seem to be any closer to figuring out who she was talking to. Sandy had just been some blonde chick, crying in the bathroom that K had decided to help.
And thinking about that, is when the guilt hit her. K was really as nice as Justin had always boasted she was. K was the kind of person that Sandy could see herself being friends with…if it wasn’t for the fact that she had something Sandy wanted: Justin’s heart.
Which despite her trying, she couldn’t bring herself to just give up on him. Not when he hadn’t given her a definite sign that her efforts to entice him were completely in vain.
“She’s gonna tell her, Trace.” Justin said, watching as Trace’s video game character clocked a guy in the dome before jacking him for his car.
“Who’s gonna tell who what?” Trace said, his attention still mostly on Grand Theft Auto (GTA), as he maneuvered the streets with ease, running over the occasion hooker.
“Sandy’s gonna tell K.”
“Okay, but what’s there to tell that K wouldn’t already know about?” Trace said, winning his latest mission as he killed the mob boss of a rival gang.
Justin winced then, remembering the kiss. Remembering how he hadn’t pulled away. “We kissed.”
“You kissed her?!” He said, raising his eyes from the screen long enough for the randomly spraying bullets to take out his man, who fell to the ground in a puddle of his own blood; the words ‘WASTED’ covering the screen now.
“…Yeah.”
“You kissed Sandy! Sandra D…you put those lips,” Trace said, pointing at Justin’s lip in disgust. “to hers.”
“Yeah.” Justin said, slightly annoyed now.
Sighing, Trace shook his head. “Well since you’ve already told K…why would it matter what Sandy says to her?”
Hesitating, Justin said, “I kinda haven’t told her yet.”
“What do you mean you haven’t told her yet?”
“I haven’t gotten around to it.”
“Well, what are you waiting on? …Sandy to do it for you?!” Trace sighed, before resisting the slight smirk that almost overcame his face when he thought of what K’s violent reaction was going to be if that happened. “I love Sandy to death, but you know how she can get when she doesn’t get what she wants.”
“Yeah, I know.” Justin sighed, rubbing his temple. “I just don’t want to lose K, especially over something stupid like this. I didn’t even enjoy the damn kiss. Sandy’s like a sister to me.”
“Then why did you kiss her?”
“I didn’t, she kissed me.”
“Oh, well that’s different. That makes you the innocent one…well, you’re innocent until Sandy tells what happened. Then you’ll be guilty by lie of omission.”
“But how do I tell K, without her getting upset?”
“I don’t think you can.”
“You’re probably right.” He said, reaching for the phone suddenly. “I should call her now and tell her.”
“Nah, man.” Trace said, frowning. “Dude, this isn’t an over the phone type of convo.”
“But it’s safer for me…physically.”
Laughing, Trace said, “Maybe so. But this is still a face-to-face conversation. And if you do get hit…it’s only because you deserve it.” Traced added with a smirk. “Kissing on Sandra D…tsk, tsk.”
“She kissed me!” Justin whined.
“Hey, I’m not the one you gotta convince.” Trace shrugged, reaching for his jacket. “Well, I’d love to stay and discuss more of the drama that is Justin Timberlake’s life, but I got a date with this feisty redhead.”
Rolling his eyes, he smiled at his vertically challenged friend. “Translation: you’re gonna go watch a porno with a ‘feisty redhead.’”
“Fuck you!” Trace said, laughing as he gave Justin the finger. “Speak of the devil…” Trace said, after a few seconds, just as he’d opened the door to leave.
“So y’all have been talking about me?” Sandy said, smiling at Trace. “All good things, I’m sure.”
“When it comes to you…what else is there to say?” He laughed, leaning in to give Sandy a quick hug. “I’ll talk to you later, girl. I gotta run.”
Alone now, Sandy and Justin stood glancing around the room in awkward silence, occasionally shuffling their feet in “aww shucks” motions.
“Hey,” Sandy said, finally breaking the silence.
“Hey.” He said, curiously watching her, not knowing what to say next.
“I think,” She started, looking everywhere but at him. “I think we need to…”
“I know.” He said, clearing his throat.
