18. Strange Things

Hearing that door slam was probably one of the worst sounds I’ve heard in my life. Knowing that once again she was gone, maybe this time for good, made me want to go back and do all the things I was doing before she showed up. Drinking like an alcoholic, maybe become a pothead again…I don’t care.  All I know is that there needs to be something out there that can take away this type of pain I’m feeling. Because to tell you the truth I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this before.

I want to call her more than anything in the world, but I know that as soon as I pick up that phone I’m going to pussy out and it won’t happen. I can’t bring myself to call her; I can’t bring myself to ask her how she is, because how do you ask someone how they are after you’ve just experienced one of the most awkward encounters of your life with that person?

I can’t believe I fucking did that

I can’t believe we fucking did that.

What were we thinking?

Were we even thinking at all?

I don’t get it. What made us do that? And why the fuck didn’t I kiss her?

I’m a fucking idiot.

I’m so mad at myself I can’t even see straight. I sounded like an idiot at one of my interviews this week because all I could think about was how we did what we did and at the end of it all, I just grabbed my clothes and ran away like a fucking little girl!

That was a perfect window for me to open my mouth and tell her everything that’s on my mind. My moment to talk. But did I talk? No! All I did was get my shit and run for the hills leaving her out there all by herself.

God damn, I’m a moron.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I don’t know. Maybe I was just scared…I don’t’ know what I was feeling that night. I just miss her, okay? And no one really gets that. I don’t think anyone could get that other than her. And the way she looked that night…well it looked like she didn’t give a damn.

And I just…it’s just frustrating.

When the door slammed I knew she had left. I didn’t know where to, but I knew that she wasn’t going to be coming back and wait for me to grow some balls and talk to her about stuff that’s been plaguing us since…maybe since when we got back together.

I’ve still been distant. I’ve tried to be cheery and happy around everyone on tour but it’s just so hard when I know the one person who can make it all better is halfway around the world probably trying to put all of this behind her. She probably doesn’t give a shit about me.

Then again, she has to care because why else would she drop everything to come take care of my sorry ass? But she wasn’t like the Lauren I knew…she’s different. She just wants to forget and move on. And in a way I do too, but I want to move on with her. I don’t want to forget, I want to forgive but I don’t want to forget. I can’t forget, I won’t let myself forget.

I called Trace about an hour after she left knowing full well I needed to hear someone else’s voice. I couldn’t be alone and I couldn’t talk to anyone else aside from Trace because above all others, I’m sure he could find some way to understand.

But dammit I don’t know what she’s thinking. I don’t know if she does care or if she doesn’t and the most frustrating thing about all of this is I don’t fucking know what she’s thinking. Lauren! The person who always speaks her mind…for the first time in my life I can’t look at her and know if she’s happy, sad, or freaking pissed off.

I knew full well the shit I was saying to her over the past few days we were together would piss her off and make her fall back into the old Lauren again and throw things at me and scream at me, and just be her. But she was different. She just stood there and took everything I was throwing at her. She didn’t do anything and I don’t know what that is. I don’t get it.

I’m an idiot, I don’t get it.

I don’t think I ever will get it because I can’t talk to her about it. I want to, but I can’t bring myself to pick up that phone. Because bringing myself to talk about it shows her that I have some shred of doubt

And I can’t do that and I will be so mad at myself if I admit that I’m wrong. Because I’m not wrong and admitting that I am tells her that I’m sorry for the things I said that night back in February. But I’m not sorry for some of the things I said to her back. I regret some of it yes, but there are a few things that we screamed at one another that I don’t think I would ever want to take back.

I’m not sorry for putting my career first. It’s my life, it’s my passion, I can’t breathe without it.

But I can’t breathe without her.

I know there’s some kind of balance that needs to be settled, but I can’t find it.

So I talked to Trace. I didn’t really know what to say because he talks to Lauren. And I don’t want to bring it up with him that we had really awkward sex and have him tell me off.

He was understanding and he listened and I’m not worried that he’s going to turn around and tell Lauren because he’s assured me time and time again that he’s neutral in this whole steaming pile of shit and he won’t pick a side. He’s just going to be there for me like a friend should and if he has any advice to offer me I’ll take it.

