"A little to the left. A little more. Now back a little..."

"Serena..."

"Just move it to the right a little. Just a... a pinch. Just... there!"

"Good?"

"Good."

Eric's head appeared in the window of JC's Mac, in front of the camera. "Okay, you should be able to see the stage from here, unless someone bumps it. If they do, send me a text and I'll fix it. Don't call, because I won't be able to hear you."

"Thank you so much, Eric!"

"You're welcome. Glad you guys thought of-" Eric's head dipped out of view and came back. He was holding his phone, frowning at the screen. "Sleeping Beauty is up from his nap and wants food. I gotta run. Enjoy the show."

I was so excited, I was almost giddy. I set up my laptop in the middle of the bed, balanced on a stack of manuals I was supposed to be memorizing. Work was the furthest from my mind, though. JC's show in San Diego was a raging success, or so I heard. He was excited when he came home and anxious to start his six week tour with Boys of Summer. Each tour stop featured a local opening act and then they switched off kicking off the main show. Tyler and Allison had apparently made up; they left for Phoenix around noon to deliver JC's merchandise. They even volunteered to run his table for him. Tyler was a small celebrity among JC's fans so it wasn't like it would really be work.

While I waited for the opening act and then the main show to start, I tried to concentrate on work. My first week had been a challenge. The week after was like my first week on steroids. I was lost on the campus and late to meetings and clueless about terms being thrown around. I leaned on my staff and Rayna heavily. I hoped they didn't mind, because it wasn't going to let up until I felt like I could wear the big shoes I was trying to fill.

I was lost in paperwork and a half finished proposal on a new compound that claimed to emit half the nauseous gases as usual when I heard a familiar voice come through the speakers.

"Honey, you in there?" JC's face appeared, taking up the entire screen. "Bueller?"

"I'm here!"

JC smiled, making faces at the camera. "Good. It's gonna be fun. This was a good idea." He lifted a bottle of water to his lips and sucked down a few gulps. "I gotta run. Meet and greet."

"Make me proud, baby."

"Always do. Love you."

"Love you, too!" I called to his retreating back.

For three hours - through the opening act and the Boys of Summer set (who I'd never heard of but weren't too bad, admittedly), and JC's show, I worked and listened and watched as best I could from the spot Eric had set up for the laptop backstage. It was just JC, a drummer and a guy on keyboards and backing vocals. They played live to tracks that JC had recorded when he thought he was going on tour for MTV. At least he got some use out of them.

The songs were great- it was the talking between them that seemed stiff, so much that even he even admitted to being a little rusty on stage. He'd warm up, I was sure, once he got into his groove. After the show was over, a sweaty but beaming Eric bent to peer into the camera.

"How'd we do?" Behind him JC and the other two band members stepped off stage.

"I loved it," I gushed. "The songs sound good. Is it me or is he kind of nervous?"

Eric glanced behind him and then back to the camera. "He's a lot nervous. He'll loosen up though. Be a different man tomorrow."

"Excuse me," said a voice behind him, and Eric was pushed aside. JC was beet red, glistening with sweat dripping from his brow, but grinning ear to ear. His palm covered the camera and the room seemed to move. "She's coming with me," I heard him say, and then he adjusted the notebook so he was back in view. "Going to my dressing room."

I laughed, proud of the look on his face. "I get my own meet and greet?"

"Damn right," he said, weaving through people, nodding and waving as he walked. "Did you like the show?"

"I loved the show. It was so good to hear you sing."

"Yeah? I was a little shaky though, huh?"

"A little. You'll get past it, though. I'm not worried."

JC smiled into the camera as he opened a door and stepped into a dark room. "Well, if my marketing genius isn't worried, I'm not either." He flipped a switch and the room was bathed in light. It was small but quaint, outfitted with a vanity with the stereotypical light bulbs around the mirror.

"Looks like you're working," he said, taking note of the piles around me. "I thought I told you not to bring home a lot of work."

I looked around at the stacks of notebooks and papers, a second laptop and a thick manual. "I don't listen well. I'm tired though, from watching my hot boyfriend bounce around on stage for a couple hours. I think I'm gonna turn in."

"Well, don't let me keep you up. We can talk tomorrow when I'm on the road. Tyler and Allison want to party tonight."

"Be careful, JC. You know how Tyler gets. And alcohol will wreck your voice."

"Yes, mommy." JC smirked, and then bent closer to the camera. "Gonna sign off. I need to change and then I have to sign some stuff and then I have to... not drink a lot. ‘Cause it'll wreck my voice."

"You listen much better than I do. You did good tonight. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me. Make sure you lock up all the doors and keep your phone next to you."

"I've lived alone before, JC."

"Not in LA. And not totally alone in the house." I bobbed my head from side to side and rolled my eyes. He was right, though. I'd never been alone all night in the house. By request of his brother, Tyler had been sleeping at home since JC was gone. "I don't want anyone to break in and steal you away. I'll call you in the morning."

"Love you. Be good." He groaned but blew me a kiss before the connection closed and the screen went blank and I was staring at myself. I turned off my camera and rolled off of the bed to check the door locks. Again.

Every day while JC was headed to a new city, he called me while he was enroute. We'd chat about the show the night before, the show coming up, random things popping up at home or at work, with our family or friends. Every night before the show, Eric would set up the camera so I could watch. I was at every show without having to take time off of work to travel. The tour would end in Modesto, home base for Boys of Summer. I had plans to be at the last show on the tour, if I could get the time off of work.

While he was gone, I did my best to stay occupied. With so much work on my plate, that wasn't hard. Every few days Lara called to check on me, to invite me to dinner or drinks or to come hang out at the club. I always declined, saying I had too much to do. She eventually got tired of hearing ‘no', so she showed up one Sunday and kidnapped me. We ended up at a bustling café on La Cienega for lunch.

