You've Got Mail
Pt 5
“I'm so happy you came up. I really am. I hope you had a good time, considering.”
They sat in her car, in front of Portland International Airport. He hated to leave but he had to get back before the taping-- and he didn't want to overstay his welcome. Considering, he had a wonderful time with her. He, too, was happy that he'd come to see her, spend time with her, meet her. Now he could put a real face to a name. He could hear her voice as he read her email and he could picture Bruno when she talked about him. He'd know what Powell's was and he'd know, if she mentioned that cafe where they had lunch after her meeting that morning, what she was talking about.
“You don't have to get out,” he said, a hand on her arm. “It's cold out, and I'm just gonna run right in. I just um... I wanted to say thanks for letting me stay with you. I know I showed up out of nowhere and we hadn't even met and it could have been weird, but...” his voice trailed off and he shrugged.
“I wouldn't have had it any other way,” she said softly, with a smile.
He stared at her for long moment, fighting with himself. Should he? He should. He should just do it. No. It would be weird and it would change things and he was the one railing against any changes. But he wanted to, so very badly, had wanted to since he first saw her picture, since he first saw her at the door of her apartment, pretty pursed lips at 3 am.
“No,” he told himself. “Get out of the car, and go home. Get out of the car. Go home. Get--”
He was genuinely surprised when lips met his. Smooth, firm, sweet. Oh, God. And then they were gone. When he opened his eyes, she was smiling, a big smile.
“Thank you. For everything. You better get going. Email me when you get home.”
Subject: I wish...
I wish I would have done it, instead of staring at you until you did it. But I liked it. Thank you.
I'm home. I need to really hit this script tonight. I tape tomorrow and I have a rehearsal Wednesday.
I hope tomorrow is a good day for you.
You made me want to go back. To turn around, and get back in the car and go back and do that some more.
Joshua
Subject: Re: I wish...
I wish I hadn't have waited until you were almost gone. I was thinking maybe you didn't, because it would be weird and then... I just went for it.
Oh, well. I have no regrets. I loved it.
Tomorrow will be a good day for the both of us. I look forward to hearing from you after your taping.
Now buckle down on the script, young man! : )
You're welcome to come here anytime. ANY time. I mean that.
Shannon
Tyler and Shawn and Lance and Tum pestered him for updates, but he wasn't in a hurry to disclose any details. Past telling them he really enjoyed meeting her, he kept all information about his trip to himself. He did share one photo with them-- from their last walk through the park. They found a passerby to take a picture of him, Shannon, and Bruno. Shannon had emailed the picture to him and he made it his desktop wallpaper. When they emailed, he looked at the picture of them together. He had every intention of making his way back to Portland.
They continued to email everyday, some days several times a day, some days non stop. When he wanted someone to listen to him run through his lines over and over and over, he turned on the web cam that was built into his notebook and she would listen and give feedback. She'd recorded it and send it back to him so he could see himself-- which he both hated and appreciated. And sometimes they just sat on the web cam and talked. Talked about things that were hard to email or thoughts that were too stupid to type out and send. She told him about her irrational fears and he told her about his. Her regrets and his. Her dreams and his. The more he learned about her, the more he wanted to know. She was like a habit-- a very good, very pretty, very funny, good for him, habit.
Subject: Duuuuuuuuuuuude Nine Inch Nails
Where've they been all my life. Closer is my shit today!
Rawr!
Hi.
Shannon
He laughed, when he read the email. Sometimes she could be so random, so unpredictable, so... normal and unaffected and happy. Some of the most mundane things could elicit such a crazy, animated response from her. He enjoyed her, and enjoyed figuring her out. He envied her random, everyday, normal happiness.
Subject: Re: Duuuuuuuuuuuude Nine Inch Nails
You trying to kill me, over here?
Hi.
Joshua
Subject: Re: Re: Duuuuuuuuuuuude Nine Inch Nails
?
Just commenting on music.
What?
Shannon
Subject: You know
What.
Joshua
Subject: I don't think I know what...
What?
Shannon
Subject: Re: I don't think I know what...
Nothing, Shannon. Nothing.
What are you and Bruno doing today?
Joshua
Subject: Re: Re: I don't think I know what...
NO. No no no. You don't get off that easily.
You want me to call you? Is it too stupid to type?
