Chapter 22: The First Cut is the Deepest

“Pencil down.” Mack groaned and did as she was told. “I’m sure you did great,” Mr. Yerger said as he collected her papers and calculator. “You always psyche yourself out and then you do better than you think.”

“Math’s just not my strongpoint, Mr. Yerger,” she replied, standing. “Seriously, when is math ever going to be important to me?”

“Seeing as you’re a dancer it should be very important.”

“Ah, you got me there.” She stretched. “I’ll leave you to your grading. Don’t be too harsh.” Mr. Yerger smiled as she skipped off to find the guys. She hummed along to Tearin’ Up My Heart which was being played for the thousandth time (at least that’s what it felt like to her). She headed over to where Joey and Lance were standing, looking up in the air. “Whatcha looking at?” She asked, looking up as well.

“Chris and Jace,” Joey replied. “They’re making them sing while on that beam up there.” Joey snickered. “Chris won’t admit it but he’s terrified of heights.”

“So why doesn’t he say anything?” Mack questioned.

“I said he doesn’t want to admit it. He has this whole go big or don’t go at all type deal whenever he has to do something he doesn’t want to do.”

“Ok, but if he falls off that beam and breaks his neck I’ll kill him.”

“Oh, that’ll be effective.”

Lance lightly elbowed Joey in the side and grinned. “How’d your test go? You’ve been over there for a while.”

“Mr. Yerger gave me ten extra minutes ‘cause I was struggling,” Mack replied. “My head’s just not in it today, I guess.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Joey asked.

“Barely,” Mack admitted. “I guess I was excited for you guys.”

“I’d be excited to get down,” Chris called from where he was.

“Stop being a baby, Old Man!” Justin shouted at him. Chris muttered some choice obscenities as crew brought a ladder and positioned it in the corner of the beams the two were perched on. Chris practically shoved JC off of the beam to get to the ladder first and hurried down. Once he was on the floor he looked over at Justin and in an instant the two started running around the warehouse.

“Did Justin get into sugar again?” JC asked, walking over to them.

“No, but there’s some food over there that he probably helped himself to,” Mack replied, tilting her head in the direction of the food table.

He nodded. “What happened to your eye?”

“She was play fighting with her dad and it got a bit out of control,” Lance spoke up, obviously pleased that he knew something the others didn’t. (He didn’t have the nickname Scoop for nothing). She nodded in agreement.

JC’s eyes narrowed a bit but he dropped the subject. “Anyway we still don’t know what to do to start the song or fill in that one breakdown before we hit the chorus again at the end of the song. Got any ideas?”

“What have you tried?” She asked, walking over to one of the spaces where they were going to do their group shot.

“Nothing really. We’ve only done our solo shots. I’m more worried about the intro than the breakdown, though.”

Mack nodded and tapped her chin, starting to pace. “Let…me…think…” she suddenly snapped. “I got it. Ok, Jace stand there,” she said pointing in front of her. He did as he was told. “And Lance stand back there, on the left side.” Lance moved to where he was told. “Joey’s going to stand behind you, Jace, but back at Lance’s level, and Chris will stand next to Joey. That way you’re blocking Joey and it’s like only you three are standing there. You’ll sing the whole intro. Then we’ll put Justin in your place and move Joey out and let him sing the intro as well. The shots can be mixed together in a flash sequence. Then we’ll move Joey back in with Justin standing in front of him and Jace standing in front of J. you two will move off in different directions to reveal you guys in a way.” She paused. “Does that make sense?”

“In my head, no, but I’m sure it will once we try it out,” Lance admitted.

“I like the idea,” JC agreed. “We might be able to use it if you talk to the director.”

“Err…no, that’s ok,” Mack mumbled.

“Why not? You have a good idea and the director was open to our suggestions.” She hesitated. “I’ll go with you if you’re that scared.”

“I’m not scared,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Prove it,” JC replied simply.

“Fine.”

Lance chuckled as she stomped off in search for Stefan. “You know she’s going to eventually figure out that you’re tricking her into doing this she normally won’t do.” JC just smiled as the two walked over the food table where Joey was eagerly biting into a pizza. “So what do you guys think of the tour? About how short our set is, I mean,” he asked, sitting down and reaching for a piece of pizza. “You think it’s fair?”

“Considering how hard we’ve been working? I’ll be honest and say no,” JC replied, picking up a guitar that was lying on the ground. “But what can we do? Beg for them to give us more time?” He played a random chord and made a face at the sound. “I say we just perform and let them decide whether or not we get more time.”

“But it sounds so unfair,” Joey jumped in. “We’re getting big over there. Johnny says we’re on our way to going Gold. It’s obvious we’re popular. Don’t you think we should get more time?”

“I do,” JC admitted. “But like I said we can’t do anything about it except perform and that’s what we’re going to do.”

