The house was lit up as we pulled into the driveway. The enormous tree was visible from the window, the lights blinking and the glow from the fire flickering reflections onto the walls.

“Wow,” JC said, his eyes wide and mouth open. “Your grandparents live here?” He stepped back so he could get a full view of the house and the property that surrounded it. I was used to seeing it, but viewing it through his eyes, as if it were the first time, the house was impressive and overwhelming.

“Mostly on the main level. They only use the other floors when we all come visit. They refuse to move.”

“Nice,” he muttered, still staring, walking around to the back of the truck to pull out his suitcase. The garage door began to slide open, the front door was thrown open wide and people started to pour out of the house. He was surrounded by the small crowd, his hands full of handshakes and arms full of hugs.

“JC you remember everybody? My mom and dad, my brothers, Kim? The baby is sleeping and so is Gramps. And the boys—“

All eyes turned to three little ones in pajamas, robes, and slippers, standing together in the dim light of the garage. JC broke through the group and headed straight for them.

“Hey guys. Merry Christmas.”

Matthew and Devon offered manly handshakes, their small hands so lost inside his large ones. Each of them hugged one side of him, slightly bashful at being so excited to see him. CJ wasn’t old enough to be coolly shy or embarrassed. As soon as JC squatted down to say hi to him, CJ jumped right into his arms, locked his chubby limbs around JC’s neck and refused to let go. JC laughed and stood up, toting CJ and handing over his suitcase to me. “I guess I’ve got CJ. Show me where I’m going, guys.”

We packed into the house behind JC and the boys, down the hallway, through the kitchen and to the family room. The oversized rectangular box had been brought in from the garage to the living room, and while I was gone, they had wrapped it and put a bow on it and tried their best to put it under the tree.

There was commotion in the room for a few minutes. Chris talked CJ into letting go of JC and the boys plopped themselves on the floor in the middle of the room. Everyone settled back into sofas and chairs except for JC and I and Gram, who was rushing between the kitchen and the family room, picking up glasses and dessert dishes.

“There she goes,” JC muttered, watching her rapid dash back to the kitchen. “She’s the one I have to impress, right?”

“Mmmhmm,” I said, nodding. “Once you get her, you’ve got Gramps. I already told her some sweet stories about you though, so I’ve paved the way. Just turn on the charm and you’ll be fine.”

“Just…turn on the charm. No problem.”

An unusual, uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Everyone was waiting for something, something to happen. After a few long, quiet moments, I excused myself and went to the kitchen.

“Gram? JC is waiting to meet you. Are you coming?”

Startled, she put down the dishrag she was using to mindlessly wipe down the already spotless countertop. “Oh, is he?”

“Yes, he is. He’s excited, too. I’ve already told him what a wonderful woman you are and he wants to impress you. So, come on.” I hooked a hand inside her elbow and gently pulled. She didn’t fight much, following me back into the family room. Inside, I was giggling. My grandmother was nervous about meeting my boyfriend! That was a first, and would probably be a last.

“Okay, Gram is here…” 

JC stepped forward and interrupted. “Allow me,” he said, extending a hand toward her. Blushing, she watched as her tiny pale hand became enclosed between his large, strong ones. “Mrs. Porter, my name is Josh. I’m dating your granddaughter. Thank you for letting me come share the holidays with your family.”

Gram coughed, her face turning a bright cherry red. She couldn’t stop staring at him. I knew the feeling. “Well, I… thank you,” she stuttered. “It’s a pleasure to meet you and have you here. Serena speaks so highly of you. She tells me they call you JC. The kids all call me Gram. I’d love it if you would, too.”

He nodded graciously and gave her a smile. “You got it, Gram.”

“Well. Now, then. The pleasantries are out of the way. You seem like a nice young man, so maybe you can tell me why we’re not celebrating an engagement, already? And will we be doing so, very soon?” 

It was JC’s turn to blush and choke. He shot a quick glance at me, but I was no help since I was laughing. “Gram, let’s save the tough questions for after Christmas, okay? I want JC to open his present before the boys have to go to bed.”

She relented, but not before giving him a squeeze and a glance that I hope he knew meant they would chat later. And that she would expect an answer. I was not looking forward to the aftermath of that conversation.

“Oh, we’re doing this now? I have something for you in my bag.”  JC backtracked toward the corner, where I had parked his suitcase.  He unzipped it and pulled out a large plastic bag. I glanced at it, not meaning to give him a look but I must have. Bashful, he handed it to me. “My mom already yelled at me about the lack of wrapping paper, okay? But I’m a guy and I didn’t take much time to do this special, but what’s inside makes up for it. Promise.”

I took the plastic bag from him and then grabbed his hand and pulled him into the family room and had him sit next to the tree where everyone could see him. “Not that I’m not excited about whatever’s in this bag for me, but if you don’t open your present right now, I will explode.”

“That big box is for me?”

“This big box is for you,” I said, grunting as I slid it over to him and then sat next to him. “Open it!”

I didn’t think I’d ever watched JC open something but it was mind numbing. He was meticulous about unfolding every corner and running his finger along the taped edge of the thin wrapping paper. I bit my tongue watching and waiting, impatiently grabbing the wad of paper, crumpling it and tossing it aside as soon as he handed it to me.

