Do you know what it feels like to be completely blindsided? I mean genuinely blindsided and have no fucking clue as to what is going on. I’m talking about being so caught off guard that you almost forget how to breathe. Because that’s how I feel right now. I am completely blown away and in disbelief as to what just happened last night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think Alyssa would be engaged…seriously, what the fuck?!
I don’t even remember the course of events last night after we ran into Alyssa at the crab shack. I couldn’t even remember my own name when I saw Ryan wrap his arms around her. I mean seriously…was this going on over the whole summer and I was completely oblivious to all the signs? But then why in the hell would she sleep with me? See what I’m doing…I’m driving myself crazy with all of these unanswered questions. When I flew here I had one question to ask…what happened? Now, I can think of hundreds. Like I said before, I knew this trip was only going to make things worse between us.
Trace has been pounding on my door for the last twenty minutes straight and I refuse to get up and let him in. The best thing I did last night was take his key before I went to bed. Besides if he comes in he’s just going to look at me with regret on his face and I can’t stomach his pity. Besides I’m kind of pissed off right now at him anyway, it’s his fault that I’m here right now. I never should’ve allowed myself to get caught up in Alyssa because what I’m feeling right now is fucking terrible.
Tuning the pounding out, I make my way out onto the balcony and plop myself down on a chair. This was always one of my favorite things to do in North Carolina., just sitting outside overlooking the beach, the waves and the people. It’s relaxing and refreshing at the same time. It’s also my one memory of North Carolina that isn’t tainted now because of Alyssa.
I guess I got completely caught up in enjoying my serenity because Trace has somehow made his way into my room and is pulling up a chair next to me. I take that back about this moment not being tainted because I can guarantee that he’s going to talk about Alyssa.
“Justin…dude I’m sorry about Alyssa.”
Bingo. He’s so predictable. I wish everyone would just leave me the fuck alone right now. “Don’t worry about it…” I mumbled and turned my attention towards two little kids building a sand castle.
“It’s my fault that you’re here…honestly; I didn’t have a clue that she was engaged.”
It’s bad enough thinking about Alyssa being engaged but having other people confirm it only makes my stomach churn more. Not to mention…it just had to be neighbor boy. It’d be easier to handle if it was just some random guy but him. I want to punch that guy in the face most of the time I’m around him and now he’s walking off with my girl.
“Can we just get out of here? I don’t want to think or talk about it anymore.” I said while standing up from my chair and walking back into the room.
“I’ll go get Mike and get us tickets to fly out today. Justin…I’m sorry again man.” Trace said before opening the door and disappearing down the hallway.
I know he’s trying to be there for me but at this time I really don’t want the sympathy. In fact, I want nothing more than to be left alone. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door and I opened it expecting it to be Trace again, but I really wasn’t prepared for Alyssa to be standing on the other side.
My body froze and I know my mouth was practically hanging open. I couldn’t even form the words that were sitting on my tongue to tell her to leave.
“Justin…” She starts but immediately I cut her off.
“What are you doing here Alyssa?”
“I needed to see you.”
“Well you saw me. Now please leave…” I said as I started to close the door but she put her foot in front of it and pushed it open before walking into the room.
“We’ve got to talk…” She said as she sat down in a chair.
“I’m through with talking to you. I’ve called non-stop for the last ten months trying to talk to you and you never once returned any of my calls. Finally, I give in and fly out here to find you and you’re engaged...to Ryan of all people.” I yelled at her. I don’t give a fuck about keeping my voice under control, she needs to know how pissed off I am.
Her eyes flare up and she stands defiantly in front of me. “I came here to talk, not get yelled at so unless you can keep that attitude under control, I’m leaving.” She bellows back and swats a piece of hair away from her face.
If I wasn’t so pissed off at her, I’d take her and throw her down on that bed behind us because she looks beautiful standing there with a defiant glare in her eyes. Oh and then there’s the fact that she’s engaged. When that thought enters my head, I can feel the anger, hurt and rejection flow through my body and I’m more pissed off than before.
“Where do you come off ordering me around? Last time I checked you’re the one who has some explaining to do. I certainly didn’t hide a relationship from you over the entire summer and then caught you out of my life because I was getting married.” I accused.
I swear I saw hurt pass through her eyes and just as quickly as it came it passed. “I never hid a relationship with Ryan from you. I’ve never dated Ryan before. We started going out after you left. Why does it matter to you anyways? You made it clear that a friendship was all you wanted from me.” She fires back.
“I don’t think I want to be your friend, if the last ten months was your idea of a friendship.” I spit at her.
“You don’t know the half of it Justin…” The look on her face softens and her body starts to slump.
“Enlighten me then Alyssa…that’s all I’ve ever wanted from you.”
“When you left Justin…I was crushed. You were my best friend for three months and then you were torn away from me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
“You could’ve called, visited or even wrote a fucking letter Alyssa. If you missed me, why would you cut me out of your life then?”
