I moved out to Los Angeles to make movies, not so much to be in movies, more like the behind the scenes stuff. I want to direct or do editing. I’ve always been into the artsy stuff. It’s clear that in any job you’re supposed to work your way up. I get that. I’m totally fine with starting off as an assistant and getting coffee or answering the phones. It’s what I expected.

         But I’m not even near the fucking office. I haven’t seen a movie set or a production house since I started. Instead, I’m sitting on a bench at a playground watching the little shit of a daughter of I don’t even know the guys name. I walked in, on my first day mind you, wearing my new sexy suit and fucking four-inch stilettos and the guy pushes a three year old at me like I’m in training to be a nanny. He didn’t even know me from a serial killer, and here I am being trusted with his cute little three-year-old daughter. It’s kind of sad.

         I know I said she was a little shit and then I said she’s cute. She is cute, adorable even, but she’s three and I don’t have much experience with three year olds.  I don’t have much experience with kids in general; I mean I want them… someday… I guess. And now she’s throwing sand in another kid’s eyes. Fantastic. I feel like I’m in the Nanny Diaries.

         “Hey uh,” I stood up and walked over to the slide. What the fuck is her name? “Sweetie… don’t. Stop. OK? Bad. Not good. Ok? Stop.” I don’t know how to fucking talk to a three year old. I have no idea. I’m not supposed to be working with three year olds; I’m supposed to be working with fucking adults.

         Do three year olds talk? She hasn’t talked. Do they understand? I don’t know if she even speaks English. She could speak German for all I know.  She giggled and threw more sand at the little kid.

         “Hey! No!” I repeated grabbing the sand from her hand, “Bad. You don’t do that. Not cool. Do you understand anything I’m saying?” she giggled again before reaching down to grab more sand. “OK, no. Time out, right? That’s what happens when you do bad shit, I mean stuff. I didn’t just swear in front of you. We’re going to go sit and think about what you did. You’re three, so you probably can’t even think. But try, ok. If you understand me at all?”

         This is insane. She’s not sitting very still, but at least she’s sitting. I’m about to call my mother and ask her what to do, but she didn’t want me moving out here in the first place and I’m afraid she’s going to have one of those ‘I told you so’ moments. I can’t deal with that right now.

         “OK, one more chance. No more sand. Do you get that? Sand… bad. Icky, yuck. No sand. Do you understand me?  Give me some sort of sign,” she giggled, the little shit giggled, “That’ll do. Go play. No sand.”

         She ran off right away and grabbed a handful of sand throwing it at the same little boy. I took a deep breath and walked through the sand to grab onto her. That’s not easy, the whole walking through sand in stilettos thing. Why would they fill a playground with sand anyway?  So the little shit has something to throw at the other kids, obviously.

         “You’re done. You’re bad. I said no sand, you threw sand. We’re leaving.” I picked her up and held her in my arms as I walked out of the gate. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going to go with her. There has to be like a Chuck E. Cheese around here somewhere. I don’t know if I’m going to get reimbursed for this though, and I’m not really ok with spending my own money on this kid, especially since I don’t have any, but if it’ll keep her normal and not throwing sand at kids then I’m all for it.

         There’s like a little track thing, maybe we’ll try going for a walk. “Come on, walk with me… darling,” I really need to figure out her name.  We walked for probably a total of a minute before she got that evil giggle again. I looked down to see what she was laughing about and she threw a handful of sand at me, getting right in my fucking eye. “What the fuck? You little shit!”

         “That’s nice,” I heard a male voice. I don’t know who he is, but he’s clearly offended that I talk to the little girl the way I did.

         “I know, she threw sand in my eye,” I felt the need to explain.

         “She’s leaving,” he said before calling out to her, “Hey! Come back! What’s her name?”

         “I don’t know.”

         “You don’t know her name?” he asked out of disbelief, “How do you not know her name?”

         “No, it’s a long story, I can’t see.”

         “Alright there’s uh, a bench,” he held onto my arm and led me over to it, “Sit, I’ll go get her.”

         I rubbed my eye, managing to get most of the sand out, at least so I can see. That’s Justin Timberlake going to get the kid. Justin Timberlake is jogging around the park trying to catch this little shit. He came back a minute later with a chuckle as he sat down next to me, “Are you alright?”

         I nodded my head, “Yeah. Bad. I said no sand.”

         He laughed, “You really don’t know her name?”

         “I’m supposed to be a production assistant and I was given a child. It’s my first day, so no, I don’t know her name.”

         He smiled before looking at the girl on his lap, “What’s your name sweetie?”

         The girl just looked at him like he was crazy, “She doesn’t speak English.”

         “¿Cuál es tu nombre?”

            I laughed at the fact that he tried to speak Spanish to this little girl with light blonde hair, “Or Spanish.”

            “What does she speak then?”

            “I don’t know, Swedish?”

            “Vad heter du?”

            I laughed again, “Do you know how to say what’s your name in every language?”

            “Just about,” he smiled, “That’s about as far as I go. I can ask what’s your name and I can ask where the bathroom is, but that’s it.”

            “Two very important things,” I nodded my head.

            “I think so. I’m Justin, by the way.”

            “Addison.”

            “That’s a beautiful name, but I don’t think it’s hers. Let’s see… Emily? Emma? Brittany? Elisa? Jessica?”

I laughed as he paused between names to get a reaction from the little girl who is too busy looking at the butterflies to even pay attention, “Are you just listing off all your ex-girlfriends?”

            “No,” he answered seriously before laughing, “She could be Madison, that’s kind of popular.”

            “Could be,” I agreed with a smile, “She likes you, whatever her name is.”

            “Kids like me, I have that effect on them. She doesn’t like you?” he laughed before answering his own question, “Well, she did throw sand in your eye. But you did call her a little shit, so.”

            “Shut up,” I laughed, placing my hand on his arm, “She threw sand in my eye, it caught me by surprise.”

            “Of course,” he laughed until his phone rang, “Dammit,” he pulled it out of his pocket and pressed the ignore button. “I have to go but we should… Do you want to uh, get dinner sometime? Maybe once you get rid of the nameless child.”

         “Yeah, sure.”

         “Cool, let me get your number and I’ll call you later on?” I nodded my head and gave him my number, “Alright, good luck. Find out her name, huh?”

         “I will,” I laughed, “Thanks for your help.”