The next afternoon, Gemma and Holly were picked up by Justin, looking casual in a charcoal grey t-shirt and jeans. Gemma had forced Holly to stay the night in an outward attempt to make it easier on Justin, though in truth, Gemma had feared that being trapped in a car with only him as company, even for the short distance to Holly's house, would be unbearable. Since leaving the hotel in San Francisco the idea of spending time trapped in a car with Justin had been weighing heavily on Gemma's mind. There would be a time today, she was sure, when he would give one look, make eye contact with her in such a way, she would be tossed back in time like a rag doll. Back to a time where she could read those looks, those eyes, that face. And maybe, in that strange vortex where she felt twenty again, with the first taste of love still fresh on her lips, she would remember him, and what he meant to her. And even in the comfort of her apartment, that idea made Gemma terrified. It had taken a long, long time, and a lot of hard work, but she had gotten over Justin, and she was determined to not let him bother her today.

"Gemma?" Justin called through his open passenger window bringing her back to reality.

She shook her head, hoping to remove any lingering thoughts of him and walked to the front door of his car. Behind her, Holly cleared her throat.

"I can sit in the front if you want, Gem. I know you never sleep well, maybe you could lay down in the back?" Holly suggested, eyeing Justin as he flicked from radio station to radio station.

Gemma shook her head no and proceeded to slide into the front seat of Justin's car. Holly was completely tactless, sometimes. From the corner of her eye Gemma watched Holly's shoulders fall as she begrudgingly slipped into the back seat behind her.

"You don't sleep well?" Justin questioned trying to sound as unconcerned as possible.

"It's nothing." Gemma brushed off, rolling up the window and avoiding his eyes.

Justin's brows furrowed and he continued to stare at her profile, watching her fiddle with the air conditioning. She wasn't sleeping well? How long had it been going on, Justin wondered. But his conscious allowed him only seconds before reality called him back and the heavy rock on her finger reminded him it wasn't his concern.

"You should try taking melatonin, it helps." Justin suggested, watching Gemma's eyes flit carefully to his and then back out the window.

"Yeah, maybe." Gemma offered, and the conversation was over.

"All set?" Justin asked with a sigh, mostly addressing Holly as he shifted the car into drive.

Gemma took a deep breath as the car rolled forward, and the light, spicy scent of Justin's cologne surrounded her. Immediately, snapshots of their past flashed behind her eyes, and briefly she let herself imagine what could have been if he had never left.

----

After an all too long hour in Justin's car, they arrived at the farm and made their way to the main house. Farm workers and employees were coming and going as the threesome stood at the entryway of the main farmhouse waiting for their tour guide to show up. Gemma looked over at Holly, dressed in dark blue skinny jeans, a white oxford tucked into her pants, black blazer and knee length black boots, most likely Holly's take on a riding outfit, all that was missing was the riding crop.

"Holly, what are you wearing?" Gemma asked.

Holly pouted, folding her arms across her chest, "What? You said it was a farm!"

Gemma looked around at the employees, the majority of them dressed in some form of denim and cotton and then at her own outfit of a loose yellow, floral, high-waisted skirt and navy blue blouse. "Yes, I did, but I'm sure everyone thinks we're both horribly over dressed."

Justin made the first sound since they left the car as he cleared his throat loudly, and Gemma could have sworn she saw him roll his eyes.

"Are you okay, Justin?" Holly asked, stepping forward, her hand curling around his forearm.

"He's fine." Gemma interrupted, checking her watch for the umpteenth time.

Justin grinned down at Holly and nodded his head. "I'm fine." He repeated.

Annoyance burned in Gemma's chest when Holly's hand refused to budge from Justin and, with his forearm still clutched under Holly's palm, the tour guide arrived.

