I haven't pulled an all nighter since college, nor have I ever had this much coffee in my life. Dinner last night was nothing short of hostile. I gave him ample opportunity to admit that he wasn't actually filming, even at one point hinting that I knew something was up but he stuck with his story. Besides the constant back and forth put downs, dinner consisted of silence and more then a dozen heavy sighs coming from both ends of the table. Luckily for both of us, we took separate cars, so after our awkward goodbye inside the restaurant nothing else was spoken the entire night except when Justin yelled down the stairs to me that he had a 4:30am call time in the morning.

I was nothing short of pissed off. I know that I've treated Justin like shit for more then half of our newfound friendship, but I was pretty sure we had put that behind us. We had what I thought was that messed up best friend relationship that every girl dreams of having with a guy. You know, the one where the guy is like your brother but you're not as close to him as your real brother so you can actually tell him things you wouldn't tell a real member of your family. Then at the same time he's so much like your brother that neither one of you harbor any sort of romantic feelings towards each other so you don't have worry about things getting confusing. But now that I know he's been lying to me for God only knows how long, I wouldn't call what we have anything more then a roommate situation.

The plan was to stay up all night so that I could hear Justin leave at the ass crack of dawn, wait a few minutes and then drive to the address that I found on the post-it note. There was no guarantee that this was his destination for the day, but my gut feeling was telling me that it probably was. Once I heard the garage door close behind him, I threw the blankets off of my already clothed body and got up off of the couch that I was pretending to be asleep on. I filled up my travel mug with my 7th cup of coffee and made my way out to Justin's white Audi, not to be confused with his black Audi that is off limits to anyone but the king himself. My mind was racing all night trying to figure out what he could possibly be hiding, and there were two things that I managed to get the list down to. He was either having an affair with a married woman, or he was on drugs. He knew I would never support either one of those things which is why he would have to hide it from me, but unfortunately for him, he's done a shitty job doing so.

The GPS informed me that my destination was on the left about 25 minutes after I pulled out of the gate in Beverly Hills that sheltered the house that I had called home for the past week and a half from crazed fans. Even though it was still dark out, I knew right off the bat it was by no means a persons home, or a soundstage that a movie was being filmed on. Suddenly my heart began to beat a little bit faster, and my nerves went into full speed, which caused me to grip the steering wheel as tightly as possible. When I turned into the parking lot I immediately turned the headlights off for fear of being spotted by anyone and parked right next to the culprits car. Turns out my detective skills were better then I expected. There were more cars in the parking lot then I ever expected at 5am, and my eyes were drawn to the bright lights on top of the building. Two of the lights were out on the letters that told me the name of the building, but even without those letters my heart dropped into my stomach.

I wasn't sure if wanted to get out of the car. In fact, I actually put the car in reverse before I realized I had to find out for myself what his deal was. It was a public building, very public in fact. I'd never been in it, but I've seen it time and time again on Entertainment News shows. I wasn't really sure how I was going to find him because asking around for Justin Timberlake in a public building will never get you very far, but as I walked up to the revolving doors of the building I remembered a conversation we had months ago about how he was going to use an alias from now on at the office in Tennessee. It was after a long night of me making him watch chick flicks with me that his secret obsession with Pretty Woman started. From then on if people came in looking for him they had to use his alias, and if they didn't know it, they weren't allowed back to see him.

"Hi, I'm looking for Edward Lewis," I said to the receptionist behind the desk of the brightly lit lobby, "Could you tell me what room he's in?"

She looked at me with shock in her eyes, not really knowing what to do, and I thought to myself that maybe I should have been a CSI because I was coming up successful in everything that had to do with this investigation. "D-Did you say Edward Lucas Miss?"

I knew she didn't misunderstand me because we were the only two people in the lobby and I was sure I had said it clearly, but I repeated myself just for effect, "I'm sorry, no. Lewis, Edward Lewis."

"We um...We have a couple of Edward Lewis' registered here this morning. Could you um...Could you please confirm some information for me?"

"Sure thing Ms, I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Leanne, Leanne Walters."

