I woke up about noon today after a fun night and basically just sat around the house. It’s now nighttime once again. I wanna go back to last night again. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun in a while.
But now that that’s gone, I’m back to reality.
I head to the piano in the living room. I sit on the bench and get ready to play a song that I wrote a couple of weeks after the accident.
I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t love you so
I should have held on tight, I never should have let you go
I didn’t know nothing, I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn’t have fathomed I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I’d be sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn’t know you, cause I didn’t know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I’m feeling now that I don’t hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips cause I don’t have a choice
Oh what I wouldn’t give to have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough?
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone till the sun comes up?
Who’s gonna take your place, there ain’t nobody better
Oh baby, baby, we belong together
As I play the song without singing for a moment, I begin to cry. I wish I could go back to that night and make Justin stay home. I wish it had been me in that car. I would do anything for him. I know he’s in a better place, but why so soon?
I can’t sleep at night when you are on my mind
Bobby Womack’s on the radio singing to me
‘If you think you’re lonely now’
Wait a minute this is too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial, try and catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
‘I only think of you’
And it’s breaking my heart
I’m trying to keep it together
But I’m falling apart
I’m being all out of my element
Throwing things, crying,
Trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain’t even half of what I’m feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough?
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone till the sun comes up?
Who’s gonna take your place, there ain’t nobody better
Oh baby, baby, we belong together
I finish the song and sit there silent. I look over to the top of the piano and there’s a picture of Justin and I from his hometown during the summer. We’re both on the swing on the front porch and Lynn gets a hold of the camera and insists she takes a picture. Justin’s sitting there smiling at the camera while my head’s on his lap trying to hide from the camera.
I begin to cry again.
To try and calm down, I go out on the back patio and look out where I can see the beach and the ocean. This is one of the reasons why Justin and I bought this house. It has such an amazing and beautiful view that anyone would be crazy to turn down.
I can see a couple out there walking on the beach, hand in hand, while the sun sets in the distance.
So many times out there,
I’ve watched a happy pair
Of lovers walking in the night
They had a kind of glow around them
It almost looked like Heaven’s light
It’s such a beautiful site, but it makes me sad. Justin and I used to be one of them. We’d make sure we’d go for a walk at least once a week. We’d always stand in the water as small waves slowly came past our feet.
I swear it must be Heaven’s light
I sigh. I want those days back so bad.
**********
Trace walks toward the hospital room where Lynn had told him Justin would be.
Right now, he didn’t know what to think. At first, he made a sarcastic laugh after Lynn called him to say Justin was alive. But after Lynn told him the same story that she had told Justin, he was in shock.
So now he’s standing right in front of the closed door that would lead to his best friend. He was still a little doubtful, but the way Lynn said it on the phone, it sounded like the truth.
What he didn’t get was why he was here instead of Rachel.
He lightly knocks on the door, opens it, and walks in.
As soon as he closes the door, his eyes get wide.
There’s his best friend laying in bed with his mother by his side, both looking right at him.
“Holy shit..” Trace stands there shocked.
“Nice to see you too, Trace,” Justin teases.
“I’ll leave you guys alone to talk for a little,” Lynn says as she walks out of the room.
Trace continues to stare at Justin and is trying hard to not cry. Justin can see this and tries to joke around the subject.
“Not so tough now, huh?” He teases.
Trace lets out a laugh, “Shut up, dude.”
He sits in the chair that Lynn sat in.
“How are you, man?” Trace asks.
“Been better, but I’m making it,” Justin says.
They stay silent for a moment until Justin speaks up.
“Trace, please tell me something. And be honest with me.”
“Sure, man. What do you need to know?”
As soon as Trace sees Justin looking at his wedding band, he immediately knows what’s on his mind.
“…How’s Rachel?..” Justin asks.
Trace sighs, “She’s going through a lot of pain, but she’s making it. She really needs you, JT.”
“I need her, too. So bad,” Justin whispers.
Trace sits there quiet unsure of what to say.
“This is just so…stupid! Why would my Mom not tell her about all this?! Why?!” Justin begins to cry.
“I dunno, J..I dunno,” Trace says, “Rach is gonna find out soon, though. I’ll make sure of it.”
“I will, too. I can’t let her go through this any longer. My Mom has to tell her, or maybe you. I was thinking about calling her, but I’m afraid she’ll think it’s some pranker or something and hang up,” Justin says.
“Just say the word, Justin, and I’ll do it,” Trace says.
Justin nods, “Thanks Trace.”
Lynn leans away from the other side of the door in the hallway. She knows she’s screwed up. She never wanted to hurt anyone about this, especially Justin. And soon it would be Rachel. Lynn had finally decided she needed to get Rachel here as soon as possible. She would do it tomorrow.
The only problem is getting the guts and thinking of how to break this unexpected news to her.
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Song Credits: We Belong Together”Mariah Carey; Heaven’s Light”The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Number of reviews: 41
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