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It's too bad, it's too bad
It's too bad, it's too bad, baby
But I gotta face reality
It's too bad, it's too bad
Too bad baby, yeah
But I gotta face reality
Michelle listened intently behind the door of her home. She heard screaming of her husband and his friends, where they were undoubtingly watching football. It was a friday, of course they were watching football. They did every friday. She wrapped her fragile hands around the doorknob. She turned the knob and pushed the door open. She walked down the hallway and into the livingroom, where they were sitting throughout the livingroom staring at the tv.
"Hey, babe." Justin called to her, not even looking away from the screen.
"YEAH!" One of his friends yelled at the t.v.
She rolled her eyes before saying. "Justin, we need to talk."
"Can it wait? The quarter is almost over." This time his blue eyes met hers. He instantly knew that something was wrong. She tried to keep her cool, not wanting to blow up in front of his friends.
"It's important." She said through gritted teeth. He seemed unphased by it, seeing as she always came in with some kind of attitude. He turned his head around to face the t.v.
"Okay, just hold on for a second." Any other time, she'd go about her business and wait til he was finish. Any other time she wouldn't get upset that he was blowing her off for a stupid football game. But this wasn't any other time. This was now. And she felt the tears that were threatening to spill through her eyelids, and she just didn't want that to happen with his friends in the house. She stalked angrily towards the t.v, and cut it off. All the noise had died down, and everyone was looking at Michelle. She stood in front of the t.v with her arms firmly across her chest.
"I'm sorry, ya'll are going to have to leave."
"Baby -."
"NOW!" She screamed so loud, they jumped. The guys got there stuff and headed out the door.
"Ay, J. Call us later." He motioned his hand to his ear, before they left.
"Michelle, what the fuck was that about?"
"Justin, we need to talk." She wanted to remain calm. But the anger she had building ever since her lunch, was just burning inside of her, just dying to let out.
"And it couldn't wait until a fucking commercial?" He asked her, obviously upset.
"No! You know what, it couldn't! We need to talk, and it can not wait, Justin!" He sighed.
"Okay, baby, i'm sorry. What's wrong? Did something happen at work?"
She stood in her same position, never moving closer to him. "Justin ..i'm going to ask you something ..and I just want you to be completely honest with me."
Justin didn't like where this was going. "You know i'm nothing but honest to you."
"Have you been cheating on me?"
Today you had a visitor
Or should I say an old friend
But wait a minute
That's not where it ends, no
Is there something
That you wanna tell me, hmm
Cause I'm believing what your friends say
About your hidden secrecies
Justin felt like he had been hit with something. He couldn't breathe. They've never had this conversation. Or anything conversation about infedelity. "What?" Not knowing what to say. She must've known something to ask this, and lying to her would only be making it worse. Michelle's eyes glazed over.
"There's no point in lying anymore. Have you cheated on me?" Justin watched her helplessly as he saw tears roll down her cheeks. He wanted so badly to go over and comfort her, but that was probably not the best thing to do.
"I .." He started, looking everywhere but at her. "I don't know what to say." He answered honestly. Probably the first honest thing he's said to her in months. Michelle stood there, not knowing what to say anything. She was disgusted. She was confused, but overall she was hurt. "How did you .." He trailed off, never finishing his question.
Your girlfriend
She wasn't disrespectful
In fact, she's a hundred percent sure
And how could I argue with her
Holding a baby with eyes like yours
She said it's your child
And it really messed me up
How could you deny
Your own flesh and blood
Gotta face reality
There can never be any more us
Won't deny it's hurting me
Yet so precious
She looked at the man she had loved for so many years. His eyes that were always so warm and inviting, were now that of a stranger. It was like she didn't know him. Like she never did. Instead of answering his question, she asked him another one. "Did you know that ya'll have a child together?" Holding on to whatever respect she had left for him. He swallowed hard. He did know. He knew she had a child, and that's the reason things ended with them. A child would no doubt put trouble between him and his wife. It was then he knew things couldn't go on with them. But how was he to say that to Michelle. Obviously he had taken too long to answer. He stared at her as she bit her bottom lip, stopping herself from sobbing out loud. "That's all I needed to know." She said, before bringing herself to walk. Clearly planning to walk out the door and never come back. Justin jumped up and grabbed her arm before she could reach the hallway. She turned to look at him, and he felt his heart breaking.
"How did you find out?" He had every intention on begging her not to leave, but first he had to figure out how she found out. She jerked her arm away from him, and sat on the couch.
"I was at work .." She started
,Michelle was sitting at her desk, staring blankly at her computer screen. Today was a boring day at work. She was chewing on the end of her pencil, when her phone rang.