"Well sure thing Ms Walters," I replied turning on the little Southern charm that I managed to learn, but getting quite antsy. I knew however, that she was probably scared shitless that she was about to send a fan up to Justin Timberlake by accident and get her ass canned.

"Date of Birth?"

"January 31, 1981."

"Middle initial?"

"R."

"Mother's maiden name?"

"Bomar."

"Contact phone number?" And on and on and on. I sat there for a good ten minutes answering question after question and I could tell with each and every one I got right she was getting more and more nervous and I was getting more and more annoyed.

"Look," I whispered getting closer to her so that the invisible people in the lobby couldn't hear, "I'm not a fan okay? I'm his friend and I've been staying at his place while I'm here visiting. He left his keys at home and I'm just here to drop them off to him," I said coming up with that last bit out of nowhere. She looked at me and then behind her to see if there was anyone there she could consult with at the desk behind her labeled "Supervisor" but when she saw no one she turned back to me.

"It's just that Mr. Timb- Mr. Lewis doesn't have anyone listed on his Visitor's list today."

"That's because he didn't realize he had forgotten his house keys until he was already in the building...Look," I shifting my weight from my right leg to my left while folding my hands on the desk, "I just want to give him his keys, if it makes you feel any better you can take them to him, but you need to decide quick because I'm going to be late for an appointment," I said hoping that would prove to her that I wasn't some crazy stalker, but at the same time taking a huge chance.

She looked over my shoulder, and then quickly behind her again before whispering, "Room 521," to me followed by, "If anyone asks, I didn't tell you that." I let out the breath that I didn't even realize I was holding in before thanking her and walking to the elevators to my right.

I looked at the directory above the elevator buttons, my eyes scanned down to the 5th floor and I didn't like what I saw, not one bit. I jumped when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Stepping inside I hit the big 5 watching it light up, and closed my eyes now praying that I wasn't about to see what I thought I was going to. It seemed like forever before the elevator doors opened again, and I was met with a crisp white hallway with pink chairs lining the walls. I nodded to the person behind the desk and wasn't stopped or questioned at all. My heart was marinating in my stomach, and I felt really light headed. My knees began to shake so much that I had to sit down outside of room 517, not knowing if I was going to be able to make it 2 doors down. I closed my eyes putting my head in my hand and a few seconds later I heard him. He was singing a Disney song, and if my brain was actually working I'd be able to tell you what movie it was from but at that moment I couldn't really think. I could kind of hear a little girls voice accompanying him during the chorus, and once I heard her laugh relief set in and I was able to stand up and make my way down the hallway to Room 521.

The door was cracked open and I could see the back of his head, and the smile on the little girls face as he started to sing another song. Why he would hide volunteer work from me I'll never know, but at least he wasn't snorting lines of cocaine. I pushed the door open a little bit and my heart managed to get back to a somewhat normal pace and began to travel back to its correct location when I realized that I was worrying for nothing. That is until the door opened completely and another one of my worst nightmares became a reality.

He looked normal, just like he did last night at dinner. He had on a pair of jeans and a button down, typical Timberlake attire, but there was one difference. On the top of his hand there was an IV that was attached to a bag of clear dripping fluid, and sitting on top of his blue designer jeans was a pink basin. Suddenly it all made sense. The lies, the early nights, the late mornings, him dragging me to LA with him, the sudden want to shave his head, the no alcohol, his exhaustion after a day of rest, the extreme weight loss that he claimed was for the movie, and the word Oncology next to the 5th floor on the directory downstairs in the lobby of Cedar Sinai Hospital. Everything came together, and at the same time everything inside of me was tearing apart.

"Hi!" The little girl sitting across from him with the same tube coming out of her hand said excitedly after realizing that someone was standing there. I tried to speak but nothing came out, and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. When I didn't say anything I watched as he turned around to see who was there, and his face went from white to whiter when he saw me standing there.

"Emily what...what are you doing here?" My entire body began shaking uncontrollably, and I had to lean against the wall in order to stay standing. It felt like my throat was closing, and my body was shutting down. It felt like a nightmare. It felt exactly the same way it felt when that doctor appeared behind Trace last October. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. All I wanted to do was punch something, and scream at God or whoever made this happen, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything except slide down the wall and cry.

