Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt
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This story is pure FICTION!
I DO NOT know the guys!
This story is just my twisted imagination at work.
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He didn't remember when it started, but he swore it wasn't always like this. In the beginning, they were the perfect couple. JC would write sweet poems that would make him blush, and always seemed to say the right thing. He said JC knew him so well, knew when to hug, when to kiss, and when to leave. He said he found such overwhelming comfort in JC's arms...found I stress to him is past tense.
He says he knows JC loves him, that he can see it in his eyes. All I see is control. Justin tries to cover for him, but none of the guys fall for it. He tells me it's his fault, that he just makes JC angry sometimes. I try to convince him that making someone angry doesn't constitute getting hit. He tells me that JC doesn't want to hurt him. I ask, 'Then why does he?' Justin's answer is always the same, an automatic response. 'I give him no choice. I make him angry. He loves me. It's not always like that.'
When they first got together, I admit I was jealous. They had want I wanted...a loving relationship that could last. Plus, I've always loved Justin. I think he knows that. I think JC does too, and that scares me.
Things started changing about a month into the relationship. Justin started showing up at practice with bruises, claiming he walked into walls, doors, and anything else he could make up. Justin had always been somewhat of a klutz, but nobody fell down that many times. Chris tried to ask him about it once, but Justin clamed up as soon as JC approached.
The other guys are just as suspicious as I am. They try to get Justin away from JC as much as possible, inviting him to spend the night, go out to a club, or just hang. The look JC gives us when we even talk to Justin leads me to believe inviting him places only makes it worse for him, though.
I don't think Justin's ever talked to anybody but me about the abuse. Not even Chris. To be accurate, he's never really talked to me about it either. He only comes to me when the bruises are too large to cover, or the cut is bleeding too much. He comes in the middle of the night, so JC won't know he's gone. He knocks lightly on my door, and when I let him in, he walks straight to the bathroom.
He won't look into my eyes, ever. I think he's afraid he'll cry if he sees my love and heartache, and he won't cry in front of me. He doesn't say much, just that he made JC mad again. Then he shows me the bruise or cut, and I fix it the best I can with the First Aid kit I bought for just this occasion. When I'm done, he stands up, tells me thanks and sneaks back into his room.
I want to grab him, and kiss him, and show him what real love is, but I never do. I know deep down he knows what JC does is wrong, but JC was his first love, his first in many ways, and he doesn't want it to end. He told me once that when he found his true love, he was going to be with them forever. He didn't want to be like his parents, he wanted to make it work, no matter what the cost. I wonder if he ever thought the cost would be being beaten.
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JC got mad again last night. Apparently Justin was flirting too much with a fan at sound check. It's part of the job, but JC seems to think Justin went too far. I don't know if I can fix the bruises this time, and when I tell Justin that, I can see tears in his eyes. Tears...
I don't think the tears are from the pain. Though I can tell he's in a lot of pain. I think the tears are from fear. If I can't fix the cuts, a doctor will have to, and then JC will know he came to my room. He's scared of JC's reaction to that.
I tell him he has to go to the hospital, and he begs me to find another way. I can't stand to see the pain and fear in his eyes. He's crying openly now, and I think this might be his breaking point. I tell him I'll try, and take him into my arms. He tenses immediately and my heart breaks. After a few moments, he leans into my embrace and begins to sob. I hold him, and sing to him, and tell him how much I love him. His breathing starts to even out, after a good long cry, and he slowly pulls away from me. He actually tells me he's sorry, and I shake my head, and tell him not to apologize for JC's actions.
After an hour on the phone, I find a doctor who's willing to come to the hotel in the middle of the night. He stitches up Justin's cuts, and wraps his broken ribs. As he gives Justin a few painkillers, he tells him to get away. 'This isn't love. Love doesn't cause bruises, and bleeding. Get away from whoever is hurting you like this. The relationship isn't worth your life.'
