It's strange to think that the only guarantee in life is something that we don't really know much about. Sure you have your beliefs, but even then it's not clear-cut. Some people believe that your soul goes to heaven the minute you take your last breath, and others believe that once you're dead your lifeless body, and soul are buried and that's just...it. And what if you do go to heaven and it sucks, then what? It boggles my mind how some people aren't scared to die, or how others aren't scared for other people to die. Like murderers for example...what really goes through their mind before they actually do the deed? How is it that there is a book that can tell me pretty much anything I want to know, but there isn't a book that can tell me for a fact what's going to happen to me when I die?

When you fear the unknown, and everything going on around you is pretty much one big question mark, it's not really a good place to be in. However, it really opens your eyes to the things around you. Like how stupid it is that you're not talking to your brother because of his stupid girlfriend that probably won't be around much longer anyway. Or how much work really doesn't matter in the long run, and how important certain people really are to you.

The day after I found out about Justin we were back at the hospital bright and early, and for the first time ever he actually opened up to me. I'm not sure of the reason why he never did before today, but I can only imagine it be because of the state I've been in for the past however long we've actually been friendly with each other. I'm sure if most people had one on one time with Justin, they'd want to see what it's like to be with the Justin I already know. The guy that sits at home and watches Sports Center 24/7 and would do anything for just a tiny bit of his Granny's Peach Cobbler. They want to see Justin the boss, signing the checks, bossing people around, and approving press releases. They'd like to see the guy that comes home throws his keys on the counter, kicks off his shoes at the door to the garage, and sings as loud as can be while he takes a shower. And I'm sure 95% of all American women want to see the guy that walks around the house in boxer shorts all day on his days off. But me...I wanted to know about Justin Timberlake the superstar. The guy that's sold millions of albums, toured the world, and can pretty much do no wrong in the eyes of the world.

"...So the minute I get on the bus I immediately start taking my clothes off so that in the 10 seconds it took to get back to my room I'd be able to just hop into bed and pass out, and by the time I get back there I'm literally in just boxers. So I flick the light on and there is a girl butt ass naked laying on top of the covers. This chick that I've never seen before in my life, and I'm standing there with my mouth on the floor in only a pair of boxer shorts..."

"And that was the day you lost your virginity?"

"No you ass," he said slapping my leg that was resting on top of his, "I lost my virginity long before that. That was the night your brother lost his vir-"

"Okay, okay enough! Thank you. I just got a visual no sister should ever have..."

"It was crazy though," he said after a few minutes, "After that one show my life as I knew it had changed. I went from waking up one morning to do a show with four guys in hopes that maybe people would watch and buy our album, to a naked chick in my bed that night and people following me around every single day since then."

"I can't even imagine," I replied trying to figure out what I'd do if my every move were documented from the age of 16 and on. There was a ton of stuff I did as a teenager that I'd probably be arrested for if it ever got out.

"At first it was kind of cool. It was almost what we were working towards, because the minute you have a following you can essentially make your own press and get noticed even more, you know how that goes. But it got old...fast. When we first got big the paparazzi wasn't what they are now, but girls were fucking crazy. And women in the industry seemed like the way to go until I realized that they're even crazier then the normal girls."

"So what? You just played the field? A little bit of normal crazy and a little bit of industry crazy?"

"The truth of it is that I was a huge asshole and would sleep with girls just to sleep with them. Huge fucking sleezeball I know. Then Brit happened and that was pretty much perfect until it was a huge fucking mess," he sighed rolling his eyes. "I should have seen it..."

"I know you're not about to blame her cheating on yourself Timberlake," I said glaring at him.

"I don't know Em. Sometimes I wonder if she still would have done it if I were around more. Those few years that I was with her I was getting pulled in a million different directions at one time. I probably should have focused on her a little more."

"Don't make me go Justin Timberlake on your ass. She cheated on you dude, totally not your fault! I know I didn't follow the cool kids back then but I'm pretty sure she was getting pulled in a million different directions too and last time I checked you didn't cheat on her."

"True statement. Back then though...I don't know, I guess I just didn't see it coming. You'd think by now I'd be totally over it, but sometimes I still go back and think about it and try and figure out where we went wrong."

"First loves do that to you," I said kicking my feet off of him as the nurse came in the room to check on him.

"Like you would know anything about that," he chuckled while she stood next to him updating his chart, "You were in love with someone new every other week."

