Three guesses as to who owns these guys.
This story is still dedicated to that little dog we all loved: Busta.
I blame Vikki for making me post this.
~Shawna
The Adventures of Cheese Man and Justin’s Green and Yellow Socks
Light was pouring through the window when I woke up. Justin hadn’t bothered to wake me and he had apparently left already, because he was nowhere to be seen. I dragged myself out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. And there they were; the disgustingly ugly pair of green and bright yellow striped socks of Justin’s. The smell would’ve knocked Lance out, I guess that’s why he refused to share a hotel room with Justin anymore… The socks stared at me, waiting for me to try to get past. I could tell they would attack if I got too close. I went to the little mini fridge, and pulled out some cheese.
“That’ll do the trick,” I said to myself. Armed with cheese and feeling a little more confident, I went back to the bathroom door. The socks were still there. I put several bits of cheese in a path leading to the garbage can, which was turned on its side, and got onto the bed in case the socks decided I taste better than cheese. The pair of socks slowly inched out of the bathroom and made its way towards the garbage can, following the cheese. The smell was awful. Once the socks got into the garbage to devour that last piece, I turned it upside down and set my bag on top of it. That would hold them at least until I got out of the room.
The elevator dinged and Chris stepped out. It was now 9:23 and everyone was tired of waiting for him.
“What took you so long?” JC asked.
“I had to lure Justin’s disgusting socks out of the bathroom with a piece of cheese so I could shower,” everyone laughed.
“The ugly green and yellow ones? Yea those things attacked me in the hallway last night,” Joey said, “If you feed ‘em do you think they get worse?”
The rest of the guys did not seem to see how dangerous green and yellow socks can be. Sure, white ones were dangerous as well, but green and yellow ones were deadly. Green and yellow socks would get followers, and try to take over the world, if they got smelly enough, and those socks were getting pretty bad… I knew I had to do something before it was too late, for I am Cheese Man, and only I knew that cheese was the green and yellow socks weakness. They cannot resist it. And when they have enough, they will eventually retreat, or explode, whichever comes first.
The socks gradually began to get worse, as no one wanted to get near them. Even cheese could not get them near a washing machine, though Chris tried many times. He managed to get them into a bag once, but the smell was unbearable and he soon found himself hiding from the socks like everyone else. He could tell they were gaining power, though. A number of socks had gone missing “ even a pair of his own, but mostly more of Justin’s, as those were the most vile.
I needed a plan. But I needed more than just that “ I needed a sidekick. I could take on a pair of Green and Yellow socks, but this was a pair of evil Green and Yellow socks, with a small army of smelly supporters. None of the guys seemed ready to take on an army of socks. A nasty pair of grey ones had chased JC down the hallway the day before, and Joey still thought it was just a joke. Lance was out of the question, as the socks smelled so bad he couldn’t bear to be in the same room.
After much consideration, I decided that there was only one, er, animal, for the job “ Busta. But he needed a superhero name, a cheesy one. I finally decided to call him “Cheese Puff”.
Cheese Puff and I began to prepare for war against the socks. We bought all sorts of cheese “ cheddar, of course, mozzarella, and even the kind I had dubbed “stinky foot cheese” when I was younger. Maybe the socks would like that kind more than the others, as they basically smelled the same.
Justin’s socks continued to disappear, much to our despair “ surely they were joining the Green and Yellow sock army. Any socks that Justin wore were now washed every day, and if they still smelled afterwards, I made sure that they were disposed of and unable to join the army. I had not seen the Green and Yellow socks for some time. They seemed to be having the other socks take care of recruiting, and this was not good, as this meant they were gaining power more rapidly.
The bus now smelled so bad that no one would go near it. The sock army had taken it over. We were in a hotel, again, and no one would room with Justin. At night we all knew the socks crawled about and got more of our own, but we ignored them. We were not prepared to go after them just yet. I knew we needed more cheese.
The only one daring enough to take on the socks was Joey. He awoke late one night to the awful smell of the socks “ but this time it was worse. He turned on the light. Thousands of socks of all different colors were crawling on the floor. Joey seized a bat and started hitting the socks, but it didn’t seem to affect them. He jumped off the bed and over the socks, landing a few feet from the door. He started to go closer, but all of a sudden socks upon socks rained down on him, and the smell was so bad he passed out.
The socks had taken Joey, and I was mad. But we still needed a lot more cheese. As I was driving down 10th street to get Cheese Puff some more dog treats, I saw it “ the Tillamook Cheese Factory. It was perfect; I pulled into the parking lot. I knew they always had tours of the factory, because I had visited one once before. I took the tour and began devising a plan. Cheese Puff and I would break in that night and steal the cheese. Then we would prepare to take on the army of socks.