“Because I had too.” She answers.
“I don’t get it…” I said while sitting down on a chair across from her. My hands immediately went to my head and I rubbed the back of my neck. This conversation was confusing me even more.
Alyssa took a deep breath and closed her eyes before she spoke. “I didn’t know how much I loved you until you were gone.” She whispers.
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me with her confession. I wasn’t expecting that. She did one hell of a job making me believe she didn’t want anything to do with me period and now she’s in love with me? Seriously…I’m even more confused than I was this morning. I’m starting to think this would be my life if I was with her…confusion.
“Alyssa…” I start but she interrupts me.
“I know you’re confused but just listen quickly and I’ll leave you alone for good, I promise. I’ve been in love with you ever since last summer and our last night together means more than you’ll ever know.” I can feel my body start to react just thinking about that night. “I’m sorry I never called you, but I listened to every single one of those messages and my heart broke knowing eventually you’d give up. I certainly didn’t expect you to fly out here to find me. I know you’re probably so pissed off at me and I can’t blame you. I’m sure you’ve already booked a flight home but I’m begging you to stay just for one night.” She divulges.
“What about Ryan…your fiancé? I ask cockily.
“He had to go out of town for work.” She says as she looks away quickly. “If you decide to go back to California…I’ll understand, but if you decide to stay…come by my house around six.” She says before standing up and walking towards the door.
“Oh Justin one more thing…” She says as she stops with the door halfway open. “I missed you…” With that, she was gone just as quickly as she came.
I continued to sit at the end of the bed and ponder our conversation especially her confessions. Part of me wanted to stay and hear what she had to say but another part, the much larger one, was telling me to grab my bags and get the hell out of dodge. Knowing I didn’t need to go through this same shit again, I started to throw my things into my bags until they were nearly busting open. I threw them over my shoulder and walked out of the room for the last time. Get me the fuck out of this place.
A few hours later Trace, Mike and I were getting onto the plane that would take me back to California and away from the pain North Carolina has caused. This whole trip practically exploded in my face and I just wanted to forget about it.
“Are you sure about this J?” Mike asked after fastening himself into his seat.
“Yep.” I snap as I sit down across from him.
“Why not go see what the young lady had to say?” Mike suggests.
I roll my eyes. “She’s only going to confuse me more…”
“You don’t know that. At least go and hear her out. That way you can get some closure to all of this.” Mike offers.
I think hard about his words and now I’m not so sure I’m doing the right thing. I fidget around in my seat until Trace smacks the back of my head.
“What the fuck?” I yell and rub the spot he just nailed.
“Either get your ass off the plane or sit still. I’m not going to fly five hours with you moving around the whole time.” Trace complains.
I continue my constant shuffling, until Trace raises his arm again. “I swear to God, I will punch you in the face if that hand gets any closer to my head.” I warn.
Out of nowhere, a hand connects to the other side of my head and I turn to look at the smug look on Mike’s face. “Trace has a point…quit fidgeting!” Mike bellows.
Since when did those two team up? I’m getting a little tired of them running the show and I cross my arms over my chest. The captain opens the small door that separates the cock pit from the cabin and tells us we’ll be taking off in twenty minutes. I nod my head and turn to look outside. My thoughts immediately return to Alyssa and everything that has happened between us over the last ten months. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it all and I know the only person that can bring some clarity is sitting in that house waiting for me.
Suddenly, I unsnap my seat belt and stand up. “Sorry guys…I need to talk to her.” I said while frantically grabbing my bags and throwing them over my shoulders.
“About fucking time…I thought you were honestly going to fly back. I was going to beat the shit out of you if you didn’t get off.” Trace laughs. “Want me to go with?”
“No…go back. I’ll call you. Thanks Mike!” I said as I walk towards the door.
“Why are you thanking him?” Trace questions.
“Because he made me realize I need some closure.” I said before walking down the stairs back to the runway. I can hear Trace bickering with Mike about everything before I begin to sprint back to the terminal. My lungs are practically burning from running and carrying about fifty pounds over my shoulders but I finally get to our car. I throw my stuff in and speed out of the airport heading in the direction of Alyssa’s house.
I’m trying to keep my head steady and reassure myself that I’m doing the right thing. I can’t allow any doubts to enter my head because surely I will turn this car right around. Trying to stay focused, I make the turn off the interstate back towards the beach. A couple of minute later, I’m parking the car outside of her house and walking up the driveway.
I freeze for a second at her doorstep before rapping my knuckles on the door. As I stand there waiting for her to answer, my stomach is doing flip flops and my hands are shaking. Suddenly, the door swings open and Alyssa is standing in front of me with a newborn securely wrapped in her arms.
What the fuck?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey there! First, thank you sooo much for all the reviews! They were great!! I'm glad I surprised ya with that. But here's the next chapter and I hope you like it! Please please review and let me know what you think! Thank you sooo much!!
Story Tags: daddyj