“What’re we going to do?” Justin asked, sitting next to him, the basketball was spinning on his finger. Chris sat down next to Joey.

“Perform the best of our ability,” JC replied. “So that way we can get more time for our shows.”

Justin nodded and spun the basketball so it was moving faster on his finger. “How much longer?” he groaned. “There’s a game on that I don’t want to miss.”

“I’m sure your mom taped it for you since it means so much more than your job,” JC stressed. Justin made a face prompting JC to slap the basketball off of Justin’s finger. It bounced on the ground a bit before rolling away. Michelle stopped it by placing a foot on top of it. Shifting the pile of clothes in her hand to the other arm she picked up the basketball.

“You gotta be careful guys or someone’s gonna get hurt.”

She tossed it at JC and he quickly caught it before it hit him in the face. “Something tells me she’s talking about you,” Chris said in a loud stage whisper. JC glared at him while Michelle smiled.

“Anyway for your group shots you’ll start out in these”––she placed a stack of white shirts and black pants on the table––“then you’ll wear these with those black pants”––she put a stack of black shirts onto the table––“and then you’ll wear these for your casual group shot. JC, Chris, for the casual group shots you’re going to wear what you’re all ready wearing so the director wants to film that first.”

The boys nodded and reached forward to get the clothes labeled with their names. “Guys! Guess what?” Mack shouted running over to them. She jumped over the back of the couch and almost landed on Joey who moved out of the way at the last minute. “Stefan liked my idea for the intro and the breakdown section,” she announced, her eyes shining.

“Something tells me that’s not the only reason you’re happy,” Lance commented.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I got an 82 on my math test.”

“All right!” Lance leaned over and they high fived. “See? I told you that you would do well. You have to have more faith in me and in yourself.”

“Yeah yeah,” she said with a wave of her hand. She then looked up at Michelle who was standing there, listening. “Michelle, right?” She asked.

“Yes,” Michelle replied curtly.

“You got a little something right here.” Mack pointed to the side of her mouth.

Michelle brought up her hand and rubbed the spot. “What is it?”

“Drool.” Mack smirked. Michelle turned on her heel and walked off quickly. They all watched her leave. “Sheesh, she’s acting like she hasn’t been around boys before,” she muttered, picking at her nail. She then looked up and saw the guys staring at her. “What?” she asked innocently.

“Nothing,” they chorused. She squinted in suspicion but didn’t say anything. They finished the rest of the pizza in silence before changing to finish up the rest of the shots for their video. They performed in the music video as if they were performing on stage; almost every move was flawless despite having to do it many times to get different angles. Although they were joking around and having a good time Mack could tell by the looks in their eye that they were taking the video seriously nonetheless.

She couldn’t help but feel like a proud parent as she watched them all land their moves. She had convinced Stefan to let some of the guys do a few foot working moves that led into a side-spin, something that JC and Justin all ready knew how to do, but she wanted someone else to do with them. Since Joey and Chris got to do back flips she made Lance learn the moves and he nailed them perfectly for the video. The big smile that formed on his face once Stefan yelled “cut” was worth it.

It was four o’clock in the afternoon by the time their shoot was over, which surprised them greatly but they were happy nonetheless. So they decided to spend the rest of their day going into town and hang around by the pier or go to Downtown Disney.

“I still can’t believe he let me keep this camera,” Mack gushed as she turned it around in her hands, careful not to drop it.

“Watch where you’re moving that thing, you might poke my eye out,” Lance said as he shifted her weight as she clung to his neck. He had offered to give her a piggy-back ride as they headed into town ‘cause she was slowing them down, according to Chris. “Unlike Michelle, you practically gouged hers out.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Mack said innocently although she was smirking.

“You were being pretty rude to her,” Joey spoke up, looking over his shoulder.

“It’s not my fault she got in my way,” she said innocently, her eyes widening. “How the heck ‘m I supposed to do my job when she’s constantly––what’s the word?––fawning over JC like that? Seriously, brings disgrace to the female population.”

“I hardly call it fawning,” JC sighed.

“Call it whatever you want but that girl was sweet on you like white on rice,” she said with a hint of her southern accent. Justin laughed and high fived her while JC rolled his eyes. They walked the rest of the way talking about everything and nothing.

“Lance,” Mack suddenly spoke up after being quiet for a few minutes. “Could you please get me some ice cream?”

“You don’t have any money?” Lance laughed.

“Unlike you boys I don’t get an ‘allowance’,” she said with finger quotes. “My parents say I have to work for my money and seeing as I haven’t gotten paid yet…”

“Ok. I’m getting hungry myself.” He put her down and walked over to an ice cream stand that was up. JC, Chris, and Justin followed him. Joey and Mack sat down on a bench and waited. Mack lightly flicked the cast that was on her arm; as if not believing that she had it while Joey watched her.