"So have you done anything in LA, really? You only ever talk about work."

I shook my head, ripping open a few packets of sugar and dumping them into a tall glass of iced tea. "I've been working my ass off and I can't wait until we're caught up. I'm making up for not being able to start until January. That road trip was nice, but I'm starting to wonder if it was worth it."

"Of course it was worth it. You got to spend some good time with JC before you had to become a music widow." She laughed, sipping her water through a straw and picking at her roast chicken salad. "You talk to him?"

I nodded, smiling. "Every day. When he's on his way somewhere, and then every night I get my own private show. He has Eric set up the web cam for me so I can watch."

Lara laughed, her head titled to the side. "Aw, that's sweet. And pretty awesome. It's so cute how you're not sick of the songs yet. I only go to a show when Michael is doing mostly new stuff. I can't stand to hear the same songs he's been singing for ten years."

I nodded. "Well, I'm pretty much soaking up what I can, while I can. Never know what'll happen, you know?"

Lara eyed me over her glass. She slurped the water from the bottom and set it near the edge of the table, a sign to the wait staff that she was ready for a refill. "What do you mean by that? Like if something happens to him on the road?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "Or if something happens with us. I mean, God forbid, of course."

She paused for a few seconds and then asked, almost timidly, "Do you talk like that in front of JC?"

"Like what? I don't put on a face for him."

Lara made a face. I laughed at it. "Don't," she said simply. "I don't have to tell you that JC hates negativity."

"True. But he hates fake people more. I won't fake what I feel. He knows how I feel. We're working through it. But no, I don't say it that way in front of him."

She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. I didn't know she was so invested. "Back to you needing to get out of the house. I'm gonna start teaching a dance class, soon. Wanna come? First session's free."

"What kind of dance?"

"What kind do you think? Pole. Strip Tease."

"Oh, no." I sat up, shaking my head vigorously. "No, No. I don't think so. Thanks, though."

"Why not? You have great legs. Nice ass. JC says you can't dance but strip tease is slower, not so much beat oriented, since it follows the mood of the song-"

"I said no. Thanks."

She bit down on her lip, staring me down. I wolfed down my sandwich, filling my mouth so I couldn't talk, even if she dared push the issue.

"Okay. No strip tease. No pole dance. How about sports?  Concerts? You love music, right? Doesn't JC take you to any shows?"

I shrugged. "He's always working. There hasn't been anyone here lately that he's wanted to skip a studio session to see."

"What about you, though? I know you like some LA based bands. There's shows everywhere, all the time. And you haven't made any other friends, here--"

I dropped my fork on my plate. Loudly. "Are you trying to depress me? I've been living in LA all of two months. I've been working. I'm still trying to get my bearings, here. Give me a damn break!"

She recoiled, lifting her hands in surrender. "Alright. Damn. Just asking some questions."

"No, you're judging me. That's what you're doing."

"I wasn't, Serena. I just... I want this to work out, you know? I want you to be happy, here. JC is happy with you. I want you to be happy with him."

"I'm very happy with JC, Lara."

"But are you happy in LA?"

I made a gesture, somewhere between a shrug and shaking my head. I didn't really know how to answer the question, so I didn't.

"It'll come. I need some time, though. It won't happen overnight."

"I know. I'll be patient." She paused, then looked up, smiling. "I have tomorrow night off. Some girls from the club are going out. Wanna come?"

I shook my head. "JC has a show. I don't want to miss it. And I have-"

"Work to do," she interrupted, laughing. She snatched up the check as soon as the waiter laid it on the table. I reached for it but she slapped a bill between the folds and handed it to the waiter as he passed again.

"Hate you," I grumbled.

"You love me," she returned, then leaned forward, her elbows on the table. "I didn't know you had a temper."

I blushed, suddenly embarrassed. "I do. JC has seen it a lot. I shouldn't have snapped at you, though. I'm so stressed with work and I usually have JC to lean on. I miss him. I missed him a lot when he was here." I folded my napkin and set it on the table next to my half eaten sandwich and the remaining crumbs of kettle fried chips. "We fought a little, before he left. About his work and how he'd rather press some buttons than... you know... press my buttons."

"I know the feeling. It's hard." She nodded, glancing out of the window before bringing her eyes back to me. "Michael and I had a rough couple of years at first. It took him awhile to find a good balance between work and home. And it took me a while to realize that music is always going to come first, for him."

"I don't know if I like coming in second to music, especially when he's barely doing anything with it."

"You'll like it when you realize that he's happiest when that's what he's doing. And when he's happy, you're happy. That doesn't mean he gets to neglect you, though."

I nodded my agreement, and then sat up, leaning forward and lowering my voice. "Lara... can I ask you something? Something private?"

"Sure."

"Did you ever... you know... date JC? Or want to?"

She blushed, glancing up at the ceiling, biting her lip and wearing a wistful expression. "God, it was so long ago, it feels like a lifetime. A friend of a friend danced for him and he happened to be hanging out with us one night. You know JC, he's friendly when he drinks and he'd been drinking. He talked nonstop and he was hilarious and way cute. We became friends, but..." She shrugged, hesitating.

"After awhile, I started to see things that I didn't want to deal with. He didn't seem to let people get close to him. And he was really into his music," she added, rolling her eyes. "Annoyingly so. I was so jealous of other girls but I had no right to be. He didn't like me like that. Now I love him to death, but as a friend. But you know what?"

She leaned in, laying a hand over mine. "He feels for you what I wanted him to feel for me. He told me so."