----

The farm was beautiful, just as Gemma had expected. There were orchards and a seemingly infinite lavender field, wrought iron fences, and a long, winding gravel road leading up to the main house where the wedding reception would take place. Immediately, Gemma loved it, though she had a sinking feeling that Holly was a little less impressed. The threesome, plus their tour guide, were wondering through the orange orchard, the smell of citrus wafting through the air and the shadows from the leaves making patterns on the ground. Gemma was in the front, a little farther ahead of Justin and Holly, whose arms were still linked as they made casual conversation about each other's family.

"So do you have any siblings?" Holly questioned.

Justin shook his head. "Nope, I'm an only child. Is Gemma your only sibling?"

Justin forced himself to ask questions, though he had already learned all there was to know about the Porters years ago.  

"No, we have an older brother, Henry. But he's already married and everything."

"Are you an aunt yet?" Justin asked with a smile, his eyes flicking to Gemma quickly, letting himself imagine, just for a second, what she would be like taking care of a child.

"No, not yet." Holly said, adjusting her sunglasses. "But Gemma seems pretty anxious about it."

Justin was quiet, though his heart ached painfully again at the thought of Gemma with a small child, even if it wasn't her own.

"Hey, Gem," Holly stopped mid sentence, finally realizing that Gemma was about ten feet ahead of them. "Damn, Gem, slow down! Where are you headed off to?" Holly called, laughing.

"I just have a lot of things to do today." She called over her shoulder, still walking, tucking a stray piece of hair back behind her ear.

Holly continued to laugh as she spoke, speeding up her stride to come closer to Gemma, all the while dragging Justin along with her. "Like what? It's not like you have a job."

Gemma stilled, and turned around to face Justin and Holly completely. Her brows were furrowed and her arms crossed and cautiously, she took a quick glance at Justin who was looking at her like he didn't recognize her. Gemma felt her cheeks redden and hoped that the heat from the day could be blamed for it.

"You don't work?" He questioned, trying to remain impartial.

Gemma opened her mouth to answer, but Holly beat her to it.

"No, she hasn't worked since...jeez, I don't know when." Holly laughed casually, as though it wasn't a big deal that Gemma was unemployed.

Gemma blanched and shot a glare at her sister before chancing a glance in Justin's direction. His eyes were on her, searching, waiting for her to deny it. But instead of a rebuttal Justin watched as she seemed to physically deflate and shrug her shoulders in indifference.

 "You don't work?" Justin repeated, dead set on getting a concrete answer from her.

"Not anymore, no." Gemma sighed, looking uncomfortable and still glaring at Holly.

Justin was shocked, to say the least. It was one thing to allow her family to dictate her wedding venue, or what she should wear, but to take control of her career? And for Gemma to accept that...well, maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought he did.

----

For years, Gemma and Holly would spend the day after Christmas in Los Angeles, shopping for hours on end, spending their Christmas money and returning gifts that left much to be desired. But this year, instead of trudging through the luxurious shops on Rodeo Drive, Gemma was sprawled across an itchy, threadbare couch, her head in Justin's lap, watching the credits of The Bourne Supremacy scroll up the screen.

"You know Matt Damon's wife was just some random bartender he met in Miami?" Gemma asked, tipping her chin up to meet his eyes.

"Oh, really? I didn't know that." Justin answered, his hand spreading across her stomach, his thumb and pinky almost reaching her hipbones.

Gemma nodded enthusiastically. "Yep. Now she doesn't do anything. She just goes with him wherever he's working and takes care of the kids."

 "If only he had found you at a bar! Right Gems?" Justin joked, his pinky sliding under the cotton of her t-shirt drawing invisible designs on her skin.

Gemma shook her head vigorously. "Do you know me at all? I could never just sit there while he worked million hour weeks or whatever. I'd be bored to death."

Justin's hand stilled under her shirt. This was the first time she had ever spoken about what she wanted to do with her life. Before, he had assumed she was content staying home once she was married, her mom did it, and Gemma had mentioned more than once that her dad found it the most important place for a woman to be.

"You don't want to be a stay at home mom?" Justin pried.

Gemma rolled her eyes and shook her head again. "I don't want to be a stay at home anything."

