When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept your heart away
From the look upon your face, I see it's true
So tell me all about it, tell me 'bout the
plans you're makin'
Then tell me one thing more before I go
He reached for his C.D. player and lowered the volume as his phone began ringing. He reached for it anf flipped it open, seeing his best friend and girlfriend name show up on his caller ID.
"Hey biscuit, what's going on?" He answered smiling. He loved talking to her, especially on the phone, she always had the funniest and most interesting things to tell him. Somehow half of the things she experienced, he doubted happened to anyone else.
"Justin it's Kathy, Stephanie was in an accident. You need to get here, it's bad."
"I'm on my way." He threw his phone across on the passenger seat, already speeding to reach the hospital.
He impatiently paid for hospital parking and ran through the entrance ignoring the nurse that warned him to slow down. The service desk told him her floor and room and he ran up the stairs, as the elavators seemed to be taking forever to come.
He spotted Stephanie's mother right away. She was pacing back and forth in front of her room, Steph's father sitting on a chair, his head in his hands. Kathy looked up when she heard footsteps, a look of relief crossing her features. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. He held her close, tears filling his eyes, just thinking of all the possibilities.
"She's fine, right? She's gonna be fine, right?" He asked in a panic, expecting an immediate 'yes' but instead receiving no answer at all. Kathy pulled back and he looked into her eyes, he could read her like a book, just like he could her daughter and they said all he needed to no. He jumped back from her, like she shocked him.
"No!" He shouted. "Your joking, right? She's gonna be fine. She has to be fine." He repeated, as if the more he said it, the truer it would become.
"Justin, sweetie, I'm so sorry." Kathy cried, reaching out to hug him again. He pulled back and leaned against the wall.
"Your lying to me. Kathy telling me your lying to me." More tears filled her eyes, as Justin fell apart. Ted, her father stood up and pulled him into a hug.
"It's not true Ted. Tell me it's not true." Justin's strenght left and he broke out into tears.
Minutes later Justin pulled away from Ted. "Can I see her?" They nodded.
"But son, it's bad." Ted warned as he patted Justin on the back before he slowly opened her door and entered her room.
He turned away the second he saw her. That wasn't her. That couldn't be her. That was not his beautiful, happy, smiling, Stephanie. He covered his mouth as for a second he thought he was going to vomit. He needed to be strong. She could get through this. She could recover. He turned back and looked at her lying helpless in the bed. She was hooked up to so many machines, he had no idea what any of them did. He forehead was covered with bandage, and he left eye was swollen to the size of a lemon. Her lip was cut open and she had a huge gash across her right cheek. Both her legs was in casts, and so was her right arm.
This couldn't be happening. He was strong enough to handle this. She wasn't strong enough. She was his little Stephanie. His innocent Stephanie. She didn't deserve this. How could this happen. She was going to make it.
Looking at her face, he knew she was going to make it. He collasped in the chair next to her bed and began sobbing, and praying and asking God why.
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I suppose to live without you
How am I suppose to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone
This was a nightmare. This was his worst nightmare in the whole world and he never expected it to come true. He would have changed placed with her in a second. She wasn't supposed to feel pain. He was supposed to protect her.
He had spoken to her parents and they informed her it was a drunk driver who was also speeding. He hit her side full speed and her car slammed into a tree from the hit. Four others were also in the hospital and the man had already been arrested by police. If she didn't make it, he had better watch his back. Justin would honestly kill him. Without Stephanie he'd have no heart. If she died, his heart would die with her.
She was his happiness and life. He was more than ready to dedicated himself to her. They had been together 4 wonderful years with many more to come. And they had grown up together all their lives. She was the one. He had seen a few other girls but nothing compared to Stephanie. She was the most wonderful female besides him mom, that he had ever met. and he had no idea how he could live without her.
He couldn't. A life without Stephanie wasn't possible. Waking up in bed without her there was not possible. Cooking pizza with extra pepperoni and tons of olives was not possible. Dealing with all the shit he had to go through at work was not possible without Stephanie. Breathing was not possible.
If she died, he's wanna die with her because he honestly wouldn't be able to go on without her in his life.
Didn't come here to break down
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end
And how can I blame you
When I build my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so much
more than friends
And I don't wanna know the price I'm
gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
He watched as her chest slowly heaved up and down, listening to the monitor beat slowly but steadily. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, or spoken a word. She was sleeping, probably wouldn't wake up for days with all the medication she was on. He needed to see her eyes and hear her voice. She need to tell him that everything would be okay.