"Hello, Michelle speaking." She said into the phone, supressing a yawn.
"Um ..is this Michelle Timberlake?" A nervous sounding woman came through the phone. She smiled at the use of her last name. Timberlake. She loved that.
"Yes, it is. What can I do for you?" She turned around in her chair. More interested in the phone call, then she would've been had they only used her first name.
"You don't know. But ..I know of you." The woman continued uncertainly. "I was wondering if you had a free time, I think we should really talk." Michelle narrowed her eyes curiously.
"What's your name? How do you know me?"
"I will answer any and all questions you have. But i'd rather not do this over the phone." Michelle didn't understand where this was going. But she sounded as if she really needed someone to talk to.
"Well ..um, my lunch break is in about an hour so --."
"No." She cut her off firmly. "I'm right outside ..it will only take a few minutes." Michelle sighed, before rubbing her forehead with her free hand.
"I'll be out in a second." Michelle placed the phone safely back into the cradle. She walked over to her friends cubicle.
"Oooh, beth." She said in a sing song voice. Leaning halfway into her cubicle.
"Yes, my dear Michelle." Beth said, never looking away from her computer. Michelle watched as she typed something. Unlike her, Beth actually worked.
"I need to go out for a couple of minutes. Think you can cover for me?"
"Sure can." She said without any hesitation.
Michelle walked up to the elevaters. And waited paitently after pressing the button. She rocked back and forth, before pulling her sleeve up and glancing at her watch. Sighing aggravatedly, she decided to take the stairs. When she reached outside she looked around but didn't see anyone waiting for her.
"Michelle?" She turned to see a young looking woman sitting at a bench. She Michelle got closer to her, she saw that she had what seemed to be a 2 year old boy with her. He was sleep in her lap. She sat beside her, staring at the little boy. He had a strong resemblence ..She turned towards the mother of the little boy. She smiled at her curiously.
"So ..um ..what's your name?" Michelle decided she should atleast know that much.
"Kayla. I know you're wondering how I know you, considering we've never met. I guess you could say, i'm an old friend of Justin's." Michelle looked at the young woman that was now known as Kayla. Justin had lots of friends, but she had never met a Kayla.
"It's nice to meet you, Kayla." Michelle stuck out her hand. Kayla shook it lightly, before letting go.
"I wish it were under better circumstances." Michelle watched as she looked down at her son.
"What do you mean?"
"Listen ..i'm probably the last person you should hear this from. I've been debating with myself over a year if I should try to contact you. I know in my heart that Justin would never tell you about me. But ..I know you're his wife ..you deserve to know." Michelle was confused, and Kayla sensed it.
"With all due respect, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I'm your husband's ex girlfriend." Kayla said vaguely. Not really providing Michelle with anything. She looked at her as if to continue. "I'm just going to come out and say it. I was Justin's girlfriend ..while he was married to you." Michelle stared at her, letting the words digest into her brain. This ..just could not be. Was this woman some jealous friend of Justin's who wanted to hurt Michelle. If so ..she was doing a damn good job.
"What ..I don't understand."
"Michelle, listen to me. Justin and I broke up 2 years ago. Were you two not married then?" Of course they were married. They have been for 5 years.
"We were." Was all Michelle could give to her. "How do I know you're not making this up?"
Kayla licked her lips before saying. "You don't, but you have to believe me when I say I would never do this. I wouldn't go out of my way just to lie to you. If you don't believe me, that's fine. But I think you know deep down that i'm not lying." She was right. Things were becoming too clear for Michelle. Things that didn't make sense before now, were completely understandable. Michelle didn't want to cry in front of this stranger. But was she actually a stranger? They had shared the same man. They had things in common, even if they didn't want to. Michelle looked at the little boy. He had brown unruly curly hair. He turned slightly, opening his eyes enough for her to see them, before shutting them. They were dark blue. This boy was the splitting image of Justin. Anyone could see that. He looked exactly like him. But still she asked.
"Is he Justin's?"
"Yes."
"What's his name?" Kayla smiled down at her little boy.
"Hayden." Michelle nodded as she chewed on her bottom lip.
"He's beautiful." Michelle told her honestly.
She said she never wanted to hurt me
And could I understand, she's afraid and alone
"Michelle, I did not contact you with the intention of hurting you." Kayla spoke up after minutes of Michelle just staring at her. "I didn't want to contact you at all. I wish I never had to. But you have to understand that ..i'm alone raising him. He doesn't have a father. And we're doing this alone. I just couldn't live with myself if you didn't know what your husband is really like. It's scary raising him alone. But after Justin bailed, I knew I had to." With every word that Kayla spoke, Michelle felt her heart breaking. It was impossible to believe. But ..she did.