"I was not! I never had time to get to know the guys I dated because you two freaks would come home and drive them away," I said throwing a Skittle at him before popping one in my mouth. The nurse looked over her shoulder at me and gave me quite the stern look, and I had to purse my lips together to keep from laughing at her pissed off wrinkly face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Justin put his hand over his mouth and turn his head to look at the wall, and I tried to mask a laugh with a cough which in turn caused him to start cracking up. I soon followed and the next thing we knew we were getting yelled at like we were 5 again.

"If you two don't quit it, I'm going to have to separate you."

"Aww come on Robin," Justin started giving her sad eyes that worked on every woman in America except his mother, myself, and apparently Robin, "Can't a sick guy have some fun?"

"Do you honestly think that's going to work on me Timberlake? Who do you think your talking to? And don't even try to pull the celebrity card with me or I'll kick your ass."

He put his hands up in surrender, and looked at me with a smirk on his face, "Okay, okay, you win," he said giving her a fake smile.

She turned around to look at me and I pointed to Justin, "It's him Robin, it's always his fault." She rolled her eyes and I watched her walk out of the room before throwing another Skittle at Justin. He knocked it away with his free hand and glared at me but I could tell that he was trying to hide a smile.

"You're going to get us in trouble Shelly!"

"Payback's a bitch huh?"

"Still hate me for making your possible lovers run away?"

"I never hated you for that Justin..."

"So what did you hate me for?"

"For taking my brother away." I was shocked that the words actually came out of my mouth and immediately felt even worse when I watched the smile wipe off of his face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that..."

"No, it's fine. I mean if that's how you felt, I can't do anything to change that now," he said looking down at his hands.

"It's just...I didn't hate you. Trace was the only one that actually understood me. I guess in a way he still is, and when he went with you it was just like losing my other half. It wasn't your fault," I said looking down at the ground suddenly really upset with myself for ruining what was a good, lighthearted conversation. "It wasn't anyone's fault really..."

"I didn't ask him to come with me to hurt you..."

"I know. That was a really selfish thing of me to say. I'm sorry."

"Not selfish," he said finally looking back up at me, "Just honest, which is perfectly okay with me."

"Did you ever think we'd be here?"

 "In a hospital room with IV's sticking out of my hand? No," he said with a chuckle trying to lighten the mood again.

"Well that too, but I meant did you ever think we'd get to this point and actually be friends and be honest with each other."

"Absolutely not," he replied shaking his head really fast. "But I'm really glad we did Em."

"I guess...I guess maybe something good did come out of the whole Jake getting hit by a car and dying thing after all..." He kicked me in my shin causing me to look up at him and laugh at the look of utter disgust he was giving me. "I mean...you know what I mean. If he hadn't died we wouldn't be here and you know it. And for the first time since Trace went and followed you around like a lost puppy, I kind of feel like someone gets me again, and that's a really nice feeling."

"Jake got you."

"Most of the time. But there were some things that it wasn't possible for him to understand because he didn't go through it with me. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't around when I was a kid, but there was no way he'd ever fully get me."

"But he loved you..."

"Which is what really mattered," I said instinctually looking up at the ceiling. Things have been getting easier for me when dealing with Jake's death. I still thought about him everyday, and every so often I'd find myself crying but it wasn't the only thing that I thought about these days. I felt Justin's hand on my knee as I tried to hold back tears that I found forming in my eyes, and I put my hand in his knowing damn well that I wouldn't be as strong as I am today if it hadn't been for him. I blinked away the tears and gave him a small smile realizing that now wasn't the time to do this. It was my turn to be strong for him, so when Robin came in a few seconds later I was relieved that we had something else to focus on.

"Alright superstar, let's get you ready to go home," she said sounding relieved to finally get rid of him.

I stood up looking out the window to see the sun coming up, "I'm going to go grab so breakfast in the cafe, what do you want?" I asked him.

"I want you to call your brother," he replied turning towards the wall to not see her take the IV out of his hand.

"I'm sorry is that located in the isle with the bagels or the cereal?"

"Call Trace Em..."

"Alright, yogurt it is then. I'll meet you in the car. See you tomorrow Robin!"

"No skittles tomorrow or I'll kick you out," I heard her yell as I walked out the door making a mental note to bring a bigger bag tomorrow.

