13. World’s Greatest Criminal Mind

For most normal people, the seventh of February is just an ordinary day. It might be out of the ordinary if somebody has a birthday, anniversary, or wedding, or some shit like that, but for the most part – it’s pretty Plain Jane.

Last year February seventh was normal for me. I was working for an asshole boss and praying that one day the time would come where I didn’t need to be with him anymore. Pretty standard stuff, really. This year, however, it’s different. Tonight is the last night I’ll be sleeping in a bed alone for almost two weeks. February seventh marks the end of living in LA with three nerdy, ridiculous men all with Napoleon complexes. February seventh is the end of a dry spell and come dawn the rains will pour down from the heavens and baby deer will walk for the first time…

Okay so maybe that’s a little excessive, but I still can’t fight the happy knots that are twisting in my stomach when I think of the fact that Justin will be home tomorrow and we’ll be able to spend some quality time together.

When he isn’t rehearsing for his five thousand Grammy performances, and I’m not running around trying to make sure the After Party goes off without a hitch.

So maybe not so much quality time, but it’ll be nice to go home to an occupied bed that’s for sure

But at the moment I’m trying to not blow up at Maura who sounds like she’s hit new levels of stress.

“And you need to make sure that he has his rider squared away for the dressing room at the Hilton. I have no idea why it’s this big! Oh my god…” her voice has reached new levels of hysteria and I bit my tongue to keep from laughing at her. I remember being like this around Grammy week – its always one of the busiest times for Justin and his team.

Thank God I’m only a small part of it right now.

“You’re sure the layout is what you faxed us?”

“Yes, Maura, take a deep breath and stay calm,” I soothe into the phone. I’m lying on the couch in Justin’s house taking a well-deserved lunch break. I have to be back at the Hilton in another forty minutes, but right now I’m content to just lounging around with Bruno practically on my lap.

“I am relaxed,” Maura snaps into the phone and I cringe at the tone her voice has taken. Maybe she’s more stressed than I realized. I really hope this girl can handle this week because I know for a fact that if one thing goes wrong for Justin he will blow up and that is never a good thing.

I don’t even want to discuss The Great Grammy Blow Out of 2004 – that shit was just nasty.

“Do you need me to help with anything?” I offer and I can practically see Maura’s sharp intake of breath, her small frame welling up like a balloon.

“No,” she says breathing out, “but thank you for the offer. I also need you to make sure your pit bull is out of the house for when Justin returns. Buckley and Brennan are coming back as well and I don’t think he wants his dogs mingling with that mutt…”

“He’s not a mutt,” I mumble under my breath. She just has beef with Bruno because apparently she couldn’t keep her hands to herself as a kid and let some stray dog get in her face. Duh, Maura. “But I’ll get him out of the house if it’ll keep Justin from bitching.”

“I don’t think he’ll bitch that much, just a common courtesy,” Maura retorts.

“Yeah, but if there’s one thing you don’t want it’s Justin bitching during Grammy Week. You’ll never hear the end of it, and you’ll probably want to gouge your eyes out with a blunt object. And no offense, Maura, but I’ve known him a lot longer than you.

Lauren: One. Maura: Zero.

“Be that as it may,” Maura begins the sound of chaos echoing in her voice, “just make sure you have everything ready for when he gets home. He’s being antsy and it’s throwing everybody off.”

“Will do Maura. Have a safe flight tomorrow.”

“Oh, and before I forget,” Maura interjects before I have a chance to hang up, “Justin wants to unwind every night with one of his Disney movies. I have a list so you can fish them out of his closet where he keeps them.”

I gulp as I wait with bated breath to see what Maura is going to say. I hate to admit, but the day after they left for San Diego, I went to his closet to try to find those stupid DVDs, because part of me thought that watching them would bring me closer to Justin. But low and behold, a vast majority of them were gone.

“Robin Hood,” Maura starts.

Gone.

“Sleeping Beauty.”

His favorite, gone.

“Songs of the South.”

Thankfully still in his closet.

“The Little Mermaid.”

Gone, and that pisses me off because I love Ariel.

“And finally, Oliver and Company.”

Sweet tap dancing Jesus, gone.

“You got all that?”

“Yeah,” I say quietly into my end, “I’ll have them ready for him when he gets back.”

We both say a quick goodbye and I let the phone drop unceremoniously to the floor. When Justin’s coveted Disney DVDs went missing I thought that he could have possibly taken them with him on tour. But then, I realize that he never does that because if any of the crew found them, he’d be the laughing stock of the whole tour. And if there’s one thing Justin wants to uphold it’s his image of super cool, and I have never met one cool twenty-six year old who thinks Disney is cool.

Hence why Justin is an idiot.

I pick up my phone again and call Elliot. He’s at the Hilton and I quickly explain that I’ll be dropping Bruno off at his newly fixed place to make room for the second coming of their Royal Highnesses Buckley and Brennan. I’m about to put my phone back on the floor when it starts to ring in my hand. Noticing Theo’s name sprawled across the screen I pick it up.

“Hello?”