“So uh, we should…”
“Yeah.”
She laughed nervously, running her fingers through her long blonde locks. “About the kiss, I uh-I should probably say I’m sorry. But the thing is, I’m not. It would be easier if I was. Easier if I wasn’t…y’know.”
“You weren’t what?” Justin said, frowning in confusion.
Rolling her eyes, she thought, I must have forgotten how dense he can be sometimes. “Alright, what I’m trying to say is…you mean a lot to me. A lot, a lot to me. I might even lo-lo-lo” Oh god, she thought sighing. “I might even lo-lo-lo” Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried again. “I might even lo-love…you.”
Laughing he said, “Judging by the ease in which you were able to say that, I can tell these feelings must run deep.”
“It’s times like this when I wonder why I’m friends with you.” She said, sighing. “But I’ve been thinking about how I feel about you. Wondering why I like you so much. Because really what’s so special about you?”
“Ouch.” He said, clutching his heart. “But seriously, I know you can’t love me. Sandra D and Justin Timberlake are friends for life, remember?”
Nodding, she unfortunately did remember saying that right before Justin’s family moved from Millington to Orlando. “I know, I know. It’s crazy. This is what I’ve been trying to tell myself, but still…I dunno.” She shrugged, her eyes dropping to the floor again.
Justin sighed, desperately not wanting to have this conversation. Ever. Taking a seat on the couch, his head almost instantly fell into his hands. He only looked up again when he heard soft laughing coming from behind him, turning around he said, “What’s so funny?”
Still laughing, Sandy shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know…maybe I’ve just officially lost my mind.” She sighed, wiping away what she was hoping were happy tears. “I just remembered when you first found out that Michael Jordan was retiring from basketball and going to play baseball. You sat in that same exact position for hours on end. It was probably you’re most pathetic moment.”
Frowning he said, “That was serious stuff. MJ is only the…”
“Spare me, please.” She said, throwing her hands up. “I heard it already one too many times the first time it happened. And by one too many times, I mean, once was too many.”
“Hardy, har-har, Sandy. You’re just getting funnier all the time.” He said, rolling his eyes.
“Yes, this brilliant wit of mine is a curse.” She said, smiling slightly. Her smile falling when her eyes landed on the picture of Justin and K that Justin had promptly displayed on his mantle. Walking over to the mantle, she picked up the picture, her fingers running over the image of the woman wrapped in Justin’s arms. “You love her don’t you?” She said, her voice barely above a whisper.
He nodded, before realizing she had her back to him and couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I do.”
Biting the inside of her cheek, she restrained the tears from falling. “She’s a really lucky girl.”
“Nah, I’m the lucky one.” He said, standing up and looking at the picture that was in her hands. “Right after that picture was taken she punched me, because I’d accidentally grabbed her butt.”
She smiled, despite her resistance to it. “Accidentally, huh?”
“My hand…slipped.” He shrugged, grinning.
“You two are...cu-cu-cu---” She struggled to force herself to admit aloud with sigh; her eyes rolling toward the ceiling. Opening her mouth, she slowly forced the words out. “You. Two. Are. Cu-cu…cute…”
“Thanks.” He said, knowing how hard it had been for her to say something like that.
“I wasn’t done.”
He smiled. “Sorry.”
“…together.” She finished.
Rolling his eyes, his smile spread from ear to ear. “You never cease to amaze me Sandra D.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m amazing.” She said, setting the picture back down on the mantle. “Well, uh, um, what I came here for was because I needed to tell you something.”
“What?”
“I, um, see well…I kinda did something stupid.” She smiled nervously. “Actually, it’s kind of funny. Hilarious, really. You’ll laugh. I’m laughing now just thinking about it.” She said, forcing a laugh out.
Frowning he said, “What did you do?”
“See, when I was doing it, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Okay, that’s a lie. I kinda knew I was doing it, but I pretended like I didn’t…cause I was upset and I wanted to talk. And I guess a part of me didn’t even care if she figured it all out at the moment…cause then she’d be upset too. And I was hoping that would make me a little happy to see that carefree overjoyed in-love glow dimmed. But when we got to talking, I started to realize how nice she is. I mean, she’s really nice. Even nicer than you described. I can see why you love her so much.”