The box was oblong and sitting square in front of him on the floor. He was staring at the word. Fender. The logo, in thick black ink, covered the entire top side of the box. JC looked over at me, and then across the room. Expectant faces, clasped hands, all eyes on him. He looked at me, again.

“You… is this… is what I think is in here…in here?”

I smiled and pointed at the box. “Why don’t you open it, sweetie, and find out?”

He moved to his knees and tried to break the grip of the zip ties around the box. “Anyone got a-”

“Oh. Here,” my dad said, handing him a set of keys with a Leatherman attached. He never went anywhere without that thing. It had proved to be handy so many unusual times. JC used the pocketknife attachment to snap the zip ties holding the box closed, and then work the staples out of the cardboard.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been on display like this. I feel like I should slow it down, you know? Tell some stories, drag it out…”

“Noooo,” CJ whined. “Go faster! Open it!”

Every staple was loose and gathered in a loose pile next to him. The zip ties lay on the floor under the box. JC slipped a finger underneath the lip of the box and pulled. It slid open and fell back to reveal a well packed object, encased in tissue paper and packing peanuts.  He dug his way through the protective covering until he found it.

It was long and shiny, not a fingerprint smudge or a speck of dust on it. The mahogany lacquer finish and taut strings reflected the lights from the tree and the TV and fire beautifully. JC just stared at it, giving a low wolf whistle, his eyes wide and sparkling. He sat mesmerized for a few minutes before he reached into the box and broke it out of the molded Styrofoam casing.

“I had a feeling it would be this. This is slick. I love it, honey.” He grinned ear to ear, inspecting every inch of it from the tip to the end and then the back and around again. As an afterthought, he leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I kind of did. You should have seen your eyes at the Elvis museum. You have the same look on your face right now. I hope you can actually use it.”

“So what is it?” Garrett was on the edge of his seat leaning forward. “I mean, I see that it’s a guitar, but what kind?”

“Well… this is an electric acoustic guitar. So I can play it like a regular guitar--” he plucked at the strings, strumming with the pad of his thumb and smiled at the sound. “But I can also plug it into an amp and get more sound- more volume, like an electric guitar. Your sister got me a really, really nice one. Will be great to take on tour.”

“Oh. So you are still touring.”

“Uhm, eventually. We hope. When I do, I’ll be taking this baby with me.” He dropped an arm over my shoulder and nuzzled my neck, landing a kiss behind my ear. “And maybe this one.”

“Yes. Well.” I cleared my throat and reached toward the box, hypersensitive to my grandmother in the room. “So, there should be a gig bag in here, and a shoulder strap and some picks in here, too.”

“Can you play us something before we go to bed?” Matthew asked. “Please?”

JC hesitated, scratching at his forehead before answering. “Uhm. Well, it has to be tuned, buddy. It won’t sound very good and I’m not sure how—“

Matthew’s pout stopped him cold. JC winced and glanced at me. “Alright, already. I can’t deal with the lip. What should I play?”

“Ohh… God…uh…” I wracked my brain, running the lyrics of JC’s songs through my head, past the kid filter, over the grandma filter. He didn’t have much in his collection that was appropriate.  Plan B. “Sing that one from that time you were on Las Vegas that I like.”

“You like them both.”

“So pick one and sing it. I’ll get you a chair.”

I grabbed a chair form the casual dining set where we played cards and set it next to the tree. JC dug through the box, found the picks and the strap then hung it around his neck.  He strummed a few notes, adjusted the strings, and strummed again, repeating the process until he was satisfied.

“Not perfect but you probably won’t hear the difference. I’ll do a little ditty I wrote for this TV show I was on. They needed someone who could sing and play guitar. They got me.” He chuckled at himself, shrugged, and cleared his throat. 

The harder I try
to make my escape
you still haunt me

The farther I get
the more intense
the separation leads to desperation

Cause when you’re not close to me
it's like a freight train running over me
you’re killing me slowly

I stole a glance around the room full of everyone I loved, some who had never heard him sing. If there was ever a doubt among my family about his talent or his fame, it was gone. I didn’t see how they couldn’t love him or his gift, even from the few moments that his voice filled the room. From Gram to CJ, no one moved. My brothers sat open mouthed and stared. My parents barely blinked. They were spellbound. That made me strangely happy.

If only you were lonely
and broken
I’d creep into your mind without you knowing
and rearrange the pieces
when you weren't watchin’
and leave you with the memory that you love me
if only you were lonely

The song ended in one long, lingering, whimpering note, and then it was over. A few beats of breathless silence passed and then a smattering of applause started with the boys down in front and spread around the room. JC unhooked the strap and folded it in halves and then halves again. He was smiling, sweating slightly, but not red or blushing or embarrassed. He was in his zone, and he knew it. Brief though it was, it was nice to see satisfaction and a quiet confidence in his smile.

“That was… well that was just beautiful,” Gram said, swiping a finger under her eyes and then laying a hand on her chest.  “I hope you’ll play for us again. Maybe tomorrow? I would really enjoy that.”

“Sure, sure,” JC answered. “But the really big deal is Serena’s gift. What’d you do with the bag, honey?”

In my hurry to give him his gift, I’d forgotten about mine. I found the bag under the tree- a large white plastic bag with something kind of stiff inside. JC pulled me onto his lap and made the ‘hurry up’ sign for me to open it.

“Okay, are we ready for this?”

