Melissa

                "Justin, I'm leaving. The car is here." I yelled up the stairs. I stand there for a second and I got no response from him. "Justin." He still didn't answer. I couldn't wait any longer. I was going to miss my flight. I walk back up the stairs and see him lying across the bed, asleep. I bent down to kiss his forehead, cherishing the scent of his skin that I missed so much. I turn and walk back down the stairs and out the front door.

I had tried to talk to him all morning. I had some news for him but he didn't want to hear anything. It was almost as he had detached himself from the world. I wasn't even sure he could handle the news I had to tell him. I have been keeping to myself since the day I saw him in the studio.

He has been spending more and more time recording music with his voice. He was in a better place while he was in the studio but he always seemed like he was hurt by his own words. He will only record when I'm not home.

I take my overnight bag and climb into the back seat of the town car that awaited me. I stared at the floorboard in a daze. I take my hand and wipe the tears that started falling down my face.

"Mel, what's wrong?"

                I looked over to see Kia was already in the car. I didn't want to think about any of it. Not the long night alone in the bed... not the emptiness I feel when I sit at the kitchen table alone at night eating dinner. I couldn't think about any of it... "Nothing." I said, with a lump in my throat.

Meredith was waiting for me in New York. She has been there working diligently on this project. It was much easier to have her there and working on whatever I needed done, rather than to fly to NYC ever week to get things accomplished.

‘Everything's ready. Just get your behind here!' she sends me.

 I replied "I'm on my way."

                The flight to New York City was dreadful. I attempted to sleep on the plane. That didn't work. I should have had a drink. Sadly I didn't speak to Kia other than what I had to. I was scared if I said anything the rest would flood out. My own thoughts were crowding my mind today.

He wasn't happy with me anymore.

                Press conference. Great. This is what I needed today. I know that's why were flew here this morning but I didn't want to do it now. I stood with a smile on my face and began to announce a huge project that I had been working on.

"We are excited to be here on the upper west side of Manhattan today to announce something that is pretty amazing for William Rast Couture." The cameras are adjusted, the lights are bright in my face and they were all listening. "ABC has enlisted William Rast Couture to provide the wardrobe for all of their network shows. Kia, Meredith, and I have been working closely with Robert Iger to get a special line out for their television shows. Every show on the network will be wearing William Rast. All the clothes will be available to purchase through the stores and the websites after each episode airs. There will be no preview of the line as some of you have questioned. The only way you will see the line is in the promotional pictures for each television show or during the actual broadcast of each episode. No one will get a preview. This is exclusive for the network."

This deal has been something in the works for quite some time however it was dotting the I's and crossing the T's before it was a done deal.

I stepped off that platform and stepped back into the reality of my life.

One Missed Call. Justin. One Voicemail. Justin.

"Hey babe, it's me. I fell back asleep this morning. I'm sorry I didn't get to see you before you left. I was in the studio late last night..."

                Yea I know you were in the studio late last night because I slept alone in that bed, until about an hour before I left.

"...I'm sorry I was an ass this morning. I was tired and I should have listened to you. I know there is something going on in that pretty little head of yours. When you get home, we need to talk. There are some things..."

I dropped the phone onto the bed without even listening to the rest of the message. I don't want to hear the words divorce come out of his mouth. Not now. Not after everything.

Kia walks into my bedroom and sits on the bed with me. "Mel. What is going on with you?"

The tears roll down my face and I can't stop them anymore. "Kia... I'm pregnant."

Her eyes, light up and she smiles, then she realizes that I'm not excited. "Those don't look like happy tears. Shouldn't you be ecstatic?"

"I would be if..." my voice begins to shake "...I didn't think my husband wanted to leave me."

"WHAT? What are you talking about?" she was shocked.

"He just isn't happy with me anymore."

"When did he tell you this?" she asked.

"Well he didn't... not exactly."

"Mel, honey that man loves you. I think your jumping to conclusions. Talk to him..."

"You didn't hear the lyrics he was singing. You didn't hear the pain in his voice. It's something I will never forget..."

"Maybe he has his own insecurities about everything that has happened..."

"Kia the line he kept saying over and over again while he was crying was heartbreaking." I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment.

"What was it? What was this line you are so focused on?"

"I've been thinking I should leave... Make it easier... When you find somebody... To love you better... The one I can't let go... And little piece of her... The girl I fell in love with... And never will deserve" my head drops. The tears continue to fall. I remember it word for word, every piece of pain with it.

"I think you need to talk to him... it sounds like he is blaming himself for all of this... and you are blaming yourself when in reality, it's neither of you that is a fault."

"Kia, I can't lose him."

‘You won't lose him. He is your husband... he loves you... this is hard on both of you. You are pregnant; he will want to know this. He will be happy with the news."

"I have to tell him I'm pregnant then in two months I will break his heart by telling him, oops sorry Hun I had yet another miscarriage..."

"He needs to know... regardless of what happens later."

"I know. I just wish I wouldn't cause him so much heartache. Maybe he would be better off without me. Maybe he has the right idea. Maybe I should leave... maybe I should be the bigger person."

"MELISSA... stop this. This isn't your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself. These things happen."

                I lied there next to Kia until I cried myself to sleep.

