Of all the things I still remember, summers never look the same, years go by and time just seems to fly but the memories remain. In the middle of September, we still play out in the rain, nothing to lose but everything to gain. Reflecting now on how things could have been, it was worth it in the end.
"JUMP!" he screamed at me from below. "ASHLEE, COME ONNNN! JUMPPP!!"
"AHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed as my feet lifted off the ground and onto the rope, swinging out over the gorgeous lake. At just the right height I launch my body off the rope and very quickly splash into the water. Being dare devils and swinging off cliffs never seemed like it would be a great time, but I found a love for it, along with the love of a man. Even though I have done this every day of summer for the last four years, each time the scared part of me comes out and takes over.
"See babe, nothing bad is going to happen... nothing to be scared about." He said as I get lost in those big blue eyes, he tightens his grip around me. "I would never let anything bad happen to you."
"I love you" I whispered in his ear. Love. Not what I expected to get out of that summer.
The memories of the lake will always be etched into my brain
When I would have a rough day or when I needed time to myself I would end up here sitting on the rock at the high point and watch the water move. It always seemed to clear my head. I met him at this very lake, on that very rock. The day we met, I had a breakdown of sorts with my mother who seemed to think my career path was the wrong one to choose. Music was my passion and nothing was going to stop me from doing exactly what I wanted to.
Not paying any attention, I ran up that path, walking up to my rock and I literally ran into him. There was never anyone ever there. He took me by surprise. Once we struck up a conversation that's all it took. We have been together since that very day.
Our parents were typical parents; they resisted our relationship at first. Justin was a year older than I was and had his mind set on a career in music. I was fresh faced and just out of high school, on my way to college. They fought with comments that we were too young to be spending so much time together. We needed to experience life without each other. After time passed they realized the love we shared and being in love wasn't such a bad thing. We pushed each other every day to succeed.
Lying in his arms as the sun sets and the stars start to fill the sky, I wonder what my life would have been like without him in it. Who would I be today without his love? Would I be the same person? Would I be open to love without him?
Growing up in this town with dreams of getting out and doing big things was something we shared. He had the most amazing voice I would ever have the pleasure to hear. His dream was to record music. Hopeful that one day millions of people would buy his albums and support his music. His ideas and vision on music was something I have never seen before. The music industry would never going to be the same once he brought his touch on the way a song is perceived.
I supported his dream and was ready for the ride. He was in the process of getting demos ready while I finished school. As great as Millington was, we needed out of this small town and ready for what life brings us. We were headed for Los Angeles. I had always wanted to be in the music industry scouting new talents and discovering what music was all about. Taking classes was something I had to do for a degree and that was all about to be over. We were just days away from graduation, how fast time flies.
Navy Lake served as our focal point for summers. It wasn't summer unless we spent every waking moment near that lake. Jumping off the side cliffs into the water, running and jumping off the square shaped horseshoe pier, listening to the older generation crucify us for everything we chose to do. All the good and the bad happened at this very place.
My entire body shakes as I put down the phone. Everything I have ever wanted in life was just handed to me. I had the love of my life next to me the rest of my life and I had the dream job just an interview away.
He was meeting me at the lake and I was about to give him the best news of our lives. I walked slowly up the trail that we have taken so many times before and finally saw him standing next to the very rock we used to sit on telling stories about our past and ideas of what we wanted for the future. He looked scared and a little worried. I stepped up to him, pressing my lips on his. They were stiff this time. He expected the worst of news. "Hey babe!"
"Don't do this to me... don't play the long drawn out revealing what's going on game, I need to know what's going on your scaring me." His said with his deep blue eyes drawing me in. There was something off with his eyes today but I blew it off as worry and stress. I take my hand and place it on his face, rubbing my thumbs over his cheekbones, tracing every grove of his jaw line. His face seemed flushed and warm to the touch.
Finally I lean in to his face, placing my lips along his ear and whisper, "I have an interview... for Jive Records."
His face lights ups as he sighs with relief. "Seriously?"
"And they want to meet you." My voice broke down, "They want to hear your music. They actually listened to what I had to say. They really listened."
"This is really happening?" he questions. He couldn't believe this was actually happening either.
"We fly out next Wednesday."
"Wow." He says, thinking this was all still a dream. "This is really happening."
"It really is." I said as he takes my hand placing is around his back, as he pulls me closer.
I laid my head down on his chest; his skin was warm through the cotton of his shirt. "Are you okay?" I asked him.
"Everything is perfect now."
Justin was the definition of love for me. He held my heart for as long as I can remember. Everything I have ever wanted out of life involved him. Every up and every down a person can have in their life, I wanted with him. I was proud to be his wife. I was proud to carry his last name. I would be proud to be the mother of his children one day.
All the promises we made, One by one they vanish just the same....
Dreams and aspirations. The dream had come true, the love had always been there. The aspirations, the goals, had to be put on hold.
Dark clouds surround the sky; the wind has a slight chill. I step in front of him, black dress and tears in my eyes. I kneel down, "I went to the lake this morning, to find some answers..." My voice broke and the tears rolled out of my eyes, crashing to the ground. "I could have sworn I saw you there." I dropped my head down to lean against the cold steel.
I should've trusted my instincts. I knew the look he had in his eyes was off. I should've known...I knew something wasn't right.
The clouds opened and the rain starts to pour, I look up at the dark clouds surrounding me. "We always wanted to leave this town, make our dreams come true... Everything had finally worked out for us. I never thought I would be standing over your grave, staring at your casket, praying to God my legs don't buckle beneath me."
Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear, so we made our way but finding what was real,
now the days are so long, that summers moving on, I reach for something that's already gone...