***

Bitch wasn't joking when she said she'd kick me out. I mean it's not like we were throwing rocks at each other, they were just skittles. Okay there was one purse thrown across the room, but seriously you need to have fun somehow! We tried to bargain with her, and I even offered to give her my last red skittle but she wouldn't budge. Instead she literally escorted me out of the room into the waiting room, not even to a chair in front of his door. I looked up at the clock, 4:30am. On my fingers I counted back three hours to Tennessee time and dug my cell phone out of my bag. Sure it was 1 in the morning, but if there's one thing I know about my brother it's that his night doesn't even start until about midnight. The phone rang three times before I heard someone shuffling to put the phone to their ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey Trace Face, what are you doing?" I asked picking the red nail polish off of my thumbnail.

He was hesitant in responding and I could only assume he was either trying to figure out why I was up at 4:30 in the morning, or why I was calling him at all. "Hi?"

"Hi...what's up?"

"What's up with you? Why are you up so early?"

Score one for me. At least he wasn't questioning why I was calling him at all. "Busy with work and stuff, you know how it goes."

"I guess not since when I'm in LA I usually don't go to bed until 4am."

"Well anyway. Look are you still mad at me?" I asked bluntly tired of beating around the bush.

"Mad? No. Do I think you have anger problems? Yes. Are you still mad at me?"

"Mad? No. Do I think you're pussy whipped? Yes. Do we get to talk to each other again?"

"I was going to ask you the same question..."

"Good, because you're my brother and I love you and fighting with you is stupid. I still think she's a huge bitch and I know she's only in the relationship to get closer to Justin, but if that's what you want it's your choice."

"You don't know her Emily just-"

"Nor do I want to," I replied cutting him off. "So lets just agree to disagree and move on, because this is dumb."

I heard him sigh on the other end of the phone, "Fine."

"I love you."

"Love you too Em."

"Go to bed, it's late..."

"Go back to bed, it's early."

"Bye Trace," I said with a smile taking the phone away from my ear and hanging up. I knew that as long as he continued dating Bri our relationship would be strained, but as I've learned so well over the past few months, we never know what day could be our last so fighting with him over his choice in women is pretty pointless in the long run.

I looked up at the clock again, 4:36am. It was going to be a very long morning. I pulled my laptop out of my bag that was on the ground next to me and kicked my legs up over the arm of the chair. I started catching up on some work, which turned into responding to E-Mails for an hour about the golf course, which then led to me doing research on what I considered the most boring sport in the history of sports. I must have fallen asleep while watching a riveting video of some dude named Butch Harmon doing a lesson on the correct way to swing a club, and I nearly threw my laptop across the room when I heard someone calling my name and felt tapping on my shoulder. "Hmm, What?" I asked drunkenly while I caught my bearings. Robin was standing in front of me with the same look on her face that she had right before she escorted me out of the room. "What now? I'm not allowed to sleep?"

"Sorry to wake you sleeping beauty, but Prince Charming needs you."

"HA. You are so funny Robin," I said sticking my tongue out at her while I packed up my stuff, "How long has he been asking for me?"

"He hasn't. In fact he specifically told me not to come out here and get you, which tells me that he needs you."

"Well is everything okay?" I asked beginning to worry.

"It's normal." she replied flatly.

I looked at her knowing that that was the best answer she could give me, but not really liking it as I rounded the corner into his room. There was another nurse standing over him hooking another IV up to his free hand, and he had his head resting on the back of the chair with his eyes squeezed shut clearly pissed off. "Hey are you okay?" I asked throwing my bag on the empty chair that occupied my Skittles and me a little over an hour earlier.

"I'm fucking fine," he replied turning to look over his shoulder at Robin, "I told you not to fucking get her..."

"Justin calm down it's not that big of a deal. What's going on?"

"NOTHING!"

"They're just hooking him up to some fluid because he kept throwing up so now he's dehydrated," I spun my head around when I heard a small voice behind me and saw Chloe sitting there, "It's totally normal. Happens to me all the time."

"Hey Chloe, I didn't even see you there..."

"It's because I'm small," she said with a smile, "I'm only 7 you know."

