It’s been two weeks, and I’ve only talked to her once. I don’t know what’s going to happen next in our relationship, but I pray to God that she finds some way to forgive me. Everyday, I wake up, and wish everything were back to normal. Maybe this whole thing was some horrible nightmare. If I hadn’t been so selfish, and needy to talk to Madeline, none of this would have happened. But I think that deep inside of me, I wanted to talk to her, to get some sort of closure. For months after we broke up, I asked myself what I had done wrong. What had I done in a past life, to deserve so much pain? Then I met Blayre at a basketball game and everything turned brighter.
From our last conversation, it sounded that maybe she really was getting over it. I just hope she knows how much I love her, and how horrible I feel that I’ve torn everything we had, apart. I talked to the guys last night, and Chris said he’d bumped into Madeline. I’d been avoiding her ever since that night, paranoid to go to any parties in case she was there. It’s not that I didn’t trust myself around her, but I wasn’t ready to see her. I don’t know how she can live with herself, knowing that she helped someone cheat on their significant other. Maybe she does this a lot. She definitely didn’t have any trouble cheating on me with my friends.
I’m sitting in the studio again, pouring my heart and soul out onto paper when I hear the phone ring. Praying it’s Bee, I grab the phone.
“Hello?”
“Justin?” her voice sounds so good right now. I sigh, feeling all of my stress and fear melting away.
“Hey baby,” I offer, wondering how she’ll respond to the term of endearment.
“Are you busy?” she asks.
“For you, I’m not,” I shrug. She’s quiet for a few moments, and my heart starts beating faster. Those fears that melted away were resurfacing. She’s not going to end this, is she? “Bee? Please say something.”
“Justin,” she sighs. I can picture her frown, and the way she always plays with her hair when she’s on the phone. I miss her so much. “I don’t think we can continue this way. I love you so much, but I can’t find a way to forgive you.”
“Blayre, please…just…” I trail off, knowing there’s nothing I can say to make it right. “I know I made a mistake, and I know I hurt you, but…if you’re not here, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.”
She sniffles, and my heart breaks even more, knowing that she’s crying. I wonder how many tears I’ve caused, and what I could do to change everything. “I’m sorry…I can’t. If I come back, everything’s going to come back and I’m going to be even more angry.”
“What about your job? All of your stuff…”
“I’ll figure that out later,” she answers sadly. I don’t know what to do anymore. “I have to go now.”
“Okay,” I whisper. She mumbles a goodbye before hanging up. I stare at the phone, before pressing the ‘Talk’ button to turn it off. There’s only one more thing I can do to save this. But what would she say?
=================================
Blayre stepped out of Los Angeles International Airport, taking a deep breath, happy to be home. She had been away for almost two months, and couldn’t wait to see her friends. As she walked away to find a taxi, a hand touched her shoulder and she turned around.
“Excuse me, Ms. Ryan?” the man asked. He was wearing a black suit, and sunglasses. Blayre narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
“Yes…?” She looked down at the sign in his hand that had her name written across it. “Who are you?”
“My name is Tim. I’m sorry, but there’s very little I can say. If you could just follow me please,” he motioned over to a stretch limo. She was suddenly reminded of her one-year anniversary with Justin. She had thought Justin was already in the limo, and had climbed in. But instead, he had a video playing for her, with rose petals all over the car. It had been such a wonderful night. “I promise you, I’m not a stalker.” Tim smiled.
“Did Mr. Timberlake do this?” she asked, even though she knew the answer. He just smiled before shutting the door. Blayre glanced around her surroundings, noticing a bouquet of white lilies, her favorite, on the bench in front of her. The car began to move as she moved to look at the flowers. As she sat on the bench, the television screen suddenly turned on, and there was a little boy on the screen.
“So say exactly what you just practiced,” Blayre heard Justin’s voice from behind the camera. The boy smiled shyly, his dimples marking his face.
“All of the flowers in your hand, stand for all of the times Jay Jay thought about you in the last day,” the boy recited. Then he stopped, as if forgetting his line, before coming close to the camera. “There’s 50,” he whispered. Blayre couldn’t help smile as the boy sat back down again. “And the bowl of petals are for all of the tears he’s cried over you…because he’s a little baby.”
