Chapter 40: Game Over
I’m so happy that it’s finally the weekend. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to sleep in this morning. And I haven’t been sleeping that well the past couple of nights”ever since Justin and Trace’s brawl in the backyard. I don’t know if it’s the actual fight that has me so…messed up or the fact that Justin hasn’t touched me since then. I mean not even hold my hand touch me. He won’t even sit next to me on the couch. Like right now, for instance, we’re on the same side of a booth but sitting on opposite ends.
I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to get me to act more affectionate. He wants me to be the instigator with all the physical stuff in our relationship so he’s trying to leave me wanting. Well I’ll tell you all right now that his stupid plan is not going to work on me. One: because”well I just think it’s stupid, two: I’m good at games and I don’t like to lose, and three: I just can’t do it. I’m physically not able to just walk up to someone and kiss them. I would be too afraid. Justin should realize that.
We’ve gone almost three days without any physical contact whatsoever. Now being the type of person that you all know that I am one would probably think that I would feel more comfortable with things the way they are.
They would be wrong.
All I can think about when he’s around is how much I miss the little stuff he used to do. Like holding my hand or sitting almost too close to me on the couch or idly playing with my fingers during a movie. Oh goodness and when he talks to me half the time I don’t even listen. I just sit there watching his mouth move, mesmerized by the way his lips shape to form his words. I feel like such a dork…..a really weak dork. But I will not give in! I won’t give him the satisfaction. Plus, like I said before, I can’t. I would be way too nervous and scared and would totally mess it up. And the way I figure it, Justin is way more likely to give in before I do. I mean he is a guy and I’ve gone almost my whole life without kissing and stuff but I’m sure he’s kissed a lot and he’ll miss it more. That makes sense, right?
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you, Trace and Elisha are making another go at it. I was so excited for them when they told us. They both just looked so happy. Isn’t it kind of ironic that Justin wanted to push Trace and Elisha back together so that Trace would give us some privacy and now that that has happened he’s started this stupid contest? Anyway, back to Trace and Elisha. They’re sitting across from us (me and Justin) and they’re all close and can barely keep their hands off each other. They’re even sharing a menu even though they both have one. It’s cute but also a little sickening. Maybe I’m just bitter…
“What are ya’ll getting?” Elisha asks as Trace folds their menu and slips his arm over his girlfriend’s shoulders. I bet they’re going to share something.
I shrug and look towards Justin. He sips his water before answering her question. Do I hear what he says? No. I’m too busy staring at his mouth again. I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and gently bite down as my eyes stray from him mouth to the rest of his body. I inch my hand towards his, but stop short in hesitation. My stomach flip flops in nervousness. I should be able to hold his hand. Why do I have to be so scared to do stuff like this? It’s not like we haven’t done it before. I continue to stare at my hand that is splayed across the leather seat only inches from touching his. I have that feeling in my stomach like you get on the first day of school”do you know what I mean. I can’t really explain it.
Why is he being so stubborn about this? I’m really starting to wonder if this is a contest or him just trying to tell me that he doesn’t like me anymore. Maybe he’s finally really looked at me and realizes that I’m not a model and I have flaws and a lot of them at that. Did I read this whole thing wrong? Or does he just not care that I can’t be like him? Does he not care that it makes me uncomfortable to even think about initiating any sort of physical contact? I think he’s being really unfair about all this.
“Elli?” Justin’s smooth voice filters into my ears but I can’t manage to tare my eyes from our hands. His fingers wiggle towards mine but just before they’re about to touch mine he lifts his hand to wave it in front of my face. Feeling an anger spark inside me I quickly slap his hand away and turn my now rigid body to face completely forward. He chuckles annoyingly and holds his hands up in defense. He is so not cute right now. “Are you going to order?”
My jaw clenches in anger. I can’t believe he’s acting like this. He’s actually getting enjoyment out of messing with me like this. I offer him a cold glare before turning back to the waitress who’s impatiently waiting for me to order. “I’m not hungry.”
“I’m gonna go the restroom,” Elisha announces, nudging Trace out of the booth so that she can get out. “Elli, would you like to join me?”
“I don’t have to go.” I mope.
“Yes you do.” She answers and before I can mutter a single word she’s pulling me from my seat and across the restaurant to the bathroom. It’s a girl thing to do this group bathroom thing right? I think she’s taking that a bit too far though. I think it’s supposed to be voluntary.
Once we get inside the bathroom I head for an open stall”I can always squeeze out a little. As I push open the door Elisha grabs my arm and pulls me over to a couch in the lobby area we passed through on our way in here.
“I thought you had to go to the bathroom.” I say, very confused at the weird way she’s acting.
“I thought you could use a break from Justin.” She smirks and I roll my eyes and shift uncomfortably. I don’t want to tell her what has me all upset”it’s embarrassing. “What’s going on with you two? You’ve barely touched each other in three days beside just now when you slapped his hand away.”
I didn’t realize it was that noticeable. I mean it’s not like we’re normally all over each other. Are we? No, we’re not. Justin has always been very affectionate towards me but nothing excessive.
“So how are you and Trace doing?” I ask hoping to change the subject off of me and back on to Elisha.
“Nice try Elli, but we’re not talking about me right now. Spill it…….”
~*~*~*~
Well, I spilled my guts to Elisha. I’m sure you all aren’t really that surprised about that though. I’m really not very good at keeping secrets”not that all this is really a secret. It’s more like I’m not good at hiding my feelings and insecurities especially when I’m under pressure. It could just be that Elisha is good at getting things out of people. She sure is persistent.
“Asshole.” Elisha spits venomously at Justin. Where did that come from? We’ve been sitting her eating our food for at least ten minutes and she just up and insults him. She better not start in on him and spill what I just confessed to her in the bathroom.
