Part Six-Quiet Confessions

Take all of your wasted honor

Every little passed frustration

Take all of your so called problems,

Better put them in quotations

Say what ya need to say

Justin’s POV

It’s just before dawn when my cell phone rings and without even glancing at it, I know it’s her. I just have that feeling. I knew JC would be home, that she’d laid in my arms for hours contemplating, beating herself up about if she should go back home and confess everything or if she should just stay with me. After some time of convincing, we both agreed that it’d be best to go home and be in the presence of her boyfriend to decide which way to go. I knew she felt bad, I knew she was hurting but I also knew a part of her had come alive again. I’m going to be honest and say it has for me too. I could sit here and call myself a bastard, as I’m sure I have and many people would think I was but with Erin, it’s different. I’d need so many words to explain my reasons.

I answer my phone and she’s got that soft edge on her voice. I can tell she’s anxious, maybe even a little nervous and I can’t help but smile, reassuring her. It’s not long before she creeps quietly into my room, and she’s laying in my arms once again. Her long brown hair spread out over my chest and her nose tucked against my neck. I can’t put into words why this feels so right. I have a girlfriend, one who I thought I loved but it’s never been like this, not like it is with Erin. Her heart beat has steadied now, and I’d like to think I had something to do with that seeing how I’m run my hand up and down her back softly. She told me sleeping next to JC had been the hardest thing she had done and she could feel every inch of distance between them and she knew it was there long before she agreed to come with me. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the second he left once again to promote his album, that’d she’d come directly to me.

I go through bouts of feeling guilty, like a horrible untrusting ass whole but each second that goes by, it gets a little easier. For some reason, Erin makes it all right. I will admit that I’m human, that I’ve sinned a lot in my life and this one is probably the icing on the cake. She’s more addicting than any drug I’ve touched, more intoxication than the finest wines and liquors I’ve gotten drunk off of. She’s just, I don’t even know what to say. Sex is something I’ve rediscovered. I’ve had my fare share of women, yes everyone thinks I’m a man whore but everything in the past doesn’t mean a thing until it gets this good. Erin is amazing. Her skin feels softer then anything I’ve ever touched. Her kisses steal the breath out of me and her hands on my skin feel something next to what silk would resemble. She’s got this persona in bed that amazes me. One moment she wants it a little more on the rougher side, then the next she wants it slow and sweet.

I realize now that I’m going to have to make up for every time Jace fucked up and did her wrong. I understand that she needs to be healed, I’m just amazed she chose me. I’m willing to try this, to see where it can go. I don’t want to say the words yet because I don’t want to freak her out but it’s so hard not to. I never thought I’d be one of those guys, sucked into some happy go lucky fairy tale, but here I am with this shit eating grin that I cannot seem to wipe off my face. I’m trying to remember my passed girlfriends, my current girlfriend and the now and theirs just no happy medium. I might be jumping to conclusions here, as we haven’t even spoke of where we stood yet. She came back to me, but we’re still fully clothed. I’m trying not to reminisce the handful of times we had sex last night, the times I cried out from the raw pleasure of what we did. She hasn’t given any sign that she wanted me that way, and that’s fine. I can offer her comfort because I know she’s hurting. Who wouldn’t be? We both just cheated on people we’ve been with for years, people we thought we loved. It’s all starting to sink in. I have to face of my best friend, might as well be my flesh and blood. The realization almost sickens me. I take a few deep breaths,  trying to calm the bitter taste of guilt as Erin’s arms tighten around me, and suddenly, it’s not so bad.

It’s not long before her soft lips are nipping at my neck, soothing the bites with her tongue and I can tell she’s got something on her mind. Her hands are all over me now, running up and down my chest, her nails grazing over my nipples and I can’t help but gasp. It feels so good when she does that. She’s taking control now, sitting up on top of me and off comes her shirt. I should have known better that she wouldn’t have anything on underneath it. She came ready for sex and I am more than happy to give it to her. My hands trail up to cup her breasts, and she moans, tilting her head back and her long hair tickles my stomach. My shirt is quickly discarded, having already been bunched up as far as it could go. The only thing between us now is the thin pair of shorts we’re both wearing. I’ve never hated clothing more then I  do at this moment. All I want to do is be skin to skin with her, moving inside of her to that delicious brink we both know we’ll meet.

She finally reaches down to kiss me, softly at first but then she takes on a rougher touch. If she wants it that way, then that’s how I’m going to give it. She nips at my lips as I hold on to her jaw, kissing her back. My hand moves to her other breast, treating it with the same attention as the other. It’s not till my thumb grazes over her nipple several times that she gasps into my mouth and I take the opportunity to push my tongue inside her sweet lips. I investigate every crevice, tasting her moans as our mouths move together. She tastes different then what I’m used to. Perhaps it should be a warning, something forbidden but I want this, I want Erin. She’s so, god she’s so addicting. I moan into her mouth loudly, and I pinch my eyes shut as I feel her soft but sure hands reach into my shorts, grasping me firmly. I swear her hands were made for raw sexual pleasure. Wonderfully delicious sexual pleasure. She knows just the right grasp, the right speed. I have to stop her now or this wont last long and I’m not going to let that happen. I want to come with her, inside of her.