“What?” He heart started to pound as he began to decipher Sandy’s ramblings.
“Ay dios mio, Justin! Do I have to spell everything out for you?” She sighed. “I-I told K.”
“You told K?” He said, as if saying it again could possibly make it less true.
Is there an echo in here? “Yeah.”
“When?” He said, his voice coming out soft.
Well, at least he’s taking it well. “When I met her in the bathroom at the merger party. I wasn’t even sure it was her though at first. I mean, I’d only seen her from behind that night until she came into the bathroom.”
“And you told her?” he said, moving back to the couch. His head automatically falling into his hands.
“Yeah.” She sighed, hating the fact that he wasn’t yelling. She wanted him to yell. Needed him to yell, to get pissed. Tell her she was a manipulative bitch who’d known at exactly what she was doing when she’d told K. She needed him to do something, say something. His quiet hurting was killing her. “I don’t think she knew who I was though.” She added, quietly.
“What?” He said, raising his face away from his hands long enough for her to be able to see how much his world had crumbled in on itself in his eyes. But now there was a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes.
“I mean, I know I told her. But she didn’t seem like she knew who she was talking to. I was just another person to her. Guess you haven’t shown her any pictures of me.” She said, her eyes returning to the mantle adorned with pictures of smiling faces of everyone in Justin’s life. Everyone from his family to K to Trace to all of the guys, and some random celebrity friends. Hell, even a few of him and his bodyguards but not one of Sandy.
“No, I haven’t.” He said, briefly making eye contact with her.
Biting the inside of her cheek again, she rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling willing the tears back. “Um, well if I haven’t said it already…I’m sorry. I really am.”
He sighed lightly, running his fingers through his low cut hair. “I know.”
“But that doesn’t change anything. I screwed up.” She said, her eyes falling to her feet. “I-I think I should go.” She added, after a minute of silence, not waiting for Justin to say anything she moved toward the door leaving Justin with his head in his hands looking like he would be sitting in that position for a long while.
Do you mind if I tell the truth for a second y'all
(The truth)
Hey, Hey
No, No, No, No, No
He didn’t remember getting up from the couch. Didn’t remember when he started drinking. Definitely didn’t remember how much he drank. What he did remember was how loud the silence of the empty house had gotten and how much he’d wanted to fill it up. He’d gotten up and turned on his stereo, Tank’s “Maybe I deserve” pouring out of the speakers automatically, the lyrics hitting way too close to home, making him want to turn it off but instead he found himself seeking out his buddy, Jack Daniels and enduring the song the nevertheless.
For you to say I'm trippin'
Just a homie from Upstate
(You said it's just a homie)
Don't he know it's one o'clock in the morning
You say it's cool, baby it's cool
He knew he’d been messing up, in more than one way. Aside from still avoiding telling K about what happened between him and Sandy. There was Britney to deal with. Britney, who for reasons unbeknownst to him had taken to calling K. She called so much that now there was a tentative friendship between them, which as first he saw as a good thing. But the more time they’d spent together. The more he’d noticed that he’d become uncomfortable with their sudden friendliness, which he immediately hid and covered away. Because if he didn’t then it might come out that despite his love for K, there was still something left over from the Britney times. And he couldn’t see himself getting over those times with the past and present constantly giggling together and running off to do whatever it is that girls do together.
Not that he wanted to be back with Britney, because he knew it was over. But there was something about the two of them hanging out that blurred the lines that had always been so distinctly clear before.
He was still writing songs about Britney. Not that she or anyone besides those directly involved on the project knew about it. He worried over what the two of them would think of his lyrics, his songs, his album. His baby. He’d spent so much time on it, so much energy had been poured out of him and into it - both negative and positive. Sometimes he thought about not releasing it. Not sharing those damn near diary like words with world. But times like that were always quickly pursued by the business side that spoke of paid for studio time and obligations to everyone who’d worked so hard on it alongside him. They deserved to have their work heard too.
But what did he deserve?