Justin

            Mason is the cutest little thing. He is getting so big. I remember the day that little man was born, all five pounds and four ounces of him. It all happened so fast. Just when I was getting used to being a husband, my best friend was getting married... then he was having a kid. I loved to spend time with him. If I were to never have children, I was happy with being this little man's uncle. The best damn uncle he could ever have.

            Watching him play in the back yard, running in circles was the cutest thing in the world. His curls look like mine but they were defiantly Anabelle's soft wavy curls that rested perfectly on his head.

"Uncle J..." he says as he tugs on my shirt.

"Yes, Mason."

"I hungry." He says

"What do you what to eat little man?"

"Shicken nugs."

I laugh at him, "Chicken nuggets?"

"Yes. yes. I want."

"Let's see what we got in the fridge. Aunt Mel isn't here so there probably isn't any food since she normally does the shopping." The refrigerator was damn near empty.

"I want Aunt Mel."

"So do I little man, so do I." Why am I such an ass?

"Where Aunt Mel?"

"She is working. You can see her tomorrow."

"I want nugs and Aunt Mel."

"Mason... where is your father..." I laughed. I said I would babysit for an hour. I have things that need to get done. I wanted to get back into the studio today and finish that track. "Let's go I will take you to McDonalds to get nuggets."

"Momma say no."

"Your momma isn't here and I'm in charge."

"I like Uncle J charge he not listen to mamma"

            I put him in his car seat in the back of my car and for a moment I can imagine my son sitting there in that very spot smiling at me the same way he is at me right at this moment.

God, I want that.

            "Fuck" the drive thru was closed. How can the drive thru at McDonalds be closed for Christ sakes.

"Uncle J say bad word."

Shit "Sorry Mason. I shouldn't have said that. It is a bad word." We have to walk into the McDonald's and there are at least five vehicles in tow behind me with cameras in them. Why they are still following me around I will never understand. I gave up my spot in this industry... I'm a nobody now, why are they still following me?

            I put Mason in my arms and covered him as we walked into the McDonalds.

"How does it feel to take care of Trace's child? Why don't you just have a baby of your own?"

Stupid fuckers have no idea.

When we finally get inside he says, "Uncle J, where you baby?"

The little man broke my heart. "Aunt Mel and I don't have a baby yet... one day."

We ordered his food and he sat in one of those wooden highchairs as I sat in the booth next to him eating our healthy food. My phone rings and I see that it is Mason's father.

"I thought you said you were going to be at home? You are not here." Trace says almost frantic.

"Calm down Trace. I didn't kidnap your son. He was hungry and with Melissa out of town, I have nothing to eat of course at home. You were supposed to be gone and hour... it's been almost three."

"You never used to be that person."

"What person?"

"The one that made his woman out to be the stereotypical wife... Go to the grocery store man..."

"I don't treat her like that... she likes to cook and things like that."

"Well how about you make her dinner sometime. You go to the grocery store."

"You make it sound like I make her do those things. I don't."

"I'm not saying you do, I guess you just expect it and she does it without thinking." They both were quiet before he asked, "Anyways, where are you?"

"McDonalds."

"Anabelle is going to kill you."

"Hey it was either this or he was going hungry. Pick your choice."

"And you want to have children. Ha." Just as he says it he realizes what he said. "I'm sorry man, I didn't mean it like that."

"It's ok. I know you were just joking."

"I was but I shouldn't joke about things like that."

"We will be there in like fifteen minutes. He is almost finished."

Trace was sitting on the front porch when we pulled up in the driveway.

"DADDY!" Mason says as he is trying to jump out of his car seat, still attached by the belts.

"Why are you sitting on the front steps?" I asked him.

"I needed the fresh air. Why do you look like shit?"

"I got no sleep last night." I sat down next to him as Mason played in the front yard.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?"

"Because I have been avoiding Melissa and staying in the studio until all hours of the night."

"Why exactly are you avoiding your wife?"

"Because I'm worthless and I don't need to prove that even more to her so I work all day and hide in the studio the rest of the time."

"What is going on with you guys?" Trace asks the million dollar question.

"I know that I keep pushing her away. I know that I shouldn't do that. I'm selfish. I should be thinking about her feelings. If I was the man she sees in me, I would set her free, I would let her find happiness elsewhere. Maybe she can find someone that can actually get her pregnant, someone that can love her better..." I stand and walk into the house not wanting to have this conversation with Trace.

He grabs up Mason and walks into the house, slamming the door. "Do you think that's what she really wants?"

"She hasn't said that... in those words."

"I think she wants the Justin she fell in love with back. I think she would be simply happy spending the rest of your lives together happy than to walk away from you because of this."

"She wants children, I can't give her that." He said as he walks out of another room, away from Trace.

"First of all... this isn't your fault. Second, you have other options."

            I didn't want to have this conversation with my wife, why does he think I wouldn't want to have it with him. I got up and left the room. The studio was where I was headed yet again. I could hide out in here and take my mind off of whatever was going on in my world. However the studio world seems to be the place I release the thoughts in my head. Sitting at the piano I feel like it's a place I can release those thoughts and not have to hurt someone with those words.

 "I keep pushing you away... But it never works... You just find a way back in ... Even when it hurts... The man that I should be... The one you see in me... Would never let you end up here... He'd set you free..."