I pull apart from her kiss, tucking her hair behind her ears and her eyes are so vivid next to mine. “Baby, stop. I want us both to enjoy this.” She nods, trying to pull my shorts off. My eager hands are right there, trying to help her as we finally get them down past my hips and I kick them the rest of the way off. Now our only goal is shedding hers. She stands up a little bit, her hands hanging on to the head board as I take a moment to memorize the slender feel of her hips, doing my best not to seem like a horny boy.  I rekindle my thoughts, knowing she wants this just as bad, that this sexual haze we’re in has become an addiction. She’s an addiction. I finally strip her free of all clothing as she comes back down, straddling my thighs. The skin to skin contact is almost to much and I’m thinking right now that I never want to move.  I pull her back down, her eyes glazed over and turned on, burning into mine as I capture her lips again. My hearts pounding and I cannot remember wanting something as much than I do at this moment.  The things this woman does to me. My body is on fire, her breasts laying cool against my hot skin and all I can think is how bad I need her right now. “Erin, please honey. I need you so bad right now.” She nods, lifting her body again as I position my self where I need to be. She comes back down, letting me fill her slowly and I honestly think right here and now I might die. Her body feels so good, so real and all the nerve endings inside me become alive.

We both moan in usion, enjoying our joining as she begins to move carefully. My breathing quickens as I look up at Erin’s face, eyes squeezed shut, bottom lip gently between her teeth and she looks amazing. Part of me feels like my body was made specifically for her, that even the circumstances, things were meant to be this way. She leans up a little, placing her palms on my chest for leverage and I quickly grab her hands in my own, lacing our fingers together as I begin to move with her, thrusting up into her downward movements. It’s getting to be too much, even though nothing is to much with her it seems. That familiar tingle is approaching, one that I’ve only had with Erin and I’m reaching for it as fast as i can. I watch her, memorizing her, looking for some kind of sign that she’s almost there, that she’s going to meet me in the end and we’ll come crashing down together. She gasps a little, nipping at my neck, I can tell she’s almost there. “Justin, baby, please, hurry.”

I speed up, kissing her in response. “I’m there Erin, just go with it. Feel me honey.” Our movements become quicker, erratic and I’m ready to feel it. Our skin is glazed with a think layer of sweat, as we move towards that blissful crash. Her eyes lock with mine, green meeting blue as she leans down to place a hungry kiss on my lips and I feel her body go ridged in my arms. I taste her moan on my tongue as I follow her shortly after, my body pressed tightly into hers as I let the wave ride through me. I feel it all the way down to my toes as I yell out, a sound that only comes from raw sexual pleasure. She’s laying fully against me again, her body pressed against mine from head to toe, slowly shaking from the after math of what just happened. Her pants meet with mine as our breath lingers and my hand cups her jaw. What I’m feeling right now is so strong, so overwhelming and I’m trying to sort out these words before they leave my tongue.

I may be basking in that feeling that only comes from sex, the really good kind, but my mind tells me otherwise. She’s moved to what seems like her favorite spot, tucked in the crook of my neck but she hasn’t said anything. Her pants are getting quieter, coming in what sounds like a soft hum. It’s a beautiful sound, just like she is. Call me cheesy but right now, she’s everything. Right now, I can’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth. “God, Erin. I love you.”

It’s like an alarm went off in my head as soon as I said that and I wanted to kick myself, punch myself in the face even. I feel her go ridged in my arms, her grasp loosens as she rolls away from me just before I feel the splash of what can only be a tear hit my chest. Shit, I’ve really fucked up now. I don’t know how the hell to dig myself out of this. Was she only looking for an affair or was she running scared? Was this really happening? I watch her reach for her clothes, pulling them on quickly. She still hasn’t said anything. I sit up, moving over to her as I place a careful hand on her shoulder. She moves away from me, as though I’ve burned her with my touch and the look that meets my gaze says so many things. “Love me? Are you kidding me Justin? I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing here. Jace doesn’t deserve this. And you have a fucking girlfriend, and you’re sitting there telling me this? I have to get out of here.”

I’d be lying if I said that right here I wasn’t livid. I think I did a complete three sixty from having some of the best sex I’ve ever had to wanting to punch a whole in the wall. It all came crashing down on me and it felt heavy as hell. Still a part of me knew she was running scared. Regardless of what she was going to admit, we’d made an intimate connection just moments ago. My body locked in hers, her heart pressed against mine, our fingers locked together. Leave it to me to sound like a fucking girl but regardless, I felt it. “Erin, you can’t tell me you don’t feel anything between us.”

 She looked back at me as she stood, sliding into her flip flops, her hair mused from my fingers. “I just can’t answer anything right now Justin. Not till I get myself straightened out and figure out what the hell just happened.”

And with that, she turned at walked out of my bedroom. I choked back my tears until I heard the front door slam shut. If what we were doing was so wrong then why the hell did it hurt so damn much to watch her walk away? I suddenly felt like karma was biting me in the ass and let me tell you this, it stung like a bitch.