“Hey!” Justin exclaimed, rattling the camera. The boy giggled before becoming serious once again. Blayre noticed the glass bowl of petals sitting next to the TV and sighed. Justin really wanted her back. But she didn’t know if she could trust him again. The camera rattled some more, before Justin came into view and placed the boy in his lap. He looked really good, and Blayre cursed the butterflies that appeared in her stomach when she laid eyes on him. She really did miss him. “Bee, I know I made a mistake, and I know you hate me right now. But I just want you to know that you are so amazing, and I love you so much. The fact that you got into the limo, knowing it was my little scheme, shows me that maybe you still love me a little.” He stopped talking when the young boy tugged on his shoulder and whispered something into his ear. Justin nodded and the boy ran off camera. He turned back to the camera and smiled.
“We put together a little performance for you,” he smiled. The screen turned black, before coming back on to show a bunch of kindergartners in what looked to be, Justin’s backyard. They all stood in a line as Justin kneeled in front of them. “Okay…so remember the song?” They all nodded as he crawled off camera.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy,
When skis are gray.
You never noticed,
How much I love you.
So please don't take my sunshine away.
The other night dear,
While I was sleeping,
I dreamt I held you in my arms.
But when I awoke dear,
You were not with me,
So I hung my head and cried.
There were dance moves and everything, as they sang off tune. “Justin loves you!” they screamed before the screen turned black again. The next twenty minutes were of clips from home videos over the last 2 years of their relationship, but the one that stuck out the most in Blayre’s mind, was the very last. She hadn’t seen it before, but remembered the day perfectly.
“Say hi to the camera baby,” Justin called out as the camera zoomed in on Blayre’s bikini clad body. She looked up, her sunglasses hiding her eyes.
“Hi.”
“How does it feel to be with Justin Timberlake for almost two years? Awesome? Amazing? Heavenly?”
“A bore,” came her reply as she turned back to the magazine in her hands. Justin’s face appeared in the camera, showing his pout.
“Well lemme tell you how it feels to be with you,” he started, sitting down at her feet. “I feel like I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”
She put the magazine down, shaking her head at his cheesiness. “You are such a goober. Please put that camera down or go away so I can get some peace.”
“Not unless you tell me you love me,” he laughed. She smiled.
“I love you,” she said. The camera shook from side to side.
“I can’t hear you.”
“I love you!” she exclaimed louder.
“I don’t think the audience heard you very well,” the camera shook again.
“I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!” she screamed as she kicked Justin off of her chair. He laughed, holding the camera away as he kissed her. Blayre’s muffled giggles could be heard off screen before the camera turned off.
Blayre hadn’t noticed that the car had stopped, or that there were tears rolling down her cheeks. Seeing all of their times together, when she had been so completely obsessed with him, had struck a chord. Had she made a mistake of ending things? Or was she a sucker for punishment? The limo door opened and Justin slid in, sitting across from her. Blayre took a deep breath, unprepared for the sight of him. She hadn’t realized how much she missed him until she saw him sitting five feet from here.
He moved next to her reaching out to hold her hand. Blayre wiped away her tears with the other. “Are you that mad at me?”
“You are such a jerk…pulling a stunt like that,” she laughed through her tears. “That’s cheating.”
“There aren’t any rules when it comes to love,” he shrugged. She rolled her eyes, looking down at their intertwined fingers. “I’m sorry,” he said seriously. Blayre looked up at him, her aqua blue eyes meeting his sincere, dark ones.
“I know,” she sighed.
“Do you forgive me…a little?” he asked again. Blayre shrugged.
“I’m getting there,” she mumbled. “I just don’t know why…what did I do?”
Justin shook his head furiously. “It was nothing you did. Believe me, you were perfect. Amazing, actually. I just…I guess I was hoping that making up with her again would somehow mend that part of me that she hurt. I think I was really just testing myself, to see if I did still have feelings for her. When I realized the way I felt when I was with her, was nothing compared to the way I felt when I was with you, I finally knew I was over her. For good. It was a shitty way to find that out, but now I know that you’re it for me.”
“Really?” she asked, searching for any doubt in his eyes. But all she saw was the man she had fallen in love with two years ago.
“Really,” he nodded. “I know it’s going to take awhile for you to trust me the way you did. Maybe you won’t ever trust me that much again, but I want to show you that you can believe in me. You probably don’t believe me right now…but it’s true.”
“Okay,” Blayre sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. Justin sighed, finally feeling as if everything was okay again.
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