“Laurie great news!” he exclaims and I can’t even imagine what news he needs to tell me. For all I know he’s having the mother of all RPG tournaments in Justin’s house this week, which is just what everyone needs. “Your mom and dad are hot on the trail of some wild arctic foxes near Worden!”

Oh, wow. Amazing. My excitement is growing by leaps and bounds.

“They’ve never gone this far south, this is historic! I’ve got some loose ends to tie up here, but I’m going to be heading back to Worden on the twelfth. Do you want to come?”

It’s only natural that Theo has no idea what the hell is going on in my life right now. The only thing we end up discussing are my parents, or what animals he managed to picture down in South Central. So it would be only fitting that he has no idea that the next week is going to be absolutely bat shit crazy for me and every other member of this house.

“I’m going to be busy, but you have fun. Are you going to come back to LA after that?”

“Don’t think so,” Theo states and it isn’t the least bit sorry. I never saw him as one to settle in the city. He needs to get back out on that prairie and hunt wild animals with a big ass camera and tons of equipment.

“Well hopefully I can clear some time in my schedule so we can have one last dinner or something,” I offer and I smile softly when he agrees.

So not only do I have to figure out a time to meet with Theo before he rushes off into the wild blue yonder with my fucking crazy parents, but I also need to put on my Nancy Drew glasses and find out where the fuck Justin’s DVDs have gone off to.

Such is my life.

*~*~*~*~*

I’m in the middle of a rather wonderful dream in which I’m walking around a large hotel room that is completely foreign to me. I have no idea how I got here, but all I know is I’m sitting on top of a piano…

And Justin is assaulting my….

Well I’m just going to say that this is a very, very fabulous dream.

That is until something wakes me up by leaping onto the bed.

“Wake up!” a sing-song voice pierces the darkness and I crack one eye open to see an oddly misshapen head bouncing around in my line of sight.

“…The hell?” I mumble stupidly, but the rest of my bleary words are silenced when the misshapen head leans forward and I feel soft lips on mine.

My eyes fly open and I sit straight up in the bed, clutching the covers to my chest and looking at Justin as if he flew straight out of my dream. Except right now he’s got a lot more clothes on.

“Lo-ho!” he exclaims before he rushes forward again and tackles me back into the mattress. I’m assailed by an onslaught of kisses and I quickly try to put a hand between my face and my boyfriend’s rampaging mouth. I’d rather not kiss him right now since I have the worst morning breath imaginable. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” I manage to gasp out. His weight on top of me is kind of crushing my windpipe and if he doesn’t get up soon I will more than likely be suffocated. He can understand the urgency in my voice to breathe and he flops over to the side of the bed and looks at me with an excited grin. Reaching out, he pushes a strand of hair out of my face and I sit up once again, staring at him with a huge smile on my face.

“When did you get in?”

“Just now. I made Randy do ninety down the freeway so we could get here faster.” I silently thank God that I wasn’t in that car because I would more than likely pass out from sheer terror. “What do you have to do today?”

I glance over at the clock on the table and realize that it isn’t even six o’clock yet. I want to swear under my breath seeing as I didn’t get back from the Hilton until one the night before, but it isn’t Justin’s fault, he didn’t know.

“I’ve got to be at work by nine,” I explain, “You?”

“Have to rehearse with the stupid ‘My Grammy Moment’ finalists all morning,” he mutters a look of extreme distaste appearing on his features. “I’d much rather be with you though.”

“I know the feeling. The last thing I want to do is have the stupid Grammy people all over my ass about making sure I get everything perfect for the party. It’s only three days away, you’d think they’d cut me some slack.”

“They just don’t know you can plan more complex parties in hours,” Justin explains lovingly as he shifts his weight so he’s lying down beside me. He pulls me in close to him and I breathe in the familiar scent of musty cologne and peppermint. “Christ, I missed you so much. That is the last time I go almost two months without seeing you.”

“Justin,” I say into his chest, “you saw me a week ago,” I point out.

“Yeah but that wasn’t even a whole day. Thankfully the tour doesn’t pick up until the sixteenth so we’ll have five interrupted days of doing whatever the fuck we want before I have to leave again.”

“I can’t wait.”

He’s about to respond with a kiss, but someone at the doorway clears their throat. We both look up at the intruder lazily. Really, I could care less if some crazy axe-wielding lunatic came running into the room, being back with Justin is just right and I don’t think anybody can take this moment away from us.

Yeah, wrong.

My good mood kind of goes down the drain when I spot Maura standing in the doorway. The sun begins to poor through the window and I see the light reflect on something small and silvery in Maura’s hand. She notices me staring at her hand instead of her face and she quickly puts whatever it is in her pocket.

“I don’t mean to intrude,” Maura begins, “but you have to be at a radio interview in about ten minutes Justin.”

“Cancel it,” Justin says immediately but Maura shakes her head and takes another step into the room, “I’m serious, Maura, just tell them I’m sick and I need to adjust to the time change.”