The unanimous answer was yes, so I opened the plastic sack, and suddenly laughed. Hysterically. “You are convinced that I need this bag!”  

I reached inside and pulled out the shiny, patent-leather, cute little red bag that I’d seen earlier in the year in New York. The bag that JC and I had fought over, that JC had bought me and that I made him return. I now held it in my hands and damn if I would let it get away from me again. What was that saying? If you love something, set it free? If it comes back, it was meant for you? This bag was clearly meant for me.

“Look inside. That’s your real present.”

The bag was zipped closed, so I unzipped it. Among the tissue paper and tags was a thick envelope with the flap tucked inside. I pulled that out and held it in my hands. “This?”

“That. Open it.”

I slipped open the flap of the envelope and pulled out a long, thin folder. The front was a gorgeous color photo of a calm blue sea, a cloudless sky, and what looked like Greek architecture along the perimeter. Along the bottom, embossed in gold, read Explore Greece.

“Oh my God. JC, you didn’t.”

“I might have.”

“What didn’t he do?”  Kim asked.

I flipped open the folder, my eyes bouncing from brochure to brochure stuffed inside the folder. Tours. Excursions. Restaurants and hotels and nightlife.

“Greece!” My voice was so high I squeaked the word out. “He’s taking me to Greece. Holy… I’m going to Greece!”

“What? Really?” My mom shot up out of her chair to come around and look over my shoulder.

The words seemed to melt together before my eyes, excitement and fear and love and joy were all mixed and swirled together and dripping down my face. My throat was tight and I was so hot I could hardly breathe.  “When? I mean… yeah, when are we going?”

“Well, I told you not to plan anything for your birthday, so around April or May?”

“This is why you wanted to know if I had a passport?”

He was smug and so damn proud of himself. I could just smack him with the folder, but I was too happy. “This is why.”

“Okay. But… how am I gonna get to Greece? That flight has to be like… twenty hours long! I almost passed out flying to Vail! JC, I--”

JC laughed, which almost pissed me off. Almost. “Relax, sweet girl. You’ll be with me, and we will be fine. And once we land, the long flight will be worth it. On the way back, you’ll be so worn out you’ll just sleep. I’ve done this a million times, believe me.”

I fanned myself, finally able to take in a full breath. My mom had stolen the pamphlet from me. Kim and Andrea were crowding her, oohing and ahhing at the pictures and details.

“Wow, I’m just floored. I’m just-”

My dad got up from his chair and, without a word, walked out of the room. My heart sank, watching him. For some reason, he was upset. Likely about JC’s gift, but I couldn’t possibly place the reason. It was generous and thoughtful and no doubt priced perfectly.  

Chris stood and followed dad out, motioning for me to stay. I expected them to come right back, but when they didn’t, my heart hung even lower in my chest.

“No tickets yet,” JC was saying, oblivious to the light drama. “They take awhile to come in. We have some time, though. Just make sure you get the time off from your new job. And this is why I didn’t really want you to come out on tour. I wanted you to use that time for this.”

I nodded, hearing him but not really listening, consumed with what Chris and dad were talking about. My stomach churned and a pain in my head began a slow thump from the stress. I couldn’t take that out on JC, though so I plastered on a smile and mustered up some excitement. It wasn’t that difficult.

We were going to Greece!

*

“This was a nice Christmas, honey. Really nice.”

Down in my room—our room—we were getting ready for bed. Supposed to be getting ready for bed, but really standing in the middle of the room clinging to each other.

“Mmmm… I agree. It was really nice. And I love having you here.” I stretched up to kiss him, over and over again, before stepping back so we could undress.

“Gonna sleep good tonight. I’m so tired.” Fully clothed, JC settled onto the firm mattress and scooted back until he was up against the headboard. Comfortable, he took a long look around the large room. “Is this where you always stay?”

I kicked off my shoes and worked the buttons on my blouse, slowly undressing. “Pretty much. There’s a nice view, summer or winter.” I nodded toward the picture window just past the bed that took up half of the wall. The morning and evening sun were both beautiful displays. The gardens, the forest, the snowfall, the ski slopes-- no matter what I was in the mood for, I could find it outside that window.

“Nice,” he said, but he wasn’t looking at the window. His eyelids seemed heavy but his eyes were open and roving my body as I moved around the room in my underwear. He growled, under his breath. “Lace.”

I glanced down at myself and realized that in my haste to get dressed that morning, I had thrown on the first items of clothing my hands touched. Also in my haste to pack, I had only brought the new, barely there lingerie sets that I’d bought in New York. I closed my eyes, beginning a protest. “Baby…”

“You did it on purpose. I know you.” With two fingers, he beckoned me across the room. “Come here.”

“No.”

An eyebrow rose slowly as he tipped his head to the right. “Did you just say no to me? I said, come here.”

“We…” I lowered my voice, just in case Andrea was right about being able to hear things. “We cannot… do things… in my grandparent’s house!”

“Why not? It’s obvious your brothers do.”

“I know, but-”

“Serena.” He laughed quietly, a deep chuckle rumbling in his chest. “Just… just come here. I’m not gonna make you scream or anything. Yet.”

“You’re so bad,” I scolded, but made my way over to him and squeezed between his legs, my back against his chest, my hands gripping his thighs. “So, you know… I’m a little nervous about the guitar. I mean, if I didn’t get the right kind or something…”

“Baby, it’s perfect. I love it. It plays great—did you see how easy it was to tune? Can’t wait to plug it in, see what kind of muscle it has.”

