Oh, and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
I feel his hands on my face, whispering for me to wake up. I roll around on the soft mattress before opening my eyes. He's standing over me, smiling down. That heavenly smile of his has taken over his face.
“Wake up, baby.” His voice murmurs. It’s soft, and sweet, like ice cream. A bad analogy you may think, but he makes me melt. I blink a few times, before yawning and stretching my arms over my head, still looking at him.
He pulls me off the bed, and hugs me. My heart beats faster from his scent, and his incredible warmth. Any sign of his whereabouts the night before are gone, and I feel like he’s been with me forever.
“What are we doing today?” I ask him, hoping he has plans to do nothing except embrace me, and tell me he loves me. I sound selfish, but honestly, any time with him is like conversations with God. Real, but rare. Nothing better, but everything in the world to say. I want to talk to him about us, and more importantly, about him, but my voice can never say it. I can never actually blame him, because I just remember the heartfelt side of him I love.
I wish he could just see his life from afar, from an outsider’s view. Like mine. He’s throwing all he’s worked for away, and I can’t do anything except watch. I try and I try to fix it, but he’s unfixable.
I throw away these thoughts, and focus on him as he holds my hand, and guides me downstairs. As my eyes catch the beautiful flowers, and the incredible preparation, they become glassy. Watery. Tearing up with emotion, with happiness. I turn to look at him, and we lock eyes. His warm eyes, staring into my brown, tearful eyes.
I feel a moment pass, a connection forming as he leads me to the table, pulling out my chair, just like the men in the movies. A true gentleman, willing to do anything for his lady.
“I hope you like this.” He says, watching me as I bite into the meaningful breakfast he made me. Once again, the food is delicious, but my mind can’t process anything except the love I hold for this man.
“It’s wonderful.” I tell him, hoping he knows that there are, truly, no words to describe my feelings. He smiles at me, making me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Times like this, I feel too cherished. Too prized, and too loved. I wonder what he wants. I think ‘what is he trying to do?’ Am I truly falling for his master plan to keep me around? Or does he really love me?
Is he keeping me around for safe measures, or to maintain the small amount of sanity he has left? I feel insecure, and doubtful of my position in his sorry life. But I can’t help it because, because he’s so incredible. When he is alive, and not dead inside, he’s a wonderful person, and an incredible man. He’s more of a gentleman than anyone I know. But why does he have to be so stupid?
What is he trying to accomplish? I honestly don’t know what he’s after. He loses me, sometimes, in his constant changing of character. I can’t keep up. It’s like a race I can’t ever win. I’m so lost. So confused. But yet, sometimes I find myself to be happier than ever.
Oh, and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
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