Shannon
Subject: Re:Re :Re I don't think I know what...
No. It's nothing.
I was just thinking about that song. It's a cool song. I think it's a very sexy song.
Really like... rough and base and guttural. I like it. You never heard it before?
Joshua
Subject: Oh... okay
You make such a federal case out of some things. That wasn't a bad thing to say to me.
Silly goof.
No, I never heard it. I don't know how, but I like it, too.
Shannon
Subject: I didn't say...
What I was thinking.
Joshua
Subject: Re: I didn't say..
Now you have to say it. Want me to call you?
Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: I didn't say...
Stop offering to call me!
I was just thinking that it's...nice to have sex to.
Makes for nice rhythm.
Joshua
Subject: Oh.
Were you thinking about that?
Shannon
He paused, before sending the next email, unsure if he should send it, almost regretting going down this path. What if she didn't want that, from him? What if? Well, what if a lot of things. He forced himself to press 'send'.
Subject: Re: Oh.
I was. With you.
Is that what you want to hear?
Joshua
Subject: Re: Re: Oh
It's not about what I want to hear. It's about what you want to say. That's what I want to hear. Or read.
I've thought about nothing else since you left. Yummy.
Shannon
Subject: Shit.
I have to get back up to Portland soon, huh?
Joshua
Subject: Re: Shit
Please. Very soon.
Shannon
He wasn't altogether sure, still, what was happening. They were more on 'one day at a time' mode than anything. No talking about the past, no planning for the future, live in the now and enjoy it. And he was enjoying it. It had been a long time since he was giddy about someone... maybe since like, junior high, before he'd gone to that audition and got on TV and things changed and he couldn't afford to let his guard down. He hadn't even been this way with anyone before, not... well, not with anyone, before.
Now, he just wanted to take it slow. Gone were the days where he just hopped into bed with someone. The random hookups of just last year seemed so far behind him. In his mind, none of them compared to her. He was a methodical, structured person, and to him, there was a natural order to things. She wasn't complaining and didn't really seem to mind the pace. Something told him she was searching herself as well, to decide if this was something she should go for, or back away from. The friendship was amazing-- beyond it could be even better. But if it wasn't even better, if it was just so so and it ruined the friendship, there couldn't really be any going back. Shades of Jake colored their conversations, though-- she screwed up four years ago. She didn't want to make the same mistake twice. And he wouldn't let her.
Subject: Soooo.......
The show wrapped last week. For this season, anyway. And I am done shooting scenes. It's all over but the cringing when it comes out.
I appear to have some free time.
Joshua
Subject: Re: Soooo
*perk*
So... you might be looking for something (someone) fun to do, or a place to go?
Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Soooo
Oh, funny. I thought I might come up for a long weekend. If it's okay with you.
No pressure. Please say yes.
Joshua
Subject: Of COURSE!
Please, please, please come. Bruno... yeah... Bruno misses you. : )
When are you coming?
Shannon
Subject: Re: Of COURSE!
When do you want me? Name a date, I'm there.
Joshua
“You're going back up there already?” asked Shawn. “I don't know, man. You're getting in kinda deep.”
“Deep? I haven't been up there in months, and I really only got two days with her, because of the funeral.” He carefully folded shirts and socks and t shirts and placed them in his rolling carry-on luggage.
“I don't know man. Just... like... I don't know. Don't get yourself in trouble. You think you know this girl, but you don't.”
“No, I don't think I know this girl. That's the whole point, Shawn. I can only learn so much by email. Dude, just... I like her. A lot. Can I just have this?”
Shawn shrugged and slouched in the oversize chair, kicking his feet up onto the matching ottoman. “Alright, alright. So... you're not gonna tell me anything about the last trip, huh? You didn't hit that or nothin', man? Not even a little smooch? Come on. You know I ain't got no girl. I gotta live through you.”
“Get your dirty shoes off my furniture. At LEAST take your shoes off. And no, I have no details to share with you.”
Shawn mused for a moment, and then let a slow, evil grin cross his face. He narrowed his eyes and said, “You wouldn't be going back if you didn't think it was worth it. So if you didn't, you're going back to get some. Right?”
He gave Shawn an icy glare, then dropped two pairs of sneakers into the suitcase and went to pack his travel kit. Shawn stared at him as he came out of the bathroom and tucked the kit away in his suitcase.