“I don’t know what to do, Trace. I’m just really confused,” I found the strength to pull some clothes on and I’m leaning against the headboard of my bed, running a hand over my head as I try to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.

“Well no shit I’d be confused, too. I mean what the fuck did you do, man? God,” well I guess Trace isn’t going to be offering me any sympathy. Then again, I’m not asking for it…I just want someone to understand.

“I know it’s just…it just kind of happened, you know? It kind of just, we just…did it and nothing came out of it…it wasn’t like how it used to be,” I finally say after stammering like a crazy little bitch. God, I hate that I’m such a fucking mess right now. 

“Yeah I’m sure. I don’t know what to tell you man this is crazy. Maybe you should just let her go and move on. Maybe it’d be better for both of you.” I don’t want to do that. That’s the last thing I need to do. How could it be better for me when I know that the best thing for me is to be with her?

“I should,” I find myself saying, but I sigh heavily, “but you know me, I’m selfish I can’t do that. A part of me believes that she’s the only good thing that’s left.”

“Well you’ve been treating that good thing in your life pretty shitty.” He has a point.

“Yeah…Did she call you at all? After?” I venture. Maybe he just got off the phone with her and he can offer me some insight into what she’s thinking right now.

“Look, dude…I want to tell you but – she just wants to go. You can’t tie her down forever.” So he has talked to her. And I guess she just wants to cut all ties and leave it alone. I want to make her happy, but I have to make myself happy too…

“I know…I’m just confused.”

“Why? What’s to be confused about? You spent four days with the woman, you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to her about anything that’s been bothering you and making you crazy for the past couple of months…you have sex with her. Big deal, but yet nothing came of it. I don’t understand…if you wanted this to be the reason you got together, well sorry to say but it didn’t work.”

“No shit, you idiot of course it didn’t work,” I say getting angry. I realize that this isn’t Trace’s fault; I have no one to blame but myself. I sigh heavily and sit straight up, I feel a slight ache in my back and know it’s probably from the rather awkward position I was in less than an hour ago, “I even busted out the scary movie.”

I have to hold the phone away from my ear because Trace is laughing his ass off, “Oh shit you did not. I’m so mad at you right now I can’t even see straight.” His tone is still light but I can tell he’s still a bit disappointed in me.

“Why are you mad at me?”

“Well, you pulled out the horror flick. Lord knows if you want to put her in a sappy, talkative mood you pop in the romantic comedy!” I groan loudly as I fall back against the headboard shaking my head. 

“Oh fuck me.”

“What?” he asks, his voice suddenly high pitched and he sounds excessively curious.

“She put that on the night before.”

“Like I said: the Idiot of the Year Award goes to…”

“Yeah, yeah I know…me,” I say softly. I don’t care if Trace thinks I’m an idiot. The fact of the matter is, there might have been a time and place during this week where Lauren was interested in talking about us; and I completely overlooked it. I am ridiculous.

“I thought so too. And that’s the breaks man because you had your chance. You really want to make it okay then get on a plane and go get her.’ I sigh again and get out of bed, walking towards the window. Looking outside, I see the blinking lights of the city waving back at me and I wonder if maybe she’s looking at the exact same thing I am. I could go get her, I could make everything better with a few simple words.

But those are words that I don’t believe in and I can’t do that to myself and I can’t do that to myself.

“I can’t leave right now. I’ve got the tour starting up again; I’ve got interviews and photo calls. I’m better now.

“Are you really that better?” he questions and I turn away from the window, letting the curtain fall back into place. I’m not better at all, I’m probably worse. Emotionally speaking, physically I’m fit, not sick any more, and I’m not turning to Jack, Patron, or Stoli.

“Well I’m not going to drink anymore.”

“Hah, sure,” his voice is dripping with sarcasm and I want to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone. I don’t need most of this shit right now.

“No…I promised her I wouldn’t act like that again and I won’t do it,” I respond and Trace isn’t far behind with a response. 

“Okay, well you promised her a lot of things, Justin and sorry to say but you went back on a lot of it.”

Sometimes I hate how right and perceptive the little fucker is, “I know,” I finally relent. It isn’t until I’ve dragged her through the mud once again that I can finally let my guard down enough to admit it, “God, this is hard.”

“Mmhmm, yeah pretty much. That’s the breaks, man.”