“I wish I could,” she says softly almost as if she’s consoling him about the loss of a loved one, “but there are contest winners there and they’ve been waiting all week…”

“In and out. I have shit to do today,” Justin snaps and I reach out to grab his hand but he quickly moves away to get out of bed. He stops mid movement before he turns around and moves back towards me. Kneeling over, he plants a huge kiss on my lips. Maura or not, I just want to grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him back down on the bed. But he pulls away before I can think twice on the matter and he follows Maura out of the room.

If he’s going to be popping in and out like this then this week is going to blow chunks.

*~*~*~*~*

The days following Justin’s return to California are rushed and not at all enjoyable. For starters, I’ve only had one-on-one time with Justin a total of seven hours since his circus pulled into town two days ago. It’s the day before the Grammys and my world is going up in flames.

The preparation for the Hilton’s party has gone into overdrive and so far the majority of my day has been spent yelling into my headset trying to transform the largest ballroom the Hilton has to offer into an intimate yet spacious club. Yeah, easier said than done. Elliot and I are at our wit’s ends and last night I went to Justin almost in tears because of all the stress I’m under.

And while Justin threw some pretty last minute and extravagant parties, they never made me want to burst out into tears and pull all my hair out. All I have to do is get through tomorrow night and I’ll be free for a few days.

That still doesn’t explain why a bunch of shit within Justin’s house has gone missing. I haven’t had the heart to tell Justin that a quarter of his beloved Disney collection has gone AWOL, nor do I have the desire to tell him that most of his grandmother’s china (why it’s in a bachelor pad I have no idea), some random books, dog toys, and a few of his old guitars have walked away as well.

Not only have Justin’s things decided to move to a different place within the house, but some of my shit is missing too. Old resumes, a camera my parents gave me one year for Christmas, and the ring my mother gave me when I was sixteen has either fallen between the couch cushions (I’ve already checked there), or that flash of silver that went into Maura’s pocket wasn’t a key.

The fact that I can’t find any of these things is driving me crazy and soon I’m going to fucking crack.

“What do you mean you can’t get police escort in between the venues?”

That would be Justin yelling at Maura in the kitchen. I knew the look on her face the minute she and Justin walked through the door about ten minutes ago. The look that has the phrase ‘oh shit’ plastered all over. She’s probably screwed up something important and I’m taking grim satisfaction in hearing Justin’s angry tone. I can’t hear her muffled response, but it doesn’t sound like she’s too happy.

“Well fucking fix it, Maura! It’s what I’m paying you for!” and Justin comes storming in my direction looking exceedingly pissed.

“Problem?” I ask nonchalantly.

“I can’t wait until all this bullshit is over,” Justin seethes and he sits down on the couch looking perturbed. I sit down next to him and he responds by sprawling across the sofa, placing his head in my lap.

I absentmindedly start to play with the curls on the top of his head and we sit in silence. That is until the muffled sobs start to waft from the kitchen into the living room.

“Point for you, Justin,” I say with a grim smile, “You succeeded in making the only person who’s trying to help you cry.” I know I should be seeing this as a point in my direction, but I know the place where Maura is right now and I can’t help but feel bad for her. No one should have to deal with Justin being all pissy and belligerent.

“Fuck,” he groans under his breath, “Should I go talk to her?”

“No, give her a minute to get it all out and then I’ll go in there. Ex-Personal Assistant to New Personal Assistant,” I explain.

“You’re going to go in there and bash the hell out of me aren’t you?” Justin asks good-naturedly and I merely shrug with indifference. We sit in a tense silence that is punctuated every so often with Maura’s sniffling sobs. After five minutes, I allow myself to stand up, placing Justin’s head on the cushions.

I walk into the kitchen and see Maura sitting at one of the stools at the island, her tears subsiding. She looks up at me and seems to be caught off guard. Standing up quickly, she rushes to her purse to pull out some Kleenex. My heart goes out to the girl regardless of the warnings my head is screaming at me. She’s a hot mess and she needs some help.

“You okay? That seemed brutal to go through,” I begin. She looks at me indignantly as she sits back down at the island.

“And what would you know about it? You probably didn’t have to go through all this shit!”

And to both of our surprise, I laugh. The thought that Maura is going through more than I ever did is ludicrous. For one, she doesn’t have to deal with Justin and Trace on her ass all the time. And another thing, she isn’t falling in love with her boss and she most definitely isn’t suffering the repercussions from that. “Maura, I probably went through worse in a week than you’ve been through all month.” I don’t mean to boast about it, but honestly this girl is a rookie when it comes to dealing with Justin’s moods and what sets him off and what keeps him happy.

Besides, if Justin had yelled at me like he just did when I was his personal assistant, I would have been out the door in a tirade, only to return an hour later when I let off steam inside Beverly Lexus.

“You know if you ever need help with tomorrow or any other time, I’m here…”

“I don’t need your help,” Maura snaps as she shoots out of her seat and heads towards her purse. She yanks it up over her arm and turns towards me. Her eyes are narrowed and it looks as if the girl has finally snapped. “I am perfectly able to handle this on my own and I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your nose out of my business and my job!”

