I sit on my couch waiting for him, I can hear the car door outside and the movement of the flower pot outside, so I know he’s going to just let himself in. The door creaks and I catch a peak of his face. His old, battered Tennessee hat adorns his head, his Nikes on his feat, hidden by his baggy sweatpants. He slides his jacket off, leaving his sweatshirt on. He leaves the jacket on the table and drops the keys in the bowl. 

If I didn’t already know that I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with him, that sealed the deal. He’s so comfortable here, like it’s his home and in reality, it should be. 

He walks into the family room, looking around, avoiding eye contact with me. “So, uh,” he puts his hands on his hat, “what did you need?”

I pat the spot next to me on the couch and he sits down next to me, the heat radiating off his body. He puts his feet up on the couch, mirroring my position. 

“I know you probably have no intentions of talking to me, or whatever it is that she doesn’t want you doing, but I have something to say. You can hate me after this if you want, but I’m doing this because I love you.” I say, hoping that the words sink in the right way.

“Liz, do we have to go through this? I’m marrying her, you waited too long.” He crosses his arms, moving further to the edge of the couch. 

“Damnit, Justin, I hate this. She has a child! She’s just in it for your money,” I spat. 

His blue eyes look up to me, shocked in the process. He doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything. He begins to shake his head, “You’re lying.” 

“Justin, have I ever lied to you?” I ask. “I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t think it was 100% true or if I didn’t think you needed to know. She loves you for your money. Listen,” I pull the phone out of my pocket, replaying the recorded conversation I had with her earlier.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve calling this phone, you bitch. He’s mine, always has been, always will be, and I can’t wait til you have nothing and I have it all.”

He grabs the phone and continues to replay it, over and over again, until its the last thing either one of us wants to hear. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? You could have told me a long time ago, I wouldn’t have gone searching for her. You did this, you’re being selfish Liz, you caused all of this.” He states.

I’m furious at this, not knowing how he could possibly blame me for any of this, “What the hell are you talking about, Justin? What, that I didn’t sit you down and tell you you’re fiancee was a trifling ho that’s only out for your money? I’m sorry, I thought it was futile because you’re too in love with her. I’m sorry that I even bothered to care, sorry that I even took the time to bring you over here because you obviously are just going to go back to her and leave me here, alone,” I begin to sob uncontrollably, clutching my legs for support, “What you think I worry about my own happiness before yours? Come on, be fucking real.”

He puts his head in his hands, “Well, this makes things fucking complicated.”

“Complicated? Are you serious, Justin? You fucking come over one night, drunk, tell me you love me and then leave me the next morning to go back to her. Tell me, what’s she got that I don’t have? Is it the sex? Because I’m pretty sure I could have her beat there. It can’t be the fact that she loves you because I love you so much it fucking hurts,” he pulls me into him and I continue to sob but the comfort of his arms around me, just holding me is overwhelming.

“Liz, calm down, seriously, calm down. You don’t mean it, you really don’t. You don’t love me, you never have,” he says. 

I look up to him, “Really? Then the past twenty-five years of my life have been totally wasted on you. Every phone call, every hug, every tear, it’s all meaningless bullshit. You’re right, Justin, how stupid of me? How could I possibly fall in love with somebody who didn’t love me back? Maybe because he spent every waking moment with me, making me realize how good of a life we could have. But no, I don’t love you.” 

I get up off the couch, moving to the kitchen to find a bottle and glass of something strong. I have never turned to alcohol in difficult situations, but to me, the night calls for it. He follows me, right on my heels the whole time, pulling his phone out, “Lauren, yeah something came up at Mom’s, I won’t be making it home tonight.”

I chuckle at this. “If you fucking think that you’re staying here the night to leave me in the morning, you’re out of your fucking mind. You’re either in or your out, and if you walk out that door tonight, you’ll be out of my life forever, I won’t even bat an eyelash. I can’t deal with this anymore, Justin. I can’t take the pain or the anguish that you put me through every day and night, I just can’t do it.”

He comes over to me, placing his hands on either side of my body and just stands there for a moment, looking me in the eyes. “What if I told you that she never meant anything? That in all of this, she was just the next best thing that I could find to you, would that make this all okay?”

“You’re lying,” I state, fighting his gaze.

He moves my face back to his, “No I’m not, what if I told you this was all a part of my grand scheme because someday I believed you’d come back to me.”

“So you’re grand scheme calls for heartache and destroying my life while you’re still happy as can be with the girl of your dreams? I don’t quite understand.”

“I can’t fight this,” he points between us, “anymore. I’ve tried, diligently, to move you into the best friends category, but I’ve known for a long time, and that night just proved it to me. Me marrying her was just an attempt to get something that I could never have with anyone but you, I know that now.”

“You bought her a ring,” I state, his face inching closer to mine every second.

“She’ll find another celebrity, no big deal.” His hands move to my face, pulling me into him. He stops, looking at me again and I have to blink multiple times to make sure this is real. His lips hover over mine and I can instantly feel the sparks throughout my body. 

He opens his eyes again, “It’s crazy how much I love you.” He moves in, kissing me and instantly I feel okay. I feel like a whirlwind has just come over me, a silent motion telling me that every thing’s gonna be okay. He’s here, kissing me... the world just seems too good to be true. He lifts me up on the counter top, putting his hands in my hair, pulling me closer to him. It all just feels so damn good. 

He stops for a moment, feeling through his pockets for his cellphone and I can hear the vibration echo throughout the whole house. He looks at the screen and flashes it in front of my face, exposing the name. I take it out of his hands, throwing it across the kitchen, watching it slam into the wall, falling to pieces. He smiles that crooked smile that makes me weak.

“I promise it’s over,” he says. 

“I sure hope so,” I say back, pulling him close to me again. He looks up at me for a moment, his eyes slightly hidden by his hat, that gleam showing through everything. 

“I just can’t get over this, you gotta give me a minute” and he smiles again, “I love you, Liz. I fucking love you.” 

I smile, feeling the tears well up in my eyes again, “I love you too, J. I love you, too.”

And I hold onto the moment, etching it in my brain, knowing that when the morning comes these things may not be the same.