"Well...then what do you want to do, Gemma?" Justin questioned, using his free hand to run his fingers through her hair.

Justin watched as her face lit up at the thought of whatever she wanted to do. For a moment she laid there, completely still, as the ghosts of her plans shown in her eyes.

"I want to paint." Gemma whispered, surprise flashing across her face. It was the first time she had ever spoken it out loud. Before her dream was just that - a dream. But even by just voicing it, Gemma suddenly felt as though it wasn't such a farfetched idea anymore. Suddenly, she knew she could do it. "I want to paint." She said it again, this time with a little more assurance.

Justin smiled, watching as the pleasure of her own decision bloomed across her face, her cheeks pinking in excitement. "Paint, huh?"

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded her head, a small smile forming, and her eyes crinkling in the corners. "Yeah, I want to open my own gallery." And with a grin she pinched his side and added, "And maybe if you ever got over your stage fright we could put up your photos, too."

Justin chuckled, deep and sexy, leaning his head against the wall behind him and looked to the ceiling. "A painter and a photographer? Are you sure you're ready for that, Gems? I'm pretty sure we'd be destitute." He laughed again and glanced down at her, watching reluctant laughter bubble from her throat.

"We wouldn't be destitute, Justin. Have a little faith." Gemma responded through her giggles, tugging on his shirt gently.

"Is that what you want, Gemma?" Justin asked, his laughter dying in his throat.

She eyed Justin from her place on his lap, noting the way his voice seemed to lose all its joking quality within seconds. "Yes." She whispered. "That's what I want."

"Then you'll do it." Justin told her, his tone final.

And in that moment, Gemma knew she had found something special in Justin. She had never had a relationship like this one; no one had given her their complete and total faith the way he just had. He trusted and believed in her so fiercely it sometimes took her breath away. When her family was there telling her of the difficulties of starting a business, or even getting into the college of her choice, she knew Justin would be there to listen, pick her up, and tell her she could do it. Unwavering support is what he gave, and in his support, Gemma was able to find her own strength.

----

Justin was shook out of his memories by the quiet but still surprising bickering of Holly and Gemma. They had moved a few feet ahead of him in a small attempt at privacy, though in the still of the orchard he had no problem hearing what they were saying.

"God, Holly, why do you always manage to throw my business out there like-"

"Calm down! It's just Justin, why does he even matter?"

"He doesn't matter, Holly! This isn't about him at all! This is about you, and the fact that you can never keep your mouth shut!" Gemma responded hotly.

As soon as the words left Gemma's mouth she froze, never in her life had she spoken to anyone that way besides Justin, but he shouldn't really count. And with one glance at Holly's face it was clear she never expected those words to come out of Gemma's mouth either. However, what took them both by surprise the most was Holly's response.

"I'm sorry, Gemma." She answered solemnly, hanging her head a bit. "I didn't realize it was such a big deal, I promise," she held up her hand, "to never do anything like that again."

That tone, that raised hand, and that promise were all it took to send Gemma back to their childhood when Holly would follow her around everywhere, desperate to be just like her. Gemma couldn't be mean to her then, even when Holly shaved off all her Barbie's hair after she ruined her own, and twenty some years later, nothing had changed.

"Oh, stop it, Holly." Gemma sighed, shoving her sister playfully. "It's fine, all is forgiven."

Holly grinned widely, shoving her sister back, but any sort of shove, with Gemma's four inch heels already precariously balanced in the gravel would have sent her reeling backwards, and this one did just that. Her fall was like slow motion, her hands waving wildly at her sides, and time was moving slow enough for her to consider the fact that this position couldn't possibly be flattering and she felt the blush warm her cheeks. And then, without notice, there was something solid at her back. For a split second she was sure she had hit the ground, but the warmth on her back and the lack of pain in her wrists or ass told her otherwise.