She turns quickly on her heels and heads towards the door that will take her to the garage and her car. She pauses at the door and turns to look at me, “If you want a shred of your old job back, you can tell Justin that I’ll be at the venue ready setting up for his rehearsal.”

And without another word she’s turned on her heels and exits the house with a very dramatic door slam.

I’ve tried being reasonable with her, I’ve tried to offer her help, I’ve tried to do all sorts of shit for her and this is how she repays me? By throwing insults and zingers at me like they’re yesterday’s news?

Well fine, if the bitch wants to throw the glove down, I’m more than happy to rise to the challenge.

Maura La Whora is going down.

*~*~*~*~*

The familiar butterflies I get in my stomach when the Grammys roll around is in full effect tonight. They won’t stop beating against my rib cage and part of me expects them to come fluttering out of my mouth if I open it to speak.

More than anything I wish Lauren was here to calm my nerves, but she rushed out of the house at four o’clock to finish setting up the Hilton party. She’ll have some free time during the ceremony but it’s pointless for her to show up at the show when all she’ll have to do is turn around and leave as soon as she gets there. Besides, I’ve never been a fan of having my girlfriends show up at red carpet events with me because then the stupid paps make it more about who’s going with who and less about the celebration of artistry in the music business.

That sounded way intelligent and I think I might use that in my next interview when the reporter bitches and moans about my private life.

Lauren looked like a Greek goddess when she left earlier today and it was hard for me to let her get into Elliot’s car and leave me alone with Trace and Theo who are opting to watch the ceremony on television.  The only other place where I can imagine Lauren’s light blue dress looking that good is on the floor next to my bed. Cliché, I know, but c’mon I am a guy.

But right now I’m currently ripping my bathroom apart trying to find the bracelet Lauren gave me for my birthday. Even though it makes us feel like one of those ridiculously in love and sappy couples, Lauren and I unanimously agreed to wear our bracelets tonight. Granted the only time I ever take it off is when I’m in the shower, but last night I got a bit carried away with my girlfriend and forgot to put it back on.

And now it has mysteriously disappeared and I might employ the Hardy Boys (ie Trace and Theo) to go looking for it

“Hey, you two!” I yell as I rush down the stairs in my rather expensive Italian suit. I have to admit I look fucking hot tonight, but I’ve added just the right layer of cool by donning sneakers instead of ostrich dress shoes or some other debonair shit like that.

I gots to keep it real, dog.

Trace and Theo have sunken further into the couches since I last saw them and they’re currently watching some random chick flick on HBO, Trace’s lewd commentary rising up into the rafters of the house.

“Oh please! You know that dude is only saying he thinks she’s the most perfect thing in the world because he wants to get in her skirt. Who the fuck writes this shit? I refuse to believe a guy would talk like that, even in the 1940s.”

“Can you shut the hell up for at least two minutes,” Theo snaps at my best friend, “I’m trying to pick up pointers.”

“Oh please,” Trace scoffs, “You do realize the only reason why she finds this Noah guy appealing is because she heard from the whore down the street that he’s got a big cock.”

“Wait, where was that in the movie?” Theo asks seriously worried that he missed an important tip.

“It wasn’t,” Trace, replies with a shrug, “It’s just a scientific fact. No rich girl is going to fall for the random carpenter or whatever the fuck he is unless he’s got a big cock. If this were real life she’d marry the lawyer or the doctor. Not the town bastard. Jesus, this Nicholas Sparks must be a deranged, delusional fool. You shouldn’t be picking up pointers from this punk.”

“Oh really, and who should I be turning to for advice?” Theo asks sullenly.

“Me, dipshit!” Trace exalts, “I’ve got the ladies eating out of the palm of my hand!”

I roll my eyes as I smack Trace upside the back of the head, “Shut up, Trace. Who you trying to seduce, Theo? There a lady you’re trying to get with before you leave tomorrow?”

“N-no,” Theo stammers under his breath. His face betrays his lie because suddenly he’s blushing fuchsia and Trace is howling with laughter.

“Hopefully you’ve got a big one, Theo,” Trace crows, “don’t have much else going for you.”

“Yeah well at least I’m taller… last time I checked not too many girls want to bed a member of the Lollipop Guild.”

“And a point for Theo!” I laugh as Trace sulks deeper into his couch. “I need you two to help me out with something.”

“What, oh captain my captain?” Trace says with fake admiration.

“I can’t find the bracelet Lauren gave me, have you seen it?”

They both look away from their movie to stare at me before they both respond that they haven’t seen it but once they’re able to pause the movie they’ll hunt around for it.

An hour later, my search for the bracelet ends in vain. Maura should be here with the town car at any minute and I really want to get the award show over with so I can get to the party, give the performance of my career, and then spend the rest of the night with Lauren.

My phone rings as I walk down the stairs to see what Trace and Theo are up to. Smiling when I see Lauren’s name, I immediately put the phone against my ear.

“Hey babe,” I croon into the phone. It’s nice to hear a familiar voice that doesn’t care if you win or lose at something. “How you holding up over there?”