He wondered about that all the time now, while he was driving one of his twelve cars that includes three Mercedes, two Cadillac Escalades, an Audi TT, a Dodge Viper, a BMW and a Porsche; or while he was lounging in the jacuzzi of his Florida home.
He thought about it when he channel surfed past the hunger starved children of yet another Western culture dubbed third world country while he sat with a refrigerator full of food that would go ignored because he had a craving for Chinese instead.
Why did he deserve to have his cravings fulfilled when little children couldn’t even have their tiny sickness bloated stomach filled at all?
What did he deserve?
He wondered as his tilted back another straight shot of Jack Daniels meanwhile his bloodshot turned eyes scanned his ever-growing trophy case. A trophy case which had yet to receive its crown, the Grammy.
All in due time. He thought. All in due time.
But when was this time due exactly? And would he be deserving if/when it happened?
He got up from where he’d been lounging; stumbling into the kitchen he grabbed a Corona out of the fridge. K immediately popped back into his head, causing him to wonder where she was right now. What was she doing? And most importantly who was she doing it with?
He’d noticed the switch up she’d made recently from her conservative style to the more revealing clothes that she’d seemed to suddenly have an abundance of. He didn’t even know she liked that kind of style. He hadn’t complained at first, in fact he’d loved it. Loved the way she looked wearing it. Until he’d noticed the way the other men would stare at her, watching her every move, eyeing her like she was some fresh piece of meat that they’d love to take home…or at least get alone with her for awhile.
Jealousy wasn’t exactly completely new terrority for him. He’d been jealous before, but it had taken a lot more than some revealing clothes to get him there. Hell, he’d spent three years dating Britney Spears, who wasn’t exactly known from wearing a lot of clothes when she went out to award shows and such. He knew men stared at her, knew they’d had little fantasies about what they’d do with her if they’d could only get her alone. But for some reason he hadn’t really minded that. He’d expected that. But with K…
It was different. His feelings for her were different. She was different.
(Later on this evening)
And he was just wonderin' if you and him could hang out
I don't like it, but I know I gotta trust you
It ain't cool, 'cuz I know it's true
Maybe I deserve
For you to go out and find some other guy
Maybe I deserve
For you to stay out with him all night
Maybe I deserve
For you to do all the things I did to you
Maybe I deserve (oh yeah)
Maybe I deserve (oh yeah)
When it came to K, he felt the need to protect her, especially from the sex-brained mobs of men who only saw her worth as much as she could do under the sheets. So when the guys watched K the way he’d seen them watch Britney, there was this sudden surge of anger boiling within him.
This wasn’t Britney, this wasn’t some image put out to sell records, this was K. Little, sweet, innocent, dimpled-cheeked K. He didn’t even know he could get so angry so quickly, but he tried his best to keep whatever jealousy he was feeling on the inside to a minimum when it came to what was being shown on the outside.
For you to go out and find some other guy
Maybe I deserve
For you to stay out with him all night
Maybe I deserve
For you to do all the things I did to you
Maybe I deserve (oh yeah)
Maybe I deserve (oh yeah)
Maybe I deserve for you to put on that sexy dress
For me to ask you, 'Who the hell you tryin' to impress'
(The hell you tryin' to impress?!)
For you to laugh it off like it ain't nothin'
I know it's somethin'
Maybe, just maybe
But despite his fairly calm demeanor at times when he wanted nothing more than the kick the shit out of the guy who was so bold as let his eyes follow K no matter where she was, he couldn’t help but wonder when the day would come when she’d sit him down, saying those five dreaded words to every relationship: “Look, we need to talk.”
Is he kissin' you, touchin' you, holdin' you, what?
Take a drink, to help ease my mind
I wanna be mad (wanna be)
After all those times (after all those times)
Upon which she’d elaborate on how she’d cheated on him with this other sleaze ball of a guy. Or maybe even there would be guys…plural. Either of which he was sure he wouldn’t be able to deal with, but even still in the back of his head he felt like if it did happen then he deserved it.
