Looking back, I’ve been through a lot in my short twenty-six years of life. I’ve grown up in the public eye, traveled the world, experienced unparalleled success in my career, had my heart broken, broken a few hearts myself, had a baby girl and now been in love with a woman who runs the minute I put my heart on the line for her. The only thing keeping me going is having Cadence on tour with me. She’s my sunshine; her face is the one thing I look forward to seeing each morning. Cadence is my last connection to Alyssa and she’s the absolute best thing in my life.
I cradle Cadence’s sleeping body in my arms as I walk towards the front of the tour bus. Gently, I sit down on the couch and wrap the blanket tighter around Cadence’s face. She looks so peaceful lying there. I wish Alyssa was here to see our daughter. I want nothing more than to be the family I know we can be. But I can’t force her to be with me. Repeatedly, I’ve called Alyssa every day hoping to hear her voice, some sort of explanation for sleeping with me and then just bolting the second she could. I guess I knew she wouldn’t return my calls. I feel like I’ve been down this road before with her and at the end of it, I found out about my daughter.
I let out a sigh, thinking back to that moment and tenderly touch my little girl’s face. She gently stirs in my arms before falling back to sleep. She is my everything. Finally, I feel the bus pull to a stop and I know we’ve arrived in New York. Tonight, is the most important concert of my entire career; I’m playing at Madison Square Garden and HBO is there to tape the concert for a special airing. Millions of people will see this show and despite the fact that I’ve been touring since I was fifteen, I still get nervous.
The bus shifts slightly, alerting me to someone else’s presence on board and I look up to see Trace walking up the stairs.
“Hey man…long time, no see.” He says once he reaches the top of the stairs.
I feel a smile take over my face and I stand up to greet my best friend. I haven’t seen Trace since that fateful trip to North Carolina. He’s been busy helping run my clothing line while I’ve been on tour and I was not expecting him to show up here in New York.
“Trace man…what are you doing here?” I say while extending one hand out, making sure to support Cadence at the same time.
“Mama Lynn called and said you could use a friend. Why didn’t you call man?” He says while shaking my hand.
“You have enough on your plate, taking care of the clothing line and restaurant. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Nonsense bro.” He says before looking down at Cadence.
“So this is Cadence? This is my little niece.” He says while gently running his finger over Cadence’s hand.
“Yeah…Trace I’d like you to meet Cadence Taylor Timberlake. I’m sorry she’s sleeping right now but she’ll be awake soon.”
“She’s beautiful man; I can’t believe you’re a father.” He says while intently watching my little girl.
“Me neither…but she’s the best thing in my life. I love being a father…life is so much more rewarding. It puts everything into perspective. Did you want to hold her?”
“Can I?” He asks.
“Absolutely…you are her Uncle.” I say before smoothly sliding Cadence into Trace’s arms.
Instinctively, he holds her close almost as if protecting her from anything and everything. I notice a smile overtake his features as he rocks her gently in his arms. I think back to the younger days together, running around chasing females and all the talk about being players for the rest of our lives and how insignificant those days really are now. Happiness, love and most definitely family is all that truly matters now.
“How long are you staying?” I ask trying to brush those thoughts away.
“Probably the rest of the week. I have a meeting for William Rast next week in L.A. so I have to be there for that. But I’m ready to spend some time with my little niece and catch up. I feel like it’s been forever since we last hung out.”
“Most definitely…well hey let’s head inside. I should get Cadence’s things set up and start getting ready for the show tonight.”
I start collecting a bunch of Cadence’s toys, bags, pacifiers, blankets, diapers, basically anything she might need the next couple of hours and throw it over my shoulder. I reach for my phone, checking for any missed calls and let out a disappointed sigh when I see nothing.
“Ready to go?” I ask Trace who’s busy trying to wake Cadence up.
Trace looks up at me and starts to let out a chuckle. “If only everyone got to see you like this…”
“What?” I say looking down at myself.
Trace shakes his head and starts to make his way off the bus. “You are completely loaded down with baby stuff and you’re carrying three different pink teddy bears. What the paparazzi would do for a shot like this?”
I let out a hearty laugh when I realize the picture I must make. Damn, it’s good to have my best friend here.
