I remember our last meeting, you told me that you were leaving. Told me that you didn't know when you'll be back. We were only teenagers then. You were eighteen, I was seventeen. It was in Orlando, we sat on the swings in the park while the other guys were running around, acting like the idiots they are. I didn't say a word and you only continued to look at me, waiting.
You laughed nervously - it was because you were scared, because for the first time since we've met, you didn't know what I was thinking. You were scared because you thought that I may get mad, that I may push you away. But I didn't - I couldn't. You laugh, trying to lighten up the mood but in your eyes I could see that you were scared, sad. . .you didn't want to go. And then you looked away, trying to hide the tears that I knew were forming in your blue eyes, just as they were in mine. But my eyes are brown.
"I don't want to leave you here," You told me. "I don't want to leave knowing that you won't be there when I wake up, that we won't be seeing each other for a long time. You're my best friend-"
"And I'll wait for you here." I forced a smile, resting my head on your shoulder, slipping my hand into yours. It was a normal gesture for us. We were comfortable that way. "I'm your best friend and that means that I'll be there for you whenever you need me. No matter what."
You looked down at me and I looked up at you. We shared a smile and you bent your head, lightly kissing me on my lips - another normal gesture that meant 'thank you', but this time it was different. The moment your lips grazed mine, my breath caught in my throat. But back then I didn't know what I know now.
I love you.
God, how could I have known anyway? How could I have known that I was in-love with my best friend?! All our lives when we were growing up together, neither of us showed much of an interest in each other other than friendship. How could I have known then?
Hell, if it wasn't for that mama of mine, I would still be in the dark right now. I wouldn't know that I had fallen in-love with you. I wouldn't have known that you've been the one I was looking for. . .but I can't have you.
"Say something, Audrey." You're standing in front of me, with that bright smile on your face. You're happy. Excited.
Me, on the other hand, I'm. . .broken. My heart's aching and my breath is once again caught in my throat. You spoke three words that brought me back to reality, I'm no longer in the fantasy world I was in an hour prior.
An hour ago I was. . .ecstatic. We were finally going to see each other again. After all of the phone conversations we've had, all of the letters that were received, after every magazine I've bought with your face on it, we were finally going to see each other live
and in person. Every girl's dream nowadays. But you brought me down J, you brought me down when you spoke these three words:
"I'm getting married."
But I just won't tell you that. I won't tell you that you've just torn my heart into pieces. No, I won't tell you that because you don't deserve it. You shouldn't deserve it, not when you're so happy. It'll just bring you down, and I don't want to bring you down, J. You're my best friend and I don't want to hurt you by screaming and b/itching about how you were supposed to fall in-love with me. That this wasn't supposed to be happening. You weren't supposed to tell me that you were going to get married, you were supposed to confess your love for me while I did the same and we broke down in tears before sharing a long, passionate kiss, sealing our fate. We were supposed to be together. You weren't supposed to be with someone else.
Taking a deep breath, I force a smile, trying to hide the pain in my eyes. I didn't have to though, you were too happy to notice. Too excited with your news to care. "That's awesome!" I say with fake excitement, but take a step back. You don't seem to notice that
though, because you just grinned even more. "Wow! You're getting married! I. . .I didn't even know you've been dating someone. Wow!"
You chuckle and wrap your arms around me, pulling me to you in a hug. Releasing me from your arms, you take my hand and lead me towards those familiar swings. God, I can't believe they're still there. "For the past six months yeah, I haven't had the chance to
tell you because we haven't been talking long. It was like two minutes every time we would talk. I just asked her last night. Her name is Sonya. She's. . .great. I love her so much." Hell J, why don't you just literally rip my heart out of my chest and get it over with, it would be quicker and easier. "I left and came here as soon as I could just so I could tell you personally. You are my best friend and all, and also, I wanted to ask you for a favor."
"Ask away." I tell you as I begin to push myself back and forth in the swing I'm occupying.
"She doesn't have any close girl friends, or anyone that remotely resembles a woman," You laugh. "She was raised by her father and her older brothers, and everyone else that she holds close to her are guys. Now, what I'm trying to say is that I would love you so much if you did me this one favor and be the maid of honor. I spoke to her about it, and she agreed. She's been wanting to meet you anyway, it would be awesome." I try to speak before you interrupt me. "Now, before you say anything, you should know that the guys are my best mans. . .men, whatever. If you still have a thing for JC, I could hook you up, he's not seeing anyone right now."
I force a laugh. "God, that was a long time ago! But the man is hot. . ." I trail off.
"Is that a yes?" You ask me, grinning. I nod. "Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Your arms are around me once again and I could just melt, but I silently tell myself that, before it was too late, I should move on. Forget that I was ever in-love with you because like I've said before, I can't have you - not when you were happy and in-love with this Sonya girl.
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