Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you can’t sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don’t come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Two days have passed since I was reunited with Justin. Except for the fact that Justin’s pleaded me to go eat or do something for my sake, I’ve never left his side. He wanted to know everything that’s happened the past two months. I was a little hesitant, but he deserved to know everything. So I told him everything”how recording was, how dance sessions were, how my Dad left my Mom, and so much more. Especially with my parents’ situation, I cried, but Justin was there to comfort me as always. Justin’s been trying to get me to forgive Lynn, but I just don’t think I should yet.
“Rachel, I know it’s hard, but I ended up forgiving her anyways,” Justin says.
“You weren’t thinking the person you loved with all your heart was dead for two months, though. What if our roles were reversed, Justin? How would you feel?”
“I know, baby, I know. I’d probably feel the same way, but you should still forgive her. She feels horrible about it.”
Damn it, I hate it when he’s always right.
So those were the past two days at the hospital. I really want to forgive Lynn, it just hurts that she kept all of this from me.
Justin and I now are talking about other things on our minds and eventually he jokes about some stuff.
Oh yeah, I think he’s better.
We continue to talk until a knock interrupts our conversation.
We hear footsteps enter the room and Lynn in the first person to be seen.
“Rachel…two people are wondering if they can come in,” Lynn says slowly.
“Sure..” I say hesitantly. She had that ‘I have no idea if you’re gonna like this or not’ voice. Will this ever stop?
Slowly, my Mom walks in and I start to get a smile, but then my Dad walks in, too.
Shit. What a surprise.
Justin realizes I’m beginning to get tense and gets a hold of my right hand.
“Hi you two,” my Mom says.
Justin says hi back, but I just sit there quietly.
“How are you feeling, Justin?” my Dad asks.
“..Eh ..okay..”
My Dad nods his head slowly and then looks at me.
Lynn and my Mom are looking at me also. The anger in my eyes must be showing.
“Rachel, do you think we could steal you for a minute?” Mom asks.
I’m about to say no, but I feel Justin squeeze my hand.
Damn it, I don’t have a choice.
“Fine,” I say and walk out of the room with them.
We’re in a little circle in the hallway. I wait to hear what they have to say.
“Where’s Sarah?” I ask.
“At home with your grandparents,” Dad says.
We stand there in silence again until Mom speaks up.
“Rachel, we need to tell you something…”
Great. More news. It’s like ‘bad news’ is a habit for me now.
“Your Mom and I,” Dad starts, “..we talked things out and…we’re back together.”
Are you freakin kidding me?
I laugh sarcastically and begin to head for the room again.
“Rachel, just listen will you?!” Dad asks.
I turn around with daggers in my eyes. Oh, I am pissed off right now.
“Listen? LISTEN?!” I shout.
“Rachel!” Mom says quietly, “Please try to be quiet! You’re in a hospital, remember?”
No Mom, I don’t remember. It’s not like my husband’s in a room with his mother probably hearing every word of this conversation right now.
I continue to shout as quietly as I can at my Dad.
“Why should I listen to you?! Give me one good reason why!”
“Because you need to hear this!” Dad says.
“Oh, I need to hear this, do I? So you didn’t need to hear about my dreams then, right?”
He gets quiet”I got him right where I want him.
“I need to hear how my father just goes off with another woman and CRUSHES my mother’s heart and somehow, he’s found a way back?!”
“Rachel! Will you please stop?” Mom asks.
“NO! I don’t need to stop. And I DON’T NEED to listen. I shouldn’t have to listen after what HE’S done to all of us!”
They just stand there quietly. I think they’re surprised by my outburst. I am, too.
“If this, besides Justin, is all you came for, then you made a mistake,” I say.
I look at my Mom. I feel really bad for her, but I can’t help what I feel.
I then look at my Dad. Memories fill my mind of all the times he’d take me to the park, how he’d always make sure my birthday was better than last year’s, how he’d drive me to school.
But then the bad memories rush in.
I go back to that night in December 2000 when I visiting at home.
~~~~~~~~~~
It was Sarah’s 4th birthday a few days ago. She was now downstairs playing with her new toys while I was upstairs in the living room watching TV and my Mom in her bedroom.
Just then I hear Dad start to get upset.
“Sarah, will you stop making such a mess?!”
Close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time to waste asking why
I sigh. My Dad was always a neat freak, but sometimes he took it too far.
Then I hear something bang against the wall.
“Daddy! Don’t throw my toys!” Sarah cries.
Fearing this could get bad; I quietly sneak down the stairs and stop on the last one. I make my presence unknown as I hide and stay quiet.
“Don’t make such a mess then! Just clean up for once!” Dad shouts.
I peak my head out and watch the scene in front of me.
I can see Dad starting to just snatch the toys away while my sister continues to cry.
‘What the hell? She was playing with them,’ I thought in my head.
“DADDY! Give me my toys back!” Sarah continues to cry.
“Maybe when you learn to clean up, you’ll get them back!”
Sarah then runs over to my Dad and steals a couple dolls from him.
“Give me those dolls, Sarah!”
“No! I was playing with them!”
Then a horrible scene is revealed in front of me.
My Dad picks up a tiny red wagon that one of Sarah’s bears could ride in and throws it at her.
My heart fills with fear as I enter the room.
“DAD! WHAT THE HELL!?”
I never swear in front of Sarah and I didn’t mean to, but after what I just saw, it scared the shit out of me.
I rush over to Sarah. Luckily the wagon missed her, but barely. She was shaking and I pick her up.
“Dad, there was no reason for that at all!”
“She wouldn’t clean up!”
“She was still playing with her toys, you psycho!”
My Dad just stands there, still angry while I stand with Sarah in my arms, afraid what he’ll do next.
“I’m getting out of here!” Dad says as he puts on his shoes and begins to leave.
“Good! Go ahead! Just be aware that Mom WILL hear about this and that your ass could be in a hellhole when you get back!”
He leaves the house slamming the door.
My Mom comes out of her bedroom looking like she just woke up.
“What’s going on?” She asks.
I tell her what happened and we all just cry on the couch.
~~~~~~~~~~
They had a huge argument that night. But otherwise, nothing else happened. He thankfully hasn’t done anything like that since then and has more patience with Sarah.
Do I expect to change the past I hold inside
With all the words I say repeating over in my mind
Some things you can’t erase no matter how hard you try
An exit to escape is all there is left to find
I look back at my Dad, “I’ve forgiven you one too many times about everything that’s ever happened. I don’t think I can come to terms with this one,” I say as I leave them out in the hallway to head back in Justin’s room.
Justin and Lynn look at me.
“Did you hear everything?” I ask.
They both nod slowly.
I sit in the chair next to Justin’s bed and begin to cry.
Justin pulls me over on the bed and into his embrace. I cry onto his shoulder as he runs his hand through my hair.
Close my eyes let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time to waste asking why
Thank God he’s here. I don’t think I could handle one more heartbreak alone.
----------
Song credits: Have You Ever”Brandy ; Echo”Trapt
Number of reviews: 41
Print:
Chapter or Story