That made me feel good. For a minute. "I think about when I was just a fan, how I would have done anything to be near him. I probably would have put up with anything, too and I would have been pissed to hear his girlfriend whining. But now that I'm more than that, our relationship is different than I thought it would be. No one knows what it's like, on the inside. It's incredible, but it's not easy. Not at all."

Lara nodded, crunching ice. The waiter came back with her change. She peeled off a few dollars as a tip and slipped the rest back into her wallet. "I've been there, too. I shouldn't have even...I mean, I've known him longer, but you know him better. I shouldn't be telling you what you can and can't say to him."

I waived her off and grabbed my purse, slid out from my chair and joined her in the walk to the door. "It's okay. You were right. I'm working on it."

Much, much later that night, after the show, JC reconnected the camera once he'd arrived at the hotel and crawled into bed. I set my laptop next to me, on his pillow. He did the same. It was almost like being in bed with him.

"You seem quiet tonight," he said, after a few minutes of talking.

"Don't mean to be. It's late and my head is full of marketing stuff. Work."

"You work a lot. You're sounding like when you were working with Qwest. Am I gonna have to make you take a weekend off?"

I grinned at the camera. "You mean whisk me away somewhere?"

He smiled back. "I've done enough whisking, don't you think? And I'm about to take you to Greece, soon. Seriously, you need to take some time and relax."

"Look who's talking? And anyway, Lara already yelled at me about it. Today, in fact and I'll tell you what I told her-I'm working on it, so give me a damn break."

"You told her that?"

Bashful, I avoided looking directly at the computer screen. "I might have snapped at her. She said she didn't know I had a temper."

He laughed. "I'm a witness. You have a temper. I should have heeded that warning from your dad. So what did she say to you?"

"She wanted me to take this dance class she's starting up and asked me if I'd made any new friends and if I went to any concerts or if I was trying to like it in LA. I told her I didn't want to dance and I didn't have time for concerts and I needed to catch up at work so get off my back."

"You haven't been to therapy, either."

"You don't know that."

"Have you?"

"No. But you didn't know that."

"Didn't I?"

"Stop that. I will. I just... I'm drowning, right now."

"In what?"

"Everything," I answered, rolling to my back. "I'm so lost at work. I'm making headway but they expect a lot out of me. You're gone and Tyler's only here at night, and Lara's right, I don't have any friends and for fun I read manuals on plastics." My head lolled to the side. I smiled at his face taking up the entire screen. "I used to be such a fun girl."

"You're still fun."

"And you know, I feel bad for even complaining about it. I moved to a new city and I'm making the most money I've ever made in my life. I'm with an incredible man who's so good to me." JC beamed at that. "I'm happy in the sack and the sack I'm happy in is on the top floor of a million dollar home in the Hollywood Hills. I have my health and love and family and...." I tossed my hands up in frustration and let them fall, again. "Why aren't I happy?"

"Honey, I don't know," JC said softly. "I wish I could help you figure that out. Seems like a question you need to ask yourself. And you need an answer pretty quickly."

I could almost feel his eyes on me, through the camera. I wished he was there to shush me with a finger-or his lips-and gather me to his chest and let me lay in my spot, in the crook of his arm. I wanted his fingers in my hair, brushing it back from my face and long, slow, steady breaths above me and his heartbeat under my cheek. I missed him, so very much at that moment. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek.

"Baby? Don't cry..."

I shook my head and sniffed, rolling toward the camera. "This is just...harder than I thought it would be. The camera makes me miss you more. It makes me want to be with you, and I can't. I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"I'm sorry," I warbled, wiping my face. "You don't need this, right now. I'm just tired. I'll be fine."

"You're not just tired," he argued. "You're lonely. You miss me, and that's okay. You're stressed out. I want you to relax, some. Say what you want about me, but I know when to call it quits. You hear me? You listening?"

I laughed, swiping at more tears. "Yes, I'm listening. I'll try. How's that?"

"That's great. I'm proud of you, you know I am. But pace yourself. You don't have to be balls to the wall to be good at what you do."

I giggled. "Speaking of balls."

His eyes rolled back in his head as he laughed. "I need to go..."

"Doesn't it feel we're living across the country from each other again?"

"Yeah but that was fun, because when we got to see each other, what happened? Hmmm?"

"I remember someone attacking me in the hallway outside my office."

"And someone jumped me in the car that one time."

I sighed, grinning at the memories. "Have I mentioned that I can't wait until you're home?"

He groaned, the sound rumbling through the speakers so deeply that they crackled and hissed. "You? Honey, I'm all set to tear you apart."

"Please do," I said. "But for now, get off my computer. You have me all excited. I have to work in the morning."

JC laughed and my heart ached. I couldn't wait until I was feeling it, not just hearing it. "I'll call you when we're on the road. I love you. Remember what I said."

"I know, I heard you. Relax. I love you."

I blew him a kiss as the connection closed. I dropped the lid of my laptop and rolled to my back again. Wide awake. Damn him, I was sleepy, earlier. My stomach rumbled. A sandwich sounded good.

I left the bedroom, padding barefoot down the stairs. The house was quiet and dark. As soon as I hit the main floor landing and walked down the hall, my ears picked up the unmistakable sound of tongues intertwining. I reached for the light switch and flipped it up. Tyler and Allison yelped and jumped away from each other.

"Gotcha," I said, almost laughing. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were home. I'll let you two finish sucking face. Don't mind me, I'm gonna make a sandwich."

I crossed the hallway into the kitchen, grinning to myself at the two of them chuckling, saying their goodbyes and last minute kisses. The alarm beeped when the front door opened and a few seconds later I heard Allison's car start. Tyler appeared in the entryway to the kitchen, leaning against the wall with his fists balled up in his pockets. His face was pink, normal for his ruddy complexion. His dimples punctured his face deeply, though.