“Things are finally starting to fall into place,” she says with a relieved sigh, “They just finished setting up the stage for your performance; I can’t wait to see it!”

I let out a pent up breath of anxiousness. This performance isn’t going to be like the other ones I’ve ever given. To be asked to perform at the Hilton after party is like being knighted. It’s a huge ordeal and once you’ve done a gig on that stage you automatically become one of the elite amongst those in the music industry. Aside from winning Album and Record of the Year at the Grammys, this is one of my dearest aspirations

And I swear to God I will kill whoever fucks it up for me.

“I can’t wait to see you. I’ve missed seeing you around today.”

“Ditto, but soon this will all be over and we don’t have to worry about anything for a few days,” Lauren responds and I quietly lean against the banister of the staircase thinking of all the uninterrupted moments I can have with Lauren in five days. Ah, bliss.

“So has Elliot had any accidents today?” I question. Apparently Elliot is rather accident prone around the work place and I’m hoping he doesn’t trip on some wiring or some shit that will kill the lighting. I’d hate for the person who fucks up my performance to be one of Lauren’s good friends.

“Not yet, but I’m hoping it’ll happen sometime before people start showing up here. I have to say that there have been at least a dozen attempts by fans to get in…” Lauren’s voice fades away as I notice someone coming up the walk towards my front door.

Damn, Maura got here fast. I can see the town car at the top of the driveway and soon I’m walking forward to open the door. Lauren is still talking in my ear when I get a full glimpse of my personal assistant.

Sweet Christ on a hot cross bun this cannot be the same girl I was yelling at the day before.

Replacing the business casual Maura Delaney is this smoldering siren that I totally would have given the time of day to when I was a single man. She’s wearing a mid calf length red dress that’s hugging curves I didn’t realize she had before. Her blonde hair isn’t pulled back or anything, but its voluminous and I have a feeling that if I reach out to touch it, it’ll feel like butter or cotton candy or something smooth like that.

“Hey,” she says with a smile and I have to close my eyes to keep a firm mental picture of Lauren with me. Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren.

“Justin are you there?” Lauren says into my ear. I open my eyes and realize that Maura is still standing in front of me. So she wasn’t a figment of my imagination. Great.

“Yeah, sorry,” I mumble into the phone, tearing my eyes away from Maura, “You were saying?”

“Nothing, not important,” Lauren responds, “I’ll just see you when you get to the Hilton. Good luck! I love you.”

“Love you, too and thanks Lauren.” And with that I flip my phone off and jam it into my pocket.

“You ready?” Maura asks. The look of stress that has been such a staple with my PA is washed away and she looks vibrant, full of life, and ready to paint the town red. Granted she still has a lot of shit to do, but for some reason I can’t help but think she’s got this all under control.

“Yup, let’s get this over with.”

And with a quick goodbye to Trace and Theo, I’m out of the house and walking towards the waiting town car with Maura, thoughts of Lauren’s bracelet left at the door.

*~*~*~*~*

There’s some weird shit going on and I have zero tolerance for it.

Granted I haven’t had any time to think about it at all seeing as I’ve been rushing around the Hilton like someone lit a fire under my ass.. But now that I’m in Bentley Lexus I have time to think about the shit that’s been going on in my life.

Justin, Trace, Theo, Elliot and I get along great. It’s that fifth wheel that’s making the vehicle off balance. I don’t really know what she’s doing, but I know that Maura is stirring some shit and it’s starting to smell.

Granted I have no idea where to start when it comes to finding any bad information on this girl. She had a thorough background check before coming to work for Justin and she’s cleaner than a sterile operating room. But I can’t help but feel that she’s the reason behind all the missing stuff. But how the girl found the time to get shit out of the house while she’s been working her butt off for Justin I haven’t a clue. It’s really starting to freak me out and I don’t want her going on tour again with Justin if she’s behind all this mayhem.

I glance at the clock on Bentley’s dash and realize that I’ve got about twenty minutes before the first guests are slated to arrive at the Hilton. I know Justin doesn’t hit the stage until midnight so I think I’ll be back at the hotel in forty minutes. That’ll give me ten minutes to rush backstage, make sure everything is in order, and things will go off without a hitch.

Unless Maura does something to screw it all up. I hope she doesn’t. She can fuck with me all she wants, but the minute she tries to destroy Justin or his career, my claws will come out and I will kill her with my bare hands. I can’t help but think that Maura is a time bomb and one wrong movement will set her off.

My thoughts are so wrapped around this whole Maura business that I don’t even hear the phone ringing. I reach over and dig it out of my clutch, frowning at the number. It’s one of Justin’s dancers which is strange because a) it isn’t Marty and b) they only call me if they really need something bad. Justin’s dancers are their own family and I know for a fact that they won’t be calling me for any advice.

“Michelle what’s up?” I say into the receiver. Michelle has been dancing with Justin for years and out of all the dancers she’s the one I talk to whenever I’m sitting in on a rehearsal or whenever the dancers have downtime during a tour. She knows the ins and outs of Justin almost as well as I do and hearing a hesitant sigh is not something I want to be listening from her right now.