That made me smile, ear to ear. I loved that he loved it, that I picked out something he would actually use.  “I like my gift, too. Like, I almost fainted, I love it so much. What made you think of Greece?”

“Couple things.” While he talked, his hands made the journey up my arms, to my shoulders and then down to my waist and around me. His fingers laced together and settled on my stomach. His hands—his body itself—were so warm. The comfort of laying in his arms, strength and gentility wrapped in warmth and surrounding me was intoxicating.

“First, because you’re Greek, and you should go so you can see your history and your people. And then, when you met Regina’s parents and he had all those pictures up. He reminded me of going to cool places like Rome and Sicily. Africa. London. I wanted you to be able to experience that and I wanted to be the one to give it to you.”

“I was telling my grandma today about how generous you are. You proved my point, over and over.” I sighed, a happy smile on my lips until I remembered… “Did you see my dad get up and walk out?”

“No. I saw Chris get up, though. Did he go after him?”

“Yeah. I’m wondering what that was about. Is he mad that you’re taking me? He’s never said shit about wanting to take me to Greece, so if he’s jealous, it’s his own damn fault.”

“Serena… honey. He’s probably just… you know, maybe he’s feeling territorial. Maybe I should have asked him before I-”

“No!” I protested, a little louder than I’d planned. “No. You shouldn’t have to clear your gifts with my dad. Maybe he’s jealous or protective or… I don’t know. But it’s for sure gonna trump the check he usually sends me for my birthday.”

JC laughed. “We’ll take the money, though.”

“Sure will.”

“So what’s up for tomorrow? More grillin’ from Gram? Thanks for throwing me under the bus, by the way. Why does she think we haven’t talked about marriage?”

I winced at JC broaching the topic. I sort of hoped he’d at least wait until the next day to bring it up. “I told her we’ve talked about marriage.”

“Really. Did you tell her you keep saying no?”

“I don’t keep saying no, JC.”

“You just keep cutting off the conversation.”

I sighed, and tried to sit up. “Amazingly, I’m not in the mood to fight, tonight. Let’s just go to bed.” 

“No… shit. Don’t. I’m sorry.” His arms tightened around me, holding me against him. “I won’t bring it up again. But I also won’t sit through the third degree with her, wondering how to talk around the fact that we’re not talking about it because you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine. I will talk to her.  And get you out of the dog house. Alright?”

“That’s all I ask.”

Frustrated and turned off, I fought to get out of his grasp. “Can you let me go, now?”

“Nope. I got plans.”

“What kind of plans?”

“Plans. Lay back here. Stop fighting.” Soft lips fluttered from my shoulder to my neck, up one side, down the other, and then around again. I shuddered, my temperature rising. “Plans that involve me taking these… tiny… pieces of fabric off of your body. And you can’t make a sound while I’m doing it.”

“Oh, see. You are an evil, evil man.” Against my back, a laugh bubbled up from his chest. “Shhhhh,” I hissed. “Gonna get us in trouble already.”

I was freed, but being pushed forward by JC moving toward the center of the bed, essentially bulldozing me under him. He stretched out on top of me and in the next moment moved slightly to the side, hooking a leg around mine, pressing himself into me. It took everything in me to suppress a moan.  He knew was doing and what he wanted and truthfully I was in the mood to lay back and let him take it. So I did.

I let his hands rub my skin so gently and softly, with such care and tenderness it almost tickled, from my feet to my shoulders and back down. I let his lips dust me with kisses wherever he pleased, feather soft. He took a few seconds to pull his t-shirt over his head and unzip his jeans so he could kick them off and came back to me. He laid next to me, nearly on top of me, his warmth and weight like a heavy, familiar blanket.

“Suppose we should get in the bed,” he mumbled into the back of my head.

“Suppose. You said something about taking this stuff off of me, though.”

“Mmm… tired. You do it. I’ll watch.”

“I was looking forward to you doing it. I dare you.”

He groaned.

“Double dare you.”

“Haven’t turned down a lot of double dares in my life.”

“Triple dog dare you. Have to do it, now.”

“You’re right. Have to.” He sat up and reached toward the head of the bed, under the pillows and yanked down the bedspread. “Now this time when I say come here, I want to see some action.”  He climbed into the bed, kicking the sheets down, and piling up pillows under his head. “Come here.”

I’d be a fool not to move. I sat up and crawled across the bed on all fours toward him, closer and closer until my lips met his, until our tongues swirled together and we were, as quietly as possible, moaning in harmony. I moved up until I was straddling him, breaking the kiss to sit up. JC’s hands spanned my waist, rubbing up and down, his calluses wreaking havoc on my nerve endings.

Like an expert, he reached behind me and unclasped my bra, freeing my breasts from the constricting lace. My nipples stood at attention, puffing up in the cool air of the room. He pulled me toward him so he could take one and then the other into his warm mouth. I struggled to stay quiet, biting down on my lip while his tongue flicked the sensitive tips back and forth. I writhed on top of him, working myself into such a heated frenzy that I thought I might explode.

I sat up, pulling my nipple from his mouth with a pop and then rose up onto my knees. “Pull,” I whispered. He obeyed, pulling the thin straps of my panties down my hips. I kicked out of one side and then the other. They went flying, landing somewhere in the room. “Okay, I have to find those in the morning. Seriously.”

