Chapter Twenty-One
"Oh, great. We've lost her again," Gaby declared with a sigh as Rachael failed to answer yet another question she had posed to her. They, along with Hollie, were sitting in the kitchen of the apartment Hollie and Gaby shared eating a quick lunch before Rachael had to embark on the long drive back to San Francisco. Rachael had been incredibly fidgety and non-responsive for the entire hour she'd been there and it was making it very difficult to have a conversation with her. It was also making both of her friends very suspicious, as such behavior usually meant that something was bothering her. But of course if they were to ask her about it, she would probably deny there was anything wrong.
"Sorry." Rachael grimaced. "What did you say?"
"I just asked if you were happy with the way the party turned out last night," Gaby responded. "You were so worried about it going well."
"Oh, yeah. It was good." She shrugged and her gaze drifted back to the wall where it had been fixed pretty much the entire time she'd been sitting there. She'd hardly touched her food and was completely oblivious to the looks of concern both of her companions were giving her. "Did you guys have a good time?" She didn't look at them, but at least she was talking. That was a step in the right direction.
"Hollie did," Gaby replied immediately, a mischievous grin spreading across her face as the blonde groaned and covered her face. This got Rachael's attention and she directed her gaze back to them.
"Yes, I noticed that you and JC didn't leave each other's sides once the entire night." She adopted an expression almost identical to the one on Gaby's face and poked Hollie's arm teasingly.
"Then you will have further noticed that they disappeared into one of Justin's guest rooms halfway through the night and didn't emerge until I went and banged on the door to tell Hollie we had to leave." Gaby continued to grin annoyingly as Hollie stood and walked to the other side of the room to refill her glass of iced tea.
"Oh did they?" Rachael asked, raising an eyebrow with interest. "I didn't realize that."
"Yes. Yes they did." Gaby nodded solemnly and Hollie rolled her eyes, leaning against the counter and sipping her iced tea instead of returning to the table and her smug friends.
"God, you make it sound like I went up there and jumped his bones! We just made out a little."
"A little?" the other two replied in unison, clearly not buying this story.
"Or a lot." Hollie's cheeks went slightly red. "Shut up." Gaby and Rachael laughed and Hollie stuck her tongue out at them. "You're just jealous because neither of you got any tongue action last night." The minute she said it, Hollie noticed Rachael avert her eyes and start fiddling with her fork. That was suspicious. That was very suspicious. "Right?" she ventured slowly.
"God knows I didn't," Gaby volunteered glumly. "An hour into the thing Trace was already too drunk to even dance with me. He just kind of stared at the wall the rest of the evening. Why do I like him again?" The question went unanswered as Rachael had returned to her previous state of not paying attention and Hollie was sipping her iced tea and sporting an expression that was halfway between being thoughtful and plotting someone's demise.
"Rachael?" Hollie questioned. As she expected, there was no response. "Rach!"
"Hmm? What?" The brown eyes darted away from the wall and blinked at Hollie, who was frowning at her.
"Okay, spill," she ordered, setting her iced tea down on the counter and resting her hands on her hips. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong?" Rachael did her best to feign innocence. "Nothing's wrong."
"Why do I feel like we've had this conversation before?" Gaby asked with a sigh and a shake of her head. This was the main reason she hadn't already asked Rachael what was wrong. The woman had an entirely frustrating way of finding any and every possible way to avoid talking about whatever happened to be bothering her.
"Because we have." Hollie was still staring intently at Rachael, seeming convinced that if she stared at her long enough she could just will the information out of her. "And don't play dumb with us, Rachael. Something's wrong. What is it?" Rachael shrugged, deciding this was a good time to actually pay attention to the food she'd been moving around her plate for the past hour.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm just-"
"Tired," her friends finished the sentence for her. Now they were both staring at her and she shifted uncomfortably, taking a bite of her salad. She was in no mood to discuss the fact that in the past twenty-four hours she'd somehow managed to do the two stupidest things she'd ever done in her life: kiss Justin again and then tell him it didn't mean anything to her. Of course she was too stubborn to admit the latter had been a mistake. That would mean confessing that she'd felt all the things he'd felt and more and she was not planning to do that anytime soon. Or ever. As she had told him, she didn't want to mess with their relationship. He was the one thing in her life that was supposed to be constant and she wasn't about to risk losing that no matter how dizzy and weak his kisses made her or how perfect his hand felt intertwined with hers.