For you to go out and find some other guy
Maybe I deserve
For you to stay out with him all night
Maybe I deserve
For you to do all the things I did to you
Maybe I deserve (oh yeah)
Maybe I deserve (oh yeah)
Maybe I deserve for me to ask you where you been
(Where the hell you been)
Maybe I deserve for you to say, I better stop trippin'
(Don’t trip)
Maybe I deserve to grab your neck until you let me know
(You better tell me somethin')
Maybe I deserve for you to run cryin'
Cryin' out the door
Maybe I deserve to grab my coat and chase you down the street
(Don’t leave)
Maybe I deserve to say it's not you, it's my own insecurity
Maybe I deserve for you to say "Yes I cheated on you"
(Baby don' told me)
(Maybe I deserve)
And I won't care 'cuz after all I put you through
Maybe I deserve, deserve girl, to be mistreated sometimes
Maybe I deserve to even be lied to sometimes
Maybe I deserve
Maybe, maybe you should go cheat on me
He’d already cheated on her early on in their relationship and even now with some of his leftover feelings toward Britney, maybe even that qualified as him cheating again. And then on top of that, there was Sandy and that damn kiss.
Shit, I need some more to drink. He thought, making less than smooth fluid moves back to the kitchen.
“I leave you alone for a few hours…and this is what I find when I return?” Trace said, shaking his head at the sad sight that was his best friend, who was currently slumped over, half on, half off the couch.
“Trace, my ace! My daaawg. Snoopy Doggy Dogg Dogg Dogg.” Justin slurred, struggling to sit back up as he reached for his drink again. “I like dogs.” He laughed. “They’re funny.”
“Oookay,” Trace said, sighing. Moving to take the drink from Justin’s hand, Justin surprised him with how quick he was. Well, quick for a drunken guy.
Laughing, Justin dodged Trace’s hands. “Get your own beer, man.” He frowned, watching as his drink sloshed slightly over the rim of the cup. “This is a B.O. party…err, I mean, BOYB. No, no. BYBO. Bybo.” He laughed, thinking he’d gotten it right this time. “It’s a B.Y.B.O. partay.”
Sighing, Trace sat down, resigned to let Justin keep the beer for now. When he eyes suddenly landed on the phone that lay next to Justin, he gasped. “You didn’t. Justin, tell me you didn’t.”
“I didn’t.” He laughed, having absolutely no idea what Trace was talking about as he tilted his drink back again.
“You didn’t call her, did you?”
“She hates me, man.” Justin sighed, a frown immediately settling over his features. “She fucking hates me…lalala…”
Rolling his eyes, Trace realized that Justin was just singing a Puddle of Mudd song, or at least that’s what he was hoping. “Justin, did you call K?”
“I’m drunk, not dumb.” Justin said, laughing again. “Oh shit, I’m wasted. Wa-a-a-sted. Oh man.” He said, as if he was just now realizing it. “I was going to though. Almost did. But she never picked up. I don’t deserve her, man. I don’t deserve…” Justin trailed off, his words getting overtaken by the new substance that was coming out of his mouth.
Trace tried not to get sick himself, hearing the gagging noises of Justin hurling on himself and the floor. “Okay, damn.” He said, looking at the mess, the smell giving his nostrils a powerful backhand slap. “Shit. Um, let’s get you to the bathroom.”
“I-I…don’t need no bathroom. I need…” He laughed then, looking down at his shirt. “When the hell did I eat corndogs?”
Not wanting to discuss the new design Justin had made on his shirt, Trace said, “Alright. Let’s go. You’re going to visit Mr. Toilet.”
“Mr. Toilet is my friend.” He laughed, letting Trace drag him towards the bathroom. “Mr. Toilet, Mr. Toilet…he loves to see you when you hurl it.” He sang, causing Trace to roll his eyes and wonder how he’d ever allowed this man to become his friend. Let alone his best friend.
The next morning Mr. Toilet was still Justin’s friend, his best friend in fact. When the doorbell rang, he groaned wishing for death to make the sheering pain stop.
Stumbling slowly down the stairs, he was barely able to get the door open before the person on the other side came barreling through.