“You're breaking the dude code. You know that, right?”
“Sorry,” he said, turning around. “And get your FUCKIN' feet off my FURNITURE!”
He spotted her small SUV as soon as he exited the double doors of the airport terminal and made a beeline for it. She saw him approach and popped the rear hatch. Bruno paced the backseat as he dropped his small suitcase into the trunk and pushed it closed.
“Hello, beautiful,” he said, leaning over to drop a soft kiss on her cheek then turning around to pat Bruno.
“Hello, handsome,” she answered with a smile. She smelled good. Like green apple something.
“Hungry? There's a great restaurant on the edge of the dog run, over at the park. I thought we could eat and catch up.”
“I can always eat,” he said, and she pulled away from the curb.
Dinner was great. Relaxing, warm, calm. It was nice to be away from all that was LA-- the people, the smog, the prying eyes, the occasional photographer documenting every bite he ate and drink he drank and random item he bought and step he took. It was one of those things he just had to deal with, because he didn't see it going away soon, but he wished that he could live without. Getting away was healing, to him. And getting away to see Shannon fed his soul like nothing else could. He felt like he could breathe, take full clean breaths and blow them out and breathe them back in again.
They took their time over dinner, walked the dog run with Bruno, and headed back to her apartment for the night.
“So how's your mom doing?” He accepted the cold beer she handed him and patted the couch next to him. She sat, then sighed, then took a long pull off of her bottle.
“She's alright. Doing better. She hit a rough patch for a bit but she's gonna make it. I couldn't imagine if I lost my mom. She's a strong one, though. She doesn't miss work and she tries to stay busy.”
“And how are you?” he asked, delighting in the fact that he could search her eyes, in person. “I know I ask you all the time but now I'm asking you to your face.”
She reached over to him and gave his knee a pat. “I'm doing really great, right about now. That's all that matters. I'm happy you're here.”
“I'm happy I'm here, too.” He took her hand in his and held it, then set his beer down on a coaster. “I uhm... I need to do something. It's long overdue.”
“Yes, you do,” she said, setting her beer down as well. “Now that I taste like Heineken.”
“Trust me, I won't notice,” he said, as he tipped his head toward her and pressed his lips against hers, lightly. Very lightly. She leaned into him and tipped her head and opened her mouth, playing with his tongue as it darted in to play with hers. He turned toward her and brought a hand up to her face, stroking her cheek, then digging his hands into her hair as they shared a long, unhurried, lazy kiss. Finally.
When they parted, she let out a long, satisfied sigh.
“Exactly,” he said, with a laugh, his hands still in her hair, his forehead resting against hers. They sat back against the couch, he with an arm around her while they talked and kissed, and talked some more, and kissed some more. He liked that. He liked her.
“So, do you want to watch a movie, or something?” She picked up the remote and turned on the Guide to check for movies.
He snatched the remote away. “No, you like that romantic comedy shit. I can't believe I watched 'You've Got Mail' for you.”
Her laugh was a beautiful sound as it gurgled out of her. “I didn't ASK you to watch it. I ASKED you IF you watched it. I watched it with you!”
“You said it reminded you of us, so I had to watch it.”
“You liked it. You said it was cute.”
“Yeah, I did.” He glanced over at her, eyebrows raised. “I was thinking of watching something else, tonight.”
“Oh,” she said, catching his clue. “Tell you what. If you will take Bruno out for his last walk, I'll uhm... get ready.”
“You got it,” he said, getting up from the couch and reaching for the leash. That was all Bruno needed to see-- he stood up and excitedly paced at the door while the leash was attached to his collar.
“We'll be back,” he said with a wink.
She was already removing things—her earrings were the first to come out. “I'll be waiting. When you come back, just send him to his bed over there, otherwise he'll follow you in and uhm... I don't want an audience.” She blushed and headed toward the bedroom. He shook his head and let Bruno lead him outside.
When they returned, the apartment was dark except for the light over the hood in the kitchen. As instructed, he removed the leash and sent Bruno to his bed. Bruno lumbered to his plush and cozy set up in the corner, near the window, and laid down. He turned and headed toward the bedroom.
