My eyes begin to blink rapidly, trying desperately to see their images through the cloud of tears. I take another step forward and then another and before you know it I’m practically running across the room to my baby girl.
“What are you doing here?” I ask as I quickly grab Cadence from Alyssa’s arms and wrap my arms around her tiny body. I hold her as tight as I can and smother her forehead with kisses. Cadence begins to wiggle underneath my grasp and I pull back to see her bright blue eyes shining up at me.
Alyssa smiles brightly at the two of us before answering. “I couldn’t stand hearing how down you were so I thought a surprise was in order.” She finishes before lifting her hand and brushing a piece of hair away from her face.
Cadence continues to wiggle in my arms and lets out little squeals of laughter. I can already feel my heart surge with a love that I had so desperately been missing. I run my hand over the little amount of hair she has growing and I kiss the top of her head.
“God I’ve missed you…” I say while looking at my little girl. “And you too…come her and give me a hug.” I tell Alyssa while shifting Cadence to one hip and opening my other arm for Alyssa.
Alyssa snuggles in close to my side and I let my hand drop to her waist. This is how my life should always be with my daughter and my…well…I don’t really know the correct term for my relationship with Alyssa. I know that my feelings for her have definitely come back ever since spending time again in California together and I want us to be a real family.
But I haven’t totally breached the subject of Ryan again with Alyssa and I’m not really sure if right now is the best time, considering there is a sizeable diamond on her left hand that wasn’t previously there. I guess the wedding is still on and I can feel my stomach churn just thinking about it. I gently let Alyssa go after giving her one last squeeze.
“The show was great Justin…you were wonderful.” Alyssa exclaims.
“You saw the show?” I asked with a hint of confusion displayed across my face.
“Yeah…we flew in around five tonight and Mike arranged for another security guard to pick us up and make sure we got here on time. Mike came and got us after he took you to the stage and we got to watch the whole thing. The show was amazing and we’re both so proud of you.”
I smile broadly and feel my chest puff slightly. I’m thrilled they both were able to see the show; it makes what I’m doing even more personal for me.
“That’s why you didn’t answer your phone tonight?” I ask when it suddenly clicked in my head.
“Yeah…I didn’t want you to know I was anywhere near the Twin Cities…so did my surprise work?” Alyssa asks with a mischievous smile on my face.
I take a second to look at my daughter who’s completely leaning against my chest and her eyes are fluttering close. I guess the excitement has worn off and her breathing is getting deeper. I see her mouth gently open to let a small yawn escape. Her lips are in a complete pout and she looks totally at peace. I can feel my heart melting.
“Absolutely…” I say while throwing my bag over my arm, careful not to disturb my little angel before walking out of the dressing room with Alyssa in tow. A couple of hours ago I was sulking and missing these two that it practically consumed my entire being and now I couldn’t be any happier. Life is definitely a crazy ride.
________________________________________________________________________
After leaving the arena, I brought both Cadence and Alyssa back to my hotel in St. Paul. After checking Alyssa into her own room, I carried my sleeping baby back to my room and laid her softly on the bed. I changed her out of her dress and slipped her tiny legs and arms into a onesie before swaddling her into her favorite pink blanket. Almost immediately, she fell back asleep and I took a moment to just watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest.
There’s nothing in this world that compares to being a father. Not selling millions of albums, playing in different arenas each night, the fame or even the money. Seeing a little version of me…someone who has my eyes, her mother’s nose, my lips, thankfully Alyssa’s straight hair, she’s a little version of the two of us and it’s amazing. Words can’t even describe the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach watching her grow and experience things for the first time. I’m just in awe that I helped create my precious little girl.
I rub my hand gently over Cadence’s head when I hear a soft knock at the door. I stand up and open the door slowly to find Alyssa standing there in a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Her hair is wet from a shower and she has Cadence’s pacifier and teddy bear in her hand.
“Hi…” She says in a soft voice while peaking around me at Cadence lying on the bed. “She still asleep?”
“Yeah…come in.” I say while pulling the door back and allowing Alyssa room to walk inside.
“She must be exhausted from all of the traveling.” Alyssa says while gently sitting next to Cadence on the bed. She adjusts the blanket around Cadence’s body before finally looking up at me. “You must be tired too from your show and all…”
“I’m all right…would you mind if I take a shower…I mean now that you’re here to watch Cadence?” I ask as I shuffle through my bag in search of my lounge pants and a t-shirt.