A deep, throaty chuckle sounded from behind her, and the warm breath tickling her ear told Gemma exactly where she was. For a moment she stilled, frantically telling herself she hadn't missed this, the strength of his chest, the warmth of his bare skin-it was always like he was burning-or the way her head seemed to fit perfectly underneath his chin, and it worked. She sprang from his arms in an instant, whipping around to face him as if she had been burned.

Justin watched with amusement as she looked wildly from the gravel where her feet had slipped, to him, and back to the ground again. He gave her a quick grin. "You're welcome."

Holly, who had moved closer to Gemma, shoved her forward again, completely bypassing all logic that clearly said that a person wearing heels should not be shoved in gravel.

"Say thank you, Gemma! Jesus!" Holly whispered through her teeth.

Gemma blinked rapidly, "Thank you." She said running her palms up the side of her arms where Justin's hands had gripped her only seconds before.

Justin shrugged, brushing it off with a smile and a shake of his head. Their eyes met, each begging to say something different.

You're always there to catch me.

I won't always be here to save you.

"You are so great, Justin!" Holly praised, nudging Gemma to the side. "I don't even want to think about what Gemma would have done to me if you hadn't caught her!"

Justin was tempted to tell Holly that Gemma most likely would have done nothing, but quickly decided against it. Instead, he let Holly take hold of his arm once again, and lead him off towards the lavender field, and this time, he was certain that he caught the briefest flash of jealousy in Gemma's eyes as they passed her. The rest of the tour went by quickly, and Holly and Gemma found themselves following Justin down the long gravel hill to where they parked.

"So what did you think of the farm?" Holly asked, sliding her sunglasses to the top of her head as the sun made its way behind the mountains in the distance.

Gemma glanced at her sister, searching for some sort of hint as to what she thought of the farm, but Holly gave nothing away. "I liked it. A lot actually. I really don't want a giant, extravagant wedding, but I know we have tons of family, and this place would hold them just fine. I've still got to talk to Peter about it, but I think this might be the one." Gemma spoke cautiously, watching her sister for any sort of bad reaction.

Holly was quiet for a long moment, much longer than what Gemma had considered natural, and then, a brilliant, white grin spread across her face.

"Oh, Gem! I'm so glad! You know I liked the Hotel in San Francisco better, but this is your wedding and I'm so happy for you! This is like, almost the final step, you know? Aren't you just so excited!?" Holly gushed, weaving her arm through Gemma's.

As Holly spoke Gemma's eyes followed Justin, who had finally made it down to the car. She watched him as Holly went on and on about the wedding, invites, colors, cake tastings, and bachelorette parties. Justin was rolling his neck, cracking his knuckles, stretching, and lifting his arms high in the air as his mouth opened wide in a yawn. It should have been comical, his wide, open mouth, his arms stretched to the sky, but one peak at the tan skin between where his shirt had risen and the waistband of his boxers and Gemma was left speechless.

Five years was a long time, but Gemma wasn't sure an eternity would be enough time to forget what that body was capable of. And suddenly, it felt like the ground had disappeared from underneath her as bits and pieces of nights they spent together rushed to the forefront of her memory. But it only took a split second for Gemma to realize that the ground was literally coming away from her feet. In her observation of Justin she had forgotten that walking down a graveled hill in four inch heels required all her concentration, and thus, the moment she let her mind drift to Justin and his arms and stomach and the little dips underneath his hipbones she stumbled. And the thing with gravel is that it's not unlike snow; once it starts going, it doesn't normally stop. Unless...unless you've got someone there to pull you up, and that's just what Holly did.

"Damn, Gemma, that's the second time today! Maybe I shouldn't give you back those Louboutins if you're just going to fall in them all the time!" Holly teased.

Gemma stood upright and tucked her hair back for the millionth time that day. "Yeah, thanks, Holly." She mumbled, distractedly, hoping that Justin hadn't noticed her staring or her second trip of the day.