"Yeah. Just tired." She forced a smile as she slowly chewed a moutful of salad. Hollie and Gaby both rolled their eyes. Neither one was buying into the "I'm just tired" story. For as long as either of them could remember, whenever Rachael said, "I'm just tired," it really meant, "I'm having major issues that I just don't want to face up to."
"Okay, here's what I figure," Hollie began, walking back over to the table and looking down at Rachael. "Gaby and I can either pester you and threaten you with cruel and unusual forms of torture until you tell us what's wrong, or you could just stop pretending to be all innocent and tell us already."
"I vote for the latter," Gaby volunteered.
"As do I." Two pairs of eyes focused on Rachael expectantly and she swallowed hard, once again fingering her fork absentmindedly as she wondered why all the people she chose as friends seemed to be equally nosy.
"Nothing's wrong," she insisted for the third time, although this time it was quieter and even less convincing than it had been the first two times.
"Rachael!" The exclamation was made by both of her companions and was equally loud and exasperated from both.
"What?"
"Just tell us what's wrong before I smack you upside the head," Gaby suggested coolly.
"Nothing's-"
"GAH!" Hollie threw her hands into the air despairingly as she cut Rachael off and the latter let out a sigh.
"Fine," she caved. "Justin and I got into a little fight this morning."
"What about?" Gaby asked, rubbing her friend's arm soothingly as Hollie curbed the urge to scream, "I knew it!"
"Nothing." Rachael grimaced and backtracked quickly as she saw them both open their mouths to yell at her again. "Okay, but you have to promise you won't tell anyone."
"No problem," Gaby agreed.
"Of course," Hollie added. Rachael let out a laborous sigh, fidgeting as she always did when she was nervous and looking around as though afraid someone could be listening in on their conversation.
"We kind of kissed last night and then he came into my room this morning spouting all this ridiculous stuff about how he loves me and wants to be with me and, well..." her voice trailed off as she did everything within her power to ignore the two women who were gaping at her. She didn't like having to say things like this out loud because it just made them that much more real. She much preferred pretending it hadn't happened.
"Well what?" Gaby prodded urgently. Neither she nor Hollie had been expecting this. According to Trace, Justin was being too much of a wuss to admit his feelings to Rachael, especially in light of the whole Lance situation. The only possible explanation was that she had reciprocated the night before and given him reason to believe she felt the same way he did. Rachael covered her face with her hands and closed her eyes tightly as though trying to will herself out of the room and out of this conversation.
"I told him the truth." There she went trying to convince herself more than anyone else in the room again. "I told him I'd just gotten caught up in the moment and it was a mistake and I just want to be friends." She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant and as though this were the most natural response in the world but the way Hollie and Gaby were continuing to stare at her incredulously suggested it wasn't working.
"You what?" Gaby exclaimed in horror. She had to be kidding.
"I-" Rachael began to explain herself, but was cut off by Hollie as she pulled out a chair and sat back down at the table.
"Okay, no," the blonde stated. "No way. It's time for an intervention."
"A what?"
"An intervention."
"Oh god. She does this to me all the time." Gaby rolled her eyes but then decided said intervention would probably not be too torturous now that she was on the other side of it.
"What are you talking about?" Rachael asked, her voice reflecting the irritation she felt.
"Rachael, when something really good happens to you and you want to share the good news with someone, who's the first person you call?" Hollie interrogated her.
"What?" The question seemed a bit pointless and off the subject and Rachael was not at all convinced the intentions behind it were pure.
"Just answer the questions, Rach," Gaby advised. "She won't shut up until you do."