“Not at all…go ahead.” Alyssa answers before reaching over and turning the TV on.
After retrieving my clothes, I head into the bathroom fully intending on enjoying this shower. I was really tired from the show and the emotional stress I’ve been under certainly hasn’t helped. I turn the water as hot as I can stand and let it fill the room with a thick steam. Looking in the mirror, I notice the dark circles under my eyes and the hollowness to my cheeks. I rub my hands over my face trying to erase that image, before stepping into the shower. The hot water droplets pelt my skin with a fierce thump and I can feel my body start to relax.
My thoughts immediately start to drift to Alyssa who’s sitting outside the room with our baby. Mine and Alyssa’s relationship has been anything but ordinary and it’s really starting to wear on me. I’m thrown into a situation where the only thing that matters to me is being a family and that hope is completely obsolete. I know I should respect her relationship with neighbor boy, err I mean Ryan. But I can’t help but know he’s not right for her. He’s a comfort and I’m clearly the unknown variable in all of this. She’s forever connected to me through Cadence and I think that scares her. That’s why she’s running to Ryan because she’s known him all of her life. He’s the surest thing, he’s predictable…no their relationship is predictable. No matter what happens there is an underlying friendship between them and why not marry a friend, right? I understand where she’s coming from because no one could’ve ever predicted we’d be put into a situation like this but at the same time you don’t see me running into the arms of a friend. I’m standing her completely open and with a huge sense of vulnerability just wanting to desperately try to make it work as a family.
I lean my head back into the water and feel it wash over my face, taking my thoughts away as well. I squeeze some soap into the washcloth before massaging it over my body. The cool feeling against my skin as it washes away all of the dirt and grime from earlier leaves me feeling refreshed. I start to feel my eyelids get heavy and I take that as a cue to shut the water off and get dressed.
After toweling off, I slip into my lounge pants and t-shirt before rejoining Alyssa and Cadence in the room. Alyssa looks away from the television when she hears the door click open. “Hey…how was your shower?”
“It was good…I definitely needed it…” I said before gently slipping onto the bed on the other side of Cadence. “She’s definitely tired…I don’t think she’s moved since I wrapped her into that blanket.”
Alyssa lets out a small giggle and I can feel a pull on my heartstrings. These moments where it’s just the three of us are something I hold near and dear to my heart. It’s also the few times where it feels like a family is growing but than reality quickly sets in and slaps me right across the face.
“I think we’re all a little tired Justin…” Alyssa softly chimes in.
“Understandable…how long are you two here for?” I ask while laying my hand softly on Cadence’s stomach.
“A week. When I first got the idea of coming out here I wanted to make sure you had some days off to spend with Cadence. I know it’s been hard the last month being away so I wanted to give you that father-daughter time.”
I look up and smile gently at Alyssa. “Thank you…for everything, for coming out here, for surprising me, but most importantly giving me Cadence. She’s the best thing in my life.”
Alyssa smiles before lying down on the other side of Cadence and facing towards me. If I could freeze time, I would at this very moment. I am completely content.
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said…” She responds softly.
“I meant every word…” I say before a yawn escapes my lips.
Alyssa smiles at me before leaning over and kissing Cadence on her forehead. “I’ll let you get some sleep...” She says before wiggling out of the bed, careful not to wake Cadence.
“You don’t have to go…” I start to protest but Alyssa just reaches for a blanket and drapes it over me.
“You should really get some sleep. It’s been a crazy day.” She says before laying a kiss on my cheek. With that, she shuts the light off and heads for the door.
“Alyssa…” I call out.
“Yeah?”
“See you in the morning…”
“Good night Justin.” Alyssa answers with a hint of playfulness in her voice. Oh, there is definitely something still there and this week I’m determined to figure it all out.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hello, Hello!!!! I'm back and ready to get some updates out to you all. First, thank you all for your great reviews, I absolutely love them and truly appreciate them! So please keep them coming. :) Also, I posted a note on the message board concerning my lack of updates...just some personal things going on that have practically consumed my life. But I'm through that and ready to get writing!!! I've missed you all and I hope you like the update!! Thank you for everything!! Enjoy!
Story Tags: daddyj