“I know,” I admit. Suddenly I have the distinct urge to be alone and not have to listen to Trace being right about this situation.  “Alright I’m gonna go.”

“You gonna be okay?” his voice is soft and I can hear the worry even though we’re thousands of miles away.

“I think so,” I lie. How could I ever be okay?

“Well call if you need anything okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

“Okay, bye man.”

“Bye.”

That was almost a week ago and I’m still an absolute mess about the whole issue. The fact that I’m still losing sleep over this isn’t helping me get better either. I can feel the fatigue setting in and I’m getting pretty fucking fed up with Maura trying to shove Airborne down my throat every time I finish a meal. I understand she’s trying to do her job, but the girl needs to back off.

She needs to do what Lauren did last week.

Because Lauren was doing things that she wouldn’t have done in a normal situation. The normal Lauren would have used my sickness and inability to string together a coherent sentence to talk down to me and make sure that I knew what I was doing was wrong and should be changed. She would have fought and given me at least a hint of spunk and life. But the one that I spent four days with came in, did a job, kept her mouth shut, and left. She didn’t come into this pile of shit as Lauren, but a complete objective party.

I know for a fact that if she still actually cared for me and wanted me back she would fight. She would try to make me see that the stuff I believed at the Grammys…and coincidentally still believe, is all a lie even though her side had no shred of evidence.

Maybe that’s what’s freaking me out more than anything. The fact that I’m starting to feel as if the things I thought were true are starting to chip away. I’m starting to doubt whether or not Theo was the only culprit and I’m starting to wonder what Maura’s true intentions are.

I wish I could sit down and talk to Lauren about this.

Because this time, I’ll listen.

But surprise…she’s in LA and I’m in fucking France. Sometimes I hate my fucking life.

*~*~*~*~*

There are some times in a woman’s life when she just needs to let go

This is one of those times.

I spent the whole day at one of the largest malls in northern Southern California and needless to say I’m going to have to put in extra hours at work to cover the credit card costs. But I don’t care. I need a major face-lift on my life and I’m starting with my wardrobe and beauty regime. I just need to turn over a new leaf and I’m starting now.

Manchester was weird, Manchester was the end of a chapter of my life and I’m happy to say that I’m finally starting to put it behind me. I’m moving on, I’m ready to get on with my life and I know that the rest of this summer is going to be awesome.

“I can’t believe you managed to get me to consume that much liquor!” Elliot exclaims as we come thundering into the apartment at quarter to three in the morning. Part of my Operation: New Me plan is to go out and have as much fun as possible.

Tonight we managed to finish an event early at the Hilton and I managed to convince Elliot to go out with me to have a good time and unwind after a stressful evening of yelling at underlings and trying to make sure the bride didn’t throw up all over her gown since she ate too much cake.

I dragged my best friend to the latest club, Illusion, which is (surprise) owned by ex-boyfriend and jumbo douche extraordinaire – Neal Feat. The most satisfying thing was strolling into that club looking like a million bucks and seeing Neal helping out behind the bar because they were understaffed. He looked like shit and I strolled right up to the front of the bar and ordered the largest and most expensive drink I could find on the menu.

Lo and behold the guy who I thought would be my one and only is married, has a young son, with another one on the way, and he has a bit on the side. He didn’t tell me this of course, but I could tell by the way he was eye fucking the hell out of one of his bar wenches.

But I knew as I sauntered away from that bar with a drink for me and one for Elliot that he was second guessing why he ever let me go. So what if I had a drunken make out encounter with Justin…the fact of the matter is I’m young, single, and hot and he’s the poor bastard stuck with a family and a couple of chains.

Karma’s a bitch, Feat.

“You needed a night out, you’re practically married to the Hilton,” I explain as I kick off my heels and allow them to fly off into random corners of the house. I’m not drunk at all, if anything I’m just a bit tipsy and Elliot is the same. The car ride back to the apartment definitely sobered me up seeing as the ingrates who drive in Los Angeles late at night can’t operate a car worth a shit.

“True, but my goodness,” he mutters while he tugs at the bottom of his favorite and most worn in graphic T-shirt. I wish he would throw it away; I’m waiting for holes to develop. “I’m going to sleep all day tomorrow."