“Okay,” he said, laughing.

“I’m serious!”

“Me too! Here, let’s give us something else to find.” He lifted his hips off of the bed and pulled his briefs down, then fished them out from between the sheets and tossed them off the side of the bed. “There. Now we both have something to do tomorrow.” I felt him at my backside. Pulsing. Red-hot.  I loved knowing I could do that to him. “Come here,” he said with a growl, his eyes a piercing blue-green.

“Yes sir.” I moved back a little, centered myself above him, and then, with a sigh that was much louder than I intended, sank onto him. “Shit,” I whispered with a giggle. JC was laughing so hard his face was turning from the pink of arousal to red. “If we’re doing this, let’s do it.”

“Mmm… yes ma’am.”  JC bucked his hips in rhythm and time with my movements. Slow and steady, deeper and deeper, nothing strenuous. Or loud. At first.

JC fit me like a glove, like he was made for me. He filled every void and filled them well. He knew my body, how to hit a spot to make me squirm or squeal or bite my lip or roll my eyes. He knew how to make my hips twitch and convulse, how to hold out and when to let go. He knew how to make me come and he was showing off, at that moment. He felt good to me, really good since it had been so long since took it slow, enjoyed each other, teased each other, brought each other to the edge and back again, over and over and over again.  Intensity and intimacy and the pure joy of being with him won out over trying to remember that we were in a bed in my grandparent’s house with my brothers down the hall.

My body moved against his, sweat beading up and dripping and mixing and pooling between us. JC’s breaths came in heavy grunts and short, stuttered gasps. He was shaking, he was so close, and then he was there, tossing his head back, arching up and into me, gripping my hips and squeezing hard, letting out a long, hissing breath. That was all I needed.

“Oh fuck, I’m coming!”

It just slipped out, kind of loud. But it felt so good, I didn’t care. I would just have to deal with the inevitable teasing. Out of breath, out of energy, out of orgasms, I collapsed on top of JC, heaving on his chest. He laughed, rubbing my back, muttering in my ear over my moans and deep sighs.

“Well, now this whole side of the house knows you got some.”

Panting I rolled my head up toward him. “If you weren’t so good, I wouldn’t have to be so loud.”

“True. True. But I get bragging rights. Right?”

“Whatever floats your boat.” I groaned again, rolling off of him and dumping myself alongside him and then snuggling up next to him, a leg between his, his arm behind me and curling over my waist. “I was so not intending on having sex in this bed with you.”

“Sure, you weren’t.”

“I wasn’t. I was absolutely not planning to have sex mere feet from my brothers.”

He rolled his head toward me, a wide, post-sex hazy grin plastered across his face. “I was.”

“Heh,” I grunted. “Clearly.”

“I win. I won the dare, too.”

I yawned softly into his ear. I was coming down, way down, almost comatose. “Congratulations.”

“Merry Christmas, honey. Love you.”

He always did know how to make me smile. I spent enough energy to roll my head and plop a kiss on a sweaty bicep. “Merry Christmas, sweet man. Love you, too. Get up and turn off the light.”

###

The house, which had seemed so rambling and empty the day before, seemed full to overflowing the next morning. Gram was up bright and early, sending the scent of bacon, eggs, toast and coffee throughout the house. Between the smells of breakfast and the pounding of little feet overhead, there was no sleeping in. My eyes popped open to find JC’s open too. He wasn’t smiling, but seemed amused.

“Morning,” he rumbled.

“Hey,” I said, then turned and stretched. “I guess we should get up. It’ll only get louder up there.”

JC was already sitting up and out of bed. He picked something up off of the floor and flung it at me. And then something else. I picked them up from the bed where they landed and laughed so suddenly I snorted. They were our underwear from the night before.

“Can’t let Gram find those,” he said, smirking as he bent to pick up his suitcase.

It was odd how one more person seemed to have such an effect on everyday life. Suddenly we didn’t have enough chairs, and another place had to be set at the table, and our routine was off-- everyone was running into and all over everyone else. The boys were vying for attention from anyone who would pay attention, Chloe was her usual bubbly, chatty self, and since Gramps was nearly deaf, every meal was loud.

Introducing JC to my grandfather was not nearly as stressful as introducing him to Gram. She could be stodgy and uptight, WASP-y and snobbish, when she wanted to be. Gramps was kinder, gentler, and took people at face value more often. Like JC, he calmed her and rounded her out. He was the yin to her yang. And like me, Gram really needed that. In minutes, Gramps was referring to JC as ‘son’ and I breathed a sigh of relief. He had officially met and had been approved by the entire family. Or so I hoped.

My dad seemed to be back to normal, talking and laughing with everyone, including JC, through breakfast, then joining the men in cleaning up. I had hope that maybe he was just tired the night before. I waited for the perfect time to steal a minute with Chris to ask him what they talked about.

We had lazed around most of the morning, still in our pajamas, played games with the boys and then turned on the on the TV. The room was toasty warm, thanks to the fire, and smelling wonderful since the scent of lunch was already weaving through the house. I stretched out on the couch against JC, watching the annual airing of A Christmas Story. JC knew every word, and the sound and feel of his laughter against my back was one of those memories I’d snapshot and keep in my mind, forever. I wasn’t even sure what I had been so worried about. Of course, my family would love him. Of course, they’d welcome him with open arms and it would seem like he’d been a part of us forever. JC really was right a lot.

