Chapter 46: Clearing the Air
The top half of his body covers mine, warming me instantly. He dips his head to press openmouthed kisses down my neck to my collarbone. Warm breath hits my shoulder as he opens the robe I’m wearing just enough to expose my chest and stomach. His lips move to my chest drawing a line with his tongue along the top of my bra cup.
I know I shouldn’t be letting him do this, but it just feels so good. My entire body feels like it’s on fire yet I’m shivering. I grasp the back of his head, brining his lips from my smoldering skin to meet mine in a heated kiss. I gasp into his mouth when one of his hands just barely cups my left breast.
Justin pulls back suddenly and rolls off of me. Both of us are left panting and gasping for air. He runs a hand through his hair and loudly pushes air from his mouth. I stare at his half nude form with wide, shocked eyes.
“I’m sorry,” He apologizes quickly. “I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn't have””
“It’s okay,” I answer shakily, my words coming out before I’m even able to comprehend them. “I wasn’t stopping you.”
“I know, but we shouldn’t….” He tails off, again running his hand over his head.
“I don’t wanna have”do it with you Justin.” You know you’re not ready to have….you know, when you can’t even bring yourself to say the word.
I know you all probably thought that I was going to, you know, with Justin tonight because of the whole love thing but I’m not that stupid. I could end up pregnant or something! And this may be the last time I see Justin or the outside of my room for that matter; I’m not about to give myself to someone that I may never see again. I don’t even know for sure if I love him. How am I supposed to figure that out? There’s no book or manual that I can read to tell me just what these feelings mean and I certainly cannot go to my mother.
“Good,” He answers firmly and I’m not sure if that was meant to be an insult or not. I raise my eyebrows in his direction wondering if he’s just saying that because he really thinks my body is disgusting and he doesn’t want someone so inexperienced. “Because you should wait until you’re in love…and…and married.”
You didn’t. I want to say back, but don’t quite have the courage. It’s not like I’m trying to convince him that I’m ready anyway because I am far from ready. I will admit that things did get a bit heated between us. I mean Justin’s shirt came off and the top half of my robe is open”speaking of that, I quickly gather the fabric in my hands to cover myself”though I am wearing a bra and underwear so I’m not naked or anything. There was a whole lot of kissing and rubbing and caressing by both of us and maybe if Justin hadn’t pulled away we would have…..no there’s just now way. I’m way too scared.
“I just want to be close to you,” I whisper feeling embarrassed for admitting this to him. “I want you to know how much I like you.”
He smiles that crooked smile that makes my stomach flip-flop and moves to lay down next to me on his side with his head resting on his hand. His free hand finds my stomach and my hands automatically move to rest atop his.
“I know that you like me El,” He chuckles, wiggling his fingers against me to get me to smile because he knows how ticklish I am, and I do. “You don’t have to do anything like that to show me.”
“But”” I begin but he quickly cuts me off by placing a hand over my mouth. I grunt, annoyed at him and glare at his smiling face. Soon his smile fades and he turns serious.
“I mean it.” I nod, his hand still over my mouth. He replaces his hand with his lips but they only linger for a few seconds before he pulls away. He turns to lay on his back and motions for me to join him. Careful, not to reveal anymore of myself to him, I oblige and move to rest against his chest. He sweetly strokes my hair with one hand while I idly play with the fingers of his free hand.
“Who called earlier?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me. From the way his body tenses at my question I can tell it wasn’t a pleasant call.
“It was just Trace.” He answer nonchalantly, thought his form still remains rigid.
“What did he want?”
“Nothing.”
“He must have wanted something. I mean you don’t just call somebody for no reason.”
His body rises behind me as he sits up rapidly and pushes me to the side so that he can stand. “Will you just drop it already?” He grumbles, grabbing his t-shirt off the floor and throwing it over his head before stomping off to the bathroom.
What just happened? All I can do is stare off after him with my jaw hanging open. I don’t think that my questions were that bad for him to react that way. Was I being too nosey?
