Chapter 28: One and the Same

February 6th, 1997: That night

“Nooo! What’re you doing? You’re supposed to jump over the barrels not get hit by them!” Mack shouted while whacking Joey’s arm as they stared intently at the game’s screen.

“I would jump over them if you’d stop yellin’ in my ear!” He responded through clenched teeth jiggling the joystick in his hands and slapping his palm against one of the many buttons.

“I’d stop yelling if you’d play right.”

“Stop backseat playing, woman!”

Lance chuckled from his chair where he tossed a baseball into the air, caught it, and threw it up again. He and the other guys were waiting for the show to start. They had all ready changed into their matching outfits for that night: orange-red, blue, and white basketball type clothing. Justin pitched the idea and he was surprised that the rest of them agreed to go along with it.

Justin was bobbing his head to whatever song was playing on his walkman, JC was lying down on the couch, eyes closed and meditating, and Chris was talking to Danielle on the phone. Joey and Mack were playing the Donkey Kong arcade-style game that was sitting in the corner of the room.

“Jump! Jump!” Mack ordered. Joey let out a cry of frustration when Mario was blasted off the screen. “Ooooh, you shoulda jumped,” Mack said, shaking her head slowly.

“Imma jump you!” Joey replied with a small smile on his face.

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t ya?”

“I know I would,” Chris said as soon as he hung up the phone.

“And you conveniently say that once Danielle can’t hear you,” Mack teased, rolling her eyes. Chris just smiled and lightly slapped her leg as she passed him. “Ok guys, vocal warm-ups,” she ordered, glancing at her watch.

Lance, Chris, and Joey groaned. “Again? Didn’t we just do that, like, an hour ago?”

“Yeah, at sound check. Your voices could still suck. C’mon, do your warm-ups before you have an angry mob of teenage girls on your hands.”

“Are you referring to yourself? ‘Cause you can be as scary as an angry mob.” Chris let out a yelp when a shoe connected with the back of his head. He rubbed the throbbing area and picked up the small shoe. “Jesus, girl, you have one heck of an aim,” he muttered holding out the shoe to her.

“Yeah, well, when you can’t play basketball or football you have to make it up with something so baseball was it. I can only throw though, I can’t really hit that well,” she replied, keeping a hand on his shoulder so she could balance herself as he put her shoe on.

JC then opened his eyes, glanced at her, and easily shoved her to the ground. He gave her a lazy smile when she glared at him with accusing eyes. He merely shrugged and closed them again, yawning. He cracked a grin when she grumbled something under her breath and walked off. Probably curses, that’s usually the only thing that came out of her mouth if she and Justin weren’t in a mini argument or she was eating. He finally sat up and stretched. “Ok guys we should do warm ups,” he announced, swinging his legs to the floor.

“Ok,” they replied, standing from their various positions around the room.

“I hate you,” Mack stated before walking out, closing the door behind herself.

“Yeah like I don’t hear that all the time. Ok guys, let’s start with the scales.” JC led the guys in their vocal warm ups, noting whether or not they were too flat or too sharp. They sang a few of their songs to make sure their harmonies were right and to see if they were pitch perfect. Then they went through a few dance moves that they had trouble with earlier but stopped when Lou came into the room.

“Before you go on I want to talk to you boys about something,” Lou said, motioning for them to sit down. “I have to say that I am very proud of you boys.” Justin sat up straighter and beamed. “Your hard work has paid off and now you can finally share you talent with the world. Have fun, be safe, and don’t let me down.”

Justin frowned at the dangerous edge that suddenly appeared in his voice. Lou looked each of them in the eye. Justin relaxed a bit when a smile returned to Lou’s face. Justin jogged in place gearing himself up for the show. He bounced on his toes and let out a slow breath before looking at his watch. “7:07,” he announced. He looked up and flinched when a hacky-sack hit his forehead and fell lamely to the ground.

“Sorry,” Lance apologized, picking up the little saggy ball.

“Lance can’t kick for shit,” Chris said as Lance tossed the hacky-sack back to him. “We can barely keep it off of the ground.”

“I’m trying.”

“Let me play,” Justin said eagerly. “JC, you in?”

JC glanced at them. “Nah, but you guys go ahead.” Justin frowned and looked at Chris who was tossing the hacky-sack into the air, caught it, and repeated the process. Chris frowned as well, but not because Justin was upset. He was used to that. Justin always pouted when he didn’t get his way or if JC was being a fuddy-duddy and didn’t want to do things with them. Justin always took it personally, something Chris still didn’t understand nor wanted to understand.

What bothered Chris was that JC was distancing himself from them. He probably didn’t think he was but Chris could see it. He was young once, like them, he knew that behavior when he saw it. He caught the hacky-sack again, gave it to Lance to start without him, and then quickly followed JC out of the room.

Chris grabbed JC’s arm and pulled him back. “What’s goin’ on, man?” He demanded.

JC looked at him blankly. “Nothing, I’m just taking a walk,” JC replied, pulling his arm out of Chris’s grasp and tried to walk down the hall but Chris blocked him.

