A/N: (Note to readers�”some of the songs that will supposedly be Rachel’s is obviously not hers so just to letcha know)
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It’s about 8 in the morning and I’m not feeling very well. I think I’m catching a cold or it’s allergies or something. I don’t know what, all I know is that when I tried to warm my voice up today, I couldn’t hit one single high note that I usually hit. Luckily, I have a dance session today to try and finish up my new single’s dance. My new album’s supposedly coming out this summer, I’m not too sure about that though.
I know what you’re thinking�”what are you doing at dance sessions? Are you getting over the death of your husband that easily? Good question, I’ve been asking myself that, too. But Justin and I made a promise to each other back in September.
**********
It was late at night and we were in bed just enjoying each other’s company. I was laying in his arms and my head resting on his chest listening to every heartbeat.
“This is weird.”
I laugh at his remark. “That came out of nowhere! And what’s so weird about this?!”
His beautiful laugh echoes through the room. “Well first of all, you’re quiet. I don’t think you’ve been this quiet before except when you’re sleeping,” he teases.
I roll my eyes at him, “Wow, thanks a lot,” I playfully slap him in the chest.
“Ow! My heart hurts,” he pouts at me.
“Oh boo-hoo..you’re pathetic, J..you’ve got your manly muscles and could probably take me down and here you are complaining about a playful hit..” I tease.
“Eh, I guess I’ll live then..”
I shake my head and chuckle. I love these moments where we just goof around and just feel free as if there isn’t any care in the world..and if there isn’t a camera sneaking up behind us on the sidewalk.
“Anyways, before I was RUDELY interrupted,” he winks at me, “this is all weird because we finally have a few days off and it’s just us. I don’t think we’ve had this much of a break in forever!”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. It feels good though, especially since I can actually sleep in tomorrow ..and just be lazy all day long,” I say as I stretch out my arms as far as they can go to show him how long.
We both laugh and lay there for a few moments until I say something that’s been on my mind for quite sometime.
“I’m thinking about finishing my career..” I wait, unsure of what Justin’s response will be.
“What? Why?!”
Oh yeah, that went well.
“I don’t know, it’s just...it feels like that whenever you have time off, I always think ‘Finally! Alone time!’ And then I end up getting dragged to numbers of radio stations or something. And then I miss half of the things you’re doing..that’s what kills me..”
“Baby, don’t ever feel bad about that. I completely understand�”we go through the same hectic schedule! Sure I always wish I didn’t have this job whenever I see you on TV or something, but our dreams are what brought us together. And whenever you’re performing, you have this spark in your eyes that’s let people know this is what you’ve wanted to do your whole life and that you’re enjoying it. You can’t really throw that away, can you?”
“I guess not, but still..”
“No buts, Rach. Our schedules aren’t doing anything except bringing us closer. Nothing can get in the way of what we have.”
I sigh, knowing deep down he’s right..I hate it when this happens.
“Promise me this right now,” he says.
“..Okay..” I say, waiting for him to continue.
“Promise me that no matter how hard it can get, you’ll never give up your dream, well at least until you’re at an elderly age,” he winks but continues, “Just remember this is how we met and if none of this had happened, our lives would be different..and I’d be lost without you.”
I think I’m gonna cry..that was beautiful.
“I promise,” I say, sealing the deal.
Justin smiles and then leans in for a kiss.
**********
And so this is why I’m continuing to do what I do. It’s been hard to keep for the past 2 months, but if Justin can’t continue his dream, I’ll continue mine for him to show just how much I love him.
I arrive at the dance studio and go inside. Everyone’s in such a good mood. It looks like they’re dying to dance. I see my choreographer, Wade, talking to a couple of the dancers. I’ve made such an awesome friendship with all of them since I started my career. If it wasn’t for them helping me through this ordeal, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. Plus, Wade called like 100 times to make sure I was gonna be here.
“Ah hah! There she is!” Wade says as I walk in the middle of the studio.
Everyone cheers and a unison of ‘Hello’s!’ were shouted. I shout back a ‘hey’ to everyone. They always were estatic to see me, but right now I’m wondering if they’re doing it just to cheer me up.
“Alright people! Let’s get in our order for ‘Most Girls’!” Wade shouts.
‘Most Girls’ will be the first single to come off my still untitled album. The single’s supposed to come out in the middle of next month and then I’m supposed to shoot for the video in 2 weeks with Pink since she’s collaborating with me. Then, I’m supposedly touring this summer, too. When I say supposedly, I mean supposedly. I just don’t know if I’m ready to do this without seeing Justin’s face in the crowd cheering me on.
We all line up and get ready for the music to come on. Well, at least it’s not a gloomy, slow song cause boy do I feel gloomy right now.
The music starts and everyone begins the dance.
I never cared too much for love
It was all a bunch of mush that I just did not want
Paid was the issue of the day
If my girlfriends got some game
Couldn’t be more fly
Getting paid was everything
But I'm not every girl
And I don't need that world to validate me
Cause shorty got a job
Shorty got a car
And shorty can pay her own rent
Don't wanna dance if it's not in my heart
Most girls want a man with the bling-bling
Got my own thing, got the ching-ching
I just want real love
Most girls want a man with the mean green
Don’t wanna dance if he can’t be
Everything that I dream of
A man that understands real love
I wrote this song with Pink back in November of 2004. Some of her words were put in there obviously with the ‘shorty’ part, but on my half, I wrote this song on how most girls want men with money. That was a rumor that started about Justin and I on how I was only dating him because he was rich and famous. Wow, people are just so stupid. First of all, not to brag, I'm also rich and famous so get a frickin clue. Besides, I never looked for a man who had money and fame, I looked for a man who saw past all my fame and saw the real me. And that’s exactly what Justin did. Luckily, that rumor was quickly gone as soon as I settled that one on TRL.
The song ended and Wade has a very impressed expression on his face. Wow, that’s a first.
“Awesome job guys! I definitely saw the attitude that I was looking for in there!”
Relief washes over us, thankful that we don’t have to do that one again. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fun dance, just not when you do it a million times a day.
“Alright guys, let’s not get off track and continue rehearsal..” Wade says as we’re off to continue dancing for the next 4 hours.
**********
It’s after 1 in the afternoon and I’m on my way to meet Elisha at lunch when my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Rachel? It’s Mom.”
“Hey Mom, what’s up?”
“Rachel, I don’t know how to tell you this..” she says a little unsure.
What could you not tell me, the worst news I ever received was..well you know.
“Mom, just tell me, please.”
“Honey…your Dad…he left..”
Well isn’t that just clear and completely understandable. What the hell does she mean ‘he left’? For all I know, he could’ve gone to Florida to visit his friend.
“What are you talking about, Mom?”
“Rachel…he’s not living in this house anymore…he’s been…with another woman from work,” she says as she tries not to cry.
Okay, I take back that earlier comment about what she couldn’t tell me.
Yup, life just got worse for Mrs. Justin Timberlake.
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Song credit: Most Girls--Pink
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