In what seemed like the far off distance I heard him push the button for the nurses station and ask for someone to come in and take the IV out. I managed to see through blurred vision a doctor come into the room through a side door, fight with him, but in the end surrender and take the IV out of his hand. I also watched as his nose scrunched up in pain when it came out, and I sat there silently crying unable to move a muscle in my body. I saw him stand up holding onto the arm of the chair a little bit longer then normal before he started walking over to me, and it took him a minute to catch his bearings enough to slide down the wall next to me. I knew in my head that it was my turn to be there for him. It was my turn to give him everything he has given me. But I was so shocked, and so scared, and so emotionally weak that I couldn't do any of that.

I felt his hand that wasn't covered in bandages go in mine, and felt his breath on the top of my head when I put my head on his chest. "It's not as bad as you think," he said softly rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "It's called Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, but I usually just stick with AML. They caught it really early Em, and after this week they're 99% sure I'll be in remission and it'll be like nothing ever happened. I'm not going to lose all my hair, and I'm not going to be shut off to the world. It's just these two weeks, a couple of tests and then it's over." He stopped talking and I desperately tried to stop sobbing. I felt his chin on the top of my head as I attempted to comprehend everything he had just said, but the only word that stuck with me was Leukemia.

"Don't leave me," I managed to get out when I finally caught my breath.

I felt him lift his head back up, and he put his finger under my chin pushing it up, "Look at me," he said when I was facing him but my eyes continued to roam the cold floor underneath me. After a couple of minutes my eyes locked with his and I could see a puddle around his blue eyes. I lifted my free hand and wiped under his eyes with my thumb, catching the tears before they could fall. "I'm not going anywhere," he said in a shaky voice, "I'm not leaving."

"Don't leave," I said again, not knowing what I would do without him.

"I'm not leaving Emily."

"Good," I replied wiping my own tears away, "Because I...I need you Justin. Just...Just please don't leave me okay? You can call me whatever you want, make me do stupid mundane things, I don't care. Just don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving."

***

Last night I imagined I could be in a million different places today. I saw myself walking into a crack house, a recording studio, a mega mansion with extensive security and a wife that was cheating on her husband, an alleyway, hell in one scenario I even saw myself walking into a jail. Never once did the thought of walking into a hospital room to find my best friend hooked up to an invasive drug cross my mind. All the signs were there. They were right in front of me, but I didn't pick up on them because I was too focused on myself.

I've never been so scared before in my life. With Jake, everything happened so fast I didn't have the time to be scared. It went from shock, to anger, to misery, to depression in less then an hour. There was never a chance with him, no hope, no what if's. One minute he was here, and the next he wasn't. And at this point I don't know what's worse; having it happen all at once, or being so scared you don't know what to do with yourself because you don't know what the outcome is going to be. The what if's running through your head over and over and over again can make you go insane. What if it's that 1%? What if it comes back? What if it breaks him? What if he's never the same again? What if he dies? What if he gets taken away from me? What if he gets taken away from his family? His friends? His fans? You can try all you want to not ask yourself those questions, but they'll always be there chipping away at your sanity piece by piece.

I managed to pull myself together after a good 15 minutes on the floor of room 521. One of the nurses pulled in an extra chair from the hallway and I sat there watching as they reconnected Justin's IV with my chin resting on my knees. I met the doctors and nurses that had been caring for him, and I got to know Chloe, the seven year old that was sharing the same experience with him. It was all somewhat of an outer body experience for me, and although I paid attention to everything that was going on around me my focus was mainly on Justin. His face, his mannerisms, the constant clearing of his throat, and every now and then the wince of pain that he'd let out. I saw him lick his lips over and over again, and when he swallowed a big gulp 3 times in a row I knew he was trying to hold back throwing up, but the minute he couldn't anymore I was next to him with a wet cloth and a cup of water. He'd been doing this alone for 10 days, and that was going to end today. I knew he was embarrassed when he told me time and time again he didn't need help, but he's going to have to get over it because he's getting help.

