I’ve wished for this day for God knows how long. The day that Alyssa would come back into my life and explain what the fuck happened that night she just disappeared without warning. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at our daughter and wished Alyssa was by my side and now that she’s here…I’m terrified. I’m scared out of my fucking mind at what she’s here to say. Everything from she’s already married to Ryan to she’s taking Cadence away from me has run through my head. I’m a mess!
I managed to stall Mike at the arena for the last hour and now I’ve run out of options. I’m going to have to face Alyssa sooner or later and I guess sooner has arrived. My stomach is practically in my throat and my hands are trembling slightly. Mike and I are walking down the hallway of the hotel and he stops to give me an encouraging slap on the back before turning to enter his room. I take the next few steps and steady myself at my door. Taking a deep breath, I slip the card in and prepare myself for the worst.
Imagine my disappointment and heartache I feel when I come to see that my room is pitch black and completely empty. I knew it…I fucking knew she would run. I should’ve listened to my gut and never invited her back here. I’m so fucking tired of the disappointment. I’m tired of hoping that this one time will be different and then getting smacked in the face by reality that it’s never going to be the way I want it. I fall back onto the bed and just stare up at the ceiling. Why can’t Alyssa see what she’s doing to me? I’m getting close to breaking down when something catches my eye out on the balcony. Cautiously, I get off the bed and walk over to the sliding door. I blink rapidly, making sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me, but there’s Alyssa curled up in my sweatshirt sitting with her legs crossed on my balcony. I open the door, causing Alyssa to turn around quickly and a smile plays at her lips.
“Hey…I was starting to think you weren’t coming…” She says softly.
“I’m not going to lie…I thought about it.” I respond as I step through the door and shut it behind me. Alyssa gently pats the spot next to her and I sit down beside her, letting my feet stretch out in front of me.
“Trace agreed to watch Cadence for the night…” Alyssa states.
I make a mental note to thank Trace for everything he’s done for Cadence. “That’s nice of him…”
“Yeah it was…” Alyssa looks up towards the sky with a dreamy expression before continuing. “Your show was fantastic Justin…I really am proud of you.”
“Thank you…”
“Remember all those rehearsals back in California…I can’t believe it’s the same show.”
I rub my hand across the back of my neck before responding. “It’s definitely come a long way. I’m glad that you were able to see some of those shows…it means a lot to have you and Cadence there supporting me.”
Alyssa turns to look at me and lets a smile light up her face. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else Justin.”
The silence that falls almost immediately around us is starting to weight heavily on my nerves. My head is practically screaming out questions and I’m trying hard to suppress them. I mean, she’s here at the hotel now that’s got to mean something. The cool night wind whips around the building and it sifts through Alyssa’s long blonde hair. She reaches up and tucks it behind her ears before letting her fingers intertwine and fall around her knees again.
“So…what are you really doing here Alyssa? I mean, that morning waking up and realizing you were gone…it nearly broke me. I got completely caught up in you, in us, in our family and you just left.” I explain while feeling the nerves pool in my stomach. Alyssa shifts her body so that she’s facing me and looks up at me with her blue eyes and I can see the regret lying deep within them.
“I couldn’t possibly apologize enough for leaving you that morning, the way that I did. I know I hurt you and I hurt Cadence too…but I was so confused Justin. I needed time away from everything…I needed to figure out where my heart lies. I know that doesn’t justify or make up for what happened but I want you to know the truth.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me that? Why leave me a note and then never return any of my calls?” I ask.
“Even if I waited until you were awake to tell you I was leaving…it wouldn’t have gone over any better than the note did. I couldn’t wait…I couldn’t watch you lie there looking so peaceful and beautiful and still leave. If I didn’t leave then, I don’t think I ever would’ve and I wouldn’t be where I am now…I wouldn’t have figured out what it is that I really want.”
“And that is?” My body is practically on high alert and I’m completely in tuned to her actions. I hear her take a deep breath before looking me straight in the eyes.