Justin, despite Gemma's greatest wishes, had noticed her staring and realized he was the cause of her tripping. It was a surprise, to be sure, because Justin knew that look in her eyes, he had seen it more than enough times. That look was predatory and...lustful...and completely inappropriate in any possible situation the two of them could be put in. But even in the face of all the possible problems those looks that Gemma sent him could cause, Justin didn't even attempt at holding back the tiny feeling of triumph thumping in his chest. She...love was still indefinite...but Gemma sure as hell didn't find him repulsive, and Justin had to start somewhere. And judging by the look on Gemma's face right before she fell, Justin wasn't entirely too sad about where he stood.

----

The last Sunday of each month was marked in every Porter's Smartphone as their family dinner night. The Porter's had always been a tight knit family, but once all the children moved out, Richard and Jane Porter had to find a way to stay close. Their solution was to force their three children to come to dinner with them, no excuses allowed, the last Sunday of every month to catch up. It had been three years since the tradition started and every month since then there had been Porter family dinners at various restaurants in the Sacramento area.

This Sunday was no different, Gemma was last to arrive at the restaurant and after kissing each parent on the cheek she took her seat next to her mother and across from Holly. Once seated, her dad and brother, Henry, continued their heated discussion Gemma could only assume was about the upcoming election, as "straw poll" and "landslide" seemed to be reoccurring words.

Finally, her dad turned to her, his fingers laced, resting atop the table. "How are you, sweetheart?" He asked.

Gemma unwrapped her napkin and placed it in her lap. "I'm well, how is the campaigning coming?"

Richard Porter shared a knowing look with his son and smiled confidently. "I'd say it's going well."

Gemma gave a tight smile back, even after all these years the inner workings of political campaigns never failed to bore her.

"So Holly tells us you've found a wedding venue?" Richard asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gemma shot a look at Holly, who shrugged and mouthed sorry, before busying herself with sipping her water.

"Um...yes." Gemma started, clearing her throat once and sending a final glare in Holly's direction. "It's a farm up in Winters, very understated but incredibly classy. They have a website..."

"But what about Whitecomb?" Richard pried, "Holly said that hotel was perfect. We were sure that was the one you were going to choose."

Again, Gemma cleared her throat, forcing the anger at Holly's interference down into her chest. "Yes, it was...very pretty, but the farm in Winters just seemed much more what I was looking for. Dad, it's still very nice, I promise, it's just...not as...stuffy."

Her father sipped his water and made a sound that seemed skeptical at best. "And did you talk about this with Peter?"

Gemma shook her head. "No, I haven't yet, he's been really busy and I haven't been able to get a hold of him."

"Ah." Richard said, setting his water back down on the white linen.

Gemma sighed; she knew what that ‘ah' meant. "Of course it's not final or anything, of course Peter and I have to discuss it."

Her father nodded and before he could say anything else, the waitress emerged with a small basket of bread and a notepad ready to take their orders.

Henry cleared his throat, making it clear that the waitress should start with him. "I'll get the lamb, but please make sure it's not undercooked. Last time I was here the lamb bordered on rubber."

The waitress nodded her head dumbly and turned to Gemma's father, who was still perusing the menu.

"I'll have the New York, medium rare, baked potato, not mashed, and no chives." He lifted his head, his reading glasses still resting on the tip of his nose and nodded to Gemma. "She'll have the seared tuna with the ginger soy sauce, and she -" he nodded his head to Holly, "Will have the scallops and sea bass."

Gemma watched Holly lift her head in confusion, as if she forgot that their dad always ordered for them. When they were younger it was fun, always being surprised by what he would pick for them. He would explain, if they complained, that he knew what was best for them, and honestly, Gemma couldn't remember a time where she wasn't happy with how her food tasted. Now, however, at twenty-five, it was a little odd, and entirely unnecessary, especially because what Gemma really wanted was the parmesan encrusted halibut.

"Daddy..." Holly sang-whined. "I really wanted the quail, not the scallops."

Richard smiled a smile that the entire family knew was saved specially for his youngest child, and were not surprised when he nodded his head and said, "Whatever you want, Hollybear."

