Chapter 1
Nikki juggled four grocery bags as she fumbled with the lock on her apartment door.
“Mommy, I gots to go potty!” the tinny three year old whined from behind Nikki. Sighing, she pushed the door open and hurried inside, letting her daughter run past to the other end of the apartment.
“Remember to wipe!” Nikki yelled to Eva, setting the bags down on the small dinning table. She threw her keys down on the kitchen counter and noticed the blinking light on her answering machine. As she started to sort through the groceries, putting each item in its spot, she giggled softly in response to the voice of her friend rambling from the answering machine.
“Message 2, sent at 3:15 p.m.” Nikki continued to listen, opening the fridge. “Um, hi Nikki…its Justin. Listen we really need to talk, it’s been forever. Will you give me a call on my cell phone at 1-323-555-4538? Hope to talk to you soon. Bye.” Nikki stopped dead in her tracks, dropping the carton of milk she had been carrying. She turned and stared at the answering machine. Her muscles had tightened with tension and shock and all the color seemed to drain from her face as the blood rushed towards the pit of her stomach, making her feel ill.
“Mommy, can I pwease watch blue?” Eva asked walking into the kitchen. The tiny voice brought Nikki back to reality quickly. She nodded slowly and followed Eva into the living room. After putting on Blue’s Clues, Nikki walked back to the kitchen/dinning room and slumped into a chair. She listened to the message again, unable to comprehend what she was hearing.
How did he get my number? This isn’t really happening.
Nikki sat for a moment, biting her lip and then without another thought she picked up the phone and dialed. It rang three times and with each ring Nikki was losing her nerve. She quickly hung up the phone and stared at it. She got up and paced around, biting her nails. She was almost calm again when the phone rang. Nikki hesitated slightly before picking it up.
“Hello?” she answered nervously.
“Nikki! Hey…did you just call me?” It was Justin, she knew his voice instantly. She was beginning to feel ill again.
“Oh…yeah, I did.” She responded, unable to think of anything to say.
“Well, I’m happy you did.” Justin chuckled a little uneasily. “I assume you know why I called.”
“I guess…but I’m actually thinking more about how you got this number.” Nikki said truthfully. She heard Justin sigh and could tell it was that of an irritated sigh.
“I finally coaxed your mom into telling me. But I hardly think that’s what we should be talking about right now.” His voice was steady again, but Nikki knew it was forced.
“I don’t see what we have to talk about Justin.” Nikki said firmly. She just wanted this conversation to end.
“What we have to talk about? For god’s sake Nicole…I’ve been trying to find you for the past three and a half years! You don’t think we have anything to talk about? We have everything to talk about. You just vanished, for the past three years I’ve had no idea what happened to you. Only that you left me with no explanation.” The pain was apparent in Justin’s voice now and Nikki found that she could hardly blame him for being upset. “Nikki, you told me you were pregnant and then you just left. Who does that?” Justin questioned with a hint of accusation in his voice.
Nikki sighed, her mind was racing now. She had no idea what to say or how she could possibly explain herself to Justin.
“Well? Don’t you have anything to say?” Justin bellowed after what seemed to be an eternity of silence.
“I-I’m sorry. I left because I was confused and thought it was for the best. I thought it was the only possible option.” Nikki felt a lump building her throat as the words spilled out of her mouth.
“We could have figured it out!” Justin yelled.
“Oh come on Justin! Are you honestly telling me you could have handled a baby three years ago? Seriously, I was barely eighteen! You were twenty and this huge pop star. There was no way I was going to burden you with that kind of choice. I knew it would hinder your career and I also knew that you’d do the right thing and take care of me and the baby. And I didn’t want you to resent me or our baby. So, I decided to leave. I came here to New York to live with my aunt while I was pregnant. Two years ago I found my own place and believe me, I’ve thought about calling you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” She sighed yet again, feeling as if some sort of weight had lifted slightly. At least it was out in the open now.
“So you had the baby?” Justin asked, his voice a little shaky.
“Yes, I had the baby. I couldn’t have ever had an abortion, you know that. And once I saw her…I knew I couldn’t give her up.”
“W-we had a girl? A baby girl?” Justin stuttered, inhaling deeply.
“Yeah, a wonderful baby girl. Her name is Eva Michelle.” Nikki was smiling now as she thought of the little girl sitting just in the other room. She heard Justin’s breathing become a little jagged and she knew he was fighting back tears.
“I can’t believe this. I have a daughter…” Justin said astonished. “I want to see her, to see you both.” He continued quickly, giving Nikki no time to reply.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea Justin” Nikki began but was interrupted by Justin.
“I know now Nik…there’s no reason to keep hiding. You at least owe me that.”
Reluctantly, Nikki agreed. “Okay, you can see us.” She replied, biting her lip.
“Okay, okay…this is good.” Justin sounded as if he were convincing himself of something rather than trying to convince Nikki. “My schedule is pretty tight this coming week but I could come to New York sometime in the next two weeks.”
“Fine Justin. Just call me when you figure it out. I have to go now. Eva’s waiting for dinner. So, have a good night. Bye Justin.” Nikki said and hung up as Justin said goodbye. She sat for a short moment, letting the conversation sink in.
This could possibly be okay, right? Yes, it’ll be okay.
A few minutes later, Eva walked into the kitchen and crawled onto Nikki’s lap, affectionately nuzzling her head in the crook of Nikki’s neck. Nikki smiled and wrapped her arms around her daughter, squeezing her gently and kissing the top of her head. God, she loved her so much. Eva looked up and her mother and smiled. She was a gorgeous little girl. She had Nikki’s big hazel eyes and cute little nose, but Nikki couldn’t help but notice her resemblance to Justin also. Eva’s unruly, yet perfect curls were all from her dad. Nikki kissed Eva again.
“Well, what do you say I make us some dinner?” Nikki asked, raising her eyebrows.
“I want noodles mommy!” Eva exclaimed, jumping from her mother’s lap. Nikki watched her daughter for a few more moments, realizing just how much she, herself, had grown up in three years. At twenty-one, she was the most mature woman her age that she knew and she was aware of the fact that Eva was the reason.
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