Epilogue
March 13, 2004
Rachael,
Hey, you. I know it’s only been a few days since you flew out here to see me, but I miss you already. Is that lame? Yeah, probably. But I’m allowed to be lame, I think. I’m really sorry about what happened at the concert. If I’d had any idea those girls in the audience would attempt to maul you for being a “slut who doesn’t deserve” me, I would never have let you go out there. I hope things are okay for you back in San Francisco. Did I mention I miss you?
Love, Justin
March 17, 2004
J,
Hi. Yes, you are lame for missing me already. Actually, no you’re not, because if I were you I’d miss me too. But you’re lame anyway. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, loser! I certainly hope you’re wearing green, because if you aren’t, I will know and the next time I see you, there will be no making out.
...
Okay, there will be a little making out, but after the making out I will beat you up. Don’t disappoint me.
Don’t worry about the concert fiasco. There was no way you could have known. Although I have to tell you that since then life has gotten much worse. It seems that some girls at that concert snapped pictures of me and they’ve now been circulating the Internet. I can barely go anywhere without people whispering behind my back and not a day goes by without some little freshman girl coming up to me, or some smart ass frat boy asking when he gets to have his turn with Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend. No worries, though. I’m sure things will blow over soon enough. How are you doing with all of this? I hope people aren’t being shitty to you too. Let me know, I’ll beat them up too.
I’m in an aggressive mood, can you tell?
Love, Rach
March 18, 2004
Rach,
I seriously must be the only guy in the world whose girlfriend both threatens to beat him up and offers to beat others up for him in the same letter. I’m not sure whether to feel happy or sad about that. I’ll go with happy, ‘cause I have enough pissing me off at the moment. People haven’t been bad to me, but that they’re treating you poorly is even worse. God, I wish I could fly out there, hunt those bastards down, and teach them a lesson. You don’t deserve that and I hate that you’re going through this because of me.
Do you want to come out and visit me again? I’ll fly you out again, just say the word. I know you have school and work and everything, but I sort of need you. Let me know.
-J to the T
March 21, 2004
J to the T? HA! Loser.
I can’t come visit. Wish I could, but I can’t. Sorry, babe. I sort of need you too, but we’re both just gonna have to go without. C’est la vie.
I’m glad things aren’t too bad for you. I saw that bastard who started this whole thing has been getting a ton of publicity, though. Can’t you have Lonnie knock him off or something? That would rock a lot. Things still sort of suck here. I let Laura talk me into going to a frat party with her the other night. After about an hour there had been a few random girls calling me names, and I promptly left after being cornered by a couple of frat boys wanting to know whether I wanted to live up to the accusations. Bah.
I love you and all, J, but being your girlfriend kind of sucks.
Love, Rach
March 22, 2004
Being my girlfriend sucks? Thanks a lot, Rach. That makes me feel real good. I swear to God, woman, sometimes...
March 24, 2004
Don’t be a baby. It’s not your fault it sucks. It just does. I didn’t say it was going to stop me from doing it. Now, if you want to make it up to me, feel free to send me some chocolate. Or yourself. That works too. And stop whining. God.
I got an A on my Calc exam today. Worship me.
-Rachael
P.S. For the record, I kind of miss you. If you want, I guess I’ll come see you or something. But being your girlfriend still sucks. And I have the bruises on my arms to prove it. If I were lame, I’d admit that you’re worth it. But I’m not, so tough noogies for you.
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