I don’t even think I can remember my own name right now. My eyes are completely glued to Alyssa as she tenderly clutches the baby closer to her body. Alyssa wearily smiles at me and opens the door wider but my feet are completely glued to her concrete steps. I can feel my body shaking and I don’t trust myself to take any steps without the support of someone. My eyes travel rapidly from the little bundle in pink back to Alyssa’s and my mind is completely blank. I’m completely numb standing outside.
Alyssa cautiously takes a step forward and reaches for my hand. Gently she intertwines our fingers and helps me through the door. Mindlessly, I walk towards her couch and sit down while Alyssa repositions the baby in her arms and sits across from me.
“I’m glad you chose to stay…” Alyssa says while she looks down at the baby.
“I don’t know what I feel right now…” I mumble. I can’t even function properly because my mind is racing after seeing the baby. “Is she yours?” I ask.
Alyssa nods her head and smiles tenderly at the baby before gently kissing her forehead. “Yeah…Justin meet Cadence Taylor.”
My eyes are immediately drawn to the baby and I can’t help but notice the resemblance between Alyssa and Cadence. With her big blue eyes, full head of hair, small button nose and full lips, she’s adorable. “She’s beautiful Alyssa...”
“Thank you. Let me go put her in the bassinet and we can talk. It’s time for her to lie down anyways.” Alyssa says standing up and walking back towards her bedroom with Cadence swaddled in a blanket. A few minutes later Alyssa returns with a monitor in her hand and sets it down on the coffee table. “Just in case she wakes up…”
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a baby?” I ask before she can even get settled on the couch.
“I don’t even know. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared…I mean truly scared. I never planned to have a baby this young, especially when I wasn’t married.”
I run my hands through my hair and let out a sigh. “As a friend, I would’ve been there for you…all you had to do was tell me.”
“What good would that have done? Be realistic Justin…You were on the other side of the country and busy with your career. Was I supposed to call you up and tell you I was having a baby and needed help? I never would’ve done that.”
“I would’ve worked something out. You didn’t have to go through this alone.”
“I didn’t. Ryan was there for me through the pregnancy.”
“So that’s the reason you’re marrying Ryan, because you two had a baby together…”
Alyssa looks down at her hands in her lap and I can tell she’s feeling really uncomfortable. “There’s more to it Justin. But Ryan takes care of me and Cadence. He’s good with her and he loves her.”
“But do you love him?” I ask. I know she’s hiding things from me and I’m getting pissed that she just won’t come clean to me. I understand having a baby changes everything but it doesn’t mean you need to give up your own happiness as well.
“I think so. I mean, yeah I do.” Alyssa answers before wearily meeting my eyes with hers.
“You shouldn’t even need to think about that. Why are you really marrying him Alyssa?” I persist. Alyssa brushes a piece of hair away from her face and her shoulders sag forward. I can tell she’s been holding everything in and she’s getting close to breaking. “All I’m asking is for you to be honest with me.”
Alyssa looks up and her eyes are welling with unshed tears. Her face is displaying a mixture of regret, sadness and confusion. She lets out a huge sigh and covers her hands with her face. Her shoulders begin to shake and I can hear her cries from across the room. I can’t stand to watch her fall apart like this especially when I’m there for her to lean on. I stand up and walk towards her, kneeling down in front of her. My hands reach for her face and I pry her hands away forcing her to look at me.
“I’m not going anywhere Alyssa…tell me.”
“You’re going to hate me and you’ll walk out that door so fast. I won’t even have time to explain.” She manages to say through her tears.
“No, I won’t…I’ve spent the last ten months wondering what the hell happened to you. I’m not about to leave now that I’m this close.”
All of a sudden, a small cry breaks through the monitor, followed by another louder one. Alyssa immediately wipes the tears from her eyes and looks at me. “Cadence needs me.” Alyssa says and stands up in front of me, disappearing down the hallway before I can even protest.
There’s something eating her up inside and it kills me to see her tear herself apart. My mind is racing and then suddenly I stop the minute I hear Alyssa talking softly to Cadence over the monitor.
“Shh….Cadence mommy’s here. It’s ok…” She cooed and my heart swells listening to her comfort her child. There’s something extremely attractive about a woman who’s a great mother. “Want to meet Justin?” She asks and a loud giggle pipes through the monitor. “Good because he’s extremely important to your mommy so make a good impression.” I smiled seeing Alyssa walk out of the room with Cadence wrapped in her arms.
“Do you want to hold her?” She asks.
I feel the butterflies in my stomach the minute she asks. I’ve never been the greatest when it comes to babies and I’m scared half to death that I’ll hurt her. “I don’t know Alyssa…what if I hurt her?”