“Hey Lauren, look I have a question that I hope isn’t too random.”

“I’ve dealt with more random questions today than I can handle in a lifetime, Michelle,” I state a tense smile on my lips, “Are the awards over?”

“Not yet, we’re going on in about five minutes for the Grammy Moment thing.” I mentally go through the schedule of the show…that performance is right before they announce the big award of the year and then everyone disperses to go to the party. Okay so the show’s over in about twenty…

“Should you be in places?”

“I don’t go on until halfway through the song, and I wanted to call you and ask if it was normal for Justin’s personal assistant to be rummaging through his duffle bag…”

The rush of blood to my head drowns the rest of Michelle’s words. I slam on the breaks in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard and I try my best to keep my composure as horns start blaring at me from all directions. I did three years of Grammy prep with Justin and I know for a fact that the PA shouldn’t be anywhere near the performance area up to ten minutes before places.

What the hell is she stealing this time?

“Don’t worry about it Michelle,” I say automatically, “you just put on a great show and I’ll see you at the after party.” And I quickly hang up the phone as I start to accelerate Bentley Lexus and move with the general flow of traffic.

I’m trying to think about what I should do. There definitely isn’t enough time to rush to the venue where the awards are and catch Maura in the act. And I have no proof that she’s been taking the stuff in the house. All I know is that I’ve looked over the house with a fine-toothed comb and I haven’t found anything.

And the idea hits me like oncoming traffic. Maura lives in LA, Maura has been staying at her apartment in Studio City since she got back in town with Justin and she’s been in and out of his house all week. It seems only logical that the little klepto would transport the stuff from Justin’s place to hers.

With a rush of reckless abandon that would make Justin pee his pants, I make a sharp U-Turn in the middle of the road and rush off towards Maura’s apartment, hoping I can search the damn place and get back to the Hilton before Justin’s performance. I’m praying that I’m wrong and Maura just has some weird bipolar issues or something, but if I’m right…

Jesus, I don’t even want to think about what’s going to happen if my hunch is right.

I make it to Maura’s nice little apartment in record speed. The place is nice enough that they have a little guard gate in the front with a twenty-four hour guard. I roll up to the stucco shack and put down my window. I know I must look ridiculous showing up in an evening gown while driving a beat up Plymouth Station Wagon, but I don’t really give two hoots right now.

“Welcome to Avalon, how can I help you?”

“Yeah my name is Sophie,” I begin feeding the woman a false name, “I’m a friend of Maura Delaney’s and she was in town for a few days but she had to leave suddenly tonight. She left me something in her apartment and told me you’d have an extra key?”

I sit in my running car praying to god this old looking woman will throw me a bone and give me a key or something. She nods silently to herself before rocking to her feet. She digs around the guard shack for a minute before producing a key and a small map.

“It’s a big place, I’ve circled her unit for you,” she says in a strong voice that I wouldn’t associate with such a frail looking woman.

“Oh thank you so much, I really appreciate it!” I exclaim before I’m speeding off towards Maura’s place.

It’s easy enough to find and soon I’m unlocking her front door and stepping inside. It’s a modest two-bedroom apartment and I can’t help but wonder if she’s ever had a roommate at some point. The place is pretty well decorated and I can’t help but think that Maura probably had a hand in embellishing the place herself. I glance down at my watch and see that I have fifteen minutes. I need to start working.

The kitchen, living room, dining nook, and front closet are all clear of Disney DVDs and other personal belongings of my friends or mine. But that doesn’t mean her bedrooms are void of any criminating activity.

Her master bedroom, decorated in pale blues and purples is clean but I’m saving the smaller bedroom for last. I just have a feeling. Opening the door, I turn the light on and see that she’s turned this room into a makeshift office. There’s a desk in one corner and a reading chair with some bookshelves set up on the other wall. The closet however is closed.

I walk to the desk first and see right above it her diploma from her university. My mouth drops open when I realize she graduated a year earlier than I did from Stanford…same major and all. Maybe that’s why I thought she was so familiar, maybe we had the same classes?

Ripping apart her desk without making it seem like someone was snooping through her shit, I inspect the bookshelves and then turn to the closet. This is the moment of truth. If I’m wrong, I have to haul ass back to the Hilton and think of another person who is taking all this stuff away from Justin’s place. But if I’m right…

Again, I don’t want to think about what will happen if my assumptions are correct.

Taking a deep breath, I yank the doors open and I’m met with a rather clean, organized closet. There doesn’t seem to be a single thing out of place and I can’t spot one possession that belongs to Justin, Trace, Theo, or me.

I guess I was wrong.

I turn to go, but a small swatch of color catches my eye from behind a few stacked boxes. Dropping to my knees, I push the boxes aside and my eyes widen as I’m met with a huge stash of what seems to be…

The color drains from my face. I can’t believe this – everything is here, the DVDs, the china, Trace’s iPod and Justin’s boombox. Even a few rolls of film that Theo has been missing since the week he came to LA is here. And my blood begins to boil when I see my mother’s ring nestled between the pages of one of Justin’s unread books.