"I'm so sorry, Tyler. I didn't know you were here."

"It's okay. My lips were getting sore. Couldn't sleep?"

I shook my head, then opened the refrigerator and started pulling out the makings of a sandwich. "I was talking to JC and he uh... woke me up. Now I'm hungry." I poked my head out of the refrigerator. "You want something?"

Tyler walked into the kitchen and around the center island, settling into one of the bar stools on the other side. "We went to dinner. Still full, thanks. You can beer me, though."

I grabbed a long necked bottle from the ever-present stash and the last of my sandwich ingredients. After uncapping the bottle, I slid it over to him and set out to assemble my sandwich.

"You doing okay? Seem quiet."

"I must be loud as hell, usually. Everyone keeps telling me I seem quiet."

"You are loud as hell, usually. At night. Upstairs." He grinned and sucked a long pull off his bottle while I laughed. And blushed.

"Uhhh, trying to compete with you."

He beamed at me, proud without an ounce of shame. "I try. So what's up?"

I shook my head, spreading mustard on two slices of bread, layering cheese and turkey. I reached for a tomato and a knife and began slicing it. "I just miss him. I didn't think about how hard it would be. This tour was kind of dropped on us, you know? I didn't have time to get ready to be without him."

"Sure. You're not the first to have a hard time with it. You're handling it better though. I think because you have a regular job to occupy your time, you know?"

"Yeah? That's better?"

"Well... yeah," he said, waving his bottle around as he talked. "When your only job is being JC Chasez's girlfriend, you can go on tour with him and be bored, or stay at home where he's not around to spend money on you and no one gives a shit who you are if you aren't on his arm. So girls go on tour, but tours are hard work. He's busy and the last thing on his mind, really, is his girlfriend."

Tyler lowered the bottle from his lips and winced. "I mean, he is thinking about you. But..."

"I know. Music comes first. I'm slowly picking that up. And not liking it very much right now."  Before I started to cry again, I changed the subject. "So, you and Allison. Almost a year, huh?"

He nodded, shooting me a proud grin. "Yup. Not my longest relationship, but my best. She's awesome."

"Really. I couldn't tell."

"We love each other. It's pretty cool to have that."

"That is pretty cool. Any thoughts toward, you know... something more permanent?"

He shrugged. "We haven't talked about anything really. Kind of dancing around it. I think neither of us wants to jinx it. Why screw up what we have by pushing the future?"

"I know the feeling."

"You and Josh... JC... you don't talk about it, either?"

I made a face. "It was his favorite subject for awhile. I don't want to push it. Just like he's different than anyone I've dated, I'm different than anyone he's dated. He's used to having to ignore the ‘Why won't you marry me and take care of me forever' mentality and I don't have that. I think he just wants me to say I want to marry him and have his babies. The fact that I won't just do that is freaking him out, but I know the second I do, he'll start running from it. I'd rather just keep it the way it is."

Tyler's empty bottle hit the counter top with a thunk. "You know what, Serena? You're a really smart person. But you're also really dumb."

My head shot up from my sandwich. I had been cutting it in half but stopped. "What?"

"He's not fragile, you know. But he is insecure. You know this about him. He's not playing a game with you. He's genuinely concerned about if there's a future with you. He needs to know, for himself, that there's something there and he'll worry about it until you confirm it. I know you remember me telling you to not play with him."

I stared at Tyler, dumbfounded and reeling. "That's what you think I'm doing? I've never been more serious about anyone and if anyone's insecure it's..."

I stopped, irritated. This was none of Tyler's business. I should have never let the discussion get this far. I dumped my sandwich onto a saucer, grabbed a can of soda from the refrigerator and stomped toward the stairs. "I'm done with this conversation."

"Serena, I'm sorry." Tyler's voice followed me up the steps and down the hall to the bedroom. "But you know I'm right. If you're not playing with him, don't string him along."

My response was the door slamming.

###

Headache.

My head pounded like a jackhammer was working away at the left side. I was feeling sick and run down, but I was at work. It was stress and I knew it, from work and now from home. Tyler and I had been dancing around each other for a few days, nearly a week. It wasn't that I wasn't talking to him. It was just that I didn't have anything to say to him.

"Hey, Serena." Rayna bounced into her cubicle across from my office in her usual uniform of stiletto heels, low cut blouse and form fitting slacks. How she got away with it, I didn't know. "Did Chuck tell you about that conference? It's in a couple of weeks in San Fran."

Bug eyed, my head popped up. "No. What conference?"

Rayna dropped her bag in her chair and walked into my office. She planted herself in the chair across from my desk, swung one long leg over another and swiveled back and forth. "It's a big manufacturer's conference. We skipped last year. Chuck and Leonard were talking about wanting to go this year."

"So they want us to shit out some materials in... wait..." I reached for my calendar. "When is the conference?"

"March. The 14th and 15th I think?"

My shoulders sagged and my eyes sank closed.  That was the weekend of the Modesto show. The tour closer. "Fuck," fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. "I have a... a thing that weekend. I needed to try to get that weekend off."

"Oh." Rayna's mouth twisted and her eyebrows rose. "I think they want you to go."

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!" I wanted to scream and then pull my hair out and then cry. This was not happening.

"Serena, calm down." Rayna leaned across the desk and rubbed my shoulder and the top of my head. "Let's talk to Chuck and see what we can do. Maybe Shawn can-"

My cell phone rang out, chiming out Too Sexy much too loudly. That was JC's ring tone. I blushed a deep red, desperately digging to the bottom of my bag. Rayna seemed amused. I found it, finally, and grabbed the call before it rolled to voicemail.