The room was softly lit and cool and smelled faintly of vanilla. Shannon sat in the middle of the bed, her legs tucked underneath her, clad only in her bra and panties. She must have just brushed her hair. It was shiny and smooth and framed her face like a portrait.
“Are you gonna stare all night or are you coming over here?”
He realized, then, he'd just been standing there and set to work removing everything but his briefs, then climbed onto the bed and sat next to her. Then... he did nothing. She stared at him, unsmiling, but not frowning-- just... serious. Her brown eyes with the long lashes that curled up and the perfectly shaped eyebrows on that pretty little face, with the pink lips just stared at him. Finally, one eyebrow lifted and a hint of smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“My legs are falling asleep. I can only hold this sexy pose for so long. Are we... I mean, do you not want to, now?”
He dipped his head, laughing quietly. “Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to, you know. If you're not comfortable, or we haven't known each other long enough, or--”
“Do I have to do everything?” she said, laughing and pushed him down, straddled him. “You wouldn't be here if I wasn't ready. I want to do this. Okay?” He nodded. “Do you?” He nodded, vigorously.
She bent to kiss him-- to kiss his lips and then his neck and then his chest and he ran his fingers through her hair-- hair he'd stared at in her pictures and wondered what it was like to run his fingers through it-- would it be silky soft, and would it smell good? It was silky, like satin and long and wavy and smelled like—well, like green apple, of course. His hands slid across her shoulders and he gripped her by her underarms and gently tugged her up, to his face, and rolled her over.
The first time was always the best time. Anticipation and wondering and hoping and dreaming always tinged the experience, adding an additional element of excitement. This first time was so unlike all the other first times, and much better than all the 'only times'. His desire to show that he wanted this because he felt something for her, and not just because she was a warm body and she was hot and he wanted it, was fulfilled. When he stroked, and she writhed, and he groaned, and she cried out and he dripped with sweat and their skin slicked against each other and they each reached a climax that rivaled all previous climaxes in, perhaps, the history of climaxes, it became the singular most wonderful moment of his life, so far.
He liked her. He liked this.
“Fuck, that was good,” he said, panting, falling back against the pillow. “Gimme about... a half hour and I wanna do that again.” He grinned as he looked over at her, regaining control over her breathing, glistening with sweat, grinning while her eyes were still closed, her hair a wild mane spread about the pillow.
“Good does not begin to describe that,” she rasped, her throat raw. “You get twenty minutes. Rest up.” She sat up and walked out of the room. He watched her walk out, admiring the back of her. Then admired the front of her as she returned with two bottles of water, handing him one and opening one for herself. He watched her drink the entire bottle, taking long drags and gulping it down till it was gone.
“You even drink water sexy. Come over here, sweet thing.” He patted the pillow next to him and she climbed in, straightening the sheets around them. He finished his water and laid down next to her, reaching over her to turn out the lamp and then wrapping his arms around her, a leg in between hers.
“I like this. I like you. A lot.”
“I like you a lot, too,” she said, muffled against his chest. She couldn't breathe but she didn't want him to let her go, so she angled her head so she could breathe and talk. “I did before I even knew who you were. I didn't develop feelings after I found out, you know. Though, I was a little scared of what I was falling for, since I'd never actually SEEN you.”
“And now you get to look at my mug all the time. I liked you before I told you, too. That's why I told you. I wanted you to know the real me.” He realized she couldn't breathe when he held her that way, so he adjusted so she could lay her head on his shoulder.
“You were the real you all the time. You've been the same sweet man I met on accident a year ago.”
“That's nice to hear. Though, you are nowhere near knowing the real me.”
“I will. Eventually. And it'll be fun to get to know him. This is fun. You're really, really good at it.”
"If you could say that one more time, louder, please.” They laughed together, and then, when the laughter subsided, he kissed her, again, like he was kissing her for the first time.
“Joshua...”
“Hmmm...”
“You don't look like Rick Astley. At all. Never say that again. Mkay?”
He laughed. He forgot he said he looked like Rick Astley. “I was kind of joking, anyway, but yeah it was just the first thing that came to mind.”
“Must have been. I was so expecting this little British man with like... big teeth and and milky skin. You're way hotter than Rick Astley.” She threw a leg over him and dragged her body over his until she was laying on top of him.
“Oh, am I, now?” he asked, smiling so his eyes disappeared.
"It's been 20 minutes already, right?"