That no good, fucking idiotic, tramp slut whore bitch! I’m going to strangle her long neck with my bare hands when I see her. There has to be thousands of dollars of priceless belongings in here… Oh when I see that little kleptomaniac…

But I don’t have a moment to spare. I’ve got a little less than five minutes to haul ass back to Beverly Hills and get to Justin before he gets on stage. He needs to see this and I don’t care if he misses his performance because of it. I have to show him that his perfect personal assistant isn’t so flawless after all.

Running to my car, I hop in and don’t even stop to give the guard the key back. I’m going to be coming back here in less than fifteen minutes anyway so I really don’t need to be returning it at the moment.

I speed all the way to the Hilton, trying to reach Justin on his phone but to no avail. I know he has to be meditating or doing some weird psychological shit before he hits the stage and I am really cutting it close. By the time I park Bentley Lexus and rush into the hubbub of the main ballroom I’ve got five minutes before Justin takes the stage.

“Lauren where the hell have you been? Murray has been freaking out!” Elliot proclaims and he points behind him to our supervisor Murray Schwartz who looks overjoyed and yet pissed to see me all at the same time.

“I can’t explain right now, Elliot, big shit just came up!” I yell at him before I head towards the stage set up at the other end of the room. I’m cursing under my breath when I see that the band has already taken their places and I know that any second the lights are going to dim and Justin will be heading out to perform.

And I know for a fact that I cannot sit through a half hour set staring at Maura when I know the bitch is in the wrong.

Security lets me backstage and I look around haphazardly for my boyfriend hoping I can spot him before he’s given the green light to head onstage. My need to find him is so strong that I nearly run into someone wearing a bright red dress.

“Sorry…” I mumble under my breath but when I look up and see that it’s Maura I almost lose control. She looks panicked about something and she’s barking orders into her cell phone at such rapid speed I feel like I should be traveling through time. I’m taking great satisfaction in knowing that something with Justin’s performance is giving her trouble and knowing that soon she’ll be off the tour makes the satisfaction grow inside me.

Turning around quickly towards the stage, I see Justin standing just to the left of the stairs that will grant him access to a plethora of opportunities that most people can only dream of. I waste no time, rushing forward I grab onto his wrist and pull him away from the stage.

“Lauren you’re here!” he exclaims breathlessly and I can tell he’s nervous. God, I hate to pull him away from his job at a time like this but if there were ever a time it needed to be done, well it would be now.

“Justin you need to come with me!” I say out of breath, “You need to come with me right now!”

“Yeah you see that’s impossible because I’m supposed to go on in two minutes,” he says dryly and I can tell he’s not amused by what he’s assuming is a little joke.

“No you don’t understand!” I cry in an exasperated voice, “You have to come with me right now. This is important!”

“I don’t understand what could be more important than the biggest move in my career, Lauren!”

“I know!” I exclaim, “but this is more important, trust me!” I can feel the tears brimming over and I hate that I’m so upset over this that I’m about to cry. But he needs to see that this is important and this can’t be blown off.

The band is starting their opening number and Justin looks towards the stage with such longing that it makes my heart hurt. I know he’s torn and I hate doing this to him, but he has to understand that this is more urgent.

“Please, Justin,” I beg, “Please.”

I can tell my pleading is working because he finally lets the stubborn air drop from his shoulders and he turns towards me. “Alright,” he sighs, “Where are we going?”

“Just follow me, and she,” I spit before I jerk my head at Maura who has just decided to join us, “is coming, too.”

“What’s going on?” she asks, “Are you not going on, Justin?”

“Just shut your mouth and come on,” I seethe before I grasp Justin’s hand and lead him out the back door. People backstage are crying out in indignation that I’m dragging their headliner away, but I don’t give a damn right now. He can come on later; everyone knows the industry people stay up all night partying anyway.

Any questions Maura and Justin pose in the car are met with my tense silence. I don’t dare say anything because I know once I get going I won’t be able to stop. I know I’m scaring the shit out of Justin because I’m being so careless with Bentley Lexus.

I’m careening up and down the streets of Los Angeles at midnight, going well above the allotted speed limit, but I don’t care. All I want to do is bust Maura and get her away from Justin. I can just tell from the dress she’s wearing right now that her next plan in tour domination is to get into Justin’s pants. I can just feel it. No self respecting woman wears that type of dress and doesn’t expect to get sexual attention from men – single and taken.

“Why are we at my apartment?” Maura asks clearly confused. I give a friendly wave to the guard who waves right back before I’m rushing towards Maura’s apartment. She is going to rue the day she decided to pull the wool over my eyes!

“Lauren, are you okay? What the hell is going on?” Justin asks. He glances back down at his phone, which he had to turn on silent five minutes into the car ride. It was ringing off the hook from people who no doubt are wondering where the hell he is.

“You’ll see in a second,” is all I say as I park the car and hurry towards Maura’s door. I pull the key out of my purse and I see the look of shock register on her face. Hah, not so smug now are you, bitch?