“When I left Justin…I didn’t go back to my house…I actually went to my parent’s house. I needed a break from everyone and everything that I was use too. I wanted to be able to just clear my head and really think. I don’t think you understand that what happened that night really shook me up because I wanted it just as bad if not more than you.” She explains while nervously shaking her hands at the same time. I can tell it’s hard for her to say all of this and I’m just trying to listen and really understand what happened between us. “There’s just something about being with you that pulls at me. No matter what happens in life, I always end up back with you. I’ve been trying to make sense of that.”
Just then my cell phone ring breaks into Alyssa’s confession and I mentally scold myself for leaving that thing on. I reach into my pockets and answer the phone when I see that Trace is calling.
“Hey man, what’s up?”
“Dude…something’s wrong with Cadence.” He says and my heart practically falls to my feet. I feel a panic take over my body and I completely forget about what Alyssa’s here to talk about.
“What’s going on?” I almost yell into the phone and stand up preparing to rush down to his room.
“She won’t stop crying…I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried giving her a bottle and she doesn’t want it. I’ve changed her, rocked her, tried to put her to sleep…and something’s wrong Justin…I don’t know.”
“I’ll be right there…” I say shutting my phone and getting up in such a rush that I left Alyssa sitting there on the balcony completely clueless.
Alyssa runs into the room, just as I’m about to open the door and head to Trace’s.
“Justin…what’s wrong?” She yells and halts me in step.
“Something’s wrong with Cadence.” I state and Alyssa is by my side in a heartbeat, almost pushing me over as we both sprint down to Trace’s room.
We pound on the door and I can faintly hear Cadence’s cries. My heart is breaking and I Alyssa is gripping my hand so tight that I might lose my fingers. Finally, Trace opens the door and there’s my baby girl wailing her little lungs out. Immediately, I grab her from his grasp and cuddle her close to my chest.
“Shh…baby girl…mommy and daddy are here…” I coo at her and she continues to fuss in my arms, letting out all the air that is in her lungs.
Alyssa is right by my side rubbing her hand up and down Cadence’s back, trying to calm her. “Her face is so flushed…” Alyssa states and then puts the back of her hand against Cadence’s forehead. “She’s burning up…”
Panic is practically taking over my entire body…Cadence hasn’t ever been sick before and I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing that can ever compare to the feeling of knowing your child is sick.
“Take her sweatshirt off and loosen that blanket around her. We have to cool her down.” Alyssa starts barking out orders as she walks into the bathroom. Immediately, I start to pull off all the extra layers while trying to comfort Cadence at the same time. Alyssa returns a few seconds later with a cool washcloth and puts it around Cadence’s neck. Trace looks like he’s going to freak out any second.
“She’ll be ok…” Alyssa tells Trace and he just numbly nods his head.
“We should really get her to bed…she needs to sleep off whatever bug she has…” Alyssa states before gathering Cadence’s things that are strewed around Trace’s room.
Trace looks on like he’s about to throw up and I can tell he feels like he did something wrong to hurt Cadence. Alyssa looks up at Trace and pulls him into a quick hug. “Don’t worry…she’s just sick. She’ll be better in a few days.”
“I’m sorry you guys…I just didn’t know what else to do.” He says while running a hand across the back of his neck.
“Don’t worry…we’re going to go put her to bed. Thank you for watching her.” Alyssa says before the three of us exit Trace’s room and walk back to my room. I know it’s just a cold but there’s nothing worse than watching your kids hurt…it tugs at your heart.
Together we set up a bed for Cadence and made sure to tend to her every second, watching and monitoring her fever throughout the night. Together we sat up most of the night, taking turns checking on Cadence and talking about anything and everything, except the reason we were talking to begin with. When something happens to your children, you put their well-being in front of yourselves and that’s what we’re doing. Whatever it is Alyssa wants to tell me, can wait. Tonight, it’s all about making sure Cadence’s fever breaks and that she gets the rest she needs. I guess I really am becoming a father.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey Everyone!!! Thank you all for the reviews...there is nothing better than hearing from all of you!! You're all awesome!!! I hope you like the new update...I'm already working on the next one!! Enjoy and please keep the reviews coming!! :)
Story Tags: daddyj
