Kayla was afraid of moving, for fear that Justin would wake up. But her shoulder was in severe pain mode. It was number than numb, and she was sure his big gigantic water head was causing a purple bruise. It kind of reminded her of Hayden, after one of his big temper tantrums, he'd crawl on her lap sniffling and rubbing at his nose, and then passing out. They were two in the same, sometimes.
She just couldn't sit there and let his already broken heart tear more apart. As much as it hurt to see him hurt so much over someone, thinking back to when "they broke up" and he didn't even pass one single tear for her, she still couldn't let him hurt like that. She knew how it felt to be alone, like not a soul cared whether you crawled inside your emotional rock and slipped away. She didn't give him advice, she didn't say it'd get better and Michelle would come back. She just sat there and listened. Her fingers slid through the fresh curls that were growing, and massaged his head for comfort. He had always liked that, it relaxed him, even when he was at his most stressed.
"Justin?" She shook him softly. She inhaled sharply when his arms wrapped around her waist tighter, pressing his head further into her neck. She felt butterflies in her stomach, when she felt his breath tickle her neck. That's great, just great, these feelings were supposedly dead and buried two years ago. Yet they seemed to find their way lurking through the shadows, just waiting to express themselves. She hated feeling this way, hot and cold. Justin was a married man, but feelings don't listen to logic. They do whatever the hell they wanted to do. Not caring if the soul they belonged to got crushed in the process.
"Justin?" She repeated again. This time Justin groaned his response, she shivered from the impact of his breath and the vibration of his voice on her skin. "Can you move to the couch or something? I need to check on Hayden." She wanted to sigh in disappointment when she felt his body leave hers. He slid a hand across his face, before yawning and stretching his arms in the air.
"I'll go check on him." Justin stood up, she stood up as well.
"Are ya sure? I can do it." He put up a hand to silence her, as he made his way up the steps. Hey eyes followed his figure all the way up the steps, plopping on the couch when she didn't see it anymore.
"Kayla," She said to herself, bringing a shaky hand and running it through her long blonde hair. "he's a married man ..and not to you." She seemed to have to remind herself of that everyday. She could get lost in the feeling of her, Justin and Hayden being a family. Sadly enough she could admit she sometimes wished Michelle had never been in the picture. Unfortunately she was in the picture way before Kayla ever was.
"Look who's woke!" Kayla looked over at Justin bringing Hayden down the stairs. Hayden was too mesmerized by Justin's hair, because he was tugging at it. But then again, he tugged at everyone's hair. She knew Hayden would take to Justin eventually, but she didn't expect it to be so quickly. Of course, Hayden was only almost 3, he'd forgive anyone who gave him icecream and let him have his way.
Justin took a seat next to Kayla on the couch, Hayden stood in his lap still amazed by his hair. All he had to do was feel on his own head, and he'd find mountains of brownish blonde curls. As if listening to the voices in her head, she found herself pulling softly on his curls. They were so silky, just like Justin's when he actually let them grow out.
"I kinda wanna talk to you, but I want Hayden to have some fun, too," Justin grabbed onto Hayden's hand and pulled it away from his hair. Hayden looked at him and pouted, before crawling to Kayla's lap and messing with her hair. "Maybe we could go to the park." She felt Hayden's hands ease up on her hair, he definitely knew the words 'park' and 'outside'. He loved both of them dearly.
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"He's so beautiful." It's the only thing Justin had said since they had gotten to the park. They were now both seated on two swings, watching Hayden play in the sandbox.
"Yeah, he is." She had no problem agreeing to any and all compliments that had to do with Hayden. He was a gorgeous kid, he took a lot, almost everything after his daddy. She could feel that he wanted to say something else. She continued to swing herself slightly, scrunching her nose up when she felt the dirt slide through her flip-flops. She bent down, removing her shoes and placing them off to the side, she hated the feel of dirt in her shoes more than anything.
"Kayla," She looked over to the side at him, he was looking at his feet, as they kicked the dirt beneath them. "about today ..I never meant for you to get in the middle of this shit."
She chewed the inside of her cheek momentarily, "But I am, Justin. I'm the whole reason this came about. And I take full responsibility for you and Michelle --."
"Kayla," She watched as he licked his lips. He did it every 5 seconds, even if you blinked you'd never miss him atleast one time licking his lips. "You coming in ..and taking charge, I guess ..it kind of helped me. I had this secret, that I was hiding from everybody. A secret that I should've never kept to myself. But i'm real enough to admit at the time I wasn't man enough to own up to all of that. But you came, and it lifted awhole bunch of wait off of my shoulders. Yeah, shit with me and Shelly are bad as fuck right now ..but it got me to see him," He pointed over to Hayden. "I'm not sorry about that. I'm gonna be straight with you, and tell you ..had you not come in when you did, i'd NEVER come to see ya'll. So I thank you." This was the Justin she had fallen in love with. The truthful Justin, the real Justin.
"But ..Justin, you have to realize that you and Michelle may never be again. And that is because of me." Someone had to be truthful with him. And she was nothing but blunt with everything she said or did.
He shrugged, bringing a hand and running it over his head, before leaning over and resting his elbows on his knees. "You may think that, Kayla. And I value your opinion. But i'm not giving up on my wife, or my marriage. I won't lose her, it's just not an option, ya know? When you love someone that much .." He stopped suddenly feeling uncomfortable voicing his opinions about love to the one woman he broke up into a million pieces. She felt the pains in her heart, but decided to ignore them for now.
"Continue, please."
"When you love someone that much .." He started again, more slowly. "You can't give up, because you can't live without that person. I've lived so many years loving Michelle. I don't know how to not love her. I won't go on without her. She's my wife. We said our vows, and I meant every word. They just got blurry throughout the years." She shifted in her seat uncomfortably. It's like the feelings he ever had for her were made up in her head. And maybe they were. Maybe she was somewhat delusional about all the "feelings" that were there. Not on her part but his. Maybe he never did feel anything for her.
But maybe was just a word, and no matter how many times she used it, she never fully believed it.
"But, Kayla," He said knocking her out of her thoughts. "I just wanted to thank you for earlier. I mean, you didn't have to be there for me. But you were ..that's what I lov--," he cleared his throat before continuing. "that's what I like about you." He reached over and gave her a sideways hug. It was a completely random thing for him to do. But did he honestly think that saying he loved something about her would make her feelings come alive again? That just a simple compliment could get her heart soaring for him, oncemore?
When it already was?
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