Chapter 26: Mother and Child Reunion

February 6th, 1997

Justin stirred to the sound of clacking of keys early one morning. He rolled over in his bed and saw Mack hunched over, looking hard at the laptop screen. He lifted his wrist to his face and saw that it was only six in the morning. Grumbling something he sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What are you doing?” He snarled. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Get the stick out of your butt, Timberlake, I haven’t done anything to you,” she muttered without looking at him. Her voice was kinda phlegmy but he ignored it.

“How about waking me up when I don’t have to be up until ten!”

“Hey, I have work to do and you wouldn’t let me do it last night. It’s your own fault, you sour-ass!” She snapped, putting her laptop down at the end of her bed and walked to the bathroom. Justin heard the sound of the sink running and lied down the end of his bed so he could see into the bathroom. He raised his eyebrows when she saw her heard upside-down underneath the sink.

“What’re you doing?”

“I’m washing my hair,” she replied.

“Why don’t you just get in the shower and do that?”

“And have you guys burst in since you don’t know anything about manners? No way, ‘sides I showered last night but I was too tired to do my hair so I’m doing it now.”

Justin grunted and got off his bed, stubbing his toe on his suitcase. He cursed under his breath and rubbed his eyes. He chuckled a bit when he noticed that his half of the room was strewn with clothes while hers was clean. How he managed to convince his mother that they could share a hotel room with nothing happening between them was beyond him but he was glad he was able to do it. Now he didn’t have to worry about keeping anyone up when he felt like talking to her in the middle of the night. Plus he wanted to get used to it for when his mother left in four months twenty days, nine hours, and twenty-three minutes.

Not that he was counting.

“Can you sing me something?” Justin asked, playing with his fingers once the water turned off.

“Uggggh, Justin, I told you singing that Happy Birthday song for you was the first and only time I’ll sing. Ever. Got it?” She demanded before turning on the hair dryer, drowning out whatever he was going to say.

She knew it was a bad idea to sing with them. She just knew it. She knew she had a good voice, she’s been told that for years. She even won a few talent shows in Memphis when she was younger. How she managed to make sure that Justin didn’t see her or hear about it took so much out of her and now it had crumbled down because of one little birthday present for him. Now he wouldn’t shut up about it. He was shocked to say the least and begged her to sing something for him on a daily basis and it was slowly driving her insane.

“You know…” Justin tapped his chin, waiting for her to look up and at him through the mirror as she wrapped up her hair to try and squeeze out the water. “I think…you should…talk to Johnny.”

“Why?” She questioned, somewhat suspicious.

“Well, with a voice like that, you could get a recording contract,” he finished, kicking his legs on the bed.

“Just drop it, Juppy,” Mack ordered squeezing the towels and turning on the blow drier once more. She bent over at the waist and started combing the underside of her hair. Justin watched her combing for a few minutes before getting up and walking into the bathroom.

“You need a touch up,” he commented over the sound of the blow drier, lightly tugging at a strand of blue hair which was starting to take on a sea foam color.

“Well, I was thinking that I’d let it come out and then dye something else,” she said, standing up so suddenly her hair lightly smacked Justin in the face. “Like maybe my bangs, or the tips of my bangs or–oooh!–I can do this blue wash thing so my hair is all blue! That’d be so cool!”

“If you wore a wig,” he commented.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not like you’d notice it. The only way you’d be able to tell is if I stood underneath a bright light. Come on, you think it’s a good idea too.”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, now does it?” he asked crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re just going to do it anyway.”

“See! You catch on quick!” she playfully slapped his arm. “Now get out so I can change.”

“I’ve seen you nekkid before, it’s not going to make a difference now,” Justin pointed out.

“1, don’t say ‘naked’ like that ever again. You’re white, not black. B, I’m not changing in front of you. Now get out.”

“Fiiiiiine.” Justin backed out of the bathroom and she slammed the door in his face. He rolled his eyes and dropped onto his bed, grabbing the phone, and dialed a number. “Hey man,” he greeted Trace once he answered the other end. “Did you know that our girl could sing?” He demanded before Trace even said anything.

“Uhhhh, no?” Trace replied.

Justin’s eyebrows knitted together. That sounded more like a question than a statement. Justin’s eyes widened. “You knew?” he demanded. He could practically see Trace’s mouth opening and closing rapidly. “Don’t you try and lie to me, man.” Justin’s accent shined through. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Trace admitted, sighing. “I’ve known for a while. Trust me, J, I would’ve told me but she wouldn’t let me.”

“What did she do threaten to hang you by your thumbs in the middle of town?” Justin asked sarcastically.

“No,” Trace mumbled.