Collecting myself I move to the bathroom door he slammed only moments ago. I raise my fist to the door, but someone beats me to it before my fist can even make contact. My gaze shifts to the entrance to Justin’s bedroom where the knocking came from.
Looking back at the door Justin is hiding behind one more time, I go to answer the other door. Trace is standing on the other side looking rather distraught. I wonder if expression has anything to do with his phone call to Justin earlier.
“Uh,” He stutters, peering around me into the empty room, “Is Justin in there with you?”
“He’s in the bathroom.” Almost, as if on cue Justin comes strutting out of the bathroom.
(Justin’s POV)
“Steve is downstairs.” Trace blurts out the moment his eyes lock with mine. Shit, this is bad. I didn’t think we would have to face him until tomorrow…well to be honest I didn’t think I would have to face him at all. “He’s here to take Elli home and he looks pissed.”
“We’ll be down in a minute.” I answer emotionless. Trace nods looking back and forth between Elli and me a few times before departing. “You should get dressed.”
Her head snaps to the side to look at me incredulously. So that may have been a bit insensitive. Sorry but have a lot on my f**king mind right now. She lets out an annoyed huff and brushes past me to the bathroom to change and slams the door much in the way that I just did during my little hissy-fit.
Not more than three minutes later she emerges from the bathroom dressed in her black dress from earlier, holding her shoes in her right hand.
“El,” I start when she moves to brush past me towards the door. She stops and turns back around with her arms crossed over her chest angrily. “I’m sorry okay, I just have a lot on my mind and I’m stressing. I don’t know what to tell you to say to him when you get down there.”
“Just having you there next to me will help. I don’t need you to tell me”” She trails off as my eyes start to wander awkwardly around the room looking at everything and anything but her. “You’re not going down there with me are you?” She asks though it sounds more like stating the obvious.
“I just don’t see why I need to,” I begin to explain, “I mean we don’t even know””
“I can’t believe you would be so…so…so selfish!” She yells raising her voice to a level I’ve never heard from her before.
Sure she’s been angry with me before but she’s never yelled at me. I guess that’s just a benefit of the comfort zone we’ve established since we started dating. “You don’t have any idea what I am going through right now. I am terrified to go downstairs and have to explain myself to that man because as soon as I do he’s going to tell my mom. He’s going to tell her about what a liar her daughter is. My mom will never trust me again after this!”
“Elli”” All I have time to get out is her name before she starts at me again.
“You’re a coward you know that.” She spits venomously, “All you can think about is yourself and how afraid you are of getting into trouble. You love to spout about how we’re in this together and how I shouldn’t listen when people tell me that being with you is wrong, but that’s all just talk isn’t it Justin? And to think I was almost more upset about the prospect of ruining your career when you could care less about me. Just send me downstairs to fend for myself….”
“That is not true and you know it!” I interrupt her this time. I’m not about to stand her and listen to her to tell me how selfish and cowardly I am. And to say that I don’t care about her? I just don’t understand where she would ever get that idea. “If you had let me finish before, you would have heard me say that we don’t know for sure that Steve really knows the extent of our relationship. He may just think that we’re friends so why go down there like a couple?”
“Oh,” She sounds sheepishly.
I take a few steps towards her and reach out to cup her cheeks in my hands. “How can you say that I don’t care about you?” Silent tears slide down her flushed cheeks as she closes her eyes and tries to pull away.
“I don’t want to lie any more Justin.” She whispers. I nudge her face with my hands and she opens her eyes to look at me.
“You realize telling Steve would potentially be the end of us don’t you?” I ask, hoping that she just wasn’t thinking when she said that. She must not have realized that. I wait with my heart in my throat for what seems like hours before she finally nods her head. My hands drop from her and I stumble back a few steps. She’s ready to end this just like that….
“I can’t go down there and lie to his face.” She tries to explain, but right now I’m just not hearing it. “We’ve come so close to getting caught even before this. Maybe it’s just time to clean the air, you know.”
“Fine,” I concede coldly, yanking the door open. “Lets go tell him.”
TBC......
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