“Right now, I’d give anything to go back to being here with pneumonia,” JC grumbled, watching as the attending cleaned around his port, prepping him for another three-hour chemotherapy treatment. Throwing a glare at Justin who was snickering a little in the seat to the left of him, Justin quieted quickly as he gave his friend a sympathetic look. “I’d rather my lungs be rattled than this.”
“Well, just think,” Justin said, leaning forward in his chair with his arms between his legs, “we get through this, we go home to Lauren. Well, we go home and you can see Lauren.”
JC rolled his eyes, leaning back as the nurse stepped away from him to write down his stats. “I hate you.”
“And I, you, Chasez,” Justin grinned. “C’mon now, still blue-balled about something that happened nearly a week ago?”
“No,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and resting his forearm over his closed lids. “I just wish I wouldn’t be cooped-up in my room, nauseous as hell while you are all celebrating the New Year.”
“Well, we’ll bring a mask to you and you can help us celebrate.”
“Better make it a toilet.”
The nurse patted JC’s leg as the chemo treatment was inserted, glancing between him and Justin. “You guys be careful with that celebrating; your immune system is going to be low and we don’t need for you to be spending the better part of the New Year fighting off infection.”
JC groaned. “God, anything but that …”
“Take necessary precautions,” she warned, “I’ll be back in a little to check on you; the pan is right next to you if you start to feel sick.”
He nodded, still lying with his arm over his face. “God, I want to be normal again.”
Justin giggled, causing JC to look at him incredulously. “Jace, when were you ever normal?”
“I’ll say it again,” JC said softly, eyes fluttering shut as he took in the port and the medication, feeling slightly weak, “I hate you.”
Justin grinned, reaching over and grabbing the magazine as he watched his friend struggle with nausea and exhaustion – it was a normal thing, nothing neither of them were concerned about; the only thing that concerned both of them was the three-hour treatment time. JC, especially. “You know,” Justin stated, looking up from the front cover of the magazine, “you could possibly face having a tattoo after this.”
“Like hell I would,” JC responded quickly, “the only time I’ll ever face a needle after this is to make sure this shit is gone and out of my system completely.”
“Concurred,” Justin stated, licking his finger to aid in turning the pages that stuck together, gasping inwardly as he took in a small snippet of an article about a quarter-page in length mentioning both he and JC.
“You all right?”
He looked up quickly, nodding. “Y-yeah, I’m all right; just gave myself a paper cut; hurt like a bitch.”
JC grinned. “Ah, I’d give anything for a paper cut over a port …”
Justin lifted the magazine to him, holding a page between his fingers. “I can help with that if you’d like?”
“Do it and I’m breaking your fingers.”
Justin dropped the magazine to the floor, holding his hands up in defeat. Leaning down, he picked up the magazine once more and watched as JC’s eyes slowly fluttered closed, allowing sleep to bring him into a light slumber. Flipping back to the page, Justin’s eyes darted back and forth, in search of anything giving away his location and reason for leaving. Former *NSYNC members JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake – Where are They? It’s been nearly four months since MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew judge JC Chasez left mysteriously and was never heard from. Following his disappearance, Justin Timberlake’s whereabouts are too, unknown. Sources say that Chasez and Timberlake are together, staying in a recent purchase that Chasez made in Tampa on a beachside villa near former girlfriend Bobbee Thomas resides.
Questions have been circulating about Timberlake, who many believe followed Chasez to help his former group mate out of a bind – another speculation that Chasez perhaps had a gambling problem and had lost a good bit of his fortune on these debts.
While sources are quick to shut down any speculation as such, many believe that health concerns are what prompted Chasez to disappear from his dressing room at the MTV Studio before a recent filming. Crew members noted that Chasez had been somewhat “flighty” and “not on his game” as he used to be; some mentioning avid drug-use and others mentioning a rumored sickness. While it is not surprising for the very introverted and paparazzi-shy Chasez to disappear, after a much talked-about falling out with Timberlake, his disappearance, only days after Chasez’s, is very questionable.
So the question is, just where are JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake? Sightings of the remaining three members of their now defunct boyband *NSYNC have been seen arriving within hours of each other in a small, ho-hum town in Tennessee, while others have seen the three on outings and in serious conversation on more than one occasion. Could they be aware of the whereabouts of their two members?
Justin tossed the magazine aside. Poorly written and barely answering anything it had been written about, he could only smirk - Tennessee wasn’t that small of a place; they’d never locate either of them – JC had taken on his alias’ name and Justin had nothing registered in town after he moved to Orlando years ago. If they found him, he or JC, they’d be screwed. He hoped if one of them were to be found, it was him; JC didn’t need to have his face plastered all over magazines or to be hounded by thousands of questions he’d rather leave unanswered.