We all walk into the foyer and I’m about to lead them into the second bedroom when Justin grabs my wrist and forces me to look at him, “Loho, what the fuck are we doing in Maura’s apartment?”

“I found out where all your missing stuff went,” I say simply as I toss a nasty look in Maura’s direction. “If you’ll come with me, it’s all in here.”

And I pull my wrist out of his grasp and stalk into the second bedroom. My hour of vindication is finally here and I can finally reveal Maura for what she really is – a psycho klepto. She doesn’t look so excited now, she looks scared and worried. Good.

“All of it is right in here!” I say as I point to the closet I so carefully put back together before I rushed out earlier that night. I pull open the doors and look down to see all of our belongings in the various boxes in Maura’s closet.

“What the fuck!”

It’s all gone.

“What…” I’m at a complete loss for words as the confidence and excitement in my stomach deflates faster than a party balloon. “How –” I turn towards Maura who still has a look of confusion on her face. “How the fuck did you get all this shit out of here?” I demand as I round on Justin’s shocked Personal Assistant. “What the hell, Maura?”

The only time I have ever been this angry was when I thought Justin used JC as a ruse to get me to sleep with him. And back then I was throwing shit and a little buzzed. But now I am sober and I am inches from Maura’s face, verbally ripping her a new one.

“Lauren!”

“You conniving, two timing little tramp! I swear to God I’m going to find out…”

“Lauren!”

“…how you fucking did this and then I’ll make you wish you never signed on for this position!”

“Lauren!”

“You better come clean now bitch or I’m going to…”

“GOD DAMMIT LAUREN, FUCKING LOOK AT ME!”

The sound of his voice echoes in the almost empty room. It isn’t until I’ve screamed myself temporarily hoarse that I realize Maura has sunk to the floor, crying uncontrollably. I was too busy screaming at her that I almost didn’t remember Justin was in the room.

But he’s here and when I turn to look at him my heart stops in my chest.

I’ve seen him mad before, but those times don’t even come close to right now. He looks positively terrifying and I’m half afraid he’s going to cross the room in two easy strides and smack me across the face.

His expression is twisted with unmistakable anger and his face is so pale it’s practically translucent. His enormous hands are balled up into fists at his sides and they’re so tense I can see that his knuckles are white. His lips are pressed together in a straight line and the inimitable rage that hits me with his glare almost makes my knees knock together.

He is far beyond pissed. He is fucking livid, outraged, and fuming. I can tell he’s trying very hard to keep his temper under control but I know he’s having a hard time. He closes his eyes and bites his lower lip and for one fleeting moment I can see his hands shaking.

“Justin…” I start my voice infinitely small.

“Don’t,” he says curtly, “Don’t even….” He’s having a hard time getting the right words out and I know it’s only a matter of seconds before he completely blows his lid, “Just go the fuck home. I can’t even look at you right now. Just get the fuck home and don’t you even think about coming back to the party.”

I watch crestfallen as he whips out his cell phone and makes a call. I can’t hear who he’s talking to - my mind has gone numb. I’m pretty sure he’s securing a ride back to the Hilton because I know for a fact the tension in Bentley Lexus on the way to the Hilton would rip my poor baby apart at the seams.

A great sniffle behind me alerts me that Maura is still, unfortunately, among the living. I can’t bear to turn around to look at her and my heart unwillingly starts up again when I see Justin out of the corner of my eye move towards her.

“Come on, Maura, get up,” he says roughly. “Lauren, I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here?”

I want to stay and argue, to fight, but I know if I do that we’ll be on a one way ticket to a domestic dispute. Not turning around to face him, I walk with as much poise I can muster towards the front of Maura’s apartment.

It isn’t until I’m safely in Bentley Lexus and driving towards the house that I start to break down. What the hell have I done? Have I gone crazy? Did I really see all of Justin’s shit in Maura’s apartment or was I so wrapped up in blaming her that I jumped to conclusions and had some random hallucination?

“No,” I say to myself firmly through my tears. I know what I saw and I’m sticking by it. Justin can yell himself hoarse and Maura can sing her pretty little song, but I know that she’s behind all this bullshit and I am not going to back down from this.

But I feel horrible. I pulled him away from the performance of his career for what seems to be nothing and I know I’m going to pay a terrible price. What it is, I don’t know but I realize that I fucked up. Bad.

I’m five miles from Justin’s house when my phone rings.

“’Lo?”

“Lauren would you care to tell me why you yanked the headlining performer away from the party we’ve been planning since we drew our first breath of life?  Where are you?”

“I’m sorry Elliot,” I say my throat constricting. Not only have I let Justin down, but I’ve let Elliot, one of my dearest friends, down. And the hits, they keep on coming.

“Whoa,” he can obviously tell there’s something wrong by the way I’m talking, “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” I say again, “I won’t be able to make it back to the party tonight. Can you tell Murray that I’m sorry and this will never, ever happen again? You’re flying solo on this one kid, I know you’ll do alright.”

And before he can get a word in edgewise, I hang up on him and shut my phone off. Turning my eyes back towards the road, I speed towards home and get ready for the arrival of the second coming.