Holly sat up a little straighter in her chair, more surprised than anyone that the hijacking of her own order went so smoothly. "I'll have the quail, please." She said with a smile, handing her menu to Henry to place in the growing pile.

Lastly, it was their mother's turn, who quickly requested the swordfish with steamed vegetables and handed the menus to the waitress with a smile and a thank you.

Conversation started up again slowly, Holly turning to their father and brother to recount her latest trip to LA with a couple girl friends. It was then that Jane turned to her middle child and in a jokingly conspiratorial whisper asked, "Any inspiration strike?"

Gemma shook her head with a frown. "No, not yet. I still only have the mountains done."

Jane gave a comforting smile and placed a small piece of buttered bread on Gemma's plate. "Don't worry sweetheart, sometimes it takes a while, but when you know, you'll know, and whatever is supposed to go on that canvas will be obvious. It's good not to force it."

"Yes, but..."

Gemma's mother chuckled softly. "I thought you were my patient daughter."

"I am, but..."

"Five years is a long time," Jane suggested quietly.

Gemma nodded.

 "Inspiration is a funny thing, Gemma. It comes and goes, and when it goes, you've just got to wait for it to come back to you, and it always does, sooner or later."

"Always?" Gemma questioned, pulling at the crust of her bread.

Jane slipped her hand over her daughters and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Always."

----

By the time Gemma made it home she was exhausted. It had been an extremely long day, and as she opened the door to her and Peter's apartment all she wanted was for someone to take her jacket and hand her a glass of wine. But instead, all that welcomed her home was emptiness of the living room and the squeak of the floorboards.

It was a surprise for Gemma to feel so alone once she arrived home, but after being with people for the better part of her day, the silence of the house was deafening. She puttered around the living room a bit, folding blankets and fluffing pillows, doing anything to distract herself from the overwhelming loneliness nagging her heart. She checked the answering machine, knowing there was no red light blinking, but figured it would be better to check just in case. She had been waiting for a call from Peter for a few days, the last time she spoke to him was early in the afternoon on Monday. He had told her he would be busy this week, but Gemma couldn't help the tiny flicker of annoyance when she was sure there were no messages waiting for her. A knock at the door interrupted her silent brooding.

"Gemma Porter?" The deliveryman asked, a bouquet of yellow tulips and a long, thin white package wrapped with a purple bow balancing in his arms.

Gemma smiled with a nod of her head and reached out to take the items from his arms. "Thank you." She said, tipping him quickly before closing the door and making her way to the kitchen.

Peter must have sent her something as a surprise. It was so like him to know exactly when she would need a little pick me up. He was so sweet, it was these thoughtful little gifts that made Gemma sure she was doing the right thing in marrying him. Carefully she carried the flowers and little white box to the kitchen table. With an excited flourish Gemma whipped out the old, dying flowers from the vase and replaced them with her new ones. For a second she admired her handiwork, fiddling with a stray flower so it fit better in the vase, and then she noticed the card tucked neatly in the blooms.

With a light giggle Gemma plucked it out from the flowers, fully expecting some long-winded explanation for his lack of a phone call, but instead, the small white card was blank except for a single black letter "J" scrawled in the middle. Every light, giddy feeling that had been stirring inside her instantly faded into a heavy weight of dread in her stomach. There was only one person who could have sent her these, and he definitely should not have done so. Crumpling the card in her hand Gemma's eyes fell to the thin white box sitting on her kitchen table.

"Oh my God." Gemma whispered, pressing her palm to her forehead.

She knew it would be best to just not open it, she should throw it away and pretend it was never sent. But when Gemma was curious about something it was almost impossible to stop her from discovering whatever she needed to know. And so, hesitantly, as if it was going to explode, she undid the bow and pulled the top off of the box. Moving the tissue paper aside, Gemma was surprised to find, not jewelry, but paint supplies. A few new brushes were first, and then three tubes of oil paint, each a different shade of pink, and that was it. No note, no explanation, just a thin, white box filled with various paint supplies and a bouquet of yellow tulips.