I can feel the sun break its way into the room through the heavy drapery. I’m trying desperately to shield my eyes from the warm rays, but to no avail I can feel my body reacting to the light. Cautiously, I open my eyes and let them adjust to their surroundings. I’m not much of a morning person, if you haven’t figured that out by now.
Suddenly, there is movement in the bed and I’d almost forgotten Cadence was sleeping next to me. I gently roll onto my side and am shocked to see Cadence on her hands and knees trying desperately to take her first crawl. Her face is crunched into a cute pout and she’s bouncing back and forth, trying to make her limbs work in coordination.
Immediately, I lift myself into a sitting position and stretch my hands out to her.
“Cadence…come here…come to Daddy…” I encourage and she looks up at me with a look of sheer determination.
A couple more bounces back and forth and abruptly her arm stretches out closer to me. A look of excitement passes over my little girl’s face and I can feel my heart practically beating out of my chest. I’m so excited to be able to see her crawl for the first time. Immediately, I reach for my phone and dial Alyssa’s number.
“Hello?” A groggy voice answers.
“Alyssa…get in here…she’s crawling…” I practically yell into the phone before throwing it across the room.
I clap my hands and continue to coo words of encouragement at Cadence when abruptly there is a loud bang at the door. The pounding startles Cadence, making her lose her balance and she immediately falls back onto her belly. I pick her up into my arms and smile proudly at her.
“Wait till Mommy sees you…” I say excitedly before opening the door.
I usher Alyssa inside the room, trying my best to stifle a laugh. Standing before us is a completely dishelved woman. Her hair is thrown haphazardly on top of her head, her cheeks are red with a slight imprint outlining the blankets she must’ve had tucked underneath her and her clothes were thrown on inside out.
“I thought she was crawling…” Alyssa says after noticing Cadence in my arms.
“She was…but your pounding startled her and she fell.” I laugh.
Alyssa lets out a breath of air and runs her hands down her clothes. In that moment, she realized exactly what had me so amused and a slight blush creeps into her already puffy cheeks.
“Sorry…” Alyssa apologizes after letting an embarrassed chuckle escape her lips.
“Don’t be…I had the same reaction when I woke up and saw her trying to crawl.”
Alyssa knods her head before turning her attention to Cadence. “You little one, cannot startle Mommy so early in the morning…” Cadence lets out a giggle when Alyssa tickles her side. “I’m going to go shower and get ready…do you want to watch her while I get ready and then I’ll be back?”
“Sounds good…” I answer before Alyssa disappears almost as quickly as she came.
A half hour later, I’m completely engrossed in playing peek-a-boo with Cadence when Alyssa finally returns. My daughter loves that game and I can’t help but play it all the time just so I can see that smile. Alyssa swiftly took over caring for Cadence which allowed me time to get ready for the day. I couldn’t wait to spend the entire day with both of them, exploring the Twin Cities. I’d been her dozens of times prior but never really experienced anything Minnesota had to offer. No matter what happened today, just spending time as a family would be worth it all.
About an hour later, all the bags were packed full of diapers, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, toys, anything Cadence could possible need we had in tow. Making sure to give her a bottle before leaving, Alyssa and I quickly grabbed a couple bagels and some juice before leaving the confines of the hotel.
Mike was waiting patiently in the van, when we arrived. Even though I had requested he take the day off, he refused to let the three of us out of his sight. Not going to lie, I wasn’t thrilled to have him tagging along but better safe than sorry I guess.
“Where are we heading to?” Mike asked once we were all securely in the van.
“Let’s head to the lake…” I respond before setting in for the short ride.
A few minutes had passed when we finally approached the public lake; I’d been to several years before. I remember coming out here with the guys one summer and I’d always hoped I’d get to return. Mike unloaded most of our things while Alyssa and I set up a blanket underneath a nearby tree.
It was a cool autumn day and Alyssa was sure to bring warm clothing for Cadence. Being the overprotective mother, she wrapped Cadence in another shirt and I had to laugh when Cadence nearly toppled over from the weight of four shirts.
“Alyssa…don’t you think she’s going to get warm?”
“Do you want her to get sick Justin?” Alyssa smartly responds.
“No, I just think four shirts is a little extreme…” I say while watching Cadence struggle to regain her balance and I can tell she’s getting close to crying. “Alyssa, she looks like the kid from “A Christmas Story” who can’t move in his snow suit.” Following a few more frustrating battles to move her little arms, Cadence finally broke out into a full blown cry.
I gently pick her up into my arms and remove two of the shirts, only to replace them with a baggier sweatshirt. Pleased to have her full range of motion, Cadence wiggles out of my grasp and onto the blanket. Alyssa knowingly smiles before turning her attention towards the lake
“It’s beautiful out here…how’d you know about this place?” Alyssa asks.