Justin doesn't respond, but I can tell he heard the doctor. I thank the doctor, and pay him for his services. He gives me instructions for the pain medication, and when to have the stitches taken out, and then he gives me a sympathetic look. 'Get him away from the guy, or next time you might be calling a corner.'
I stare at the man as he leaves my room. His warning pierced right into my heart. I had to get Justin away from JC. But how? We're in the same band for goodness sakes. How do you get away from someone, when you share a stage, and a bus with them? I guess you start by changing buses.
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The next day, Justin can't hide the stitches in his forehead, and the bruises on his face. JC has never hurt him so bad, and never in places that were visible to the public.
Johnny has a fit, and the other guys just stare at the marks with sadness. Johnny decides to cancel the concert, and tell people that Justin was hurt during rehearsal. It's a stretch, but it will give Justin a few days for the bruises to heal.
Joey and Chris approach me after the meeting, and we decide something has to be done. We call around to some area assault centers, and hotlines, and finally we formulate a plan.
We are going to call a group meeting, and tell JC and Justin that we know. We know JC's been abusing Justin, and we want it to end. We're going to give JC two choices; either get help, or get out. We found a great counselor that can accompany us on tour. JC can see her every night, and we won't have to cancel the tour. Justin will be moved to the other bus, and the relationship is over, until JC finishes the therapy and can prove to us that he has changed. If he doesn't agree, he's out. No more NSYNC, no more friendship.
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It sounded like such a great plan last night. We forgot one factor though...Justin. He didn't take the 'relationship over' part very well. He looked so betrayed. And I guess, I did betray him, but he never told me not to say anything, and even if he had I would have told to help him. I just couldn't see him hurt again, and when I told him that, he began to cry.
JC was as angry as we had imagined. He went on and on about how we had no right, it was his life, and he wasn't hurting Justin. I pointed out the bruises, and cuts on Justin, and asked him to explain, please, set us straight. He lashed out, declaring that I was doing this out of jealousy. Chris and Joey pointed out that they were also in on this, and JC had no response.
After a lot of screaming, and crying, JC agreed to see the counselor. I think I actually saw hurt in Justin's eyes when JC gave in. Justin told me later that it had hurt him, because JC had stopped to keep from losing his music, not because he loved Justin too much to keep hurting him. I guess I can understand that.
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I feel guilty sometimes about what we did. Not about getting Justin away from the abuse, but that I now have Justin on my bus, and with me. I didn't intentionally set out to lure Justin away from JC, but it happened. We began to spend so much time together that our feelings just progressed naturally. I had always loved him, so for me it was easy to start a relationship. It was harder for Justin. He was scared of JC's reaction, scared of being wrong about someone again, and sad about his first relationship ending.
He had a long talk with JC one night during one of JC's therapy sessions. I don't know what was said, Justin told me it was confidential, but when he returned to my room, he was crying. He said that JC and him had done a lot of talking and decided not to pursue a relationship any further. He said he told JC about his growing feelings for me, and JC had given his blessing.
I don't think I've ever been happier. Justin wanted to take a stab at a relationship again, and with me. I leaned forward and kissed him, and he kissed back. When we pulled away from the kiss, I took him in my arms, and he told me I made him feel so safe. I told him I loved him, and he said, 'I think I'm falling in love with you, too.'
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Last week was our one year anniversary. I can't believe it. I still get saddened every time I see one of his scares, but I know that he will never receive another one. JC still sees his counselor once a week, when he's home. I can see a change in him. He says he's fine with Justin and I being together, that he made a horrible mistake, that he loved Justin, but he wasn't in love with him. He isn't dating anybody new, he said he doesn't feel comfortable with that yet, but he's getting better.
I took Justin to a fancy restaurant for our anniversary, and gave him a diamond watch. It was nothing compared to the gift Justin gave me. Justin gave me himself, and his love. I still get chills when I remember that night. I don't think I'll ever forget it; the feel of his skin against mine, the sweet taste of his sweat, the tightness when I slid into him, the shiver that went through me when we came together, and the swell in my heart when he looked into my eyes and said 'I love you.'
The End
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