“JC, I hate it when you lie ‘cause I can tell what’s wrong with you but then I hate not knowing what to do,” Chris told him.

“Chris, honestly, there’s nothing wrong,” JC said slowly never taking his eyes off of his friend’s face.

Chris shrugged. “Fine, if you want to keep lying to me, that’s fine, I just thought after all this time you’d think we were friends and actually want to talk to me but whatever.” He turned on his heel and walked back towards the dressing room.

JC sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t mean to upset Chris, but he didn’t feel like the older boy would understand what he was going through currently. Sure, they were all going through the same thing but for JC he knew that either this worked or that was it for him. Chris was in the same boat but Chris had something that JC didn’t which he didn’t want to admit: Chris had optimism.

Everything that they were doing freaked JC out, but he didn’t want to admit it to them in fear that they would tease him. He was always the butt of their jokes and they didn’t know when to stop, with the exception of Lance.

JC wasn’t even freaked out in a good way. JC was always one to please anyone he could, he tried to make anyone happy and the thought of there being a chance that Lou could be disappointed in him really messed up with his stomach to the point if he even thought about the twisting he was sure he’d puke.

JC paced around in circles as he took slow deep breaths. His heart pounded in his ears and his fingers twitched. He mumbled his apologies when he bumped into a few stage hands that tried to get by him but was hit by him while he was in his trance. Finally, a few minutes before show time, Justin went to get him so they could do their group prayer. JC had a lot to pray for but one thing stuck in his mind:

Please, Lord, don’t let us screw up!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“He’s off a half step,” Mack muttered under her breath, not taking her eyes off of the stage. “He’s off. He’s off.” She was gripping the rail in front of her seat so hard her knuckles were turning white. If she leaned over the rail any further then she would fall over it. “Come oooon, get back into step. Look at the others, come on!” She groaned and rested her forehead against the cool metal as the song ended. “You’re killing me!”

“Relax, Little Lady, they’re doing fine,” Johnny said to her over the sound of cheers and applause.

“Right. Fine. They can’t do fine they have to do well or awesome, or superb even. Fine is not a word in my vocabulary,” she replied, slowly shaking her head.

“You gotta relax.”

“I am relaxed.”

“Really? ‘Cause you look like a pitbull the way you’re clenching your jaw.”

She ignored him as he chuckled a bit at his own joke. She glanced at her watch and looked back at the stage. They were on their last song. It was surprising how they could make their four-song set take more than a half hour. It wouldn’t surprise her if the audience asked for encores. The boys would do it, they loved to please.

“Johnny, I’m going to make sure everything is ready to be shipped out,” Mack yelled over the screaming, standing on her toes so he could hear her.

“You don’t want to stay for the rest?” He asked, finally looking at her.

She shook her head. “I’m getting a little headache anyway. I need to get away from the noise.”

“Ok, I’ll get Lonnie or someone.”

She shook her head again. “I’m fine, I don’t need anyone. I know where I’m going.”

“I told you–”

“I’ll be fine. You have my cell number if you get paranoid for one reason or another, which I don’t doubt you will be, you can reach me easily.” She shoved her way through people before Johnny could object to what she was doing. ‘Sheesh, it’s like having another JC on my back,’ she though, jumping down some stairs and pushing open a door. As soon as it swung shut the noise behind her ceased and she sighed knowing that she was finally by herself in the hallway.

She shoved her hands into her pockets and walked slowly, trying to clear her mind but she couldn’t erase her mother’s visit. It bothered her the rest of the day but she was an expert on putting on a mask that the others didn’t think anything was wrong except for the small cracks where she would snap at one of them if they were off a half step or their pitch was off in practice. It felt like a weight was pressing down on her chest, suffocating her.

She made a strange gulping noise as it felt the weight was rising into her throat. The gulping quickly switched to a sob and then she was flat out crying, hysterically even. She tried forcing herself to stop but it didn’t work. Her body had a mind of its own.

She just sat there, her back against the cool stone wall, crying her eyes out. She always told herself that crying was a sign of weakness. And crying in public? Suicide. But she didn’t care. She felt like her life was over anyway and it wasn’t like anyone around knew her.

“Hey, it’s Dimple Girl.”

Scratch that.

“Why’re you cryin’, Dimples?”

She sucked in a breath, taking everything in with it and trapping it inside, replacing her face with a mask. She hastily wiped her eyes and was aware of someone sitting down next to her. She then turned and made a snorting sound. “What’re you doing here? Don’t you have a tour of your own?”

“Johnny asked us to come. I was the only one who wanted to, though,” Nick replied, shrugging. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m not going to reply to your question since you ended it with a ridiculous name,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

“Dimples? What’s wrong with that? You have them you know,” he said in confusion.

“Really? I haven’t looked in a mirror my whole damn life so I wouldn’t know.” Sarcasm was practically dripping from her eyelids. He merely smiled, reached into his pocket, and held out a tissue to her. She eyed it, as if wondering if it were a trick or something before accepting it with a barely audible thank you. “What’re you really doing here?” She asked before blowing her nose.

“I told you, Johnny asked us to come. He wanted us to see how they were doing.”