"Why contact me now? 2 years after the fact? I mean ..didn't he tell you he had a wife?" Michelle asked her irately. She was extremely upset. But she had every right to be. It felt like her world was crumbling down around her.
She said a real woman wouldn't do this over the phone
And that you told her about me after the baby was born, oh
"Michelle," She shifted in her seat, to make herself more comfortable. "I wanted to get in touch with you right after he told me about you. But I felt it wasn't the right time. And I was heartbroken, and felt I only wanted to do it to hurt you. There was plenty of times ..I just looked at your number wanting to reach out to you. But i'm real enough to tell you face to face. I felt that ..if I did it over the phone ..it would hurt more. I wanted to explain to you. I felt you wouldn't listen to me ..if I had just called you up. I promise to you, Michelle. He did not tell me about you, until after I had Hayden. And then what was I to do? I would never mess with a married man. He spent so much time with me, I couldn't believe it when he finally told me." Michelle couldn't take her eyes off of the beautiful little boy in front of her. How could Justin leave his life like that.
"I have to get back to work." Michelle blurted out.
"I understand ..i'm sorry that it had to come to this." Kayla looked sincere.
"Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry about everything Justin put you through. ,
Michelle let the tears fall freely. Justin now sitting next to her, with tears in his eyes. "Michelle ..you just believe anything someone tells you?"
Your girlfriend
She wasn't disrespectful
In fact, she's a hundred percent sure
And how could I argue with her
Holding a baby with eyes like yours
"Are you kidding me, Justin! She was consistant with everything that she told me. Everything. There is NO denying that, that little boy is yours. He looks EXACTLY like you." Justin stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Just because she says it's mine ..doesn't mean it is."
"Justin, why can't you be a man for once!" She stood along with him. "He looks like you. Why can't you just fucking admit that, that baby is yours!" She screamed in his face. How could he just act so subdue about this.
"The only thing I can admit to ..is not wanting to lose you." He looked at her in all seriousness. She shook her head at him.
She said it's your child
And it really messed me up
How could you deny
Your own flesh and blood
Gotta face reality
There can never be any more us
Won't deny it's hurting me
Yet so precious
"Hayden is probably the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you've already missed 2 years of his life! You lied to me ..you lied to her. Fuck, Justin! That little boy doesn't even have a father. Who's life haven't you messed up? And the only thing you can worry about is losing me? There is no us anymore, Justin."
"Baby ..please, don't say that. We can ..I can make things better. If you let me, we can work this out."
"Work what out, Justin? You've cheated on me for ..I don't even know how long. You have a child by someone else. You abandoned them, and you think there's something to work out!? The only thing you need to make better is your relationship with your son!" She wanted to believe that her marriage wasn't over. But ...there was no fixing this.
"I don't know that he's mine!"
Hmm, oh the baby looks just like you
How could you deny your own flesh and blood
Your own child
What kind of man are you?
Oh, oh and
Michelle managed to pick up whatever clothing was hers and throw it into her suitcase. She stopped only for a second to give Justin a disgusted look, before continuing.
"There's nothing I can say that will make you stay and talk this out is there?" She could hear the pain in his voice. And the way he was slouched over on the bed, she just wanted to unpack her things and stay. But there was no way she could stay with this man. This man she thought she knew. But he had more skeletons in his closet than anyone she ever knew.
"You're absolutely right." She said, wiping her nose with the bottom of her sleeve. "Hayden, is the most beautiful little boy i've ever seen. And you act like he's not yours, when I know you know he is. Who the fuck does that Justin? You cheated ..I might've been able to get over that. But the fact that you have no regards for that little boy's feelings is pushing it." She closed her suitcase. She picked up her suitcase and walked to the door. She looked at Justin before turning around. Before she could turn the knob to leave she felt his hand on her arm, he pulled her to him, hugging her. She struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was too strong.
"You can't leave me, Michelle. We've been through too much. We can do this ..I'll go see Henry ..i'll," he sobbed into her hair. "please don't leave me." She scoffed at him.
"His name is Hayden! You still don't get it. I don't think you ever will. Just let me go." She felt his grasp on her loosen. She pushed him away, looking into his eyes. She set her suitcase down, and struggled to get her silver wedding band off. Once off, she placed it in Justin's hand, before picking her suitcase back up. "I pray that you get your priorities straight. I pray that you go see, Hayden. I pray that he forgives you." She looked at him for a moment longer, before forcing herself to leave.
Marriage over.
lyrics by *Mary J Blige
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