"Something really good happens. Who's the first person you call?" Hollie repeated and Rachael rolled her eyes.
"Fine. Justin," she stated without even having to think about the answer.
"Okay. Something really bad happens, who's the first person you call?"
"Justin."
"The person you have the most fun with?"
"Justin."
"The person who annoys you the most?"
"At the moment? You." She smiled, quite satisfied with her response and Gaby laughed, but Hollie, who apparently took this quite seriously, narrowed her blue eyes at her threateningly. "But normally it's Justin."
"The one person who can make you laugh when you feel like crying."
"Justin," Rachael admitted begrudgingly. She had a good feeling she knew where this was going and she didn't like it one bit.
"The one person who can piss you off more than anyone else?"
"Justin."
"The person who knows you better than anyone else."
"Justin."
"Best kiss you've ever had?" Up until this point, all of Rachael's answers had been without hesitation but now she opened her mouth to respond, then closed it, clearly feeling she needed more time to think about the answer.
"I don't know," she lied, but her friends didn't look at all convinced and she sighed. "Fine. Last night." The answer came out so quietly that it was almost inaudible but neither Hollie nor Gaby missed it. "But I don't see what this is supposed to prove," she continued indignantly.
"You're in love with him," Hollie stated simply.
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are, Rach," Gaby replied softly. Generally both she and Hollie had made a point to keep out of Justin and Rachael's relationship but they both felt it was just getting ridiculous. Someone had to snap her out of whatever weird dream world she lived in and knowing Justin it wasn't going to be him.
"I'm not! God, I can't believe I'm hearing this," she mumbled, holding her head in her hands. This was the last thing she needed. Had everyone suddenly gone crazy? Was there some "Rachael loves Justin" epidemic going around that she didn't know about?
"You are," Hollie insisted, getting up and walking back over to the counter to grab her iced tea.
"I'm not!"
"Rachael, I had a huge crush on Justin all throughout junior high and high school," she continued, pausing only to take a sip of her drink. "Why do you think I never did anything about it?"
"How should I know?" Rachael snapped.
"I never did anything about it because I knew you two were crazy about each other. Everyone knew. It's obvious; always has been."
"That's ridiculous."
"No it isn't," Gaby joined in, shaking her head. "Did you ever wonder why there's been a running pool in Millington for the past ten years about when you two would finally get together? I think it's even up to, like, five hundred dollars now."
"Because people in Millington have nothing better to do with their time?" Rachael suggested. Truth be told, she hadn't even known such a pool existed. People really needed to find something more productive to do with their lives.
"Well...yeah," Gaby agreed. "But it's also because everyone knows you're completely in love each other. Did you think it escaped our notice? The way you look at each other, the way you pretty much forget there's anyone else in the room when you're together, the way he'd hop on a plane to Tennessee or wherever you were the second he had even an inkling you needed him there."
"The way the both of you have always been insanely jealous of anyone showing romantic interest in your beloved friend," Hollie interjected with a roll of her eyes.
"I have never been insanely jealous of anyone!" Rachael protested, practically jumping into a standing position. "This is all completely ridiculous. So we care a lot about each other. So what? We're friends, that doesn't prove anything."
"Oh, god, Gaby she's worse than you are," Hollie groaned, sliding back into her chair and resting her head on the table.
"We'll talk about how much I resent that comment later," Gaby replied, giving Hollie a good glare before returning her focus to Rachael. "Rach, it isn't just friendship. Everyone knows it isn't. Even before that whole thing happened last year with the kissing and stuff, it was obvious by the way you touched each other and everything else. Justin's finally admitting it, so why can't you?"
"Because it isn't true!" Rachael insisted. She was flailing her arms around madly and just generally getting worked up over the whole thing. It was not unlike an animal being backed into a corner and turning frantic over the fact that they had nowhere to go.
"Yes it is!" Hollie exclaimed.