“You know what? I’ve been thinking.” Sandy started talking the moment her leading foot crossed the threshold.
Great. He thought. Just what every guy nursing a hangover wants to hear: a woman’s thoughts.
“I must be crazy. What am I doing here, honestly? I mean look at you? You’re a mess.” She said, looking disgustedly at Justin, which caused Justin to turn and look at himself in the mirror. Seeing his own disheveled appearance, he knew her calling him a mess was a great understatement. “I don’t know why I ever wanted to be with you. Especially when I have a man back home waiting on me. A man, who loves me. Me! Me.” She said, softer this time, pointing to herself as if to clarify who this mysterious ‘me’ was. Sighing, she looked at Justin, wondering why this speech didn’t feel nearly as satisfying as she’d thought it was going to when she’d decided it needed to be said the other night. “What’s wrong with you anyways?”
“Hangover.” He sighed, still holding his head and trying his best not to crawl into the fetal position, knowing once he did it would be a very long time before he’d be able to get up out of it.
“Oh.” She said, softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah…” He exhaled again, moving over to the couch to lie down.
“Is there anything I can get you?”
He frowned, looking up at her. “Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?”
She shrugged. “I dunno, just because I’ve finally realized I’m too good for you, doesn’t mean I stop caring about your stupid ass. I’m still your friend after all.”
He started to laugh before he realized how much it hurt; making his head feel like it was going to spontaneously combust. “Well that’s good to know, I guess.”
“Yeah.” She said, watching him for a moment. Her features softening. Her anger falling away more and more by the second. She should have known she wouldn’t be able to hold onto it for long. She moved toward the door, knowing as soon as she’d lost her final grip on it, the self-pity and general woe-is-me thoughts would overcome her again. But she was done with the tears, done with the questioning why he didn’t want her, done with…it all. Or at least she was trying to get here. And getting out of there was the first, biggest and hardest step in the process to building her bridge to get over it. “I think, I’m…” She trailed off with a sigh.
Smiling softly, he nodded understandingly. “Until the next five years?” He said, struggling to sit back up.
“No, no…lie down. No need to sit up on account of me.” She smiled, leaning down to hug him one last time. “Bye Timberlake.”
“Bye Sandy.”
“Get out! Right now! It’s the end of you and me! It’s too late and I can’t wait for you to be gone, cause I know about her. And I wonder…how I bought all the lies. You said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time.” K sang along with JoJo’s song “Leave (Get Out)” which Kiss 107 FM was playing at the moment. She was still amazed that JoJo wasn’t the sixteen year old she’d pegged her as and was instead just thirteen.
K reached to turn the radio off just as the song drew to a close, but her hand never quite reached the knob before her attention was diverted to a young woman with sunny blonde hair that was flapping in the wind behind her, suddenly exited Justin’s front door as she hurriedly rushed back to her car.
Parking her car across the street, K didn’t even think about checking for oncoming traffic as she let her feet lead her across the street. Just as she’d stepped onto the sidewalk that lead up Justin’s rather long driveway, the woman and her sunny blonde hair slipped inside a car. K just stared, watching as the woman quickly drove off as if the speed limit was merely a suggestion.
After standing in the same spot for a minute or so, wondering why that woman had looked so familiar to her, K shook off the thought that said that woman was someone she’d met before, recently. Still trying to shake the thought that kept coming back to her mind stronger each time, she made her way slowly up to the front door, hoping that she wouldn’t find herself walking in on a just recently sexed-up Justin.
She hesitated at the door for a moment, wondering if she should just go back home, think this over before she burst in accusing him of things he didn’t do. Or at least go home to calm down, so if this did turn out as badly as she was expecting at least then she’d wouldn’t be liable to lose her mind over it. Shaking off all these feelings, she tried to focus her mind on positive thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door with the key he’d given her, immediately calling for him. “Justin!”
He jumped at the sudden sound of his name. If the loud noise of it hadn’t sent a tidal wave of pain to crash down on his head, he might have looked a little guilty. “K? What are you doing here?” He groaned, holding his head.
Rolling her eyes, she ignored whatever pain it seemed he was in. “Hello to you too.” She said, frowning. “So who was that?”
