A/N: I’m so sorry about the lack of updates! We just got a new computer and it was taking FOREVER to get it put together! Plus, FINALS HAVE BEGUN so I’ve been studying for those! Yarg”I hate school! LOL! So once again thanks for your patience and your reviews!
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Lost.
That’s what I am right now as I lay on our bed, blankly staring up at the ceiling. Lost. Completely lost. That’s all I am and all that I ever will be until she comes back.
IF she comes back.
I can’t remember why we fell apart
From something that was so meant to be
Forever was the promise in our hearts
Now more and more I wonder where you are
I should have never gone over to Britney’s without Rachel. This wouldn’t have happened if I waited for her. And now she’s gone.
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me?
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
I miss you
God, I hope she’s okay. If something happened to her, I could never forgive myself.
I look over at the clock and it says 1:28.
Still have your picture in the frame
Hear your footsteps down the hall
I swear I hear your voice, it’s driving me insane
How I wish that you would call to stay
Sigh. I wish she would call”whether it was to yell at me or not, anything to let me know that she’s safe wherever she is.
But I know she won’t. She did the same thing to Rich and now she’s doing it to me. God, I hate myself right now. I promised her she would never have to worry about the things that Rich did. I promised her that I would always love her and her only.
Now she probably thinks I snuck behind her back and lied to her.
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me?
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
I miss you
To try to feel better, I get our photo album out from underneath the bed and lay it out on the bed in front of me.
I flip through the first couple of pages until I stop and look at a certain one.
We were in Hawaii with Trace and Elisha in June of last year. I surprised her on the day we were leaving to go pack. She was so confused until I said the word ‘Hawaii’ and she rushed up the stairs in her house.
I try to smile as I look at the picture of us sleeping on the beach. Rachel’s lying right next to me as I hold her while we’re asleep. Elisha HAD to get a picture so she tried to sneak it, but the flash woke us up. And then Rachel ended up chasing her down the beach until a wave came and knocked them down as Trace and I laugh.
I try to smile, but a tear quickly rushes down and lands on the picture. I wipe it away and can’t help but know that everything we ever had could be gone.
All I know is that if she leaves for good, there won’t be a reason to live anymore.
I quietly stop the car in our driveway as it continues to rain. I sigh as I lean against the steering wheel thinking about what lies ahead of me.
I know I need to see him. I know I need to talk to him. I just don’t know what to expect. Another act that Rich played on me that said ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m absolutely clueless’? God I hope not.
I step out of the car and enter the house quietly to not let him know I’m home. If he still is home. I didn’t see his car, but it’s probably in the garage.
Now I’m having second thoughts. I don’t know if I wanna do this or not. I want to, but I’m afraid to face him.
Frustrated I throw my hands up and mutter, “Aw hell, I should just get this over with!”
I tiptoe up the stairs and head down the hallway towards our bedroom.
I know he’s behind that door. I’ve got the feeling that he WILL be in there. My mind tells me to go back, but my heart’s continuing me to head toward the bedroom.
I stop right in front of the door that’s almost closed. I take a deep breath, put my hand on the knob and push it gently and quietly to enter.
I see Justin sitting on the bed with his back against the entrance. Apparently he hasn’t heard me. I quietly close the door and I see him look up from something.
Shit, I’m caught.
I close my eyes and continue to take deep, slow breaths. I have no idea what to say when he notices I’m in here.
My thoughts of that are erased as I hear him come towards me.
I open my eyes and there he is.
He looks like a lost puppy. His blue eyes are glossy and it looks like he didn’t sleep at all last night. That makes two of us. I look over at the bed and see our photo album opened.
I then realize that the whole thing wasn’t supposed to happen.
“…Rachel…I have no idea what you’re thinking right now…but just know that I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you…I never wanted to kiss her and I still don’t want it…all I want is for you to forgive me…”
He has to be telling the truth. You don’t just say that and cry in between for nothing.
He pulls me into a hug. I hesitate at first, but quickly return the hug and start to cry with him.
“I’m so sorry, Rachel, I’m so sorry..”
I pull back and we look into each other’s eyes. I lean in and we kiss.
The kiss turns out to be so passionate that I need him. We head towards the bed, put the photo album on the floor and collapse on the bed. And as soon as you know it, we’re at it.
An hour later, we’re wrapped up in each other’s arms quietly. Justin strokes my hair and kisses my forehead.
“I should have trusted you..” I say.
“Yeah, but you reacted like anyone would react if they saw what you did. I would have done the same thing.”
“But still…I should have found out the truth before I took off…it would have saved a lot of the heartache that happened. I’m sorry.”
“Shh..don’t worry about it. It’s done and over with and we’re here”together like we should be.”
Justin kisses me and looks back in my brown eyes.
“No more feeling sorry about it or regrets, okay?”
“Okay.”
We kiss again and we eventually fall asleep, knowing that we’ll be next to each other when we wake up.
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Song credit: Anytime”Brian McKnight
Number of reviews: 41
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