“What’s the plan for today? Do we need to rent another truck, you think?” Dad sat at the small card table, his thick black rimmed glassed perched on the end of his nose, which was buried in a newspaper. “People probably want to go into town. We can’t all fit in one vehicle.”

“I wouldn’t mind a nice walk down to see the Christmas lights,” said Gram from the kitchen. “We should meet at Russell’s Grocery at sunset, take a nice walk through town and see the lights before they take them down.”

I nodded, agreeing. The annual Tour of Lights through downtown Vail was an event I hadn’t missed in years. So small town and romantic- even if no one else showed up for the tour, I knew where JC and I would be later on.

“Serena, you need to take JC to rent some gear if he’s skiing tomorrow.”

I glared at Chris from across the room. “Thanks, little bro. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Just trying to help. Thought maybe you forgot, since you guys were up so late last night. Not much sleep.”

I blanched, pure white. I felt JC silently laughing behind me. “Chris…”

“Oh, we were all up so late, last night,” said my mom, shaking her head, clucking her teeth, going back to her needlepoint. “It was worth it, though,” she added with a smile. “That song was so beautiful. I think I was humming it for an hour.”

Chris’ smile was evil, his chuckle maddening. I knew what was coming before he even opened his mouth. “I thought I heard Serena humming--”

I sat up and nearly screamed. The boys were a room away and likely couldn’t hear but Gram could hear everything. “Christopher!”

“Alright, alright!” My dad’s bellow from across the room interrupted us. “Chris, leave your sister alone. I swear I don’t know how your wife puts up with you.”

“He’s impossible, Terry,” Andrea said, winking at me. “Some days I want to kill him.”

“You and me both,” I said, pushing myself off of the couch. “I think we’ll take the first shift into town. And I don’t want to be anywhere near Chris.” I stormed down the stairs. JC followed a few minutes later.

I had spread out into a few drawers in the bureau. I dug through them, pulling out jeans, a sweater, some socks. JC sat on the bed, watching me.

“You had to know he would say something.”

“Yeah. He just… I didn’t expect him to do it in front of my parents. And my grandma! Ugh!”

“Serena. Honey.” He patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Sit down. Relax. He just does it for the reaction. Tyler does that stuff all the time. It’s a little brother thing.”

“I’m pretty sure Tyler’s not teasing you in front of Karen or Roy about your girlfriends.” I whipped around to face JC, terror in my heart. “Oh God. He hasn’t, has he? About us? About me? Has he, JC?”

“Ser-no. Sweetie, no. Just… just come here.” I was close enough for him to grab me by the arm and pull me over to him.

I sat next to JC, and then leaned against him. “You know, I promised Gram that I wouldn’t make her regret letting us share a room. And if she has to listen to sex jokes for a week, I’m just… He knows how much this means to me, for them to let you be here and--”

“Serena.” Chris had crept down the stairs after us and was at the door, leaning against the door frame. I frowned in his direction but didn’t order him out of the room. “Sorry. I had to say something, though. You knew I would.”

“I just told her that. That’s what brothers do.”

My glare bounced from Chris to JC and back to Chris. “Okay, well when you two are done agreeing with each other, maybe you’ll get that I’m pissed because it’s disrespecting Gram and Gramps. Not to mention our parents. I could handle it if it was just us—you and Garrett, Kim and Andrea. You don’t do that shit in front of our parents!”

The devilish, evil chuckle returned. “Half the fun is embarrassing you. You think they think you don’t fuck?”

“I think they’re well aware that I have sex, Christopher. We don’t need to rub it in.”

“Chris… I mean-” JC struggled to find a compromise between finding the situation funny and not wanting me to be mad at him. “Let’s just save the good natured ribbing for when we’re not in mixed company. I think that would just make everyone more comfortable. And it won’t get me in trouble with anyone.”

“Heh. Ribbing.” I lunged at him, but JC held me back. Eyes wide, Chris backtracked. “Okay. Okay. I got it. I just came down here to say sorry. And to tell you that Grams said no one is leaving before lunch so bring your hineys back upstairs so we can figure out who is going where and when.”

“She said hiney?”

I glanced at JC. “She says hiney, honey.”

“Well. We better get ours upstairs. Whatever hineys are.”

“If you don’t get up there,” Chris said, heading back toward the steps, “you’ll find out pretty quickly.”

“Hey Chris! Wait!” I followed him to the hallway and then beckoned him into a dark corner. “What was up with dad, last night?”

Chris rolled his eyes, shifting his weight from foot to foot, like he was nervous. “You know dad. He’s kind of… you know, you’re his kid and you’re always gonna be his kid. He saw your face when you opened the envelope. Obviously, you’re excited about going to Greece. He kind of wanted to be the one to give something like that to you.” 

“So…he was jealous? Or something?”

Chris squirmed, seeming uncomfortable with the word. “No, just…he regrets not thinking of it first. I think he hates the idea of another man in your life, giving you big, important things. Even though he really likes the other man in your life.”

“I just don’t want him mad at me. Or JC. He didn’t mean-”

“He wasn’t mad. Just emo. He’s fine, though.” Chris laughed and headed back toward the stairs. I grabbed him by the elbow and stepped closer.