"I know, but you act much older then 7! I bet sometimes Justin acts like he's 7 too, and he is totally way older then that." I looked back at him and he just rolled his eyes at me and looked at the wall. He started tapping his foot and clearing his throat over and over again while I made him think I was ignoring him by talking to Chloe. When he finally quit trying to hold it back he threw up again and immediately threw the water bottle that was in his hand across the room making it hit the wall and spill all over the room. He wasn't use to not being in control of everything, never mind his own body so I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for him to have to give everything up. I watched him put his head in his hand before I went out to the nurses' station and told them we needed a mop and a new basin for Justin, and walked back into the room knowing that he was probably going to flip out on me but I kept telling myself not to take it personally. "Do you want me to get you a water?" I asked standing a good distance away from him knowing that he needed his space.

"If I wanted water, I wouldn't have thrown that one." He kept his hand over his face, and his shoulders were going up and down every time he took a deep breath.

"Do you need anything? A wet clothe? Ice?"

"Do you know what I need?" he asked finally looking up at me with so much anger in his eyes. "I need you to get the fuck out. I need for you to go home, do whatever it is that you do and just leave me here. Because this was a hell of a lot easier when you didn't know and you weren't up my ass every five seconds asking if I wanted anything. You can't give me what I want, so you being here is fucking pointless."

My first thought was to turn around and block Chloe's ears, but then I realized that if she'd been sharing a room with him for a week and a half she's already heard his trucker mouth in full force. He was breathing heavy and his hands were balled up in a fist and I could tell from his rapid blinking that he probably wanted to cry. I mean who wouldn't at this point? When you are a person in charge of your own life, your own companies, and your own career, how would you even manage to not be in control of anything? "What do you want that I can't give you Justin?" I stepped closer to him and if smoke could come out of someone's ears, now would be the time it'd be coming out of his.

"Go the fuck home."

"Do you want to hit me?" I asked pointing to his fists that were now tapping on his legs, "You can hit me if you want, but I know that's not really what you want to do. So tell me what it is that you really want." Most people would have got there stuff and just left. Why make him even more angry right? But this is what he did to me. He made me talk to him, he made me tell him how I felt, and if he didn't do that for me I'd probably still be cooped up in his guest room unable to move in Tennessee today.

"I want you to go home..."

"Tell me what you really want," I said getting in his face and putting myself at risk of his punching me but not really caring.

"What I WANT," he screamed causing me to take a couple of steps back, "Is to not fucking be here. I want to be at home going over my script so that when the movie comes out people won't think I'm some sort of joke. What I WANT is to not be Justin Timberlake so that I can call up my own damn mother and tell her what's wrong with me and have her be here by my side without her worrying about my next career move. I want to be able to come and go as I please and not be followed every time I step foot out of the gates of my own house. And I want to be able to go home at night to a girl that actually means something to me and loves me and make fucking love to her instead of sleeping with random ass groupies who are only sleeping with me because of who I am in a sleazy hotel, just to get off. I want to be anywhere BUT here, but we can't always get what we want now can we?"

It took me a couple of seconds to pick my mouth up off the floor because I wasn't expecting him to say half of the things he did but when I saw his expression soften and a weight lift off of his shoulders I knew that that was exactly what he needed. "You're right...we can't always get what we want, and that totally sucks, trust me I know. But it's not wrong to want them."

"This fucking sucks major ass Em."

"I can only imagine," I replied making an exaggerated sad face just to get him to smile. "I think that you can probably get one of those things that you want though, because you know your mother will come out here at the drop of a hat and care about you and only you not your career." He shook his heading, knowing that it was a true statement but that in reality he didn't want her out here because he was afraid of the same thing I was. What if he was that 1%? "I think you should call her..."

"I'll make you a deal," he said a few minutes later, "I'll call my Mama if you call Trace."

"For real?" I asked with a chuckle knowing that I totally just won.

"For real," he put his hand out for me to shake. This was too easy.

"Alright, I guess you should call your mother then because I called Trace this morning," I said laughing after I let go of his hand.

"You are a huge bi-"

"Come on superstar, time to get you home," Robin interrupted. I turned around and saw Chloe looking up at me and laughing, so I put my hand up and she gave me a high five. This girl was 7 going on 25. I sat next to Chloe while Robin finished up with Justin and he glared at me realizing I caught him in a trap. He managed to keep down a pack of crackers and a pudding about 20 minutes later so he was allowed to leave. Only two more days, I thought to myself as I stood up to walk out the door.

He almost made it to the elevator before he had to hold onto the wall so that he wouldn't fall. This took so much out of him, but as hard as it was for me to see it, I couldn't let him know that. So I put my hand out and he looked at me with a look of defeat in his eyes before locking his fingers with mine and walking the rest of the way to the elevator.