His thoughts were stopped when he heard JC’s sudden movement, the older man pushing himself up and grabbing the pan they had left for him if he were to get sick, heaving into it. Getting up, he went to the small sink beside them, wetting paper towels and grabbing a few dry ones for him to wipe his face off with, cup of water set on the stand next to him.
He sat down on the edge of the bed as JC groaned, hugging the pan to him. “You doing all right?”
JC pushed the pan to the other side of the bed away from he and Justin, weakly accepting the paper towels as he wiped his mouth and the small beads of sweat at his temples away. “I think I just heaved my right lung into that pan.”
Justin smiled weakly, watching as JC collapsed back against the pillow, skin still gray though now tinged with the green of nausea. “Well, we’ve got an hour and thirty minutes. You beat your last record of fifteen minutes by double that!”
“Wee,” he murmured, breathing heavily at the lack of oxygen that had been in his lungs for that short period of time in between heaves, “forgive me if I don’t jump up and down in excitement.”
“Your sarcasm hurts,” Justin said, feigning pain as he put his hand to his heart. “I shall go to my corner and cry now.”
“Please do.”
Justin frowned, looking at the obvious pain that his friend was in. He had been quiet the last day or two about how he felt, but usually, it was written on his face. He knew that he was ashamed to speak of pain; especially now that he was dealing with something that wasn’t seen often between his circle of friends or family (he knew of a great-grandfather on Roy’s side that had terminal cancer, but he had passed away shortly before JC had been adopted into the family) and, even after four months, wasn’t quite sure how to communicate about he and his pain.
“You need me to get a nurse?”
JC shook his head. “Just let me be, all right? Take a walk down the hall or somethin’ …”
“You sure? I don’t wanna leave you by yourself …” He shifted on his feet, suddenly feeling as if his entire body were lead.
“I’m okay, Justin,” JC assured, inhaling slowly, shakily as he wiped his mouth once more, “I don’t want you seeing me like this, all right? Just go –“
“I’ve seen you like this before, Jace. In fact, I’ve seen you worse.”
“I don’t want this to be a memory, okay? Just … just go.” JC opened his eyes, Justin’s heart plummeting as he saw the defeat and the agony in his friend’s eyes. This wasn’t normal. “I’m all right … seriously.”
Justin studied him, his chest slowly rising and falling in short, sporadic breaths. There was pain. “Did you take your pain meds today?”
“Dr. Timberlake, please,” JC groaned, “just leave!”
Justin felt his shoulders sag as he stepped out of the curtain in defeat, seeing the nurses eye him as he left quickly, pushing himself out of the Oncology Unit and down the hall towards the vacant private waiting room. Tears were burning his eyes as he sank into one of the uncomfortable chairs, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. A silent sob escaped his mouth, he saying a silent prayer that his friend would become stronger – mentally and physically.
His hands dropped down to the space between his legs once more, clasped into a tight double fist as he looked up to the ceiling, looking for any sign of the unknown, bowing his head down as he stared at his knees. “God help me,” he prayed quietly, voice barely a whisper, “help me get him through this alive. If you do this for me, I’ll go to church every Sunday, I’ll stop swearing, I’ll even stop taking what I’ve got for granted like I have. I’ve taken a lot of things for granted, I know but this is one thing I’d never, ever want taken away from me. He’s a good guy, a great man; he isn’t done here. I’m not ready for him to give up yet; no one is ready for that. You sent him here to show us what life is about, what courage is about and damnit, I’m not done learning from him, yet!”
His shoulders slumped, unable to bring himself up to a proper position. “I give my word to you that I’ll make good of my own promises; I’ll volunteer more, I’ll donate money to charities … I’ll go bankrupt if you just give him this chance to live. He finally started to see just what he wanted out of life, and you’re going to take that away from him? He’s only thirty three! God, it is killing me to see him like this. I’m running out of answers for him, of comforting words; I feel like I’m lacking everything he needs right now … I need answers. I need you to let him live; I need you to let him fight this and win. I need you to just not,” he paused, shaking his heads as tears fell down his face once more, “ … don’t take him away, okay? We need him here.” “Mr. Timberlake?”
He jumped, wiping his eyes quickly as a nurse stood in the threshold of the waiting room. “Yes?”
“Mr. Chasez was asking for you.”
He nodded, sniffling loudly as the nurse disappeared down the hall, he taking a moment to compose himself, eyes still shut as he took a step forward, knocking into the table next to the chair and knocking over a book, it landing on its binding and opening up, set up as if someone had placed it there.