“When’re you going to let us sign it?” He asked her.

She looked at him. “Why?”

“Why am I asking or why would we sign it?”

“The latter.”

Joey shrugged. “That’s what everyone does when someone they know breaks something. To wish them a speedy recovery or just to let them know that they’re there for ‘em. Why, do you not want us to sign it? We are friends, aren’t we?”

“Are we?” she asked evenly, looking out at the water. She squinted a bit. “I’m going to be honest when I say sometimes I don’t think of you guys as my friends, with the exception of Justin, but that’s only ‘cause you guys get on my nerves sometimes.” She paused and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “But other times I think to myself that you don’t want to have anything to do with me aside from paying me to create dances for you. I mean, I’m only fifteen after all. I feel like a tagalong a lot and I feel that you don’t want me there,” she admitted.

“That’s not the case at all,” Joey denied. She didn’t say anything. “Really,” he insisted. “If we didn’t want you there we wouldn’t have asked you to be our choreographer in the first place. True, it was Justin’s idea, but he wanted our say in it before he suggested it just in case we weren’t cool with the idea. Chris, Lance, and I agreed to it ‘cause we wanted to get to know you better. I mean, a few months ago all we knew about you was that you’re Justin’s age, you’re from his hometown, and you dance.”

She shrugged. “That’s usually as far as people get.”

“’Cause you don’t let them get to know you?”

“No ‘cause people don’t like me.”

“I like you,” Joey stated. “Really, I do. I like how you don’t take shit from anyone. I like how you can stand up for yourself. I like how you can easily bring us in line. I also like how you carry yourself. Sure, you’re just a kid, but you act like you’ve seen the world and that’s refreshing.” He looked at her face. “No, I’m not just saying that either. If we didn’t like you we wouldn’t put up with you when you’re in a bad mood.”

“You do realize that you guys are the reason for my bad mood every once in a while,” Mack said.

“I know.” Joey smiled. “But that’s what we do to show that we are, big brothers annoying their little sister.” He nudged her shoulder until she started to smile and slapped him on the arm. “Was that a smile I saw?” He asked.

“No,” she quickly denied, wiping traces of her smile off of her face.

“Yes it was. C’mon, smile. You can do it,” he said in a fake high pitched voice as he poked her in the side. She bit her lip to keep from smiling as Joey started to tickle her side. She finally burst out laughing as Joey grinned in triumph. “There’s the smile that I love to see!”

“Strawberry on a cone. Strawberry’s your favorite, right?” Lance asked as he held the ice cream cone out in front of Mack.

“Yeah. How’d you know?” She asked, taking it from him. Lance just smiled and sat down on the other side of her Chris, JC, and Justin sat on the bench next to them. “Gosh, I can’t believe you’re going to tour Europe soon.’

“We,” Justin corrected. “You’re coming too.”

“Yeah but I’m not really doing anything. You’ll be the ones going around promoting yourselves and doing shows.”

“You could go shopping with Momma.”

“There you guys are.” They all lifted their heads to see Lou walking towards them, a large smile on his face. “What’s going on guys?” He asked cheerfully, looking at them all.

“Not much, Lou,” Justin replied jumping up to give him a ‘man-hug’, which the rest of the guys quickly followed suit. “We finished the video shoot so we decided to just relax and hang out.”

Lou nodded. “How did the shoot go?”

“Very well,” JC spoke up. “We worked really hard and I’m sure the video will show that. I’m really proud of the way it turned out.”

“And we have you to thank for that,” Lou said, turning to smile at Mack.

“Mhm,” she mumbled, shoving the rest of her cone into her mouth and chewing rapidly. Lance’s eyebrows knitted together as he watched her. A few seconds ago she was relaxed, happy, smiling even. Now her posture was stiff and her fingers were twitching as if she were looking for an escape route or something.

“How’s your wrist?”

“Fine.”

“Are you doing good in school?”

“Yes.”

Now Lance was even more confused. She usually gives more than one word answers. What was going on with her? She looked like she wanted to run away.

“Good.” Lou nodded. “Your flight has been booked and the company is taking care of your expenses. Once you reach Germany you’re going to be taken to your hotel. You’ll stay there for that day but as soon as you wake up the next morning you’re going to be put on your tour-bus which will be your home for the next few months.”

“Cool,” Chris and Justin said in unison, smiles stretching across their faces.

Lou smiled at their excitement. “I’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your day. But don’t stay out too late or anything. I’m sure you’ll make sure of that, right JC?” He asked, winking at the blue-eyed man. JC smiled a bit and nodded. Lou gave them a small wave and walked away. Lance turned and was about to ask Mack a question when she jumped up suddenly.

“I have to go,” she blurted out furiously wiping her face with a napkin.

“What? Why? We just got there,” Justin said in confusion.