_______________________________________________________________________
Ever since Trace arrived in New York, he’s been permanently attached to Cadence. I don’t think I’ve heard her giggle as much as she has lately. Trace has played every game imaginable with her and it’s fun watching her bond with him.
I’m due on stage in less than twenty minutes and my nerves are definitely stating to settle in my stomach. The HBO camera crew has been following me around throughout the backstage area. Although, I have made my dressing room off limits, considering Trace and Cadence are in there, but I also just want a place to collect my thoughts. I attach my ear pieces around my neck and finish tucking in my shirt. Grabbing my jacket, I walk over to my little girl and pick her up.
“Daddy’s got to go work…can you give me a kiss?” I ask while holding her in front of me. Immediately, Cadence leans her head and smacks her lips against mine. My heart practically leaps into my throat at her new accomplishment. I hug her tightly to me and tell her how much I love her before handing her off to Trace to watch while I’m on stage.
“Take care of her…” I say before giving her one last kiss.
“Good luck J…we’ll be watching.” Trace says shifting Cadence to his hip and picking her arm up to wave goodbye.
I wave back before opening the door to my room and walking out into the hallway. Immediately, there are HBO cameras in my face and I try my best to get my head in the right spot. I’ve been planning on doing another surprise song at the end of the concert tonight and this one is absolutely personal for me.
I make my way down into the room where the entire crew is waiting. All my dancers, singers and band members are dressed and bouncing with anticipation. This show is the biggest thing we’ve done yet and I understand their excitement. Johnny immediately pulls me into a handshake/hug and wishes me good luck. After all of the well wishes from the crew, we head towards the stage. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation and I can feel my heart beating hard in my chest. I only wish Alyssa was here to watch this moment.
I duck underneath the stage and take my position in the middle of the stage. Grabbing my microphone, I shake my hands out, releasing my nervous energy and prepare to put on the best show of my life. I picture Cadence’s smiling face before turning to nod at Luke, my sound board director, letting him know I’m ready. A few seconds later the music starts and the stage starts to lift me up. This is it…this is the biggest moment in my career and I’m ready to face it head on.
________________________________________________________________________
The screams are practically bellowing off the walls of the garden and my adrenaline is finally coming back down. The excitement and hype of this show has made it one of my most enjoyable performances. However, I couldn’t get past the disappointment of Alyssa being gone. It’s like my world feels off and I can’t quite seem to be whole without her. I need her support and it hurts knowing she left without as much as a goodbye.
I grab a bottle of water from the cooler before walking back onto the stage for the last song. The screams erupt once the light finds me and a genuine smile overtakes my face. No matter what might happen in my life, my fans mean the world to me and they deserve to get to know the real Justin.
I bow my head at their applause before sitting myself down on the piano. I take a look around Madison Square Garden and thank God for all his blessings in my life; my career, my family, my friends and mostly my daughter.
“Thank you…” I say into my microphone and the cheers get even louder.
“I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart…this moment…you’ll never understand what it means to be here and with all of you. I especially want to thank HBO. I hope you all had fun this evening…I know I did. However, I’d like to do one more song…” I say while running my hands across the piano and the crowd erupts into applause. “I hope you enjoy it…this song is very dear to me.” I state before strumming my keys across the piano. The music starts to come to life and I feel myself drifting back into my thoughts. I close my eyes before letting my voice carry all of my emotions out of me.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Baby won't you get them if I did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part…
My voice holds the last note before I release myself from the piano chair. I wave at the crowd before making a sharp exit down the stairs and away from all of their eyes. I let myself get completely caught up in the song and I felt the tears fall down my cheeks. I would do anything to make Alyssa see what she’s doing to me…I love her and I love our daughter. I love our life we could have together and most importantly…I love the family we could be. Why doesn’t she see this too?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey there!! Again, thank you ALL for the reviews!! They mean so much to me!! I hope you like the new update...Justin's going through some rough times right now. :( Anyways though, enjoy and please keep the updates coming! :)
Chapter End Notes:
Song Credit:
John Mayer - Dreaming With A Broken Heart
John Mayer - Dreaming With A Broken Heart
Story Tags: daddyj