As if on cue, Rayna was already out the door and back to her desk. "Hey. What's up? Where are you?"

"Texas. On our way to New Orleans."

"Oh, really? That place holds some good memories for me."

"Me too," he said, a low chuckle rumbling over the line. "You sound different. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just at work."

"It's more than that. Talk to me."

"JC, it's nothing, really."

"I don't have energy for this game, Serena. Tell me."

"I... don't want to. You don't need to always be hearing about my issues."

"I'm gonna ask you one more time and then I'm hanging up on you. Three... two..."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

I got up from my desk, walked across the office and closed my door. "Okay. You know the Modesto show in a couple of weeks?"

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to seeing you there."

"Well, think again. Taylor wants me go to some conference that weekend. Rayna just sprung it on me this morning."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So... you... you have to go?"

"That's what Rayna said, that my bosses want me to go. How do I tell my bosses that I can't go to some conference because my pop star boyfriend is doing a show that weekend?"

"Yeah. That sucks." He sounded so disappointed. I hated that sound in his voice. I hated causing it. I wanted to cry, again. "Well, you have to do what you have to do."

"I know. But I don't want to do what I have to do. I want to be selfish and dump this conference and spend the weekend with you and bring you home. Like we planned."

"I want that, too. But you have a job and that has to be a priority."

"I could get out of it," I suggested, turning my paperclip holder upside down and right side up and upside down again. "Maybe. If you want me to, I'll try."

"I can't tell you what to do. You know what I want, but whatever you decide, I'm behind you."

I tossed the plastic holder aside. He didn't catch my hint to insist on getting the time off. "Any other time you would tell me what to do."

JC laughed. "Can't do it, honey. I'm sorry. It'll work out. Is there anything else?"

"Isn't that enough?" I slumped in my seat, pouting. "Oh, and I'm fighting with Tyler, kinda."

"You've been a mean girl, lately. First Lara, now Tyler? You know you can't take him seriously. What's he up to, now?"

"It's nothing. It'll blow over."

"You want me to call him?"

"God, no, I don't want you to call him. He's just being Tyler. I asked him something about Allison and he turned it around to me and I didn't want to talk about it. And I still don't. It'll blow over."

"If you say so, honey."

Irritated now, I sat up in my chair. "Gotta go. I have a meeting in an hour that I'm not ready for."

"I'm sorry, don't go."

"It's fine. But I do need to go. No show tonight?"

"No. I have some interviews and some dinner thing. I'll call you when I get to the hotel. We'll talk about this conference thing." He paused for a beat, inhaling a breath. "I love you, you know."

"I love you, too. You know that, right?"

"It's the only thing I know for sure," he answered softly.  That made me smile. Maybe Tyler was wrong.

"Good. Don't ever forget it."

"I won't. Talk to you tonight."

My head was still pounding, but I felt better. Talking to JC always made me feel better.

My headache came back with a vengeance later while trying to navigate the street we lived on. It was lined with cars, up one block and down the other. Cars were crowded into the driveway as I crawled past the house. I had to park blocks away and walk home in heels. By the time I got there, I was steaming.

The house was packed with people, front to back. The stereo was on so loud the walls were vibrating in rhythm with the heavy thump of bass. I knew none of these people, but they all looked to be in their mid to late 20's.

I waded through the house, frowning at people sprawled all over everywhere. Up the stairs, down the stairs, out on the patio and around the pool. I spotted Tyler, standing next to Allison, having a boisterous conversation. A trusty red SILO cup- the international sign for party- was in his hand. On the table that JC kept outside was an assortment of drinks and a keg. Surely Tyler was not having a frat party on a Wednesday night.

We had established a few rules when I moved in and JC made them very clear. Rule one: don't touch his stuff. I never went in the studio, and never moved anything in his office. Rule two was no gatherings of more than four people on weeknights. Tyler and I were working stiffs, so we had to be up early. JC claimed it was for our own good and that the rule was as much for him as it was for us. It kept him from ending up with everyone at his house at 1am on a Tuesday night.

This gathering was definitely more than four people.

I fought my way out of the sliding glass doors and onto the patio, through the throng of people around the pool and tapped Tyler on the shoulder. He whipped around, mid sentence, with a wide grin on his face.

"Serena!" He yelled, practically screamed. He was red in the face, but not his normal pink complexion. Tyler was drunk. He threw an arm around me and jerked me closer to him. "This is my brother's girlfriend. She's gonna be my sister in law, if she pulls her head out of her ass."

I pushed away from him. "What the fuck is with you? It's a weeknight, isn't it? I mean, am I crazy?"

"Well, yeah." His word slurred and he swayed right to left. "This is a special occasion. I figured you wouldn't mind a little soiree, as they say... somewhere. Sorry it got so huge but we don't turn people away, here."

"What occasion, Tyler? Wednesday?"

"I passed the Bar Exam, baby! WOOHOO!" His arm shot up above his head, splashing alcohol everywhere. Half of it dripped down the front of my dress.

"Tyler! This is dry clean only!  And I cannot believe you have likema hundred people in this house, right now. You know the rule!"

"Rule schmule! Josh would want me to celebrate, so I am."

"Josh would want you to go to bar and celebrate! And he would join you and drink with you and then come home to quiet, clean house."

"What are you worried about? We have a maid!"

"It's not her job to clean up after your kegger, Tyler!"

He glared down at me and then brushed past me, headed in the direction of the beverage table. "I'm gonna get you a drink. You need to chill the fuck out, lady."

I grabbed a napkin from someone and dabbed at my dress. It was useless. "I'm chilled enough, thank you."

I stomped back through the crowd on the patio and in the living room. I passed the steps leading down into JC's studio and noticed a band of light shining into the hallway. The door was open. That door was kept shut. Always.  

