Justin

                Saturday's... what do normal people do on Saturday's? What do men who treat everyone around them, including their wife, like shit on Saturday's? I could just lie here in this bed staring at the ceiling all day. I will get nothing accomplished however it could prevent me from making any more bad choices.

She wants the Justin she fell in love with back.

When did I become this person? When did I change into someone that even I don't recognize anymore? When did Trace become the expert at relationships?

The picture on the nightstand makes me smile. Her smile lights up my world. The day she became my wife was the greatest achievement in my life. No kind of award, no amount of money, no recognition in the world means more to me than her. If I had to give up everything, I would. I have to do what will make her happy, which in turn will make me happy.

I jump up out of that bed on a mission. I showered, dressed and headed out the door. I'm the only person that can change me. If I wanted to keep my wife and keep myself happy I had to change some things. I lift my phone out of my pocket and send a quick text.

Meet me for Breakfast in fifteen minutes @ the normal spot

                I sit and wait, nervously tapping my foot on the side of the chair. I wasn't nervous. Ok maybe I was nervous, but I knew that this was something I had to do and it wasn't about me in the end. It would be the best thing for everyone.

Ten minutes tick by and I still sit alone at the table, rimming my finger around the empty cup of coffee with my left hand. My wedding band reflecting in the sunlight that was rising up over Los Angeles makes me look up and when I do, I see that my guest was finally here.

"JC, I'm glad you came." I reached out my hand and shake his. "Please sit."

"This must be important for you to drag me out of bed at this hour to have breakfast.  Are you still not sleeping?" JC said with concern.

"I don't sleep well when my wife is out of town, but ... no I don't sleep well anymore at all."

 "What is going on with you? I haven't seen you in at least a couple weeks... you have disappeared..." he asks.

 "I don't feel like me anymore. I don't feel like the person I was when I met her or the person I was when she married me. I feel like I lost a piece of me. I don't know why she stays with me, or why she continues to stand next to me."

"She didn't make you change. She encouraged you to stay recording and performing music. You said you wanted a normal schedule... you wanted to be home more."

"I wanted to be home with my family, with my children. But it doesn't seem like that is going to happen."

"I thought you said..." he says confused. "I thought she was just keeping it quiet... because of... well you know everything that's happened."

"She lost the baby months ago. She isn't pregnant anymore, if you haven't noticed."

"I'm sorry J."

"I never thought I wanted children but it has become something I want so bad but yet I can't have it."

"It will happen. In the mean time, do what you love to do."

I felt my face start to light up. "That's why I have asked you here today. I have a proposition for you... if you're interested that is..."

 40 Minutes later...

                I drop the bags on the counter in the kitchen. "Phew..." I mumbled to myself. Who would have thought shopping would be a difficult task. I tried to remember to pick up some of Melissa's favorite things along with my favorite things... things to make meals with... maybe that's why I never do this without her. She does it like it's a simple, everyday task. Now the other big task is putting all this stuff away.

                Four hours from now, my wife will be walking through those front doors. I need to remind her how much I loved her. I need to remind her that I'm still the person I was when she married me. I need to tell her, that I need her.

And now... now I just wait...

Melissa

                The front door of the house never seemed as daunting as it does right now. I know that whatever is going to happen is going to happen right now. I couldn't put any of it off any longer. If he was going to leave me, I would rather it be now. Start the process of moving on now.

Turn the handle stupid, you can do this.

                The front door glides open and I drop my overnight bag onto the floor in front of the staircase. His phone was lying in the entry way next to his keys on the table ringing. I reached for it just as it stopped. The screen blinking with alerts, eight missed calls and twenty seven emails. Looks like Justin disappeared from the world again today. I walk further into the entry way and I see Justin out of the corner of my eye. He was sitting at the grand piano in the formal living room. I haven't seen him play that piano in a very long time.

Dressed casually, the love of my life is in his typical William Rast jeans and a plaid button down with his eyes closed singing every lyric... every word that sends pain right through my heart. He hands moving ever so slightly over the keys as they project a soft melody and his voice echoes through the whole house.

"I'm trying to understand... Why you won't go... I've been trying to figure out... How you love me so... The one that who breaks your heart... The hands that let you fall... The man you're holding on to... Would give up... forgetting us ..."

                He is going through so much pain. He really is blaming himself for all of this. He thinks that he isn't worth me... what he doesn't realize is, I need him. I would never leave him. The tears start rolling down my face.  He begins to sing another verse however his emotions are attached to every word that he sang now.

"Late at night I watch you sleep... Breathe you in... And I see... I need you... I see... I'm no good for you... I'd leave... But I just can't do it... So I go on knowing I'm wrong to choose... I need you..."