“Threaten to punch you in the stomach?”

“No.”

“Threaten to rip off your balls and force-feed them to you like meatballs on spaghetti?”

“You have an overactive imagination, you know that?”

“Trace!”

“Justin, calm down,” Trace begged.

“How can I calm down when I just found out my two so called best friends have been keeping this secret from me?” Justin demanded.

“Well, for one thing you’re being a hypocrite,” Trace replied in a strained voice, he was probably rubbing his temples like he always did when he needed to calm Justin down from one of his crazy conspiracy theories. “You have a few things you’ve kept from her, a few of which she still doesn’t know about, yet when she did find out about some of she didn’t freak out like you’re doing.”

“I’m not freaking out,” Justin denied. Trace stayed silent. “It’s just…I don’t get why she would keep something like that from me. If she sang and got a contract we could travel together all of the time.”

“Justin did it ever occur to you that the reason she didn’t tell you is because she didn’t want to take your attention away from what you are doing or she didn’t want to barge into your dream?”

“But she won’t be–”

“That’s what you think but what she thinks is something completely different.” Justin heard muffled talking in the background. “Look, I gotta go. Mom’s kida mad that I’m on the phone.”

“What? Why, it’s only six,” Justin said as he looked at his watch.

“There. Its twelve here.”

“Oh, I’ll call you later.”

“Ok, bye.”

“Bye.” Justin hung up the phone as the door to the bathroom opened and Mack came out pulling her hair up into a ponytail. “Trace knew!? Trace knew before me!?”

“Oh, here we go,” she muttered,

“Why wouldn’t you tell me about this?” He demanded, ignoring her.

“Because it doesn’t matter!” she replied. “You want to know the only reason I sang in the first place?” He nodded. “’Cause my mom made me. She kept forcing me to do it, she said she wanted to get my name out or whatever; wanted me to get into the entertainment business like you. She kept forcing me to do it and it slowly made me hate which is why I dropped it all together and never told you. It doesn’t matter and I didn’t want to bother you with it.” She sat back down on the bed and pulled her laptop back onto her lap.

“What’s the schedule again?” He asked, sitting next to her. He wanted to talk to her about her outburst but knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere. When she changed a subject, especially a touchy one, it was hard to get her back on it and he really wasn’t in the mood to get an earful

“At eleven you have an interview with a German show and then your sound check is at six and the show starts at seven thirty. Since you have free time between noon and six Johnny says you can spend the day doing whatever you want as long as you have a bodyguard with you. They’re setting up this Meet and Greet thing at six-thirty that lasts ‘till seven. Since you don’t really have much of wardrobe to worry about they’re giving you a half hour to get ready and get warmed up. Then immediately afterwards we get on our new mobile home and head off to the next city to start your tour.”

“I still can’t believe we’re going to live on a bus,” he commented, getting off the bed. “That sounds so weird. I mean, who lives on one?”

“In one,” she corrected. “And you do, apparently.” She closed her laptop. “:Let’s wake the others.” An evil glint was in her eye.

“You have an idea?”

“Always.”

-*-  -*-  -*-  -*-

The smile on Joey’s face got bigger as another woman came in through the hotel room door. The boys were sitting, squished really, on a hotel room bed waiting for the interviewer to arrive. While they waited a hairdresser arrived to “fix” their hair and a makeup artist came to give them some makeup on their faces so they wouldn’t look washed out. Whatever the reason for them being there, he didn’t care, he was surrounded by beautiful women and that was all that mattered.

“Keep droolin’ like that and I’ll tell Kelly on you,” Chris warned.

“Go ahead, she gives me permission as long as I’m looking and not touching,” Joey said in a smug tone. Chris stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes. “Now if Danni trusted you–”

“Hey! Don’t bring Danni into this. And she doesn’t have to worry about me cheating on her or anything. Unlike you I can keep my eyes in my head.”

“But you can’t keep a filter in your mouth,” Lance spoke up.

“Or a phone off of your ear, Albino Boy.”

JC leaned back against the headboard of the bed and listened to their bickering as he let out a slow breath. Them bickering was like breathing now, they couldn’t go one day without play fighting and Chris was usually the one who instigated it. Usually it was directed towards JC, calling him names such as ‘Party Pooper’ or ‘Spoil-Sport’ or, Chris’ favorite term, ‘Fuddy-Duddy’. It was natural for them, what wasn’t natural was when someone wasn’t talking at all. That was usually because one of them as mad at another, one didn’t get sleep, one’s sick, or one has something on their mind.

