"She's Out of My Life" lyrics by Josh Groban
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I walked into my bedroom, our bedroom. She was standing in the dim light over her half-packed bags, shuffling through a book. As I came closer, I realized it was an old photo album that she had made for our first year anniversary. She carefully laid the album in her bags and continued folding her clothes
“Alicia…” I whispered. If she heard me, she definitely didn’t show it, and continued to roughly throw her things into the suitcase. “What are you doing?” I knew what she was doing, and I knew what it meant. But I wanted her to say it. I needed to hear her say what I’ve known has been coming.
“You know what I’m doing,” she softly said. “I’m leaving, Justin. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve sat at home with a cold dinner every night for the past month, and I’m sick of it.” I heard her sniff, and could tell she had been crying for a few hours at least. I approached her, resting a hand on her arm. She shrugged it off, zipping up her bags.
“Can’t we talk about this? I know-”
She whipped around, her wavy chestnut hair swirling around. “You know nothing! You have no idea how much I’ve been hurting. And I’m tired of it. I can’t…” she trailed off. Her bright blue eyes shut and she sighed, taking a hold of her bags. “My sister will come to get the rest of my things later.”
She's out of my life
She's out of my life
And I don't know whether to laugh or cry
I don't know whether to live or die
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life.
It’s been one month now, and that memory of her walking out of the door stays with me. It plays in my mind over and over, mocking me. How could I have been so dumb? So blind? We’ve talked once since then, a week after she officially left me. She arrived at my door one night, soaking wet from the storm, her bright eyes twinkling.
“Alicia?” I was surprised. Of all people, she was the last person I expected at my front door.
“Justin,” she smiled weakly. “I’m just…dropping off some of your stuff.” I let her in, and she dropped a box on the floor, looking around the studio apartment. She shook her head, turning to me. “Ever the slob.”
I blushed, turning on the lights. “Well…I’ve been preoccupied.” I lied. I’d been aimlessly walking around the apartment, every corner of the space reminding me of her. She chuckled, picking up trash and clothes. I remember how she cleaned when she was nervous or angry. I gave her some dry clothes, which she changed into. “Have you had dinner yet?” I asked, hoping she’d say no. I had unanswered questions that I had to ask.
“No…not yet,” she answered. She walked into the kitchen and opened the laundry closet, throwing my dirty clothes into the basket. She laughed, turning back around to me. “Sorry…old habit.”
I shrugged. “So…do you want to go out to eat? We can order in.” She shook her head.
“No, I’m meeting a friend later for dinner,” she smiled.
“How ‘bout a drink? Hot chocolate?” I offered, remembering it was her favorite drink to drink at night. She nodded, sitting down on the couch as I made two cups of hot chocolate. “So…how have you been?” I walked over, handing her a cup.
“Good…you?” she took a sip.
“Okay…I guess. I’ve had…better days,” I smiled. She looked down at her cup and sighed.
“Justin…I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. But what we had…it just wasn’t working. You were always working late, and I hardly saw you. I guess I just felt…lonely,” she looked up at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but her cell phone beeped and she glanced at it. “Crap, it’s the office. I have to go,” she sighed. She put her cup on the table and stood up. “Uh…it was nice seeing you.”
“Alicia,” I called out as she rushed to the door. “I love you, I really do.” If I didn’t say it now, I don’t think I ever would again.
She smiled weakly, opening the door. “I did too.”
It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
To think for two years she was here
And I took her for granted I was so cavalier
Now the way that It stands
She's out of my hands
So I've learned that love's Not Possession
And I've learned that love won't wait
Now I've learned that love needs expression
But I learned too late.
I was at a club last night. My first night out with the guys in awhile, and I saw her. She was sitting at the bar wearing a slim black dress, looking beautiful as always. She was just as lively as I remembered, laughing with a guy. Another guy who wasn’t me. She looks so happy, so…content. She used to look at me that way, when we first started dating. I made my way towards her, she couldn’t see me since she was facing away, but I saw the guy’s face. He leaned in and whispered to her. “I love you”. She smiled, kissing him softly. He led her back to the dance floor, and I saw her turn around, catching sight of me. She smiled back at me as she disappeared through the crowd of people. I can’t help thinking that if only I had told her, I’d still have her. I still love her. And probably always will.
She's out of my life
She's out of my life
Damned Indecision and cursed pride
Kept my love for her locked deep Inside
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life.
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