“Elisha!” I scold, looking at her with wide, unbelieving eyes.
“What?” She asks with an all too innocent smile. I bet she practices that look in the mirror at night. You now that I’m so innocent but you should really know better look. I’m incapable of having that look. I roll my eyes at her and mutter that it was nothing. There’s no point in saying anything. I’ll either give myself away or she’ll just make me look like an idiot.
“Why am I an asshole?” Justin chuckles. From the way he and Trace are snickering I assume they find all of this rather amusing. I’m not laughing. I’m not even cracking a smile.
“Don’t.” I cut her off before she can mutter a single syllable.
“I was just playing around.” Elisha laughs it off not too believingly. If Justin and Trace we’re so dumb and into eating their food they probably would have questioned her odd behavior. Yeah, I called Justin dumb. I’m still upset with him about all this stuff. I mentally roll my eyes at myself and shake those thoughts away. I don’t want to think about that right now.
Reaching across the table I steel a curly fry from Trace’s plate. He smiles cheekily and offers a playful wink. I giggle quietly at his cute behavior and flop my fry around in his ketchup. He’s been a lot happier ever since he got back together with Elisha and it shows in just about everything he does. It’s rather endearing of him. I munch on my fry happily as I watch Trace and Elisha interact. Even though I’m not particularly happy with Justin right now, seeing them quietly feeding each other off their respective plates makes me with we were doing the same thing. I suck my index finger into my mouth to rid it of any traces of ketchup. Watching Justin staring at me strangely out of the corner of my eye, I quickly remove my finger.
“What’s wrong Jay? Gettin’ a little hot in here for ya?” Elisha giggles. I look at her crookedly, not understanding where that statement came from. She’s acting really random tonight. I turn to look at Justin as a blush covers his cheeks and his hand covers his…..uh lap.
“F**k you Elisha.” Justin mumbles through clenched teeth.
“That’s Trace’s job.” She smiles villainously.
Oh my goodness! I can’t believe they’re talking like this. What has gotten into them? Elisha promised she would be on her best behavior and that she wouldn’t say anything to Justin about what I said in the bathroom. I know that it’s because I what I said that she’s acting this way.
“Don’t get all pissy with me,” She warns. “It’s your own damn fault you’re not getting’ any.”
Oh my goodness….
“What the f**k?”
“Why won’t you touch her?” She yells, pointing her finger at me in an almost accusatory manor. I think I’m going to puke….
“What?” Trace sits up suddenly to glare at Justin questioningly and angrily. “What exactly of hers are you trying to touch?”
Justin holds his hands up in surrender and shakes his head from side to side. He’s probably scared of being served up another of Trace’s punches. He still hasn’t completely healed from the last one. And you know, by looking at Trace in comparison to Justin’s side and build you wouldn’t think he would be able to hurt Justin. But then again he was kind of caught off guard.
“He’s not touching her, that’s the problem.” Elisha rolls her eyes in frustration.
“Explain to me again why we want him to touch her?” Trace scratches the back of his head in confusion. He looks like a lost little puppy and if weren’t feeling so humiliated right now I would feel bad for him.
“Trace, sweetie don’t act dense it’s not attractive.”
“What the f**k are ya’ll talking about!” Justin practically screams. He looks just as lost as Trace, if not more.
“I know about you’re little contest or whatever you want to call it. I can’t believe you would do that to Elli. You know how shy she is and if she’s not ready to make the first move then don’t make her. She’ll do it when she’s good and ready. You’re making her think that she repulses you or something.”
I can’t believe she’s doing this to me. What kind of a friend is she? Does she honestly think that this is going to help me? She’s just embarrassing me. I don’t need help embarrassing myself, I do a fine job on my own.
“She does not think that!” Justin retorts angrily. His fists are clenched and a big vein in his forehead is pulsing and his face is all red. It’s really kind of scary. Or at least I know I would be scared if all that was directed at me. Elisha doesn’t even blink.
“Yes she does.” She replies sounding rather sing song-y.
“If I was 'repulsed' by her, I would not be sitting here with her right now.”
“Well maybe you should show a little affection. Or I don’t know actually asks the girl to be your f**king girlfriend!”
She’s really going too far now. I’m going to have to say something. I have to put a stop to this. They’re causing a scene. But can you really cause a scene when nobody is really around. This restaurant is nearly empty and we’re seated in the back, but still they really need to stop. I wish Trace would say something.
“I was going to but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.”
“How do you just not get around to something like that?”
“You and Trace are always around and I would prefer to do something like that in private.” Justin openly glares at her. I can’t believe they’re having this conversation about me right in front of me like I’m not even here. Do they realize that I’m still here? I’m staring to feel invisible.
“We haven’t been around the last two days. What’s your next excuse?” She bites, leaning on her elbows for emphasis.
“You know what; I don’t have to answer to you Elisha.” He relents, leaning back against the booth and taking a well needed deep breath.
“Why won’t you kiss her?”
“Because she’s supposed to kiss me!” He yells sitting right back up. Well that didn’t last long. For a minute there I thought they were actually going to stop. Silly me to think such a think. “How am I supposed to know that she really wants to be with me like that if she never is the one to initiate it? I just wanted her to want it for once.”
“Excuse me but I am sitting right here.” I suddenly hear myself blurt out while slamming my palms on the hard tabletop”ouch, that hurt. My eyes flick between Justin and Elisha irritably. “Since you two obviously know exactly what I’m feeling I guess I’m not needed here any longer.” I quickly stand from the table, grabbing my purse before turning back to Trace. “Trace, will you please take me home?”
TBC.......
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