Which was what he suspected was wrong with Justin ‘cause he wasn’t even fighting the hairdresser that was coming at him with a curling iron. Usually he’d jump away and avoid it like it was the plague but now he barely moved every time the hot cylinder got close to his head.

“Hey Baby J, better watch out or you’ll leave here with an afro.” Apparently Chris had noticed the quiet young boy as well. Justin didn’t even stir, he kept his chin resting in his hands and his elbows rested on his knees. His eyebrows knitted together when Justin didn’t respond. He glanced at Joey who shrugged before turning his attention back to the hair dresser. Chris frowned and tried again. “Hey J, don’t let your mind wander too much, it’s too small to be outside by itself.” Again Justin didn’t say anything. Chris sighed and racked his brain for something excellent to say, something that would get his attention and act somewhat normal instead of sitting there in a dazed state as if his brain had gotten sucked out of his ears. “So, I was talking to Lynn earlier and she suggested adopting me.” Chris crossed his arms over his chest. He was sure that one was going to work.

Chris scrunched up his face when he was suddenly blinded by a circle of cottony puff that hit his face. He coughed when a little bit of dust filled the air and went into his lungs which got him into a coughing fit. “What the heck was that? Are you trying to smother me with dust or something?”

“It takes the shine off of your nose,” Justin finally cracked, smiling at Chris’s reaction. “It’s so it doesn’t look oily.”

“Do I want to know why you know that?”

“We had to go through it for the MMC, idiot. It’s so our faces didn’t look washed out under the lights and stuff. But if you want to look like a snowman go right ahead.” Chris made a face and Justin made a grotesque one in return.

“What was with the space cadet routine just now?” JC asked, flinching slightly when the hairdresser ran a brush over his hair.

“And you would recognize that easily,” Chris spoke up.

“Seriously, you need a mouth filter,” Lance commented.

“And you need a girlfriend.”

“Stop it,” JC said in a warning tone. Chris immediately shut up and slumped against the headboard of the bed. It didn’t matter that Chris was significantly older than JC, whenever JC used that serious tone of his all of them knew they better shut up and listen to him or suffer the consequences later on. “What were you thinking about, J?”

“I just—I just still can’t wrap my head around this,” Justin replied. “I’ve always wanted this guys. To entertain people I mean…and I’m doing it. At sixteen not many people get this chance, you know? I’m just…words can’t describe it.” He paused. “Also I’m thinking forward to the show, I want to make sure everything is perfect since it’s our first one.”

“Nothing can go wrong, not with our new good luck charms,” Joey replied, looking down at the gold necklace that hung around his neck. On the night the boys got their Gold record Johnny had presented each of them with an ‘N Sync necklace so they could have a piece of their gold with them. Since then they’ve never taken them off in hopes that only good things would happen to them if they were wearing them.

“You never know. One wrong move and your ankle could dislocate which is why I constantly tell you boys that you should stretch before every show,” Mack said as she stuck her head in the doorway.

“I thought you were going to hang out with Momma,” Justin said, turning to look at her.

“I’m gone; Lynn just wanted me to tell you to call her if something’s up. We’ll be back around noon so we can go out to lunch.”

The boys called out random forms of farewells before chatting amongst themselves once more. As they waited for the interviewer to arrive they talked about anything that came to mind from a TV show that they watched to a movie that they wanted to see. Sometimes their conversations were interrupted with singing a random song that was inspired by a word or a phrase and then they’d continue with the conversation like nothing had happened.

Once the interviewer came they introduced themselves and got to work. They each took turns answering questions but Chris, Lance, and Joey left it up to JC and Justin. They all ready agreed on letting those two take the questions if they knew a better way to answer it to protect the image they were building.

Justin felt uneasy during the interview because Lou had slipped in and was staring at them intently as if daring them to make a mistake. JC had to save Justin a couple of times because of the way Lou was staring at them it messed Justin up.

He relaxed a bit when Johnny came into the room, relaxed enough to joke around the with guys as if Lou wasn’t there, but the way his eyes were boring holes into his head freaked him out. Why was Lou so worried about them? They haven’t done anything to tarnish the reputation they’ve built, so why was he so worried? Haven’t they proved time and time again that he could trust them?

He stretched and yawned when the interview was finally over. It had taken longer than they expected. Really, why do they film so much stuff if they’re not even going to use all of it? Justin grumbled in his mind as he rubbed the sudden feeling of being tired out of his eyes.

“Finally we can eat,” Chris groaned, rolling off of the bed. “It’s been hours.”

“Chris, it’s only been one hour since we last ate,” JC pointed out.

“A growing man needs to eat.”

“Growing sideways maybe,” Justin said, looking around and standing on his toes as if searching through a crowd.