"Move!" I screamed to the guys laying across the steps. They sat up and let me pass. In JC's studio, two girls and two guys were making themselves at home on the worn cloth couch. Open beers were sitting on his expensive, waist high speakers and in JC's high backed leather stool, some guy was sitting with JC's guitar- the new one, the Fender- on his lap, staring at the console, which had been turned on. Static was buzzing at a low volume through the speakers and knobs had been turned and levers had been pushed.  

"Every single person in this room needs to get the fuck out of here. Right now." I pointed toward the door and no one moved. They all stared at me.

"Who're you?" One of the girls asked, sneering.

"Your worst nightmare if you don't get your trampy ass off of that couch, take your beers and get back upstairs. No one is allowed in here, ever."

"I've been down here, before."

"Oh. My God. You want me to scratch your eyes out? GO!"

The kid on the stool put the guitar back where he found it and grudgingly all four of them grabbed their beers and ambled into the hallway. One of them mumbled "bitch" just loud enough for me to hear it.

I turned the console back off, returning knobs and levers to their ‘off' positions, praying that kid didn't break anything. I ran a hand down the smooth neck of the Fender, back in its special place on the guitar stand. JC had decided not to take it with him, at the last minute. He didn't want to risk something happening to it. I'd crumble into a heap if he left it at home for safe keeping and someone destroyed it.

I left the studio, shutting off the lights and locking the door behind me, then headed upstairs to the main floor and then up to the third floor, shooing people out of rooms and down the stairs. No one was allowed on the third floor, ever. There was only one bedroom up there, and no one ever needed to be in JC's room.

I entered the bedroom and closed the door, wilting against the thin barrier it provided from the wild antics going on downstairs. My headache was at its boiling point, made worse by having to hole up in the room and wait until things calmed. I didn't even dare go downstairs to eat.

In the bathroom, I found some Tylenol in JC's medicine stash and knocked back three capsules. I took my hair out of its constricting bun and then moved through the closet and started to undress, angry all over again at my dress stinking like beer. I lay across the bed in my underwear, trying to relax. Three floors below, I heard whooping and shouting and thumping music and water splashing.

The phone rang, Too Sexy blaring from inside my bag. Thank God. I breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed up the phone.

"Hi."

"Hey. I just made it to the hotel. How you doin'?"

"Ugh," I grunted, laying down and rolling to my back. "My head is killing me. I'm dead tired."

"It's stress, you know. You should-"

"Yeah, I know," I interrupted. "Not in the mood for one of your lectures."

"I wasn't lecturing you," he said back. "I was only going to say that you should go to bed early. There's no show tonight, so you don't have to stay up late."

I sighed, apologizing with my tone. "Thank you. I'm gonna try-"

Someone downstairs turned up the music. It pounded up through the floor and out of the open patio doors downstairs and then climbed up toward the bedroom and seeped through the windows, vibrating against the panes of glass.

"What's that noise? Music?"

"Uhm. It's Tyler."

"Playing music that loud? Is the kid deaf?" He chuckled, then said, "He's gonna blow out my speakers. Tell him to turn that down."

"Okay. I will," I said, just as a girl let out a blood curdling scream. A loud splash followed by bellowing male voices sounded from the backyard below.

"What was that?" JC's tone made an immediate turn from sweet and soft to demanding. I could just see his forehead wrinkling up and his eyebrows knitting together. "What's going on, over there?"

"JC, don't be mad. He just got a little overly excited."

"Who? What happened?"

"Tyler. He passed the Bar and he invited some friends over and it sort of... got out of control. I wasn't going to say anything because, you know, he should be allowed to celebrate."

"He's having a party?"

"Uhm...."

"I'm asking a direct question. Is he having a party, right now?"

"Yeah," I answered quietly. "But I don't want to get him in trouble. He just wanted to celebrate. He's having a good time."

JC sounded tense and angrier than I'd heard him in a long time. "He can celebrate on the weekend, like other people who have jobs. You have to get up early in the morning. You need to lay down and relax--you're supposed to sleep through that?" I could hear him pacing and in my mind I saw his chest puffing up. "I'll fix this right now. Let me call you back, honey."

I sat up then. "No! JC, please don't-"

"I'll be just a minute. I'll call you back." The line went dead. Fuuuuuuuuuck. I rolled off of the bed and rushed to the closet to throw something on. I could predict Hurricane Tyler blowing through in about five minutes.

Sure enough, the music stopped suddenly. I heard the beep of the door opening and closing and cars starting, pulling away from the house. I could also hear the stomping from three floors below and when Tyler pounded on the bedroom door, I thought he was going to break it down.

"You told on me?!" He screamed through the door. "You fucking bitch! You called Josh and told on me?!"

The phone rang again just as I was heading toward the door. JC got to hear me throw the door open and scream back, "I didn't tell on you! You told on yourself!"

Allison was behind Tyler, doing nothing but standing there looking scared. I understood the feeling, but couldn't back down. Not now.

"Look," he said, seething. "I lived here first. You're not the first and won't be the last girl to live here, so don't get any ideas that you run this house. And you're not my mom! If I want to have a party at my house, I'll have a party at my house and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Don't like it? Too prissy for some beer on Wednesday?"

He stepped close to me, nearly towered over me, his face scarlet red and his breath smelling sour and his eyes... so cold. "Move the fuck out!"  

I stood there in the doorway, shaking like a leaf. He backed away, hulking his way back downstairs, ramming a fist into the wall on every other step. I heard a door slam somewhere in the house. Allison stood in the hallway, her startled gaze bouncing between me and over the banister at the living room down below.

