She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she’s holding back
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with the linen and lace
Laying down on the king size bed, I stare at the ceiling as I usually do these days. Why you may ask? My life’s changed, all because of one night. And ever since that night, I continue to think why this could happen to me, why something like this could happen, but most importantly”why someone would take away the love of my life.
The teacher wonders but she doesn’t ask
It’s hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born
Who is that love of mine? Funny you should ask. Ever heard of Justin Timberlake? Yeah, there you go. The guy who was a part of NSYNC, the guy who made a risky move to becoming a solo artist and succeeded, the guy who married me for me, not because of my fame, but because of who I am. Who am I? My name’s Rachel Kenzington. Yes, the girl who is the famous singer”mostly for my ballads basically. But most of all, I’m the girl who feels like she’s lost her whole entire world.
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can’t rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she’s loved
Concrete angel
Justin and I met when I was about to release my first single ever and when NSYNC was just about to release their singles in the US. My manager, Johnny Wright, was introducing me to all these soon-to-be-famous people. One of them just happened to turn out to be NSYNC. I was 17 at the time and was still the shy girl you would meet until you got to know me. The guys were so nice and once we started talking a little, fate could say we were born to be friends. I had a crush on Lance as soon as I saw him, but I’ll never forget one of the first things Justin said to me, ‘I don’t know about this one guys, she’s too pretty, I have no idea how we’re gonna keep her!’ From that moment, I knew he was a kind man, and definitely had the sense of humor. Through all the NSYNC years, the guys and I held a pretty strong relationship. In the middle of their Celebrity album, I would find a friend I could always depend on.
I dated Rich Cronin from LFO for about a year. Things would always be up and down in our relationship. Well things went way down when I caught him kissing another girl at his house. I kept myself in my house for a week until an angel came through my door, without my permission.
*********
“Rach? Are you here?”
I say nothing. I continue to lay down on the couch and watch Dawson’s Creek.
“Rachel?”
Justin walks toward the sound of the TV and sees me looking helpless on the couch.
“Rach, come on, this isn’t right. This isn’t you. Don’t let that cheating bastard have this effect on you. You’re stronger than that.”
“Leave me alone, Justin…just leave me alone..”
As I start to cry, Justin comes over to the couch and kneels in front of me so we’re face to face.
“I can’t leave you alone cause I care about you. You’re one of my best friends and I can’t stand to see you like this. Please stop crying,” he says as he brushes away my tears.
“It hurts, J. It really hurts. I trusted him…and he just..goes and does that to me..I wasn’t enough for him.”
“Don’t you dare say that. You gave him all the love you have in your heart, and he just threw it away. None of this is your fault.”
“Okay,” I say as he sits on the couch and hugs me.
“I’m always here for you, Rach babe, don’t forget that.”
“Thank you, Jus…thank you.”
**********
After that moment, I was beginning to feel something for Justin, but he was dating Britney Spears and she happened to be one of my good friends so I could never do that to her. So I moved on and didn’t date. When Justin and Britney broke up in 2002, I was there for him just like he was there for me. Our friendship grew stronger, and at his solo album release party, he kissed me. And from there on, we were a couple. In 2004 of April, he proposed to me and I nearly fainted. It was one of the most exciting moments of my life. In August of that year, we married. We had our ups and downs as any married couple does, but that only made our love grow stronger. Never had I thought, it could be taken away.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the light
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it’ll be too late
**********
This February of 2005, it was like any ordinary night around the house. Justin had just kissed me goodbye and was off to continue finishing the last touches to his sophomore album. I was finished with my recording that day, so I sat around the house and anxiously waited for his return.
Little did I know he would never walk through the front door again.
I fell asleep on the couch at 10:00 and wasn’t awaken until the phone rang at 1 in the morning. I walked sleepily from the couch to the phone.
“Hello?”
“Rach?! It’s Trace!”
“Trace, calm down. Are you okay?”
“I can’t explain anything, just get to the hospital right now!”
“Why?!”
“I can’t say anything until you get here so hurry!”
“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as possible!”
I reach the hospital’s waiting room to find Trace and Elisha, the guys (the rest of NSYNC), and Justin’s mom, Lynn. But I couldn’t find my husband anywhere.
“Okay guys, will you please explain to me what’s going on?!”
“Rachel, you may want to sit down..” Lynn says.
“I’m fine standing, just tell me what’s going on!”
Lynn sighs as Trace comes over to where I’m standing. Everyone’s got this look on their face like they just lost their puppy.
“Rach, the reason we’re here is…Justin’s been in an accident…” Trace says, unsure of how I’ll react.
I look at him as if he’s some lunatic that’s been on America’s Most Wanted. Was I hearing right? Was Justin really hurt?
“…What….what happened…” I say, shakingly.
“…He was on his way back home and a drunk driver hit him…all the doctors have told us is that there was a lot of bleeding from the head and that he was in surgery…we haven’t heard anything since…” Trace replies.
All I can think in my head is the word no. No, this isn’t real. This is just a dream. I’m still at home in our bed”Justin always brings me up to our bed when I fall asleep on the couch. And when I wake up, he’ll be lying right next to me unharmed.
I blink a few times and end up pinching myself. Oh no, this is real.
How could this happen? To Justin of all people? Why?! What persuaded that person to drive while he was drunk, why!?
“No..this can’t be happening…NO!” I shout and start to cry.
JC, Lance, Joey, and Chris all stand up and walk over to hug me along with Lynn, Trace, and Elisha hoping there’s something they can do to calm me down. But nothing could calm my fears until I saw Justin again, alive and healthy.
A few hours pass and I had calmed down a bit, but was still upset.
A doctor walks up to us and says, “Are you all here for Mr. Timberlake?”
Even though I thought of a sarcastic remark in my head, it wasn’t the time for it. I needed to hear about Justin.
“This is very hard to say for me…Mr. Timberlake had a very severe loss of blood to the head. He would have been okay, but then he lost consciousness and then we…lost him.” The doctor said.
I stared at him with a blank face. This was not happening. No, this is just a joke. I’m being Punk’d and any second Ashton and Justin is gonna come out laughing and everyone else is gonna laugh at me.
“We did everything we could..I’m so sorry..”
As the doctor’s last words were spoken, I broke down. The person I loved with all my heart was gone.
**********
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can’t rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she’s loved
Concrete angel
It’s now April and here I am. I still can’t believe it happened. Why would someone take such a precious soul away from me? I’m not mad at God. He’s the one who’s helping me through this and he’s the one that’s sheltering Justin up in Heaven. I just don’t know what to do here. We had a life ahead of us and then this happens. Every night, I wake up and I always think I see him lying right next to me. Maybe it’s his soul from Heaven..I don’t know. Maybe it’s just my imagination.
A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot
It’s just too hard to know he’s never coming back.
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can’t rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she’s loved
Concrete angel
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Song credit: Concrete Angel--Martina McBride
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