“All right guys, knock it off,” Johnny called over the yelling, immediately quieting them. “You all are free until six so do whatever you want but you can’t go anywhere without your bodyguards or telling me where you’re going. Is that clear?” He looked at all of them as they nodded. “Good.” He smiled. “Now get out of here, enjoy your free time.”

They didn’t say anything and didn’t move until Johnny and Lou left the room. Them they collectively let out a breath of air as if sighing in relief that they were gone. “I’ll call Momma and see where she is so we can meet up with ‘em,” Justin announced, pulling out his phone. The others made a noise to signal that they heard him before going to their own rooms to use the bathroom and get their shoes. Justin kicked his feet back and forth over the edge of the bed as he waited for his mother to answer. “We’re done here, Momma. Where are you? Chris wants to meet up so we can eat somewhere.”

“We’re just walking down the street. Once we find a place I’ll tell you. Why’d the interview take so long?” Lynn asked.

Justin shrugged even though she couldn’t see him. “I guess Lou asked him to ask us more questions to fill time or whatever. I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

Justin’s eyebrows crinkled together. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something is wrong?”

“You have that worried tone in your voice. Did something happen to Paul? Or Dad? Is the baby ok?”

“Yes, they’re all fine. Nothing’s wrong with them.” She let out a breath.

“Buuuut,” he prompted.

“All I’m going to say is when you get here you’re going to need to be there for Mackenzie.” She hung up before he could even say anything else.

He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it before putting it back in his pocket. He stood and turned, jumping slightly when he saw Lance standing behind him, his eyebrows were raised. “What?” Justin finally asked.

“What’s goin’ on?” Lance questioned. “Don’t even try to lie,” he quickly added before Justin could even move.

“Momma just called. She said something was wrong with Mack and we need to be there for her but she wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Lance frowned. “Someone’s sick?”

He shrugged. “Dunno, but whenever Momma says that something big has happened. Like when we were little when her granddad on her mother’s side died or when her aunt got cancer.”

“Well, let’s just do what your mother says. If something has happened she’s going to want to talk to someone.” Justin snorted. “I know but she’s going to have to talk sooner or later. She’s going to explode with everything she’s kept inside for who knows how long.”

-*-  -*-  -*-  -*-

As soon as the boys sat down at the table they could feel tension radiating off of Mack. She was glaring down at the table, didn’t even say anything to them when they arrived. Not even when Justin sat in the booth seat next to her and greeted her happily.

“What is it?” Justin finally asked, looking at his mother. Silently Mack held out a piece of paper to him. He took it and instantly recognized the slightly-slanted neat handwriting of her mother. “Why do you–?”

“Read it,” she interrupted him. “Out loud.”

“Are you sure?”

“Do it!”

“Ok, ok.” Justin looked at the others before clearing his throat and reading the letter out loud as, next to him, Mack furiously spun her straw around in her ice-filled drink.

Dear Mini D,

I am so sorry, for everything. I have to get that out first, because I'm afraid if I don't, you'll rip up this letter without so much as a glance. Please, Mini, don't. This might be our last chance to communicate before our worlds and our lives take our attention away from each other. I know how you get when you feel angry, or hurt, or, heaven forbid, betrayed, but I need you to understand.

It's been awhile, hasn't it? A few months at least. It may not feel like a while to you but it has felt like an eternity to me Things have changed a lot for me, and for you as well. It’s time for me to finally fess up to my actions and clear the air between us.

I started this letter because of a dream I had last night, which has really been a longer version of other dreams that have plagued my reality. In it, we were friends again and spending time together at home or in town, like the mother-daughter power friends we were. Nothing had changed between us, the past was still there. But still, we were starting a new friendship, a new relationship, tentatively, but we both saw it had a great deal of promise.

I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. Me loving him- that was my cross to bear. I shouldn't have kept this from you. I should have told you, I know that now.

I miss you. And though I won't be so presumptuous to think that you may miss me, I will say that nothing’s the same anymore. Maybe part of the reason I'm writing this is in the belief and hope that someday we could be friends again… mother and daughter again. I've forgiven you for those things you've done against me countless times, I’ve never held a grudge against you. Never thought an ill thought, never brought it back up again. And I hope that you can forgive me for anything I have done to you, though you never said anything to my face. You bottled it, like always, but I didn’t expect any different. That’s just who you are.

I've thought about you—about us—a lot over the past couple of weeks. As for the blunt manner of our falling out, I'm sorry if it hurt you and your father. My only intention was stepping as far back as fast as possible from you, and I knew no other way. I had to do it in a way that it would hurt less for you, but I guess it went the wrong way. As for your father, it was a long time coming but I should have dealt with it in a better way, I know that now. I know how close you are to your father and I know I hurt you so much. However, I want us to be close again, like we were, so badly that it hurts.