That night we drove to the factory, in disguise, of course, in case we got caught. Cheese Puff was able to slip through and open window and unlock the door from the inside, and we headed straight for another marked “Employees Only” It wasn’t locked and we were able to get inside with no problem.
It was the most glorious sight I have ever seen, boxes upon boxes filled with all sorts of cheese! I was in heaven. But Cheese Puff reminded me that we had to save the cheese for the socks. What a pity, all that wonderful cheese to be eaten by an army of socks… I really felt sorry for the cheese.
We piled as many boxes as we could into the car and made our way back to the hotel. It was very hard to resist the cheese. It smelled so wonderful “ so perfect. But I knew I had to prepare. The army of socks was stronger than ever, and I had a feeling they would attack soon…
“Um… Chris, can I ask you something?” Justin asked Chris the next morning. Everyone was in Chris’ hotel room, looking around in amazement. There were about 30 boxes piled around, and it all smelled like cheese.
“Go ahead, J.”
“Why do you have all these boxes in here and what is that SMELL?”
“Cheese,” Chris stated simply. He opened up one of the boxes and showed them all the cheese inside.
“Are you collecting cheese now?” JC gave Chris an odd look. Chris was usually pretty weird… but cheese? Chris didn’t reply, he had begun sniffing the cheese.
“Give me that!” JC grabbed it from him, “What’s going on?”
“Ok ok, I’ll tell you. We have to get the socks to eat cheese, it’s the only way to defeat them!” Justin, JC and Lance looked at him like he’d completely lost it.
“Chris… are you feeling alright?” Lance raised an eyebrow.
“You’re STILL going on about those socks… there isn’t an ‘army of socks’ you nutcase!”
“I swear JC! They took Joey! Their leaders are Justin’s old Green and Yellow socks! Right Cheese Puff?” Busta barked.
“Cheese Puff?” JC asked. He was sure Chris had finally lost it; maybe they should call Johnny…
“Yea, Cheese Puff, that’s Cheese Puff, anyway, we have to get the socks to eat the cheese!”
“Why?” Justin asked.
“Because then they’ll explode!”
“Ok I’m calling Johnny,” JC pulled out his cell phone and began to dial, but Chris snatched it from his hands.
“Don’t you want Joey back?” The room fell silent, and remained so for quite a long time.
“So… so we have to get the socks to eat the cheese?”
We had a chance. We now had an army “ though a small one. It was just Justin, JC, Lance, Cheese Puff, and I. But I knew we’d be able to do it. The others would go for the socks, and I would take on their leaders, the Green and Yellow socks. No one even dared to go into the parking lot, the stench from the bus was too great. But the smell was no longer a problem, because we had gas masks.
That night we armed ourselves with cheese. The socks weren’t expecting us to attack so early. I secretly hoped we didn’t have to use all of the cheese; it really seemed horrible to use it like this.
At midnight we went down to the lobby “ people gave us some very weird looks, but I probably would too if I saw 4 grown men and a dog all carrying cheese and wearing gas masks walking out of a hotel lobby. Not to mention JC was carrying a chain saw as well as cheese, we’d need a way to get in and out of the bus quickly. But we ignored them and headed for the parking lot.
The socks didn’t expect us at all. JC turned that chainsaw on and began cutting a big hole in the side of the bus. The socks screamed and jumped back, and several jumped out of the windows, but Justin threw some cheese across the parking lot and they went after that instead. All of a sudden all the socks started pouring out. I didn’t know there were this many. I thought we might run out of cheese “ but we didn’t. Soon there were socks exploding everywhere! It was sort of like the fourth of July. I climbed into the bus and threw some cheese into the bathroom. Nearly all the socks ran in after it and I slammed the door.
Then I saw them, Justin’s Green and Yellow socks. They were going to attack, but I was faster. I took out my can of cheese whiz and sprayed one of the socks. The other one got out of the way of the cheese whiz, but could not resist taking a huge bite of the cheese someone had left on the counter.
BOOM!
The sock exploded into a thousand tiny bits! I took the chance to hurl a big hunk of cheese at the remaining one while it was still distracted. It worked. There was a second explosion and both socks laid in bits on the floor.
I continued to the back of the bus and found Joey hiding in one of the bunks plugging his nose. We both got out of the bus. There were a few socks left, but they were retreating. Cheese Puff was chewing on one of them. Disgusting. I yanked it out of his mouth and sprayed cheese whiz on it.
BOOM!
We walked back inside, and once we got back to our rooms I pulled out the last of the cheese. It was delicious.
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