“Who was what?”
“The person who just left your house.” She said, her annoyance growing as he tried to dodge answering her question.
“Oh.” He said, pausing for a moment. “It was nobody.”
“Nobody huh?” She sucked her teeth. “Okay.” She said, nodding as she turned to head back out the door.
“K…wait!” He said, rushing to her, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“It was her, wasn’t it?” She said, seeing the look he was giving her she quickly added, “And don’t you dare say something stupid like ‘her who?’ You know damn well who I’m talking about, unless there’s a new person I should know about.”
Sighing, he shook his head. “No, there’s no new person.”
“Well then?” She said, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as if to protect her heart against his reply.
“You’re right. It was her.”
Her heart sunk, she’d never wanted to be more wrong in her life. Her mind flew off in a million different directions as she contemplated the whys of Sandy being in his house alone with him and then rushing off the way she had. And why had Sandy looked so strangely familiar to K, when she’d only gotten a glance of while she’d been pulling out the driveway. A little too familiar.
“I wanna see a picture of her.” K finally said.
“What?”
“I. Want. To. See.”
He sighed. “I know what you said, but…”
“Don’t you have any?”
“No.” He answered, glad to be able to say that honestly.
She watched him, searching his face for lies. Finding none, she sighed. “Alright.” She was heading toward the door again, when the same arm that had held her back before, stopped her again.
“Where are you going?”
“Not to your mom’s house to see if she’ll have a picture, if that’s what you’re worried about. You don’t want me to know what she looks like, you wanna hide her away…fine.”
He sighed. “K…”
“Don’t.” She said, backing away from his reach. She was tired of feeling jealous over a girl she’d never seen or met before, tired of feeling like she was always in competition with girls that made her look like a shoo-in for the ‘better luck next time’ award. She was tired of feeling like there was more to the story in which she’d only ever be able to drag out half of it from him. It all left her tired, a little bitter, and more than a little pissed off.
But instead of giving her space and letting her walk out the door like he normally would have done, he pulled her toward him. She resisted him, but not much, not enough. Held in his arms, her face against his chest, she fought him a little, hitting him wherever her fists could reach until the fight was dissolved out of her, leaving only a soft sobbing behind.
“Di-did something…” Her voice cracked, despite her willing it to stay strong.
Holding her closer, he stroked her hair. “Nothing happened, baby.”
“Look at me and say that.” She said, pulling away so they could make eye contact.
His eyes met her clouded chocolate brown eyes. Wiping away a stray tear, he repeated, “Nothing happened.”
She watched him for a long moment, trying to believe his words while inside she couldn’t help feeling like something did happen. That somehow she’d met Sandy. What else could explain her looking so familiar? But she pushed those thoughts to the side., listening as Justin cooed sweet nothings in her ear, only letting her mind wander once to ponder why they called them ‘sweet nothings’ in the first place. Was it because they mean nothing? Were they just sugar-coated air that your ear craved every now and again? Did her ears just have more of a sweet tooth than everybody else's? Or was she just inclined to become incredibly gullible at the worst possible moments?
She knew that Justin had obviously lied about Sandy’s having gone back to Europe, but her mind found easy reasons to excuse that away. And before she knew it, she found herself in bed with him. No sex, just in bed, lying next to him, his arms wrapped tightly around her as if he knew she might try to escape at any moment.
As she began to fall asleep her mind wandered over the possibilities of what else he could have been lying about when it came to Sandy. Hoping to God that it wasn’t what she thought it might be. Just the thought of the two of them together, intimately, caused her hand to ball into fists and before she knew it, she’d punched him in the chest.
Groaning, his eyes sprung open, holding the now slightly sore spot on his chest. “Shit, motha---” He groaned, causing K to smirk deviously in the darkness, though a part of her did feel bad for randomly punching him, another part didn’t give a damn. “Why’d you do that for?” He said, feeling her moving away.
“I dunno. Just in case you deserved it.”
He sighed, trying to think of something to say, but quickly decided silence was better for him. Because he knew that he did deserve that. That and so much more.