“Were we really that loud, last night?”

Chris hesitated, and then pressed his lips together, carefully forming his thought before answering. “Okay, I heard stuff here and there but really…” He lowered his voice, stepping even closer. “That guy’s voice does something to my wife. I couldn’t hear you over her, to tell you the truth. He can sing anytime he wants, as far as I’m concerned.” He clicked his tongue, gave me the double pointy fingers and winked before going up the first flight of stairs.

“Gross,” I called up after him.

“How do you think I feel?” He called back.

*

 “So how do you feel about looking at some shit in Vail?”

JC smiled, and then laughed. “I didn’t count on you being able to get back at me. We had fun, looking at shit together.”

“Yeah, we did. But I also had to look at a giant rotating cow. And I had to eat on Mars. And go to the Elvis Museum—“

“Hey, the Elvis Museum was cool. You liked it, I know you did.”

I laughed, but would neither confirm nor deny having fun at the Tennessee tourist stop. It was creepy and weird very down home, but it gave me an idea for the best present I’d ever given JC. I guess I had to give it good and bad points.

JC and I hopped onto the first truckload of people going into town. I was aching for time alone with him, to show him the sights and walk through the streets hand in hand, all by our lonesome. I loved my family dearly and had missed them endlessly, but a week without JC felt like a month. I wanted my time with him, too, while we didn’t have to worry about work and deadlines and sessions and photoshoots and tour dates. It was just us. It was bliss.

“When I was a kid, this place was so magical, you know?”

“It still is. It’s so small town. No wonder people come here.”

“Yeah. It’s like seeing everything for the first time, when I’m with someone else. I forget how… quaint… Vail can be.”

“Yeah,” JC said, balling his hands into fists and shoving them into the pockets of the parka he’d borrowed from Garrett. “Quaint is a word I’d use. I’m rubbing off on you.”

Our feet crunched into the thin layer of snow on the sidewalk. The air was crisp and cold but there was blessedly no wind. We wandered up one street and down the other, taking a long time at our stops in various shops to come in out of the cold and warm up while browsing the trinkets and keepsakes for sale.

“Look, this is cool,” JC said, pointing to a silver cross in a velvet display case. It was aged and worn but appeared to be antique—or at least the price tag meant it had some value.

“That’s a nice one. You like it?”

“Yeah. Pretty nice.” He looked around the shop from right to left and caught the attention of the clerk with a wave of his hand.  “Kinda want to look at it up close, though.”

The clerk rushed over to us, the keys in his hand tinkling together in tinny concert. “Yes, sir. You’d like to see the cross? This is kind of a new item. Just got it in last week from an estate sale.” He unlocked the cabinet and brought out the case, setting it gently on the glass of the display case. “Old guy never knew he had it, really.”

JC held the jewelry in his hands, turning it, inspecting every facet. “Heavy,” he said. “What do you think?”

“I think it looks heavy.”

He laughed, and then rolled his eyes. “The cross, honey. What do you think of it?”

“Does it matter? Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it matters. And I don’t know. I don’t wear the crosses I have.”

“You do. Every once in awhile. Besides, this one is antique. It’s not for wearing. It’s for having. JC, honey, if you like it, get it. You won’t find another like this, probably.”

He stared at it for a moment and then nodded at the clerk and reached for his wallet. “Wrap it up, before I change my mind. Or she changes it for me.”

I took JC on the whirlwind tour of Vail—through the Ski Museum and the country store and then up to the ski shop at the base of Vail Mountain to rent gear for him. He offered his help in a snowboard class with the boys in the morning but made me promise to reserve the afternoon to ski with him.

At sunset, we met the rest of the family at the grocery store at the edge of town, also the start of the tour of the Christmas lights. My nephews clamored around JC, insisting that they walk with him and show him the lights. JC put Chris up on his shoulders and Matthew and Devon walked beside him. The rest of us were in small groups in front of or behind him, slowly crawling up one side of the street and down the other.

Kim made her way near me and nudged me with her elbow. I slowed down so we fell behind everyone.

“Andrea talked with me earlier. She said she was… well, she’s concerned.”

“About me and JC? About what she and I talked about last night? That was just some frustrated talk—“

“Well, I mean I think you’re serious about that. About how you feel. And after watching that totally sickeningly sweet display, last night…” She glanced over at me with a smile and a nod. “That guy loves you. A lot. Andrea says he’s talked about marriage, but you… you what? You don’t want that?”

“God, I’m tired of talking about this with everyone. Asking me the same questions over and over doesn’t change my answer.”

“Then maybe we all just have a hard time believing that’s your real answer. After Robert, you spent so much time at our house. So much time out at mom and dad’s, and at Melissa’s, and at Chris and Andrea’s. You did so much crying about what kind of man you wanted and what you weren’t going to settle for. You remember that?”

I nodded, the memories flooding back. I was in pain, an unbelievable amount of pain. Robert and I had a tumultuous breakup. I was heartbroken, but also a completely different person, back then. Robert was a faint, distant, not-so-fond memory.

“You talked so much about what kind of guy you wanted to be with. Someone that really loved you, and was your best friend, and someone you had fun with and wasn’t afraid to show how he felt. Someone who was faithful and took up for you and protected you from the world, and most of all from yourself. And as far as I can tell, celebrity or not, rich and famous or not, JC fits the bill. So I guess I don’t get it, Serena.”