He has zone out and is sucked into this song. I walked slowly over to the piano, sitting next to him on the bench as he continues to play without noticing me next to him... I begin to sing in a whisper, "Boy can't you see.... that I need, I need you." My voice starts to climb and begins to echo through the house. He smiles when he sees me there but I don't stop singing. "Can't you see... that I'm in love with you? I'd leave... but I just can't do it... I just go on even if it's wrong to choose... I need you."

The tears are streaming down both of our faces, our eyes are red. He takes my face into his hands and exhales a deep breath as he attempts to speak. "I love you but if you are not happy, please... please don't stay in this marriage on my account. I will manage to pick up the pieces at some point."

My husband just said the one thing I hoped I would never hear him say. It was time to be honest about everything. "I don't want out of this marriage. I just want my Justin back. I want that carefree man I met on the airplane... I want the man that used to sing to me, I want the man that just loved me unconditionally. I want the man that I fell in love with. I can do without all this stress of children, without the avoidance of you, I want you. Plain and simple. If we end up never being able to have children then that is what is supposed to be. I love you."

"I thought you weren't happy with me anymore. I really did. I thought that you were drifting away because I couldn't give you what you wanted." He says painfully.

"All I have ever wanted was you. Nothing else matters."

"I'm sorry I have been an ass. I'm sorry I have been so distant. I'm just sorry." He says as the tears roll down his face. "I love you."

"I'm sorry for not talking to you. You're my husband... I should have just asked you what was wrong. I just thought... I thought you were pushing me away because I couldn't have children with you."

"I would never leave you. If we can't have children, we won't. I couldn't imagine not having you in my life, in my arms, or in my heart." He takes his arms and wraps them around me, tightly. Tightening the grip as he says, "I love you. I love you. I need you."

                As I look at him, I see a little piece of the Justin that I had always known shine through. I have waiting months to see that piece of him again. Marriage is about dealing with the rough patches and enjoying the good ones.

"I have something to tell you." I say as I step ever so slightly back from him. "I don't even know how to say this..."

He takes my hand, "What is it babe, whatever it is we will deal with it."

You would think because I have done this a couple times before it would be a little easier but it's not. Staring down at our hands intertwined, I his wedding band. The same place it has been for almost five years now. No matter what life throws at us, he is still my husband. He loves me. "I'm pregnant."

He smiles, and then starts to tear up again, "When did you find out?"

"That was not the reaction I was hoping for."

"I'm sorry. We have been through this. It's hard to get super excited early on."

"I know that's why I haven't said anything... I found out on Tuesday."

"Shit." He shakes his head, angry at himself. "The night you said you had something serious to talk about and I avoided you and didn't come out of the studio..." he stands up and is so angry at himself, "Fuck, I'm a jackass."

"Justin. Stop. It's all ok. I kept this from you for days..."

"Have you seen the doctor? How far along are you?"

"Eight weeks." I said softly.

"So we have a little while before the safe zone."

"I don't think there is a safe zone with me..." Tears start to rolls down my face, "I don't know how I'm going to handle this if something happens this time. I don't think I can handle that heartbreak again.

He kneels down in front of me as I sit on that bench. "I'll be here to pick up the pieces if something happens. I'm not going anywhere."

"I jinx us, you know that right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember the meltdown I had when the doctor told me I was pregnant and it ended up being Ashley pregnant."

Justin's face starts to tweak. "Ugh, don't mention her name."

"Sorry." I laughed, "She was a nightmare."

"Yes, she was....." he looks at me and smiles, "I have some news as well... "

"Spill it."

 "I'm leaving Tennman." He says it as it was nothing, like it wasn't even a question that he should be making this decision.

My face dropped, "What do you mean you're leaving Tennman?"

"I'm not a nine to five office kind of guy. I'm going to keep Tennman however I won't be going into the office everyday... I'm not that person."

"Thank god." I said with a sigh of relief. "Maybe I will have the version of Justin back that I love so much." I was ecstatic with his choice. "Who is going to take over?"

"JC." He said with a sense of accomplishment.

"How does JC feel about being in the office every day?"

"Well things are going to be a little different for him... but he wanted to settle down for a while. He doesn't want to travel as much. I was going to wait for you to get home and talk about it but honestly... I just knew no matter what I wasn't going to be happy doing that every day. I want to be back on stage. I want to be back entertaining. That's where I belong and that's where you belong... "

"So let's put together albums and get back out there."

"That's exactly what I want."

                Right there at the piano he finished the song that he had been working on for nearly a month. He immediately went to the studio and recorded the vocals. I had my Justin back.