“You wanted to see your ‘competition’?” She asked with finger quotes.

“About that, I don’t get why people think we’re in a rivalry,” he said shrugging.

“’Cause you guys basically do the same thing. Although they’re more for entertainment but…”

“That’s like saying we’d be in a rivalry with NKTB if they were still around,” he pointed out, shaking his head and letting out a little breath. “It’s stupid, really.”

“I agree.”

“So why were you crying?”

“You’re not going to stop asking me that are you?” She muttered, crumpling up the used tissue and tossing it at the trashcan across from her. It fell to the floor in the middle of the hallway and she didn’t move to pick it up.

“No.”

“Life,” she replied. “Some family problems, that’s all.” She shrugged.

“You downplaying them isn’t going to make them go away you know.”

“Yeah yeah, like I haven’t heard that before,” she said with a wave of her hand.

“How’d you get the cast?” He tilted his head.

“If you don’t leave me alone I’m going to shove a pumpkin ball up your butt!” She declared, suddenly annoyed, jumping to her feet and started to speed walk down the hall.

“A what?” He asked, following her, easily catching up to her. He had a goofy smile on his face, one that was starting to irk her. It was the same smile that Joey got whenever he had a perverted joke brewing in his mind. “Do you always run away from your problems or do you just have a confrontation problem?”

“Listen, you–” She stopped when Nick visibly stiffened and his eyes widened. She lifted an eyebrow and turned around, only to flinch when she noticed that Lou had stepped out into the hallway.

“Uh, hi Lou,” Nick stammered, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “What brings you here?”

Lou merely smiled. “I think the question is what brings you here?”

“Um, an airplane, a taxi, and my feet,” Nick replied innocently. Mack quickly turned her laughter into a strange sneeze/snorting sound as Nick smiled slightly. Their smiles instantly faded when Lou narrowed his eyes at them. “Sir,” Nick quickly added. Lou’s eyes slowly shifted back and forth between the two as Nick licked his lips and Mack looked everywhere but at him.

“Did Johnny bring you here?” Lou finally asked.

“Yes, but it was my idea. I just got him to help me get here,” Nick said quickly holding up his hands as if to shield a blow.

Lou nodded and clasped his hands behind his back. “What’re you doing here?” He turned his eyes to Mack who stared at the floor.

“I was watching the show and I got a headache and then I decided to check if our things were where they needed to be,” she mumbled. She could feel the weight pressing down on her chest again; she needed to get out of there before she did something she’d regret. “I’ll be going now.” Keeping her head to the floor she walked away from them, feeling their stares on her back. She rushed around the halls of the building before finally finding her way to the front. She glanced over her shoulder, sighing when she noticed how crowded. She finally let out a slow breath and tried to calm her racing heart. She practically jumped a foot in the air when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“C’mon, it’s time to see our new home,” Justin called over the noise. Lonnie was hovering near him, keeping hi guarded. A large smile was on Justin’s face and it was shiny with sweat. His smile was so bright she practically needed shades to look at him. “C’mon! C’mon!” He grabbed her hand and tugged her through the crowd, following Lonnie to the back of the building, out the back door, and to their new ‘home’. “C’mon, slow poke!”

“What’s the big rush?” She asked as Justin dragged her up the stairs of their tour bus. “Whoa,” she muttered when she looked around. “We actually get to live here?” She asked, walking through the bus slowly. She paused at the back. “What’s in here?” She asked, pointing to the door.

“Don’t know, open it,” Chris replied, sticking his head out of a bunk. She pulled open the door and flipped on a light, taking a look at the area. She looked up and grinned at the mirror that was on the ceiling. “Looks like another lounge.”

“There’s another level of the bus as well,” Lynn called from upstairs. “You boys better come and take a look at this. The view is amazing.”

The guys dashed out of the bunk area and ran up the stairs, shoving each other to try and get there first. Mack shook her head slowly, wondering how they possibly had a lot of energy left over from their show. She turned when she felt a tap on her shoulder and looked up at Johnny.

“Here,” he said simply, holding out a piece of paper to her.

She took it and nodded her thanks, unfolding the paper and slowly walking up the stairs so she wouldn’t fall. On the paper was a phone number and a simple note written underneath it:

(407) 376-4831

If you ever want to talk --Nick

“You ok?” Justin asked her as soon as she set foot on the top level of the bus. “You had one heck of a day.”

Mack clutched the paper in her hand and nodded. “Yeah, somethin’ tells me I’m gonna be fine.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Where did you disappear to?” AJ asked as soon as Nick set foot in his hotel room.

“I was with Johnny,” Nick replied.

“Did you get her number?”

“About that. Lou came by and started talking to me a little bit about what we were doing and I didn’t–”

“Did you get her number?” AJ interrupted, glaring hard at Nick.

Nick gulped. “No,” he admitted. “But I gave her mine,” he quickly added. “Sayin’ if she ever wanted to talk then she could just call me. I caught her when she was upset about something so…”

AJ grinned. “That wasn’t the way I wanted it to happen but good job, Frack, good job.” He patted Nick on the shoulder and went through the door that connected their hotel room.

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Whatever man,” he mumbled.