“I promise you won’t hurt her.”
I gulp when Alyssa starts to hand her over and I take the small bundle into my arms. The minute she looks up to me…I’m falling in love with her. She’s lying there with her big blue eyes starring up at me and taking me in. She’s the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen and part of my heart starts to hurt knowing she’s Ryan’s.
Alyssa smiles brightly at the two of us and for a moment in time she seems truly happy. All of the pain and regret are wiped from her face and there’s a glow radiating from her as she watches me hold Cadence.
“When’s Ryan coming back?” I ask before handing her back to Alyssa.
“Not till next weekend.” She says while coddling Cadence. “Justin…there’s something else I need to tell you.”
I put my hand up to stop her before standing up from the couch. “I don’t know how many more surprises I can handle today Alyssa.” I said while trying to suppress a yawn.
“Ok…”
“I’m going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep but if you need anything call me.”
“Are you leaving tomorrow?” She asks softly.
“Not if there’s something else you want to talk to me about.” I say while walking towards the door.
“Can we get together tomorrow morning then?” She says while shifting Cadence in her arms.
“Sure…call me in the morning when you’re ready.” I said before opening the door and giving her one last look before heading out the door towards my car. I know I should’ve stayed and let Alyssa tell me whatever it is she needed to but holding Cadence jolted something inside of me. She’s this little innocent bundle of joy, who looks up at me and giggles, sending my heart soaring. That scares me because in one instant I fell in love with someone who belongs to the man whose about to marry Alyssa. Those two girls have parts of my heart while theirs belong to another man. I can’t get so caught up in all of this again, look how it turned out the last time.
________________________________________________________________________
The sun seems to be shining a little brighter today and the people are laughing a little louder today. I know I sound like some cheesy hallmark card, but there’s something different with me. I just can’t seem to take my mind off Cadence and this connection I feel towards her. Holding her in my arms and watching her look up at me with those eyes melted away any anger I felt towards Alyssa for hiding her. I can’t understand why Alyssa would hide her though, especially from me.
Alyssa called about twenty minutes ago and said she’d be right over but she was going to drop Cadence off with a friend. I told her it’d be fine to bring her with but Alyssa said there were a couple more things we needed to talk about and a baby would definitely distract us.
A knock on the door resonated throughout the room and I made my way over towards the door. I opened the door and Alyssa was standing there with two cups of coffee in her hands.
“I thought you might like one.” She said while offering it to me.
“Thanks…” I said before taking a drink. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?” I ask while walking out of the room and closing the door behind me.
“Cadence is with a friend of mine for a couple of hours, so I figured we could head down to the beach and talk.
“All right…” I said cautiously. Something feels off about her today and I have a feeling I’m not going to like whatever it is she needs to tell me. She’s avoiding looking me in the eyes and for some reason I think this cup of coffee is her peace offering.
We made the short trek down to the beach and laid out a couple of towels Alyssa brought along before sitting down. The waves were crashing hard this morning and the wind was definitely whipping around.
Alyssa turns to look at me and smiles softly. “Justin, there’s something else I haven’t told you and it’s eating me up inside.” She says before looking down at the towel and picking at some imaginary lint.
“Ok…” I said cautiously.
“I don’t even know where to begin.” She starts and then stops abruptly.
I set my coffee down and give her my full attention. “Just spit it out…you’ll feel better.”
“When you asked me yesterday about Cadence and Ryan…I wasn’t being completely honest.” She says while tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
I feel my stomach drop and I know whatever she’s going to tell me can’t be good. I nod my head wanting her to continue.
“Ryan’s not Cadence’s father…” She says so quietly that I’m not sure I even heard her right. My mind is drawing a blank and my heart is beating so fast I feel like it might pop out of my chest. My breathing is shallow and my hands are starting to tremble. “You are…”
I can’t even begin to explain the types of emotions that are running through me right now. My mind is completely numb and I know my face is completely void of any emotions.
“Say something…please Justin.” She pleads and I turn to look at her.
“I can’t…” I say while standing up.
“Let me explain why I didn’t tell you…” She hurriedly says.
“Alyssa…there’s nothing you could say that would make the pain go away right now. You hid my child from me for the last ten months. I want absolutely nothing to do with you.” I spit before turning and walking with my head hung low back towards the hotel. I can hear her calling my name frantically but I refuse to turn around and listen to her lies. My blood is pumping so hard, I don’t even trust myself anywhere near her right now. I want to hit something, someone just anything to make this pain in my chest disappear. How could she do that to me? How could she hide my child from me?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey there! First...thank you all sooo much for the reviews! You're awesome! Well here we go...some things will be answered here...I hope you like it! Please review and let me know what ya think! :)
Story Tags: daddyj
