Melissa

The day I took his last name I was the happiest women alive. I remember the day it became official, I got the paperwork in the mail while we were on the road and I was overjoyed. We spent most of the first year of our marriage on the road. The tour continued for well over eighteen months. That was when we decided that our schedules would have to settle down if we wanted to have children.

Over the four years since that day we have done a lot of things. But the one thing we wanted we couldn't have. I remember the first time I saw those two pink lines, it was the scariest but happiest moment. I was on tour. We were in Charlotte, NC. Standing in the hotel bathroom screaming, "JUSTIN!!!!" he was panicked but when he walked into the bathroom and seen that little white stick in my hand and the smile on my face he knew exactly what I was screaming about. That was the first of many heartbreaking, two pink lines.

Even worse news came just two weeks after we returned home from our honeymoon. I was a newlywed. I was supposed to be happy but I was anything but happy. I got the call that John had another heart attack and that I should get to the hospital.

That fateful day flying to Pittsburgh I remember being a mess. Seeing him so fragile and lifeless was a shock. He has become very ill in just a month. The last thing John said to me still resides with me today, "That man is going to make you happy for the rest of your life. The challenges that will emerge in the next couple years will pay off, I promise you that. Remember the dream that you both want will come true, even after heartbreak it will eventually come true. Have a little patience. Please take care of your mother for me."

I didn't know what he meant then but I do now. Heartbreak was something I became accustomed to. Justin and I have been trying to have a baby for so long that I can't remember what it is like to not have the stress of it. We don't have a problem getting pregnant it was the keeping the pregnancy intact that was the problem. I knew that this had to be my problem. There had to be something wrong with me and I didn't like that feeling.

I never knew how much I wanted to have a baby till the idea that I couldn't have one was in play. It has really consumed our lives. To the outside world we had it all. We really did, but there was something missing that we wanted and it was out of our hands. No amount of fame or money could do this for us.

We have thought about adoption and we also thought about a sergeant. They are both still an option for us but we want to have a child of our own. I wanted to experience that bond with their child growing inside of me. We decided that at the five year mark we would start discussing the other options. The five year mark was creeping up on us slowly and we haven't even thought about anything else besides having a baby of our own.

                Just days before Kia and Steve found out they were pregnant I had a miscarriage. I hadn't told anyone except Justin. I couldn't believe that I had made it to four months. All the doctors had told me if I got through the first trimester that the chances were greatly improved that I would carry the baby to term. I did everything by the book. I was careful at everything I did but that fateful day came just like the previous times. When Kia finally told me she was expecting, she was so excited that we would do this together. Our kids would be the same age and grow up together. So when the words finally came out of her mouth the tears began to fall down my face she realized they were not tears of joy, it was tears of pain. She knew without me even saying anything what had happened. I had taken her joyous news and turned it into my pain.

                I don't think about it as much as I used to. I was even okay on the flight home with a woman sitting next to me with her newborn son. When she asked me if I would hold him for a minute, the sad part of me that wanted a child so bad was not there. I played with him and handed him back to her when she was done getting something from the overhead compartment.

"Do you have children?" She asked.

"I don't, not yet." I look down at the bright blue eyes baby staring back at me.

"You look content with him, like you had at least one of your own."

"My husband and I want children. It just hasn't happened for us yet."

"It will happen. Give it some time. When it's meant to be it will happen."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

                I normally wouldn't talk to someone about that information but she seemed genuine and I don't think she knew who I was. If she did I didn't notice it. Even when the whispering started, she didn't realize they were talking about me. It was the oddest feeling knowing that everyone around you was talking about you but pretending to not be talking about you. I ducked my head in embarrassment.

"Are you ok Melissa?"

"I'm fine. I just don't care too much for the attention." I slouched down further in my seat.

"Ohh... you are who they are talking about." her face suddenly turns a shade of red, "Oh my god, I didn't even piece it together... you are Melissa Timberlake, as in the celebrity, as in the phenomenal singer... as in Mrs. Justin Timberlake."

I'm slightly embarrassed. "Yes." I said shyly.

"Please don't take offense to me not knowing who you were... newborn babies don't allow you for much sleep."

"I was actually happy that you didn't know who I was. It was nice to have a calm normal conversation with someone that didn't freak out by sitting next to me."