“That’s the idea,” I explain, “You party all night and sleep all day. At least that’s how all the superstars do it.” My thoughts instantly think back to the time when I would have to stay up all night to make sure Justin wouldn’t kill himself and then I would have to be awake all the next day to make sure shit would be getting done.

Do I miss it? Hell no. I’m glad I got out while I still could.

Of course that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him. I do that every day.

Which is ridiculous, because I’m trying to move on and let things go.

“Thank God we just make sure everything’s set up and then we just let everyone else deal with it,” he adds before he walks over to the couch and unceremoniously drops into it. Bruno looks up from his position by the kitchen, his little tail thumping on the hardwood floor.

“You do that now, I work under you,” I point out. He responds with a roll of his eyes before he pats the seat next to him.

“Not really. If you haven’t noticed you still do all the things you used to do; you just get paid less,” he explains as I sink down next to him. “As a matter of fact, I do too.”

I turn to look at Elliot and see him wringing his hands and suddenly acting rather nervous. The mood has turned from mildly bitching about work and giggling about good times, to something tense and rather, I don’t know…awkward?

I was thinking that after Manchester last month I filled up the awkward quota in my life for all eternity. Apparently not.

“What do you mean you get paid less?” I press leaning towards him so I can try to read his face. He’s looking down at his hands and I guess trying to ignore the fact that I’m even here. “Elliot?” I reach out and put my hand on top of his own. He’s wringing his hands so much I’m afraid they’re going to pop off his wrists.

“Well,” he starts slow, leaning his head back and closing his eyes in the process. It looks like he’s regretting even letting this little fact slip, “When you didn’t show up for the rest of the party, Murray was pissed – like going to kill everybody’s first born – pissed. He kept going on about how he was going to fire you and I couldn’t let that happen. I mean you’re one of my best friends…” he pauses and opens one of his eyes, “Okay, you’re my only best friend to tell you the truth. I couldn’t let him do that. And when The GB showed up after he left with you looking like someone had bombed his house and slaughtered his family; I knew something was up. So I managed to convince Murray to keep your job…I just had to take a pay cut as part of the deal…”

His voice fades away as he looks at me sheepishly. My mouth is hanging open and I’m staring at him in shock as my stomach is quickly filling up with dread, shock, and just a little bit of appreciation.

“But why would you do that? I messed up! Elliot,” I’m at a complete loss for words and I feel like such an idiot because all I can do is stare at him. My hand is still on top of his and he looks down at them and then to me, a blush starting to rise in his cheeks.

“You have to know, Lauren, don’t tell me I haven’t been making it obvious enough because I thought I was doing a pretty good job.”

All I can do is stare at him as he looks back at me with hopeful eyes. Oh my God, I’m a fucking idiot.  Then again it seems like Elliot has hidden the fact that he likes me pretty well. He’s kept it hidden underneath heavy layers of complete geekdom and nerdiness. I mean, how could I figure out he liked me when all he can talk about is Star Wars, Fantasy Role Play Groups and the upcoming Harry Potter release?

Then again, Trace has been making slight comments about how Elliot has been looking good lately, and how he’s always available whenever I need someone to talk to or whenever I’m not hanging out with Trace.

And then this whole pay cut business…and here I thought he was just being a good friend. 

Apparently there was a hidden meaning thrown in there.

I open my mouth to say something but I find that there really is nothing to say. I mean, how the hell do I respond?

“Elliot,” I start softly hoping he can hear the apprehension in my voice. But apparently when it comes to matters of the heart, Elliot really isn’t that intelligent. My eyes widen as he leans towards me, eyes half closed, ready for action. My mind is working overtime and I haven’t the faintest idea how I can debunk him without hurting his feelings.

Knowing that it’s easier to not fall into this when I don’t want it, I quickly rest my hand on his chest and push against it slightly. He falters and sits back, opening his eyes and looking rejected, hurt, and all of the things in between. “Elliot, look...”

“No,” he begins, “I understand.” I have no idea what he’s thinking as he gets to his feet and walks towards the front hall of the apartment. He doesn’t sound angry or upset. His voice is just generic, normal, and I have a feeling he’s trying to make it void of any emotion.

“I’m sorry, but you’re my best friend, and I just don’t think I could go into something with you when I don’t reciprocate your feelings.”