I took a moment to look at our surroundings, remembering it from years past. There is a large paved path that extends around the large body of water which is filled with passersby’s out for a leisurely stroll. Trees lining the water have started to turn various shades of orange and fallen leaves nearly cover the grass. The water sparkles with a shimmering blue and the cool breeze nips at my flushed cheeks.
“A few years ago, the guys and I spent the day here…I must’ve been eighteen or nineteen….it still looks exactly how I remember.” I murmur remembering that day almost like it was yesterday.
“It sort of reminds me of back home…”
“I bet…” I say remembering all of the fun times outside in North Carolina.
“So, how’s the tour been going?” Alyssa asks while lifting Cadence up onto her lap.
“Really well…I’m only a month in but it’s been a lot of fun. It’s been nearly five years since I last toured and I love getting to see the fans. Don’t get me wrong, touring definitely has its down falls…I can’t stand being separated from my family. It makes touring that much harder on me, especially emotionally.”
A small frown passes over Alyssa’s features before she offers any words. “I’m just glad we could make it out here…”
“Me too…” I smile. “I wish you could stay longer though…”
“I know…us too but we, or at least, I have to get back….Ryan’s parents are throwing us an engagement party next week.”
I can feel my stomach start to churn at that idea. “Oh yeah…that’ll be fun.” I respond trying to keep my voice void of any emotion.
Alyssa doesn’t react right away but rather engrosses herself in something Cadence is fiddling with.
“Alyssa?”
“Sorry just got lost there for a second. Yeah…it’ll be fun to see everyone…I told Mary, his mom, she didn’t have too but you know when mothers get something in their head…” She answers.
I offer up the most genuine smile I can muster before continuing. “I’ll make sure and keep that in mind…send you both something…”
Alyssa looks up at me with confused eyes. “You don’t have to do that…”
“It’s only customary…” I try and explain but Cadence is distracting Alyssa. In that moment, I’m thankful I have a daughter who refuses to be anything but the center of attention when Mommy and Daddy are concerned. I wasn’t really ready to start talking about Alyssa’s perfect life with perfect Ryan in their perfect little house. Can you sense the sarcasm?
“I think she wants to move around…maybe we should go for a walk?” I suggest before standing up.
Alyssa gently hands Cadence to me before joining me on her feet. Intent on putting that awkward conversation behind us, the three of us head out to explore the lake and all its beauty.
________________________________________________________________________
Alyssa, Cadence and I spent almost the entire afternoon at the lake. It was the first time since the tour started that I felt complete. This day and those two girls have solidified my position as a total family man. If I had to give this entire thing up, I would in heartbeat to be there for them. I can’t explain the bond I have with Alyssa, knowing that we created our little girl is a powerful thing and will hold us together for the rest of our lives. It also doesn’t help that she’s able to light another fire deep inside me. I’ve always found Alyssa to be attractive, clearly I do or we wouldn’t be in this situation, but watching her be a mother to our daughter makes her even more attractive in my eyes. I’m almost positive though that Alyssa doesn’t have a clue about my feelings towards her and I’d be surprised if it really mattered, considering she’s marrying Ryan in a month.
After giving Cadence a bath back at the hotel, I’ve finally got her settled on the bed in her pajamas. Alyssa had retired back to her room about an hour earlier, leaving me to have some time alone with Cadence. Her eyes are starting to flutter close, after another intense game of peek-a-boo and I can’t help but watch my little girl fall asleep. She’s my world.
“Cadence, I wish you could talk and tell mommy not to marry Ryan…” I start to murmur to my child’s sleeping form. Knowing full well she can’t understand anything I’m telling her, it just feels good to get everything out.
“I want you to know that Daddy will always love you and that no matter what happens…I’ll always be there for you and Mommy. I wish I could make your Mommy realize what she has right in front of her…but I just don’t know how.” I continue to ramble as I watch the steady rise and fall of Cadence’s tiny body.
I let out a huge breath of air before laying my head back on the bed. Thinking about this entire situation usually leaves me feeling drained. Finally I can feel my body start to give into the sandman, when suddenly there’s a knock on the door. Jolted from the bed, I head over to the door and am surprised to see Alyssa standing there.
“What’s wrong?” I ask noticing a far off look in her eyes.
“Can’t sleep…did I wake you?” She asks softly.
“No, come in…” I open the door wider and allow Alyssa to walk into the room.
Alyssa immediately takes a seat on the bed. Careful not to disturb Cadence, she slithers her ways underneath the covers and tucks her arm underneath her head. Her eyes are dim and there’s a hint of sadness displayed across her face. I don’t know what happened but I’m bound to figure it all out.