"I have to say I'm a little nervous now."

"Please don't be. I'm no different than the person I was five minutes ago."

"So, how is it to be married to Mr. JT.?" She laughed.

"It's so funny that you said it like that... I haven't heard that it years." I laughed. " It's amazing. We are crazy together, but we are happy and that's all that matters."

"You two always seem so in love. It's nice to finally see a celebrity couple that is just happy with each other."

"Well it's weird that you call us a ‘celebrity couple' but it's wonderful waking up next to the love of my life."

                The plane ride wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I sat and talked to her the entire flight. It was nice getting to talk to someone other than security or doing work on my blackberry.

                Los Angeles was wonderful this time of year. It was early spring but the weather was still warm. It was great to step out of LAX and remove the jacket I was wearing in NY. I arrived at the studio where Justin was working for the day and I stood in the doorway, with bags of piping hot food, simply watching him work. The smile on his face is something I can't describe. He was happy. I haven't seen that smile on his face for quite some time when it regarded work.

                He must have smelt the food because I see his head tip up and turn quickly. I stood there smiling at him. He jumps out of the chair and rushes over to me, almost knocking the bags out of my hands. He gently places them on the table and takes me into his arms. Caressing the side of my cheek before pressings those amazing lips onto mine, "I missed you" he whispers. While everyone else was digging into the food, he just stood there with his arms wrapped around me looking into my eyes and talking to me.
"How was your flight?" he asked.

"It was good, weird without someone with me but good."

"No more trips for a while. I can't deal without you."

"I'm sure you managed just fine on your own."

"I can't seem to sleep at all without you next to me."

"I guess that's a good thing." I winked at him. "Don't expect to get much sleep when you get home tonight."

"Girl... don't say things like that to me knowing I still have hours of work to get done."

"Sorry! Too late, it's already out of my mouth!"

He looks at JC, "I have to put up with these sexual innuendos all the time and she wonders why she can't walk sometimes."

"Whoa, hey now... too much info." JC says.

"Sorry man."

                I just laugh at them and walk over to the board and hit the replay button. I wanted to hear what they were working on. I sit for a moment and listen to the track. The beat was great but her vocals are not where they need to be.

"Why does this sound like she is muttering? Is that the sound you are going for?" I asked.

JC and Justin both looked at each other, and then Justin says "She really does pay attention when I say things to her."

"I absorb everything!" I said as I was drumming my fingers together. "Muhahaha"

"She hasn't really been focused on this. There is something else going on that she isn't telling us. She needs to get her act together."

"She is coming in at the wrong time, the pitch is off a little, and she isn't speaking completely clear."

Justin shakes his head, "Well I'm going to leave and Melissa is going to take over. See ya guys!" Shaking his head while laughing at the idea that I may actually know what I am talking about.

"Hush your mouth Justin. I'm leaving, I'm done nit picking at your work."

"No, stay I like you telling me what I need to do..."

                I reply the track again listening to every detail. I'm shaking my head and taking notes, "Right there... that needs to change..." Suddenly there is a tall blonde standing behind me in the refection of the glass.

"I'm not sure what you are thinking but my voice is strong on that track." I turned to see who it was, she extends her arm to shake my hand "Elizabeth Tate, and you are?"

I chuckle, "Melissa. Melissa Timberlake and you are wrong. Those vocals could be extremely stronger."

"Last time I checked, you were not the producer."

"Elizabeth." Justin said sternly." That is my wife, show her some respect... and she is right. We have been telling you for two days now that the vocals needed to be stronger. She knows what she is doing. She has recorded a couple albums."

"Well, I'm sorry but I take pride in my work and I don't like when a random person puts in their two sense when it wasn't asked for."

"That last thing I would do is come in here and take over, I was just given some ideas. That's what the studio time is for." I turned back to her, "I suggest that your lower that attitude a couple notches because that will get you nowhere except a one hit wonder in this business. Maybe you should think about that."This chick has seriously pissed me off in less than five minutes of being in the studio. She was in for a rude awakening.

                The house doesn't even look like anyone has been here in days. The house was spotless, the bed was made, all the lights were off. Where was my husband the entire time I was gone. It doesn't even look like the man I married was here.