"Do you know where his keys are?" Allison stared at me, her expression blank. I snapped my fingers in her face, bringing her to life. "Tyler's keys. Do you know where they are?"

She nodded and said, stuttering, "I-I-I have them. In m-m-my purse."

"Bring them to me. And then go home."

"But the mess and everything-" 

"Is Tyler's problem. He can clean while he's hungover tomorrow. His keys. Hurry!"

I heard my name from far away and realized that JC was still on the line. I propped the phone between my ear and my shoulder and stepped back into the room. "Hey. Uh, that didn't help. We're having some issues, here."

"I heard. Honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't think he'd react like that."

"I had a feeling. He was pretty drunk when I got home and he's been going all night. Allison is getting his keys for me." Just then, she stepped into the room to hand them to me and waved goodbye. I waved back. "I have them. He's not getting them back until tomorrow."

I closed the door again once I heard Allison leave. "I can't live like this, JC. I can't deal with this, right now."

"This is between him and me. He's mad at me, not you, and it's not for you to deal with. I'm sorry he took it out on you. Please don't take him seriously." He paused, waiting for my response. "Serena?"

"I'm here," I said, laying back on the bed. "My head hurts. I'm tired. I just want to go to bed. Can we talk tomorrow?"

"We absolutely can. I'm so sorry. Don't worry about Tyler or anything, right now. I'll take care of it. I'll fix it."

"I will believe that when it happens. That's all I can say. I'm going to bed. Love you."

"Love you too. Feel better. Talk to you tomorrow."

By the time I crawled into bed, I could have passed out clean. I was at capacity for stress. I needed JC to be home. Or I needed to not live there. Either way, life was crazy, all of a sudden. I needed one calm day. Just one.

In the middle of the night, I heard the whir of motorbike wheels on asphalt. I cursed under my breath-I forgot to get Tyler's bike keys. Fuck. I slipped back into sleep in deep disappointment. I had never seen him that angry or act that way before. And he'd broken his promise to sleep at home until JC came back. I didn't blame him for being mad at me, but he didn't have to love me to help me feel protected.

The next morning, the house stank like stale beer and sweat. I stepped over paper cups, beer cans and bottles all the way down the stairs and through the living room. The kitchen counters were layered with empty cans and half empty bottles and cigarette butts. I shivered, trying not to heave. This was... this was just gross, and nothing that I was used to.

I dropped his keys on the counter and left him a note, leaning it against a can of Budweiser and rushed out of the house as quickly as possible. I'd grab breakfast on the way. I wasn't cooking in that filth and Tyler didn't deserve to eat my cooking. Not that day, anyway.

On my way to work, I called Maggie to tell her not to come. I'd be so embarrassed for someone to walk into the house and there was no way I was letting her clean up Tyler's mess.

I plowed into my day at work, trying hard to keep my mind off of the night before. At the time, I wasn't scared, more disappointed. Looking back on it, my heartbeat kept speeding up and I realized how much fear had been masked by adrenaline. I just knew that I never wanted to see Tyler like that, ever again.

Just when things were calming down, my phone rang. I checked the clock- 3pm. I'd already talked to JC- twice- and he had his own ring tone. This call was the default tone, so I glanced at the display.

Cedars-Sinai Emergency Room. Fuck. This could not be good news.  

*

"Excuse me," I blurted, practically collapsing on the check-in desk. "I got a call about... uhm... my... Tyler Chasez. He was in an accident?"

I panted, gulping for breath. I was told, on the phone, that there'd been a collision and Tyler was at the hospital and they were unable to reach anyone at his residence. How they found my number, I had no idea but I was halfway to the car the second I heard the words ‘accident' and ‘Tyler'. My heart beat out of my chest the entire drive and every mean, evil thought I'd had about Tyler since the night before fled. All I could do was pray that he was okay.

The nurse stood and, grabbed a clipboard, shuffling through papers. "You're Serena?"

I nodded, still breathing heavily, scared to ask the question. "Is he.... is he okay?"

"Are you family?"

I only hesitated for a moment before heaving, "Yes. He's my... brother in law."

"I'll take you to him."  She led me down a hall and around a corner and then stopped at a door. She opened it and ushered me inside a double room. One bed was empty. Every breath left my lungs when I saw the figure laying in the other bed.

His eyes were closed, the lids of them swollen shut. His face was purple and bruised and scratched down one side. He had a busted lip, and from what I could see under the hospital gown, a series of bruises up one side and down the other, including what looked to be a swollen ankle. He was connected to monitors that beeped and hissed and he was propped halfway up in the bed.

"Oh my God," I whispered, inching closer to him. "Tyler? Honey, can you hear me?"

At the sound of my voice, his eyes opened. The whites of them were blood red. His lips, dry and cracked and caked with blood, bent into a wry smile. I was never so happy to see that cocky half grin.

"I'm such an attention whore," he mumbled, his voice thick.

"He's on pain meds," the nurse said, checking machines and various needles plugged into his body. "I'll let you yell at him for a few minutes."  I nodded, and waited until she left the room before I returned my attention to him.

"What happened? Didn't you wear your helmet or your gear?"

He shook his head, and then winced in pain. "Too drunk to remember it. Crashed at a buddy's, last night. I was on my way home. This truck cut me off, I didn't even see it. Tried to swerve, overcorrected." He made a motion with a bruised, scratched hand. "Skidded about a hundred feet across the pavement on the bike and then another few feet on my own."

"In jeans and a t-shirt. No jacket, no helmet."  I smacked his arm and he yelped, wincing. "Serves you right. What are you, stupid?"

"Yes, okay?" I watched him poke at the arm I smacked. "I'm stupid."

"So, why'd you have them call me? I'm not your mom, remember?"