He pulled his hand away from hers reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small jewelery box.
"Bet ya know what this is, huh?" He half smiled. "I finally bought it." He whispered, opening the box, revealing a gorgeous engagement ring. It was a beautiful diamond cut into a heart shaped, with two smaller hearts beside it with their intials in the center. "It's not as beautiful as you but nothing really is, so you'll just have to be take it. When I imagined giving you this ring, it was never under these circumstances. I wanted to take to you to that island that you loved and I wanted us to watch the sunset and we lay out on the beach, waiting for the stars to come out and I'd hold you in my arms. And we try and count the stars and always come up with two different numbers. And then I'd ask you to go for a walk with me to that garden that we love and right in the center, with the moon and stars lighting up your beautiful face, I'd get down on my knees and ask you to make me the happiest man in the world if you agreed to be my wife. And I'd be on my knees praying for you to say 'yes' and when you did, I'd slip the ring on your finger and take you into my arms and carry you all the way back to our room." He wiped away the tears that slowly escaped his eyes.
"Pretty good idea, eh?" He smiled weakly, as if she could hear him. "I think you would have loved it. But since we can't do that, this will have to suffice Steph."
And slowly he got down on one knee beside her bed, and took her left hand into his hands.
"Stephanie Rosemany Docerty a.k.a. biscuit, you have made me the happiest man in the entire world for these past 4 years, I can guarantee that. I swear I can. Even when your a pain in my ass I love you even more, though I may not seem like it. But I know you thought this day wouldn't come for a few more years but I am so in love with you and can't wait to start a life with you. I'm more than ready to put a hold on my career to start a life and a family with you because that is my biggest dream. I don't need the grammys, or awards or money as long as I have you to call my wife. I want to have children with you. Little girls that will be as beautiful as you are. They would have your eyes, and your soft heart. And your smile. There's nothing more beautiful."
"Or we could have boys, with my good looks you know? Hopefully they'd inherited your wonderful traits. Your compassion, and will and all the other amazing things you have to offer. Stephanie if you get better, nothing like this will ever happen again, I'll protect you with my life. I need you in my life. Don't you understand. I love you so much more than I could ever express in words and I don't know what I would do without you. Please, I'm begging you, don't leave me. Please, Steph, don't leave." He begged, resting his head against his hands as he began crying.
"Be my wife. Be my wife. Be with me forever. Let me love you and protect you." He rambled on, asking and promising her all these things. His head shot up as he felt a slight squeeze on his hand.
Her eyes were droopy but they were open and she was slowly nodding her head. "Yes."
gonna pay for dreaming
Now that your dream has come true
He got off his knees, and gently stroked her cheek, staring into her hazel eyes.
"Oh my God, Steph I thought I lost you. Oh my God, thank God. I can't even think." She wasn't moving much but he could tell something was wrong. "What is it? Anything I'll help you." He asked frantically. He looked down her body and realized she was holding out her left hand to him. Oh he forgot to put the ring on her finger. He smiled at her sheepishly. "Sorry." The one side of her lip curled up as she attempted a smile.
"Will you Stephanie take me as your husband?" He asked again, wanting to see the look in her eyes as she answered him.
"Nothing...would make me....hap....happier." She choked out, hardly being able to speak. He slid the ring on her finger and kiss her gently.
"Don't speak biscuit. I'm gonna get a doctor to check you out." Just as he was opening her door, she called out to him weakly. He rushed back to her side, grabbing her left hand, rubbing his palms over it as it was so cold.
"What's wrong, B?" He asked, leaning over her.
"There's...no...no time."
"What? Steph your awake, your gonna get better. Let me get a doctor for you." He reassured her as well as himself. Now that she was awake her breaths were coming slower, and her heart monitor didn't seem as loud.
"No. Just remember....I love...love you....and be ha....happy." She choked on her words.
"I will be happy, happy with you." He said quickly but her eyes had closed, her hand held no strenght, her breaths had silenced and the last final stab in his heart. He watched as her heart monitor had only one solid line going through.
The doctors rushed in hearing the hear monitor flatline, and were already setting up the shock to revive. He knew though. He pushed back into the corner and slid to the ground, crying. He watched as they placed the shocks on her and her body jerked but nothing happened. He knew she wasn't coming back. She said her goodbye.
He guessed they both kinda got their dreams. She had agreed to be his wife and she had always wanted to go to heaven and be a guardian angel which he knew she was there and she was gonna be watching over him.
But he still had one question.....
.....how was he supposed to live without her?