“I told you I understand, and I agree with you. I appreciate the fact that you aren’t going to jump into being with me when your whole heart isn’t in it. It would save me from a lot of heartache in the future,” he adds and I watch as he pulls his car keys off the hook near the front door.

“Where are you going?” I question. He pauses as he opens the front door and turns to look at me. I can see the pained expression in his eyes and it hurts me that I’m the one who started it.

“Out. I just need to go out,” he responds before he walks out the door and lets it shut behind him.

I sit there in dumbfounded silence hoping by some grace of God that he’ll come running back into the apartment with a huge grin on his face and the words, ‘I got you so good!’ falling from his lips. But after ten minutes have passed I realize that he isn’t going to be returning any time soon.

Now that I look at it, Elliot would be good for me. He’s sweet, caring, always there for me when I need a talk, and while I’m sure he might be lacking in the bedroom department, he could always surprise me. That’s what Elliot does; the man surprises me every day. He’s the kind of relationship I should be apart of, the kind of boyfriend any girl would kill for – well maybe without the Star Wars fetish. I could be so happy if I could let Elliot in and let Justin go.

But I know that awkward sex, zero communication, and the fact that he doesn’t believe me aside, there’s just no getting over Justin and I think everyone who knows me is aware of it.

Jesus, I can’t stand that no matter how much I try to put him behind me, he’s always two steps ahead and ready to hold me at bay from ultimately giving up on him. I hate that I still need him. I hate that every time I’m looking for a compliment on what I’m wearing or doing I turn around to try and hear the witty and smart-ass comments that are usually on stand by for those moments. I hate that I replay what I could have and should have said to him in Manchester in my head. I hate that I regret not fighting harder to keep him with me. I hate that I didn’t give Maura the bitch slap she deserved for taking his trust away from me. I hate that even though he’s thousands of miles away from me he still has a hold on my life.

I hate that come rain or come shine, I won’t ever stop loving him.

And that’s the one thing I can’t stand above everything else.

*~*~*~*~*

There’s something about Germany that almost puts me at ease. Maybe it’s because they drink beer like it’s water, or the fact that the bratwurst and sauerkraut is the best, bar none. Or maybe it’s because most of the paps that dwell here can’t speak English that well and so it becomes easier to ignore them.

I don’t know why my mom had the bright idea to drag me to the Berlin Zoo on one of my days off. She told me on the way over that she was sick and tired of seeing me moping around and seeing cute furry animals would apparently put me out of my funk.

After seeing the Orangutans run around like a bunch of asses, I’ve come to the assumption that my mother is the smartest woman alive because I feel like I’ve been reborn. Mama, me, and some members of security have been ambling around the zoo all day and we have another hour or so before we have to make our way back to the venue so I can get ready for tonight’s show.

I’m glad Mom is with me because it’s been a while since we’ve had some quality time together. She’s always been so busy with the management team and I haven’t had time to sit still since Manchester. Then again, keeping busy like this keeps me from thinking about what actually happened and that is a really good thing. 

“Did you see that one of their polar bears is going to have cubs any day now?” my mom asks as she points to the map of the zoo, her index finger landing on the polar bear enclosure, “Maybe we’ll get lucky.”

God I feel like a five year old, walking around the zoo with my mom, but I really don’t care. It feels good to just spend quality time with my mother and not have to worry about my schedule or what I’m going to be doing two hours from now. With the exception of hearing the occasional shutter flash in my direction, I feel almost normal and I love that.

That is until we get to the polar bear enclosure and I see one professional photographer who isn’t interested in getting my money shot. My eyes widen and I stop dead in my tracks, my mother too intrigued by the pregnant polar bear to notice what’s got a hold of my attention.

Of all the mother fucking zoos in all the mother fucking world he had to be at this one. My five-year old moments have been thrown out the window and my adult problems are staring me in the face. Theo is standing with his lens pressed up against the glass enclosure, hoping, I’m sure, for the bear to squat down and shoot a baby out.

But a gaggle of German schoolgirls go thundering past him to get a look at me and I’m sure my name and the fact that I’m here came out of their mouths because Theo stops what he’s doing and is looking around bewildered

I’d expect the thieving bastard to go running in the opposite direction, but on the contrary he turns towards me and starts to walk in my direction. Of course he’d want to chat with me. Him turning tail and pussying out would make my life far too easy.