He smirked. "We both know I'm an asshole. I'm sorry, Serena. I needed you." His eyes dropped, as did the tone of his voice. His bottom lip poked out as he said, "And Allison's mad at me."

"She should be. So am I."

"Plus, Josh would never forgive you if you didn't come."

He was right, there. As much as Tyler was charged with taking care of me, I was inadvertently responsible for his little brother. I shook my head, trying to remain calm, pacing the room. "So what's going on? Do you have to stay here or what?"

"I don't know. I need to be checked, I guess. And uh. Could you call my parents? And my brother? And my sister?"

"Oh, no, dear brother," I said, with air quotes around the word. I was no more his sister in law than the nurse was. "I'll let you tell the story of how much of a dumb shit you are." I set my purse on a chair and dug through it for my phone. I headed for the door, but turned once I reached the hallway. "Don't go anywhere. That gown is backless and no one wants to see your freckled, pasty white ass."

I walked back down the hall and approached the same nurse at the check in desk. Tyler was free to go so long as someone was around to take him home. I guessed that someone was me. I asked for his clothes and she cringed.

"They were bloody. And the paramedics cut them off of him. I gave him his property, though."

"Well, what's he supposed to wear home?"

She shrugged and gave me a half smile. "There's always the gift shop."

An hour later I was folding a tender, groaning-in-pain Tyler into my car, dressed in a Cedars-Sinai t-shirt and sweat pants. On his lap was a bag from the pharmacy containing prescription pain relievers and antibiotics, as well as a smaller plastic bag holding his wallet, keys and watch.

"Yeah, we're getting into the car, right now," I said to JC, walking around to the driver's side. "Oh, believe me. He feels like a dumb ass. A big, purple bruised dumb ass." I laughed and handed the phone to Tyler. "Your brother wants to laugh at you. Here."

I drove and listened, biting back the giggles as Tyler tried talking to JC.

"Hey, man-"

"No, I-"

"But I-"

"Well, I know, and I said-"

"Okay, I'll apologize-"

"Yeah, it was wrong. I know. I was drunk and-"

"It's not an excuse-"

"Okay, but-"

"You already called mom? Fuck, man-"

"I wasn't gonna lie-"

"Fine. We'll talk when you get home." He handed the phone back to me, sheepish and frowning. "Feel like I'm in trouble with my dad."

"Oh no, we haven't even talked to your dad yet."  Tyler groaned and sank lower in the seat, and then yelped in pain.  

I made the short drive home, careful to avoid any bumps and rough areas, so as not to irritate Tyler's wounds. Allison's car was in the driveway and as I pulled into my spot in the garage, the door opened and she came out of house. She almost screamed when she saw his face through the windshield and flew around to the passenger side of the car.

"Oh my God, Tyler!"

"That's what I said," I commented, heading toward the house.

"I'm sorry, Ali," Tyler was saying, already groggy from his medication. He slowly stepped out of the car and leaned on her for support to limp to the house. I held the door open for them and let Allison help him slowly climb the stairs and to the couch.

I noticed it, then. The house was clean. Like, spotless clean. I was sure I'd given Maggie the day off. I glanced at Allison, who was all consumed with Tyler, picking up his legs and stretching them out on the couch, making sure he was lying down.

"Allison? Did you clean up?"

She nodded at me. "I was supposed to meet Ty here because I have a key. It was as much my party as it was his and I went along with it. I'm sorry, Serena. Anyway, I got here and the place was still wrecked and I was bored and started cleaning." She glared back Tyler. "So you owe me."

"Didn't answer your phone," he slurred, trying to sit up.  "Thought you hated me."

"Relax," she said, pushing him back. "Because when you're all better, I'm gonna kick your ass for this."

I giggled at the two of them and quietly left the room. I was officially handing him off to his girlfriend. Thank God for her because if it was up to me, I'd break his other ankle.

*

"How's the kid?"

I dropped onto the bed in front of the video camera, relaxing for the first time in hours. "He has seen better days. His woman is here spoiling him, so I think he'll be okay."

"Good." On screen, JC nodded, seeming pleased. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I had to talk my mom down off the ledge and away from the Delta website."

"I'm sure she'll be calling to take her turn yelling at him."

"Followed by Heather, who hates that he even rides that thing." His eyes lifted and he stared into the camera. For a few seconds, he didn't blink or move at all. "Did he apologize to you?"

"At the hospital. Before you told him to. I don't need him to grovel, JC. I just want to never go through that, again."

"That will never happen again. I can promise you that."

"I don't think you can make promises for Tyler. But I appreciate you trying to."  

He masked a yawn with the back of his hand, then grinned when he realized I was watching. "Whatever," he said with a shrug. "How are you? You alright?"

"Quit worrying about me. You have a show to get ready for. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Worried about my house and the people in it. You, especially. I need to know you're okay. You want me to come home?"

I smiled. Sometimes he said the sweetest things. "I'm okay, JC. Go get ready to rock...wherever the hell you are, tonight."

He laughed while his head dipped out of view and back. "We're in uh... Arlington, Texas."

"Yee haw. Did you bring your cowboy boots?"

"I think they call ‘em shit kickers, honey."

I giggled. "They probably don't, baby."

"They might." He shrugged, gulping down a few swallows of water. "Okay, they probably don't. You watchin' tonight?

"It'll be the best part of today. I can't wait to see you."

He kissed the tip of his finger and held it up to the camera. I did the same. Long distance smooching, we called it.

"Gotta go. Love you. Enjoy the show, call you after."

"Love you. Make me proud!"

"Always do," he called, from off camera.

I leaned back onto a pile of pillows, my legs stretched out in front of me and waited for the show to start. For at least a few hours, I had some peace.