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!" There they went talking, or more accurately yelling, in unison again. Rachael really wished they'd stop doing that. It just made the exclamation so much louder and harder to ignore.
"Okay, look!" Rachael held her hands up in surrender and both of her friends folded their arms, looking at her expectantly. "Even if I was, which I'm not, it doesn't matter."
"Why not?" Gaby asked gently.
"Because I screw up relationships! I-I'm not capable of having a healthy romantic relationship!" she exclaimed, finally vocalizing the one thing that had been plaguing her throughout all of this. "I'm not. And I'm not going to pull Justin into that because I know I'd find some really creative way to screw it up and then he'd never want to talk to me again and I...I can't deal with that. I already did the whole not talking to him thing and even though I was the one who initiated it, it killed me. I can't do that. I can't risk it." Tears were forming behind her eyes again as they often liked to do at inconvenient times such as this and she squeezed her eyes shut hoping they'd just go away. There was a lingering silence in the room for about a minute before Hollie spoke.
"Rach, did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason none of your other relationships worked was because they were with the wrong people?" she suggested softly. This was clearly not what her friend wanted to hear, as she merely shook her head vigorously and picked her purse up off the counter.
"I have to go," she stated simply before turning and dashing out of the house.
***
"Okay, wait...can you repeat that?" Trace requested incredulously. He was pretty sure Justin had just told him he'd kissed Rachael and they'd gotten into an argument over it. And he was also pretty sure he'd said this argument had ended with Rachael asking him to stop pushing her and him telling her to do whatever she wanted because he didn't care anymore.
"I'd rather not," Justin mumbled despondently. They were, as usual, sitting in his dressing room before a show discussing all that was wrong with the world. Or at least all that was wrong in the world of Justin Timberlake. He was pretty much a mess and was somewhere in between depressed and infuriated at his best friend. He still couldn't believe that she was so incredibly thick and so keen on living in a constant state of denial. It made no sense to him. Why was she so eager to run away from him when she knew how much he cared about her and she cared about him too? He was beginning to think that maybe he'd just been horribly mistaken about the whole thing and she'd never loved him like he loved her. But then he thought about the way she kissed him and the way she smiled at him and he was positive he'd been right and she was just being difficult.
"I can't believe...she really said she just wants to be friends? Even after she kissed you?" Trace was still staring at him and seeming quite awed by the whole thing. If it was possible, he was even more confused by Rachael's actions than Justin was.
"Yep," Justin replied succintly, tossing the pen he'd been twirling between his fingers onto the table. "You know, I really think she's lost it," he continued as he stood up and started pacing the room as was typical of him when he was frustrated. "She's completely lost it."
"Dude, I hate to break it to ya, but this is Rachael we're talking about. I don't think she ever had it," Trace pointed out in what he thought was a logical manner.
"No, she's always had a little bit of it. Not a whole lot, but some. Not anymore. She's lost it," he repeated, scratching the annoying itch at the back of his neck.
"What is 'it' anyway?"
"Sanity."
"Yeah. She's definitely never had any of that."
"You know what?" Justin stopped pacing and turned to face his friend. "She's just...I mean...how could she...grrrr." He found he was incapable of voicing what he was thinking and returned to pacing.
"Exactly." Trace nodded in understanding. He actually felt really bad for Justin. The man was practically radiating resentment and frustration. It was clear that he was very nearly going crazy over the fact that what he wanted had seemed so close, if only for a split second, but was now completely out of his reach again. Eventually he stopped pacing again and faced Trace once more.
"You know what though? I'm not going to let it get me down. I'm not. If she wants to be like that, that's just fine. We can be friends. Two can play that game," he argued triumphantly, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and dialing a number. Trace frowned. He didn't like this talk of "playing games." In other situations it wouldn't have bothered him, but this was Rachael and Justin they were talking about. Playing games was never a good idea when there was friendship involved.
"Who are you calling?" he inquired warily. There was no response as the person in question apparently answered her phone.
"Hey, Britney? It's Justin. Do you have a date for the Grammy's yet?"
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