I can't help but to foretell your anger at me, and the possibility that you may not be ready to mend anything or want to talk to me at all. Which is fine. I write this letter with no expectation of a response. I'm writing it because I have to get through what I feel, and because I think you need to read it. If you’re willing to listen…I’ll come and visit you. I want to visit you. Lynn told me that you’re in Germany for a few days; I guess I’ll see you then.

Love always,

Charlotte, your loving mother

P.S. You probably don’t want any of my help, but remember when you were younger and you said you wanted to be an actor and we put you through acting classes and let you go to the MMC audition even though you begged them not to accept you? Well, I found an agent and there’s an audition for a movie coming up if you’re interested. We can talk about it once I’m there.

“Who’s Mini D?” Chris questioned. The boys turned and stared at him hard. His eyes shifted back and forth between each of their faces before it dawned on him. “Ohhh….”

Mack stayed silent, her hands were clasped together and her fists were pressed against her mouth. She was looking over their heads, staring off into space. Justin could tell by the way her eyes were crinkled in the corner that she was thinking really hard.

“Are you ok?” he whispered.

“I’m fine,” she replied. There was nothing in her voice at all, her voice was expressionless.

Justin glanced back at the letter. That’s when something stuck out at him. MMC audition. He couldn’t remember a time when she auditioned. He never even knew she auditioned. They could’ve been on the show together, why’d she turn it down? Justin looked at JC to see that he had the same confused look on his face. “When did you–?”

“Does it matter?” She interrupted him.

“Well, no but…” he let his voice trail off as the waitress came over and took their orders. Once she left Justin finally asked the question that was on all of their minds. “Why’re you so mad?”

Mack froze all together while they held their breaths. There was one of two ways she would respond: 1) She would just explode, screaming at the top of her lungs while her face turned red from lack of oxygen and then she would storm out or 2) She would start calmly, explaining herself, then she would slowly start to talk faster and faster, her words becoming more harsh, and then she finished her last sentence practically spitting out the words as she glared as if the person or the thing that her anger was directed towards was standing right in front of her.

Justin bet her reaction would be the latter.

“Because my lying, conniving, jerk of a mother decided to fuck up her entire life and her family by allowing herself to fall for her freakin’ coworker and she thinks that she can bring herself back into ours and God’s good graces by trying to fuckin’ apologize and she probably doesn’t even know what she should apologize about!” If her fingernails were sharper there would be scratch marks in the table.

The rest of the lunch was filled with silence, not because Mack’s anger was scaring them but because they didn’t know what to say to calm her down or at least cool her off a bit. Not even Justin who always knew what to do and that’s what upset him the most.

It felt like, to him, that he was just seeing his friend for the first time. She was different, hurt, vulnerable, and that wasn’t like her at all. Her mother must’ve done something really wrong, aside from the cheating and the lying, to do this to her.

“So…what do you want to do now?” Lance finally broke the silence as they left the café and looked around the somewhat crowded streets.

“I’m going back to the hotel,” Mack said, starting to walk down the street, not bothering to check if anyone was following her. “Alone,” she stressed before any of them could even move.

“Momma.” Justin turned to look at his mother.

“Yes, I’ll see if she’s ok. In the meantime you guys should enjoy your break. It’ll probably be the last one you have in a while.” She swooped in to kiss his cheek. Chris snickered as Justin hastily rubbed the area where she kissed him. “Stay out of trouble.”

“Justin.” He turned around to look at the other guys. They were watching him, studying him, waiting to see what he would do.

“I can’t help it,” Justin said as if reading their mind. “She’s like my sister.”

“You have to let her go sometime. You can’t make everything better for her,” JC said softly.

“I know,” Justin replied.

That was the one thing he never wanted to admit.

-*-  -*-  -*-  -*-

“Lynn, I told you I’m fine,” Mack sighed as the doors to the elevator opened up to their floor. “I’m just…tired. I want to get some sleep before the show. Maybe talk to Trace for a while. Ok?” She looked up at her ‘second-mother’ and waited for her response.

“Ok,” Lynn finally sighed. “Just…don’t do anything you’re going to regret.”

Mack gave her an odd look before nodding and walking her quick pace to her room. Letting out a sigh she shoved her keycard into the door and shoved it open. She flicked on the light and sighed again, stepping into the room. As the door closed behind her she looked up and stopped what she was doing all together.

“What’re you doing here?” She asked slowly, eyeing her mother who was sitting on the end of her bed.