“Justin, what are you doing here?” he asks, shocked. I can’t deck him in the middle of the zoo since there are witnesses so I guess I have to be civil, at least for my public persona’s sake.

“Taking some time off. You?”

“Well Shelly, Dean, and I are waiting here in Berlin to document the birth of the first domesticated Polar Bear cub in Europe. Isn’t that great?

God this guy is such a fucking nerd, “Fantastic. So did you come over here to ask me what I’m doing in a zoo or did you come to return all the stuff you stole from me?”

He looks taken aback by my bluntness, but I really don’t care if I step on any toes. This guy stole from me, used the fact that he’s my ex-girlfriend’s adopted sibling to get into my house and take from me priceless possessions. Not to mention the fact that he stole from me and confused his ‘sister’ caused our breakup.

“Look Justin, you need to know the whole story before you jump to conclusions. In a way I did steal your belongings…”

“Then why do I need to know the whole story?” I interject.

“Because I’m not the only guilty one in this!” he exclaims. I notice my mom trying to wave me over, but she notices that I’m in a conversation with someone and she quickly becomes involved with watching and photographing the bears.

“And I suppose you’re going to say Maura?”

“Well who else would it be?” he responds, “I came to LA a naïve little boy who hadn’t the faintest idea that the jungle wasn’t out in the rainforest, but in the city. I mean I’m not exactly the most well versed when it comes to finding a girl…” his voice fades away as I snort. Judging by his ridiculous outfit – overalls and a Superman shirt, he’s still having problems securing a lady friend. “And when I met your personal assistant I knew that I had to try anything and everything to make her see me as more than some random house guest. I tried everything, but she just wouldn’t warm up to me. I think she knew I liked her, but she kept those feelings to herself. I tried getting tips from the guys at the RPG forums, I tried looking to Elliot, hell I even asked Trace for advice…” his voice stops as he looks for the right words to say and my thoughts immediately travel to the night of the Grammy’s when Theo was thoroughly analyzing The Notebook.

“I thought that maybe my last night in LA would make her sympathetic. But she was so busy helping you for the awards that I knew she wouldn’t take the time to see me. Imagine my surprise when I get a phone call from her saying that she needs my help and she’ll do anything to make it up to me. I told her that I wanted her and she agreed to it immediately before telling me that I needed to go to her apartment and take a few boxes out of the office and hide them somewhere that no one could find them.

“So I drove to her place, grabbed the boxes, and took them back to the house. Trace wasn’t there, and so I stashed them in the pool house since no one ever used it the whole time I was there. I went back out, and cancelled my flight knowing that I was getting what I wanted.

“Imagine my surprise when I go back to your house the next morning to find my room completely ransacked. Trace told me what happened between you and Lauren and that I wasn’t welcomed there any more. He called me a thief and said that I was lucky you weren’t going to be pressing charges. I couldn’t get a hold of Maura so she could tell me what was going on, but I was able to put two and two together. She tricked all of us, and yet she’s still working for you. Tell me why you were able to believe Maura so readily when you should take into consideration what your girlfriend had to say more willingly?”

“Because there was evidence against you. My bracelet was in your room, whereas the stuff you’re alleging Maura took still can’t be found,” I retort. I can’t believe I’m actually giving this fucker the time of day right now. All I wanted to do was come to the zoo, look at the animals, and try to forget all the shit that’s been plaguing my head – namely Maura’s innocence in this whole fiasco.

“Well the next time you’re home go look in the pool house, I guarantee it will all be there.”

Hah, I can one up this guy and laugh in his face when I catch him in the act of lying. Pulling out my phone, I immediately dial Trace’s number and wait for him to answer.

“Justin, sup man?”

“Trace, are you home?” I question. He confirms and I smile grimly in Theo’s direction, “Go into the pool house and see if there’s anything in the closet or whatever.” I ignore Trace’s complaints about walking out in the California heat to check the pool house. I stand there with Theo in complete silence, trying not to laugh at Trace’s ridiculous comments. This situation is serious and I shouldn’t be making it a joke.

“Holy shit,” Trace says a good three minutes later.