Kim paused, gently grabbing me by the arm to stop me from walking away from her. “What stops him from being, you know, him, for you? He would obviously give you anything you wanted. He loves you to pieces. You guys have a ton of fun together all the time. And from the sounds of last night, he’s not too shabby in the sack.”

A red-hot blush flashed across my face, only it wasn’t about Kim being able to hear us the night before. An attorney by trade, Kim had been slowly and quietly building her case and had found this perfect, wonderful moment to confront me with it. I didn’t know what to say.

“I guess… I guess he’s too much, sometimes. I’m too much, sometimes.” I looked ahead, watching him with my nephews, already so much a part of the family that the boys called him Uncle. Gram held onto his arm as she navigated the sidewalk, no doubt telling him the entire history of Vail. “He’s too good to be true. He just wants to take care of me. Imagine that? I wait my whole life to find a guy that wants to take care of me. I find him, and it weirds me out. He wants me to put my life in his hands and just… coast. On his dime.” I looked back to Kim, digging into her brown eyes. Somewhere, in there, was someone that understood this entire situation from both sides. “For how long?” I asked.

“Why isn’t forever an option, Serena? Why are you even worried about how long he’ll love you or how long he’ll want to take care of you? How long he’ll want to be with you? Who does that? Who thinks that way?”

“I do, I guess.” I pulled away from her and started walking. We were far behind the group and needed to catch up.

“Look, Serena. I’m not saying that dating isn’t a game of chance. The only guarantee is that you never know what’s going to happen. But by the time you get to this point, to the point where JC is? I’m worried that you’ll push him away. A guy can only hold on for so long. His patience will only hold out for so long.”

“This is exactly what I’m saying—“

Kim’s eyes narrowed and her nose flared. Her warm breath came in clouds from her mouth. “It’s not exactly what you’re saying. You’re wondering how long this fairy tale you’re in will last. I’m saying as long as you’re being a butthead about this relationship and moving it to the next very logical step, a step he seems to want, you’re already setting the timer on when he’ll walk away. He won’t, if you pull your head out of your ass. You’re gonna lose him, Serena. You know this. What are you planning to do to prevent it?”

“I—“ Flustered, I stopped walking, just so I could think. I leaned against the cold red brick of the consignment shop and gazed into the darkened store at the items on display --purses and shoes and coats and dresses. Things. Everything’s for sale. Even people. I was for sale.

“Maybe… Andrea said JC started therapy. And I know you went for awhile, but that was for Regina. You need to go for you. There’s something in your head that tells you that you don’t deserve this, or you don’t need this or you don’t want this, and let me tell you, it’s wrong. That something is wrong. You know how I know?”

Slowly, my head turned toward her. “How?”

She nodded her head toward the group, who had slowed and were waiting for us, and talked as we walked.

“I’m kind of even ashamed to admit it, but I was the same way, with Garrett. I mean, you know him. He’s kind of a dork. He was balding, even back then. He worked at the Coca-Cola warehouse at the time. I was assisting the House Counsel, while finishing my law degree. We happened to meet at some function, and…” She shook her head and laughed. “He just would not let me go. I mean, it’s not the same situation, of course. Garrett is no superstar, but you know what? At the core of everything JC is, neither is he. Garrett fell hard. He wanted to give me the moon and the stars and everything underneath.”

I knew Garrett had chased her—Kim was a beautiful woman, and Garrett was a great man but he wouldn’t have had a chance with her if he hadn’t have tried hard. The rest of the story was new to me.

“I thought he was full of shit. I thought I could do better. I thought it would burn out, after awhile. I didn’t want anything that burned that hot, and then fizzled. So I thought, you know. I’ll see this guy for awhile. Play with him. And then let him fade away. And we’ll just… have a good time.”

“Exactly!” I almost sighed with relief at her description. That was exactly how I felt, what I thought JC thought about me. That he could do better, but I was in love with him, so he’d play me for awhile and then one day I’d wake up alone with my heart on my sleeve, somewhere in LA.

“But the difference, Serena, is that I fell for him, too. I gave in, and it hasn’t burned out yet. I love how he loves me. I love how he takes care of his family, takes care of everyone around him. Garrett is the man.” She giggled, softly, in a way I’d never seen her before. Almost girly. Kim was not girly.

“JC is the man, too. I’ve only seen him twice, but there are things that just stand out. Like a giant flashing arrow pointing right at him that says he’s the one. You know it, too, or you wouldn’t fight so hard. And if you can’t get yourself to relax and drop your walls, you are going to miss out on the best thing that’ll never happen to you, ever again. I could not stand it, if you lost him. You deserve him. Don’t let your insecurity push him away.”

My walking slowed to snail’s pace, while Kim’s sped up. She turned around, all smiles now. “Just some things to think about. I lecture because I love. I just want you to be happy.” With that, she turned again and caught up with the group.

The talk should have made me feel better. It should have given me dreams of happily ever after and sent me over the moon. Instead, I felt flat and defeated. Everyone had decided what was best for me was to give up every dream I ever had for my own life and be content to marry JC and be everything he ever wanted. I was tired. Tired of everyone butting into my personal life and my relationship. They didn’t get it. They didn’t understand. I feared they never would—I hardly understood it myself.