Justin

8:05 in the morning and here I sit... in the same place I have sat in every morning, Monday through Friday for the last year, a bowl of cold cereal sitting on the island in the kitchen and a coffee in hand. I never realized how much I didn't care for routines until I had one. I don't mind going into the office at all it's the idea that I have to go in and people are relying on me to be there. I knew that this was just part of my job. I could change that if I really wanted to, I had control over that but I was okay with this and I was looking forward to getting back into the studio with some up and coming artists. It would break up the monotony of the office for me.

On mornings like this I wish Melissa was home to bring me back to reality. She was finishing up some scheduled promo things for William Rast in New York for a couple days. We have a pact that we are not apart longer than a couple days at a time unless something major has happened. I couldn't imagine having my wife away from me every night. I had been away from the person I wanted to see for weeks, even months at a time and it wasn't how I wanted our marriage to be. It was for selfish reasons. I wanted to see her. I wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to lie down at the end of the long day in bed with her. I loved that woman more than life itself.

I had hoped to get out of the house this morning early so I could be at the office on time but of course I couldn't get my ass in gear this morning. And by the looks of the freeway that isn't going to happen. So to my surprise while sitting at a complete stop my day seems to be getting better, my phone is ringing.

"Good morning Mrs. Timberlake." He says very sexy.

"Good morning Mr. Timberlake... how is the day going so far?"

"I didn't sleep well so I'm dragging ass this morning."

"What time did you get to bed?" she asked.

"I crawled into bed around ten but I couldn't fall asleep. I need you."

"I need you as well. I will be home tomorrow... it looks like we got the spot for fashion week as well." She said feeling accomplished.

"That's great news babe. How are the reviews of the new lines?"

"Very good, I have a lot of interested magazines and stylists that want the clothes... so it looks like I'm doing my job right."

"As if you can do anything wrong. What can't you do?" I said it without even thinking.

They both got quiet. There was an elephant that stood between them, even when they are four thousand miles apart. I knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling.  "Babe don't stress out about it ok... I love you. Everything will be fine, it will happen for us one day. When it's meant to be it will happen."

"I'm ok... Really I'm ok. It's just the reality of it that is hard sometimes."

"I'm so sorry I should have said anything. I'm so stupid sometimes."

"Justin, I love you. Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm fine."

She says that all the time when she isn't really fine. That really annoys me but I know it's her way of not wanting me to worry about something I couldn't change.

Still kicking myself as I walk in the office, I think so much for a great day. I'm such a dick sometimes. I really need to invest in a filter for my mouth.

Mandy asks what was wrong and I just mumble to her about being as ass and that I was going to my office. My inbox looks like it exploded on my computer of emails. "Shit, how did I get two hundred emails in less than twelve hours?" He mumbles.

Paperwork is never ending. I will never understand why we waste so much paper around here. Lunchtime finally came around and I met with JC to go over some things with an artist that he was working closely with. I had agreed to go back into the studio to work with the artists that he found me. It was a deal we had made with each other. He would only find the artists if I produced the music for them.  The producers that had currently been working with the artists he found were not working out the way JC would hope that they would. It needed something else and he thought that thing, was me.

I love the smell of a studio even though it doesn't really have a smell it's the idea of the smell of a studio. As I walk through the doors of the empty studio I am thinking to myself, Man, I miss this. I know it really hasn't been that long but it feels like an eternity. I used to be in the studio at least once a month and now I am lucky to see a soundboard unless it was to oversee something that needed changed. So the feeling today was exhilarating. I was going in to work. I was the one going to be in control of that soundboard, the vocals that would be recorded, I was back in control and I loved this feeling.

"Elizabeth, take that vocal to the next level. I need you to be in that moment, feel the lyrics."

"I'm feeling the lyrics it just doesn't come out that way."

"Well make it come out that way... you have control over that."

Before I knew it, the clock on the wall said 10:30.

"Damn, where did the hours go?" I asked JC as he looked up at the clock.

"Time seems to disappear when you're in the studio. We got some great stuff accomplished today."

"We sure did. Now only if she can lay the tracks the way I want them done tomorrow."

"She has the pipes; I'm not sure what her problem was today."

"Maybe she was just nervous with everything that was going on around her. My time is limited in this studio though. They need me in the office."

"Have you thought about hiring someone to run the company yet or at least someone to just be your backup?"

"I enjoy my job... I really do. Plus I need to get into some kind of routine for the day when Melissa and I have children. I wouldn't want to be an absent father."

"I don't know if you are trying to convince me or yourself that you are happy with this situation. "

"I really ok with this. I gotta do what I gotta do."

"Whatever man, do what makes you happy."

                JC's words stung worse than I thought they would. I couldn't focus on that now, my body was dragging and I was hoping to get some kind of sleep tonight.

My phone is buzzing uncontrollably, I had voicemails. Fuck. I forgot I even had a phone today.  Four voicemails, I guess it wasn't that bad, first message was my mother  "Justin, I just wanted to call and make sure you and Melissa would still be in town this weekend, Paul and I are going to fly out and see you both... anyways call me back and let me know." I would do that tomorrow in the morning, if I remembered. Second message is from the office, "Blah blah blah." The third was from Melissa, "Hey babe, I figured you were still in the studio, it was a long day I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed. I have an early flight in the morning so I guess I will just see you then. I love you." I wish I would have got that call. It was nice to hear her voice on the voicemail but I would love to have talked to her. Tell her about the things I had done in the studio today. How great it felt to simply have my fingers on those buttons again. The final voicemail was from my mother, again. "Justin, I talked to Melissa so don't worry about calling me back unless you would like to talk to your mother. We should be in L.A. sometime in the evening Friday. I love you. Don't work too much." Tomorrow, I would call her tomorrow. I have to; I haven't talked to her in a couple weeks. I wasn't myself anymore. I hated that avoided talking to her. I just know what she will say to me.

                The clock said 1:14 and I was still awake. An hour later I find myself still staring at the ceiling. The picture on the night stand was Melissa and I on our wedding day. It was my favorite picture of all the hundreds we took. It was a random shot of Melissa and I, she was smiling, and it was the genuine over the moon happy smile, as I look down at her. I will never forget that very moment I remember thinking this woman is my wife. This woman is the love of my life. That picture makes me smile every time I even think about it. . I was glad it was captured.

Looking at the clock again I realized that Melissa should be awake and at the airport. I wanted to hear her voice. The phone rings five or six times and finally she picks up. "Justin? What are you doing awake? Is everything ok?"

"I'm fine. I just wanted to hear the sweet sound of your voice."

"Aww, I love you. It's great to finally hear your voice again. You disappeared from the world yesterday."

"I was in the studio. I forget the world outside of the studio walls sometimes."

"I figured that. I will be home around lunch time if you want to meet for lunch."

"I have to be at the studio around noon so if you want to stop there I would love to see you."

"I will bring you lunch. I'm not going to wait till this evening to see you..."

"Woman, I just love you."

"I love you too. They are yelling at me to get off the phone now, my flight is getting ready to take off. See you in a couple hours. Get some sleep."

I did just that. After talking to her I slept the solid four hours I had left before the alarm rudely woke me up. It was time to get up and start the day over again. Breakfast awaited me. Bowl in hand I grab the box of Apple Jacks and pour a nice helping into it. I have such a healthy diet. If I could get my ass out of bed early in the morning I could run but that's probably not going to happen.

Here I set on the freeway again. Bumper to bumper, just the way I like it.