“What?” I ask quickly.

“It’s all here! All your stuff, man.” I look at Theo with wide eyes and I withhold from smacking the smug grin off his face, “Your DVDs, my iPods, Lauren’s ring and some of her clothes…everything! How did you know it was there?”

“Long story, I’ll have to tell you later,” I respond quickly before hanging up the phone. Theo continues to give me a smug look and I shake my head, “This doesn’t change anything.”

“How could this not change anything?” he asks incredulously, “The stuff was there, exactly where I told you it was!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean Maura took it. It just means you put more incriminating evidence on yourself. Thanks for letting me know where my things were, but if you don’t get out of my line of sight within five minutes I’ll kick your ass and press charges.” I watch grim faced as Theo continues to look at me with indignation, but he takes my advice and hurries back towards wherever he came from.

Taking a few deep breaths, I calm myself, and head back towards my mother. Maybe I can still salvage what’s left of this day and not think about the fact that the doubt in my mind is deepening.

A few hours later and I’m back at the venue getting ready for the show. Sound check went well, although I was kind of out of it. All I’ve been able to think about is the run in I had with Theo and the thoughts that Maura might not be as innocent as she claims she is.

I don’t even want to know what would happen if I was wrong about this whole thing. I have a feeling Lauren and her brother would join hands and point at me, laughing in my face. But it just seems way too far fetched and way too perfect. I mean how could have Maura done all that without raising any suspicion on my end? She may be good at her job, but she can’t be that good at espionage or any of that other shit.

Or maybe I’m just an idiot who got the wool pulled over his eyes.

Sighing heavily, I sit down on the couch and scratch behind Buckley’s ears. Why does life have to be so confusing? If I could be a dog I’m sure the only thing I would have to worry about was sniffing some other dog’s ass and the fleeting thoughts of where my owner would throw the ball next.

A knock at the door makes me stop petting my dog and I look up as Maura enters. “Hey,” I say before I resume showering my dog with affection. “What’s going on?”

“Just wanted to let you know that you have an interview with a magazine in about ten minutes. You ready for that?"

“Yeah, I guess,” I mumble with a shake of my head. I just want to lie on this couch and think without getting a headache. I’m about ready to cancel the concert because this migraine is reaching monumental proportions, but I can’t do that to my fans. Even if I’m having a shitty day, most of their lives are even shittier.

“So guess who I ran into today?” I ask. She gives me a quizzical look before I respond, “Theo.

Her expression remains the same although I can see her raise her eyebrows at the name, “Really? What’s he doing in Berlin?”

“Documenting the birth of some polar bear cub. But he managed to tell me where all of my stuff went in February.”

“Which was where?” she questions, before I tell her about the pool house.

“And he was very adamant about blaming you for the whole thing,” I add

“I’m sure,” she responds, “Did I ever tell you that he was kind of obsessed with me while he was living with you?”

“No, must have slipped your mind.”

“Well the night before the Grammy’s he made a pass at me, and I told him that he wasn’t my type and it wouldn’t work out. He told me that I’d be sorry for doing that to him…”

“So he tried to plant all that on you?” I ask and she nods softly before she tucks a few strands of blonde hair behind her ear.

“Thank God you found that bracelet in his room, because then you might have blamed the wrong person” she whispers and I nod thoughtfully completely unaware that she’s moving closer to me. It isn’t until I feel her lips graze my cheek that I become fully alert as to how close she is. “Thank God…”

I move off the couch quickly and stare down at her for a cool minute. She stares back at me with hope in her eyes. Sighing heavily, I run a hand through my hair and turn to look at the wall behind me. The fact that she’s making another pass at me is starting to annoy me.

“Look Maura,” I begin, “You’re a great girl and all, but you aren’t my type and I don’t have feelings for you like that.” I turn to catch a glimpse of her and I can see she looks a bit miffed, “If you continue to come onto me like that or whatever then you can pack up and go on home.”

And before she has a chance to respond, I head towards the door. I don’t want to be in there to listen to her talk about how we could be great, I don’t want her to start crying in front of me…I just need to get away from people and think hard about what the hell is going on.

Because the more and more I think about it, the more I’m thinking that Maura Delaney isn’t all of the great things she says she is.