I crawl into the bed opposite Alyssa and turn to face her. “What happened?” I gently ask.
I can see there are tears forming in her eyes but she’s quick to push them away. “Have you ever wondered what might’ve been?” Alyssa asks in a far off voice, completely ignoring my question.
I certainly wasn’t expecting anything like this and she’s completely caught me off guard. “What?”
Alyssa turns and sits upright on the bed, pulling her feet underneath her body, she looks me straight in the eye and I can feel my body reacting to her stare. “You know…have you ever wondered what could’ve been between you and me?”
I’ve been waiting for so long just to hear something like that come out of her mouth and wouldn’t you know…I’m not ready for it when it does happen. “Umm…well…” I start to stumble but she quickly interrupts me and continues to pour everything off her chest.
“I’m so sorry Justin for everything I ever did to you…for ruining what could’ve been…for hiding Cadence…for hurting you…for hurting me…if I could go back in time, I would…” She cries out and the tears that were threatening to fall are now cascading softly down her cheeks.
I stand up and crawl over next to Alyssa. Wrapping my arms around her body, I pull her close to me and run a soothing hand down her side. “Hey now…don’t do this to yourself, Alyssa…that’s over with and I’m not mad…”
Alyssa’s sobs continue to rack her body and she’s gripping onto my shirt for dear life. I have no idea what brought all of this on but I wish she would tell me rather than apologize for something I’ve forgiven her for a long time ago. Her hands start to loosen their hold on my shirt and she turns her face up towards me. Her eyes are watery and filled with a sense of regret.
I gently push a side a loose piece of hair that has fallen into her eyes and she smiles softly up at me. “What happened tonight?”
She takes a deep breath and continues to loosen her grip before continuing. “Ryan and I got into a huge fight tonight…”
A light bulb goes off in my head and now her outburst is starting to make a little more sense. I rub my hand up and down her side, encouraging her to go on.
“He’s mad that I’m spending so much time up here with you, when I should really be helping get things in order for the wedding. I told him that you have every right to spend as much time with Cadence as you want and that I came up here for that reason. That apparently, sent him over the edge and he just goes on this tyrant about how I’m only doing all of this because I feel guilty for hiding Cadence and that no matter what you’ll always hold that against me…”
I can feel my blood start to boil with anger for this guy. He has absolutely no right to try and but his nose into something he has no clue about anyways.
“Hey look at me…” I say sternly and pull my hands up to Alyssa’s face. I hold her cheeks in both of my hands and look her straight in the eye. I want to make sure what I say really sinks in for her. “Alyssa, I want you to forget about what Ryan said tonight. I am telling you that I do not hold anything against you. I am not nor will I ever be mad at you for what happened in the past. The past is the past and we made it through…I understand why you did what you did and I’m not mad. I haven’t been for a long time now. Please believe me when I say you don’t ever have to do anything to make up for lost time…you’ve been more than accommodating to my crazy schedule and I couldn’t ask for a better person to be the mother of my child.”
Alyssa’s features soften at my words and she gently leans her body into mine. I wrap my arms protectively around her waist and hold her close to me. We sit there just enjoying each other’s company and finally she turns to break my hold. Alyssa turns to look up at me and suddenly she connects her lips to mine. Completely caught off guard, it takes a minute to realize what is happening. Warning bells are going off in my head and I push them aside for I’ve been waiting so long to do this. I sink my hands into her hair pulling her closer and deepen the kiss. I let my tongue travel the outside of her lips before she gently parts her mouth, granting me access to her depths. A soft moan can be heard, the minute our tongues connect and I can feel my body reacting to this. I let one of my hands drop to her waist and pull her onto my lap. Our kiss is broken for a minute and Alyssa gently calls out my name.
“Justin…I can’t…” She says stopping the kiss and pulling away from my hold. Immediately, Alyssa stands up and walks towards the door.
“Alyssa?” I call out, trying to scramble to my feet before she disappears.
She stops before opening the door and turns to look at me. I slowly walk up to her, unaware of how she feels about what just transpired between us. “I’m sorry…I just…I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long and…” I sputter and she gently puts her hand on my chest to stop me.
“Don’t…it’s my fault…just give me some time to think…” Alyssa says softly before opening the door and walking back to her room.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey there!! Thank you all so much for the reviews!!! It's definitely good to hear from you all again! So please keep them coming and here's another update!! Hope you like it! Enjoy!!
p.s. I'm really excited to watch the HBO concert tonight! Yay!! :) (I'm a dork)
p.s. I'm really excited to watch the HBO concert tonight! Yay!! :) (I'm a dork)
Story Tags: daddyj