He knelt down, fingers holding the book to close it but stopping, seeing it as someone’s own used, read-often, treasure. He touched the worn pages, stopping when he hit a highlighted sentence. “Have faith,” he read softly, “knowing tomorrow will hold the blessings of God.” He shook his head, smiling weakly as he set the book down. “If that’s a sign,” he said softly, looking upward, “then I’ve got it. Loud and clear, Big Man.”
“How’s he feeling?”
Justin looked over at Lauren as she entered the apartment, setting her purse and bag of medical necessities down on the small island. Setting his coffee down, he shrugged. “Tired, in pain. The doctor’s gave him more medications to ease it but he doesn’t like taking it because he sleeps too much.”
She frowned. “Where is he now?”
Justin smirked. “He took a pain pill. Sleeping.”Lauren nodded, excusing herself to walk down the small hallway to JC’s bedroom, pushing open the door slowly and peeking in, his face an eerie gray from the glow of the television, eyes gently closed against his cheekbones. She stepped toward him, studying his awkward sleeping position with one leg curled towards his chest and the other straight down, hand above his head and the other stretched outward, clutching something.
Kneeling down, she pried his fingers apart, tears forming in her eyes as she watched the bracelet she had given him and a cross, strung through a woven cord, fell to the ground. “Don’t lose your faith just yet, Josh,” she said softly, pleading with his quiet form, “don’t give up.”
He took a deep inhale of breath, startling her as his eyes slowly and groggily opened, studying her worried face. “I’m not,” he rasped, stretching his fingers for her to place the bracelet and necklace back in his hand, he clenching it again when they were placed there, “I’m just trying to hold onto what little strength, courage and faith I have at this point.”
“Those three things aren’t held in the hand, JC,” she said softly, scooting herself closer to him as her hand closed over his gripped fingers, “they’re here, in your heart.” She placed her hand against his chest, hearing the gentle ba-bump of his heart and then to hers. “You’ve got more than just you holding onto them, Jace; I’ve got them, Justin’s got them … your family, your friends, your fans, if they knew …”
He sighed deeply, letting his eyes close, longing for her to hold his hand again. “Do you think I should tell them?”
Lauren arched an eyebrow, looking at him in confusion. “Tell who what?”
“The fans,” he said softly, “the people that have been questioning my disappearing.”
She reached forward, gently caressing the skin on his forehead and sighing deeply. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “If you want them to know, then yes; but if you’re not ready for them to know, then no.”
“I’m not ready for anything,” he said softly, eyes opening and staring into hers again. “I just have to dive into things without really thinking about them now. I may not have tomorrow to be ready for.”
“Don’t say that,” she said, frowning and reaching for his hand, gripping the bracelet and cord of the necklace with her own hand between his, “don’t ever, ever give yourself an expiration date, okay? God is the only one who knows when that time is going to come and I sure as hell don’t wanna hear the give-up tone in your voice, okay? I know you’ve had ups and downs, but even without this AML, you’d still be questioning where you’d be going, wouldn’t you?”
He shrugged. “Maybe not so morbidly …”
“Well, stop,” she said softly. “Live for today and forget about tomorrow. Today is the day we’ve got guaranteed and I sure as hell am not gonna let you act like you’re dying today.” He nodded, licking his lips and studying their hands. “You think, that after I get better, I could take you out?”
She laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “You go from giving up, to dying, to wanting to take me out?”
With a weak smile, he shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much.”
She tightened her grip on his hand, putting her forehead to their linked fingers and shaking her head. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot, actually.” His grip on her tightened slightly, she squeezing back before pulling her fingers away and turning towards the door. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way,” she teased, gesturing towards the front rooms, “I gotta actually do my job and check your stats … make sure you’re okay. Don’t go all morbid on me again when I come back, okay?”
He made a cross gesture with his hand, eyes dropping closed as he gave her a sweet smile. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
She frowned. “Josh –“
“It’s just a saying, relax,” he murmured, “I’ve gotta get over this death thing in one way or another, don’t I?”
“Yeah, but I wish you’d do it another way,” she replied, gripping the threshold as he opened his eyes once more, giving her another small smile. “A little less depressing, even?”
He gave her another look, holding his hand up weakly. “Fine. I promise.”
“Good boy.”
He shook his head, dropping his hand down as she turned to leave. “I’ll expect my doggie treat the next time you come in here.”
She laughed, forcing the frown off of her face as she walked down the hall. They were getting to the major drop of the rollercoaster; she could feel it and she knew he sensed it. She just had to prepare herself, prepare him, those closest to him for it.
But there really was no way to prepare for the worst.