When we got home we didn't talk about it. In fact we talked about everything other then that even though it was the only thing both of us really wanted to talk about. Suddenly everything he did became more pronounced to me, and I was kicking myself for not realizing how blatantly obvious it was that something was wrong. I watched him walk down the hall at least three times and have to stop and hold onto the wall to catch his balance. He took a slew of pills when we sat down to eat dinner for the first time together since we got here. Had I been around more often I would have noticed that he's been eating nothing but soup and pudding for dinner. We sat down after dinner to catch up on the TV that we've missed, he fell asleep about 15 minutes into it and I found myself moving from the loveseat to the couch next to him only to fall asleep soon after.

I woke up the minute he moved and I was in a state of panic. I was on edge, I guess that's to be expected after a day like today, but I wondered then if I'd be like this forever. He smiled at me like nothing was wrong, turned the TV off and started walking towards the stairs to his room. I sat there in the dark for a good 20 minutes staring at the wall in front of me before I realized I had to talk to him or else I was going to explode. I practically sprinted up to his room and when I didn't see him in bed my heart started racing. I checked his bathroom, and the other spare bedroom upstairs but came up empty handed until I heard a cough come from my room. I stopped in my tracks with my hand over my heart when I opened the door and saw him sitting up in bed scanning the channels on the TV.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked as he sat there laughing at me.

"Not trying to kill you Shelly...Just waiting for you to be ready to talk," he replied motioning for me to go sit next to him. After picking my heart up off the floor I went over to the bed and got under the covers next to him, and he put his arm around my shoulders pulling me in closer to him. "You ready yet? Because I am..."

I nodded against his chest and sat up straight, turning my body so that I was facing him. "Who knows?"

"You."

"You haven't even told your mother? Or Johnny?"

"There's no point in worrying my mother over something that is going to be over with in no time. And I can't tell Johnny because he'll go all business on me, insist I do a statement before anything leaks which means the production company will find out and they won't be able to insure me and I'll lose the movie."

"Do you really think you should still do the movie Justin? You don't think your health should be your number one priority right now?"

"I'm fine Em. You heard the doctor. Four more days, three tests, and it's over."

"Your not fine Justin! If you were fine you would have just told me and I wouldn't have had to go on some secret mission to find out for myself. If you were fine you would have told everyone. If you were fine you wouldn't have had a fucking IV in your hand this morning. You'd be able to eat solid food, and stay awake for more then 4 hours at a time. You are not fine. Leukemia is not fine!"

"I WILL be fine! They caught it so early Em. And it's the best kind to get-"

I scoffed, cutting him off, "The best kind to get? As if there's a good kind of Leukemia. You don't get it Justin. You are sick, and you shouldn't be going through it alone. People care about you and would want to help you and be there for you-"

"STOP!" he practically screamed, taking a deep breath after trying to manage his emotions before continuing, "No one is going to know. If it were up to me you wouldn't know either, but you do and you're going to keep your mouth shut. I get this is hard for you but-"

"This isn't about me Justin! It's about you. It doesn't matter how hard it is for me, or for your mother or anyone. It's about how hard it is for you and how you feel. If you don't want me to tell anyone that's fine, but don't think I'm not going to be there for you. Don't think that I'm going to load myself up with work and let you sit in that hospital for the next four days with a seven year old and not be there with you. You can fire me, you can yell and scream bloody murder for all I care but I'm going to be there." Tears started falling down my cheeks but I kept going because I could tell by the look on his face that he was finally getting it. "You're my best friend Justin," I said putting his hand in mine, "My best friend."

He was silent for a while and he wasn't able to look at me in the eye. He was biting his bottom lip and his hand was shaking in mine but he managed to just say okay before he started crying, and I let him cry for a while. He'd held it all in for so long I can only imagine how good it felt to finally let it all out. When he started to settle down I sat up on my knees in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling his collarbone through his t-shirt while I hugged him. After a few seconds he wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt his head rest on my shoulder. "I'm scared Emmy...I'm scared shitless."