“I know. But I, uh, forgot that my dad needs my help at home,” Mack said as she started to back away. “House stuff, like changing the vent filters and I promised him a while ago that I would and I get paid for it so it’s worth it I guess.” She shrugged. “Bye.” She turned and ran off, darting in between the people on the crowded walkway.

“She’s been acting so strange lately,” Justin mused.

“I was hoping one of you would say something,” Lance said as he turned to face them. “Did you notice her posture? She was relaxed but as soon as Lou came up she tensed up and was all stiff. Come to think of it, she’s always like that around him.”

“You think something’s wrong?” Chris asked, his voice laced with concern.

“The only way I’d know is if she would say something but…” his voice trailed off.

“There’s nothing wrong with her,” Justin said, shaking his head.

“How do you know?” Chris demanded.

“’Cause I know my girl,” Justin replied as if it were obvious. “I know her inside and out. My momma said that there’s something going on with her family. Someone must be sick, that’s it.”

“What makes you think that’s it?” Joey asked.

“’Cause she tells me everything,” Justin stated proudly.

“Yet she wasn’t the one who told you that something is going on with her family,” JC pointed out. The smile slowly fell from Justin’s face. “She’s not going to come right out and say what’s wrong, I know that for sure. Let’s just give her some time and if she doesn’t come out with whatever it is that’s bothering her we can ask her about it, ok?”

They nodded but Lance couldn’t knock away the feeling that something was really wrong.

* * *

“Dad?” Mack called, panting a bit as she closed the door to their house, sighing at the cool air that reached her skin. She wouldn’t be surprised if she were burnt tomorrow. She always got bad sunburns if she stayed out too long. “Dad, are you here?”

Little J and Oreo dashed around the corner, bouncing on their hind legs to reach her. She scooped them up and kissed the tops of their heads as she walked through the house. She stopped in the living room and sighed, seeing him lying on the couch. More like passed out. A few bottles of beer were lying on the ground beside his hand.

She sighed and carried the puppies up to her room. As soon as she let them go they ran around before jumping onto her bed and resting on the mountain of pillows. She grabbed her cell phone and went to the bathroom, pressing speed dial. She flicked on the light and looked at her black eye as she waited for the person on the other end to answer.

“Hello?” Someone finally picked up.

Mack sighed. “Hi Momma.”

“Hello dear. How are you?”

Mack squinted. How in the world could her mother act like everything was ok when she was in a different state and refused to come home? “Pretty good,” Mack replied slowly. “I, uh, I kinda got a black eye.”

“From fighting boys again, right?” Charlotte asked, sighing.

“Not exactly,” Mack mumbled, opening her medicine cabinet.

“Mhm. Where’s your father?”

“Sleeping.”

“Why isn’t he at work?”

‘Oh, like you really care.’ “Day off I guess. Look, Momma, I have a reason for calling you.”

“Go ahead, baby.”

“Why aren’t you home?” She finally demanded. “And why have you been ignoring my calls? And why did you just up and fucking leave?”

“Don’t take that tone with me, young lady?”

“Well, I’m pissed as hell that you’d leave for no fucking reason and pretend that everything is ok between you and Dad when it’s clear as hell not.” She grabbed an ointment container and pulled off the cap.

“My job–”

“Don’t even try to fuckin’ lie to me, Momma.”

“I said don’t talk to me like that!”

“Then tell me the damn truth all ready!”

“Fine! Your dad and I are getting a divorce, happy? I figured you’d be smart enough to figure that out. I guess you’re blind to the fact since you’re running around with those boys all the time.”

Mack slammed the ointment container on the counter, making a face when it squirted out and hit the mirror. “I didn’t call for you to shove your failed marriage on me! I called because I need you!” She then made a face at the desperate tone in her voice. She never admitted it until now but she did need her mother.

“Your father can take care of whatever you need.”

‘Is she for real?’ “Fine, if you can’t make any time to talk to your own daughter ‘cause you’re too busy fucking your ‘business partner’ then fine! I won’t talk to you ever again and waste your precious time!”

“Baby–”

Mack hung up the phone and threw it across the bathroom wall. It hit the wall with a loud smack before sliding to the floor. Mack gripped the counter only to bring her hand back when she felt a sharp stab. She looked down and saw part of her broken razor sticking out of her finger. She sighed, pulled it out, and looked at the blood that began to grow like an inflatable.

She started at the blood on her finger before licking it off. Her eyes rested on the pale skin of her underarm, the blue veins faintly visible and racing up her arm. Slowly, as if detached from her body, she lifted the blade, pressed the tip against her wrist, and dragged it across her porcelain white skin. She bit her lip at the pain as she slowly dragged the blade. When she finally removed it her skin was clear for a second before a thin line of blood rose to the surface.

All of sudden she started smiling.

She’s never felt better.